Razer Horn is an Immortal Alicorn who has no memory of his family or any life before he appeared int the woods outside of the Royal Palace in Canterlot. he was found by a young Princess Luna and was brought Before her parents who allowed him to live in the palace until he was of school age and then sent him to live in a home not to far away where he was kept under constant watch by royal guards until he was trained to be a member of the BLADE's Guild. But what is his past, where did he come from and who are his parent and why does he have 2 other personalities that can take control of his body at will. embark on a journey that will shock and amaze you as you find out who Razer really is
Chapters (3)
So anyways, since I have nothing better to do , time to review this clusterfuck of a story! LEEEEEEEEET'SSSS GOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Major Asshole Part
Let's get going here , shall we? Well, first and foremost, it seems that you already get minus god knows how many points here. Let's see....
-Alicorn OC
-Pointless OC name
-Shameless self-promotion and insertion
-Split personalities
-Amnesia (Shitty story device, if you don't know why I count that as something negative.)
-Putting Nyx in your story (I have yet to figure out why , but it seems she is just a pointless addition and does not deserve the punishment of being in a story involving a alicorn OC with a shitty name, amnesia and split personalities)
-Some random guild called BLADE (Correction:B.L.A.D.E.) and I also have a hard time figuring out where it fits in this story and why it is in it.
-Terrible, terrible and noticeable grammar mistakes that you ,or your proofreader (If you have one.) should have fixed.
The Not So Asshole Part
So, since I'm so kind I'll include the "The Not So Asshole Part" here to lighten up your mood.
The good news is:your story doesn't fall into the NOHOPE category.
The bad news is:It will take a lot of time and energy to fix this story and actually make it into something GOOD.
Now, if you listen to the advice of the community(Especially TWE's). you could make this abortion of a fanfic into something good. If you aren't willing to do it, just delete this story, it's not going to get you respect or fame or front page or "Best Nominated Fan Literature Award". Also, if you go throwing tantrums to good people who are trying to help you, I will have absolutley no respect for you,
In ConclusionSUMMARY, BITCH
Well, you have much to learn ,dear author. Much to learn. So anyways, time to put a rating to this
abortionrather bad fanfiction.I give you......
SEVEN ASSBURGERS
That means, your fanfics shit levels are high. GOOOO TEAM RETARD.
-ohmy, professional asshole and
criticfaggot.EDIT:
Now archived into my bookmarks, hope you are proud of yourself.
dear ohmy
the story will reveal why he as you put it "has amnesia" and he does not have split personalities and there is a reason for that which will be revealed later. as for the main characters name he was named that by a young Princess Luna, Nyx will become a main character later on. and i thank you for the critique i am just starting as a writer and do not have an editor as of yet but will get one soon and have them go over this story my deepest thanks to you
I want to vomit.
1448775
Goog for you have fun
1448862
Thank you Spartenyoshi90
1448889
yes I know, I am trying to get most of it written and get some advice on it and then I will go about doing a massive edit of all the grammar punctuation and spelling errors I may have
1448931 Would you like me to edit the story for you?
1450204
If you do not mind then yes i would be delighted thank you
1444960
That's just a little bit harsh, dontcha think? Believe me when I say there are definitely worse Nyx writers than Razor (No offence, Razor). I came across one via wikipedia that was so lazy that whenever he was talking about Twilight and her friends, he put, and I quote, "the Mane 6 and the CMC"(I swear, every time I remember that I feel like I'm about to puke) and his story was just a crossover of about 15 other stories that was all but a desperate cry for attention. You wanna see fanfic shit levels, check out JusSonic