Rising from Darkness

by Razer_Horn01

The Nexus of Tartarus

As the stallion opened his eyes he could feel his sanity come rushing back, his name was Spell Nexus and he was the faithful leader of the Children of Nightmare, or at least he was. But his plans had been foiled when that unfinished excuse for a clone of Nightmare Moon, Nyx, chose to become a filly again and not rule Equestria as its true queen. Suddenly Nexus realized he was no longer in the dungeon cell he was thrown into and he no longer wore the collar that negated his magic. As he looked around he saw that he was in a dark cavern with seemingly no source of light, yet it wasn't pitch pitch black.

"Hello there Spell Nexus" said a voice from within the darkness, dipped in nothing but anger and cruelty "
I am so glad you could join us Mr. Nexus, you see my mate and I are in need of your assistance, and you WILL give it to us whether willingly or not."

"y-yes sir" Nexus replied shakily, he could tell that the owner of the voice was vastly more powerful than his queen and definitely somepony he did not want to anger "w-whatever you want sir. I and my vast magical prowess am at your disposal."

"Good choice, I knew you were just the pony for the job" the voice said Mockingly. "I am Malice" and just then the cavern was flooded with light from a large Mare with a flaming mane and tail

"And that blazing beauty is my mate Misfortune" said an equally large stallion with 5 horns and a flaming tail "We are the Alicorns of darkness and evil, and we welcome you to Tartarus."

"Th-this is Tartarus" Nexus replied shakily "is it usually as dark as it was earlier or is this the normal lighting" he inquired.

"Oh earlier I removed almost all the light using my power of darkness control, but it is usually a little darker than this, my beautiful mate Misfortune is truly the light of this world" Malice answered Chuckling lightly.

"Malice stop playing with the tiny pony and tell him what it is we need of him dear I am starting to get hungry" the blazing mare, Misfortune, said "and we still need to catch our dinner for the night"

"Ah yes forgive me dear I just do love playing but i digress, Nexus you are to Find our children, our son Shadowhoof and our daughter Wildfire. you are then to proceed and bring them here so that we can see them and ask what is taking so long and why they have not taken over all of the world of Atlas yet, they should look just like us except their coloring should be the opposite of our." Malice explained with boredom " but first you will need a new name and a different color scheme befitting a tartarun pony"

suddenly Nexus felt a tingling sensation all over his body, he ran up to the nearest still pool of water and watched his body change, he saw his Cutie Mark dissolve and his original Blueish color fade to a dark grey and he sprouted two extra horns, his mane turned black and his eyes turned an evil yellow/orange color and the whites of his eyes turned black. he looked up towards Malice and in a deep guttural, almost growl said "And what shall my name be Master."

"your name shall from this point on be Dark Grimoire, and you shall be Tartarus' living spell tome" Malice proclaimed with vigor "now go my pawn and find my children and bring them back to me"

"As you wish my master" Grimoire replied bowing to his new lord and in the blink of an eye without needing the use of magic he vanished in an Aura of shadows.

"He seems a little to eager to please you wouldn't you agree my love?" asked Misfortune "how did you accomplish such a feat?”

"it was quite easy, I realized that each time I failed I left one vital part intact, the Cutie Mark that Atlan ponies are known for. The removal of those atrocious Cutie Marks allows me to make them my willing pawns, although it is a very difficult feet of magic to produce, the end result it a perfect soul slave." Malice replied laughing evilly afterward.

"Pray-tell how exactly does that work exactly? because I thought that their Cutie Marks were symbols of their special talents, so how would removing it change their personalities" Misfortune inquired.

"Well since you asked, I learned that after an Atlan pony acquires their Cutie Mark said special talent defines their very lives from that day forth, so removing their cutie mark thus removes the core of their very being, in essence altering their very souls my dear" he answered grinning menacingly.

"Well then my lord, should we not bring more Atlan ponies, that have been locked up by those princesses, here and turn them into an obedient army,? For when we find a spell to allow us to travel to Atlas and conquer it" Misfortune asked with a seductive stare.

"My dear, I do love the way you think" Malice remarked laughing. "We shall start right away and I know just the ponies to start with, Nexus or should I say Grimoire's old allies, the Children of Nightmare." he answered with a malicious laugh as he extinguished all light and all that was left were his glowing yellow eyes, before even they dimmed and turned to darkness.

Comments

[ohmy]

So anyways, since I have nothing better to do , time to review this clusterfuck of a story! LEEEEEEEEET'SSSS GOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Major Asshole Part
Let's get going here , shall we? Well, first and foremost, it seems that you already get minus god knows how many points here. Let's see....

-Alicorn OC
-Pointless OC name
-Shameless self-promotion and insertion
-Split personalities
-Amnesia (Shitty story device, if you don't know why I count that as something negative.)
-Putting Nyx in your story (I have yet to figure out why , but it seems she is just a pointless addition and does not deserve the punishment of being in a story involving a alicorn OC with a shitty name, amnesia and split personalities)
-Some random guild called BLADE (Correction:B.L.A.D.E.) and I also have a hard time figuring out where it fits in this story and why it is in it.
-Terrible, terrible and noticeable grammar mistakes that you ,or your proofreader (If you have one.) should have fixed.
The Not So Asshole Part
So, since I'm so kind I'll include the "The Not So Asshole Part" here to lighten up your mood.
The good news is:your story doesn't fall into the NOHOPE category.
The bad news is:It will take a lot of time and energy to fix this story and actually make it into something GOOD.
Now, if you listen to the advice of the community(Especially TWE's). you could make this abortion of a fanfic into something good. If you aren't willing to do it, just delete this story, it's not going to get you respect or fame or front page or "Best Nominated Fan Literature Award". Also, if you go throwing tantrums to good people who are trying to help you, I will have absolutley no respect for you,
In ConclusionSUMMARY, BITCH
Well, you have much to learn ,dear author. Much to learn. So anyways, time to put a rating to this abortion rather bad fanfiction.

I give you......

SEVEN ASSBURGERS

That means, your fanfics shit levels are high. GOOOO TEAM RETARD.

-ohmy, professional asshole and critic faggot.

EDIT:
Now archived into my bookmarks, hope you are proud of yourself.

[Razer_Horn01]

dear ohmy
the story will reveal why he as you put it "has amnesia" and he does not have split personalities and there is a reason for that which will be revealed later. as for the main characters name he was named that by a young Princess Luna, Nyx will become a main character later on. and i thank you for the critique i am just starting as a writer and do not have an editor as of yet but will get one soon and have them go over this story my deepest thanks to you

[Razer_Horn01]

1448775
Goog for you have fun

[Razer_Horn01]

1448862
Thank you Spartenyoshi90

[Razer_Horn01]

1448889
yes I know, I am trying to get most of it written and get some advice on it and then I will go about doing a massive edit of all the grammar punctuation and spelling errors I may have

[jacob.galvin]

1448931 Would you like me to edit the story for you?

[Razer_Horn01]

1450204
If you do not mind then yes i would be delighted thank you

[Krebons12]

1444960
That's just a little bit harsh, dontcha think? Believe me when I say there are definitely worse Nyx writers than Razor (No offence, Razor). I came across one via wikipedia that was so lazy that whenever he was talking about Twilight and her friends, he put, and I quote, "the Mane 6 and the CMC"(I swear, every time I remember that I feel like I'm about to puke) and his story was just a crossover of about 15 other stories that was all but a desperate cry for attention. You wanna see fanfic shit levels, check out JusSonic