William Wright, a human male, lost everything important to him. His daughter, his wife and even his job. After a year of suffering and mourning he decides that he can't move on like that.
That he has to end his misery.
But a higher being, a certain god of chaos, has other plans for him - plans that could mean the end of a whole world.
This is the story of William Wright, a normal person who just wants to live a peaceful life but is doomed to make big, crucial decisions.
Arc One: Beginnings - The arrival of four strange creatures from another dimension prevent William from taking his life. But with their arrival and him hiding them from the government, other problems start to occur.
Arc two: A New Life - William arrives safely in the magical land of Equestria, but soon learns that starting a new life there isn't nearly as easy as he thought it would be.
Arc three: ???
Arc four: ???
Eh.
Rated 'Teen' because this story's nothing for children, duh. 'Sex' tag is there because of scenes involving nudity, not because of actual sexual intercourse.
Proofreaders:
GeorgeFleurParty
That was actually pretty good. I think its hard to find a decent fanfic. please make Chapter 2.
7201927 Thank you for your feedback! I'll start writing on Chapter 2 right away, and hopefully get it done 'till Sunday!
Yay! :3
nice, looking forward to seeing more
don't worry about the like to dislike ratio, its those who gave a like you focus on
7209116
Thanks for the feedback! Chapter 2 will be up on Sunday.
I really like this story so far; I just can't figure out why there are so many dislikes...
7216599 you can't please everyone, so the best thing an author can do is focus on those who do enjoy it
So far, so good. Right now, it looks like Rainbow and Scootaloo are already getting close to him. I look forward to their interactions in the morning.
7219261
Thanks for the feedback and for tracking my story, I really appreciate it!
I've actually just finished writing on the 3. Chapter for today, (It's 4 a.m. in the morning here, so I'm gonna go to bed now, but I'll start writing on it again when I wake up.) and I can certainly say, that the morning is going to be an interesting one!
7216599
I'm glad you like it!
7229170
Yeah, I know that, I just did that as a 'precaution', if I should decide to write clop in the future.
And I'm pretty sure at this point, that I'm going to write some, though it'll be skippable.
Still, thanks for your comment, have a nice day!
7232295
Yeah, maybe that's the case, but I still don't want to mislead anyone that there won't be any clop, and then just suddenly change that.
Still, thank you for your concern!
7232360 still doing a great job, don't worry about the amount of views, its still a new story and thanks for the shout out
7235396
No problem!
I'm actually quite proud of the views this story has. They're nearing the 300 mark, which I think is pretty reasonable!
Thanks again for your encouraging words and have a nice day!
Interesting. William acted like I thought he would to magic and the ponies acted like I thought they would at the population number. I look forward to the next chapter. Just please don't let them find a computer and turn the parental controls off.
Nice chapter, I liked the bit between William and Scootaloo.
another brilliant chapter with a really heart warming twist at the end there. nicely done and i look forward to the next one
7253961
7253195
Thanks for the feedback guys!
I'm happy and sad at the same time for William and Scootaloo. On the one hand, Scoots has a father figure that actually cares about her. On the other hand, what's going to happen when she has to go home?
THOU HAST GOTTEN A LIKETH
7269416
Haha, thanks dude!
This honestly is not a bad story, but there is one problem. In some parts, you either over do an explanation, or don't explain enough. Even in non dialogue based commentary there are some moments when there was too little and some where there was too much. Like, last chapter in his break down scene, it came off feeling sudden and awkward. Maybe he has some hardcore mental scarring or something you could bring up? And one thing you should definitely get into is how the difference in politics and violence affect Twilight and them in this world (Say if they were to get a hold of some TV and see something they think is unjust while he is away). Never stray away from the darker topics and conflict between characters. Relationships don't have to be perfect, and bringing up his depression would be very interesting, don't miss out on the chances. Do not focus on all these too much either though. Great story overall.
"Okay, maybe I was a bit frightened, but would be too" you forgot you. Just letting you know.
7272539
First of, thanks for the feedback, the criticism and for adding this story to your favourites! (And for pointing that stupid mistake out
)
Yes, I know what you mean, and there's a simple explanation of why something like this happened at some points in this story, and probably will keep happening.
So, as I already started explaining in the author's note of Chapter 3, my life's was, and still is, at a really stressful point, which firstly limited me to write only a certain number of words a day (mostly 150-400 words a day), and secondly, well, stressed me the fuck out. I, of course, had some times, where I could write nonstop, and not worry about anything, but the majority was quite the opposite. Adding to that is the fact that my girlfriend's gonna get operated tomorrow, and I'm worried sick about her, which's probably going to delay the release of Chapter 5 (And I'm terribly sorry for that).
Yes, I know, probably not the best time to start writing a fanfiction, but well, I couldn't have known that all this would happen when I started writing last month. But I won't stop writing!
So, all in all: Yes, I know my story's poorly written at some points, and I will definitely try to improve on that!
Well, let's just say I have some things planned!
So, thanks again for being so nice, and I hope you, and all the guys that see this comment, understand my current situation!
Have a nice day!
7272777 I love getting in with stories and authors when they are still small because of the feedback I am able to provide and is acknowledged. Don't get me wrong, your story is not at all poorly written. The grammar is great and it is easily readable, which a lot of readers enjoy. It can just be improved upon to make it look better, that is all. And I am truly sorry for all the stress, I know how school can get and I do wish your girlfriend the best of luck. Just take this into consideration, I am well read and good with constructive criticism, but if you threw me into the author's spotlight, I would flop miserably. It has happened before, so I keep to reading. You have a talent that can be put to good use and I do indeed plan to stick around and follow this story through. I hope to see you grow and never worry, even though this is your first work, if it feels like it came out a tad bit choppy because of the stress, you can always come back later with more experience under your belt, time on your hands, less stress on your mind, and create a revised edition.
7274451
Thank you for your kind words, and the follow!
This chapters name is now. "Of Weiners and Wing Boners."
Oh, and by the way, I appreciate you acknowledging me in the special thanks. If you ever need someone to pre-read, help out with grammatical issues, or give you feedback and ideas, I can help, just message me.
WINGBONER!!!!!!! LoL
You've done it again with lots of cute moments and plenty of humour to keep the reader engaged throughout
once again thanks for the shout out and can't wait for the next one
...Then why is there a sex tag?
7278908
Sorry!
Took that out out of the description, as I'm fairly certain that I'll be writing some clop, just to try it out and see how it goes!
I originally added that tag for the parts that were more intimate, like last chapter's shower scene.
7278565
Hmm...Now that you say it, naming the chapters could be pretty funny...
Naaah, no time for that!
Anyways, I appreciate your offer, and I most definitely will take you up on it!
7278590
You just gotta love them! Always make for a good, awkward moment!
7278640
You don't have to thank me, I have to thank you, hence why I even do this special thanks thingy!
I really do appreciate all the support I'm getting from you and the others, so thanks.
Oh man - keep it up!!
7283125
Will do!
And thanks for adding this story to your favourites and for following me! I really appreciate it!
I am not satisfied with the fact that this story has gotten fifteen downvotes and yet no explanations as to why. I may be a little easier when it comes to critiquing a story but if I don't like one I usually leave a comment as to why. It might just be the harshness thrown towards the HiE genre, it has went a bit stale. This is a nice story though, with lots of potential that can be shaped into something great or (hopefully not) squandered. But regardless, the fact that matters is that the people who do like this are the majority and they are actually voicing opinions and giving motivation unlike others who are just dropping by to give a dislike with no further explanation .
7284868
I agree with you there. It's kinda sad that people just press the 'dislike' button, and do not even let me know why they did it and what I can do to improve this story's quality. But well, as you already said, the fact that matters is that some people do like this story, and voice their opinions about it.
That is such a big encouragement for me, and without those who give me feedback, (either in the form of likes, favourites, follows or writing comments) I probably would've stopped writing already.
And again, thank you for the kind words!
7286264 It isn't a problem, honestly, regardless of how stale HiE is it is a great place for newbie writers to start. It gives them a place to familiarize themselves with a relatable human character and adapt to the universe at the same time . All this and the fact that HiE's are normally rated the most harshly helps a new author get into the game when it comes to what the people want or like and how to improve on possibly everything they do. If they can stand the criticism that is.
7286264
A big part of the problem is the nature of the upvote/downvote mechanic itself:
1. It's unclear whether you're supposed to be objective or subjective. The rating meter suggests you should be objective, but the "other things like this" sidebar only works properly if you're subjective. (ie. downvoting "good but not to my taste" stories)
Other aspects of the site lend a "neutral, but you get the benefit of using this for personal records-keeping if you treat it subjectively" air to things.
2. It lacks finesse. At the very least there should be a middle option for stuff where the good and the bad balance out into "well, that was some text". (If you really want to do it well, the best solution is a five-point scale running from -2 to +2 so people can differentiate between something they liked/disliked and something they loved/hated.)
(I'm still undecided on how practical it really is to have a "choose a reason for your up/down vote" UI like the "-1 Off-Topic" ones you see on some forums.)
7291322 Agreed, I do feel that since this is an actual reading site that the voting system should reflect that, a good story that just isn't someone's cup of tea should not suffer a more negative rating because it wasn't their type of story. A neutral option or some form of balance needs to be implemented.
ouch my heart
i may be a bit late, but: There are even one or two happening right now,
You may want to fix that. And ive seen a couple of other mistakes in previous chapters aswell....
Another good chapter even if you don't think so, it had nice character building and a few fun moments, I'd call that a job well done.
First off, I wish your girlfriend the best and I hope you did well on your exams. Now,
I was going to ask about this but you beat me to the punch. William already lost his family once. I don't think he can survive losing his family a second time. I really do hope that Twilight will think of something.
oh crap he said the dreaded line. Murphy most have an evil smile right now.
7298410
Going to do that as soon as I'm home!
Thanks for pointing that out!
7298530
Thanks dude!
7298557
My girlfriend's doing well, thanks for the good wishes!
7298785
7300179 I didint see the two officers part........ I feel dumb now......and blind.....
7298557 speaking of his old family... What happened to his gun? Did he leave it it the bathroom or am I being stupid and he put it somewhere in a different chapter.
7300285
Nah, you're not being stupid.
I simply forgot to write where he stashed it.
I added that little bit of information at the end of Chapter 1!
I don't know what you're worried about. They was a good chapter. Then again, "We are our own worse critics." As for the cops, chances are it is related to his wife & daughter in someway. Or they are investigating a strange anomaly that occurred recently.
Didn't get to read this chapter until now, I have been watching E3. (I am big on gaming) But honestly, for what it is worth, don't shoot yourself in the knee about this. For rewriting a chapter THREE times it still came out pretty good, not the best, but good. Like I have said previously, everything is editable, just focus on right now. If your not satisfied with the story when it is finished, you can go back, edit it, and make it better.