• Member Since 11th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 11th, 2016

Cobalt Swirls


Once a Bandle gunner, always a Bandle gunner.

T
Source

When the cold wind of urbanization takes ahold of Ponyville, Trixie once again brings her failing magic show to its citizens. Things go awry; however, when Rarity steps in to put the boastful unicorn in her place, and nearly takes her life in the process. Now, Rarity will have to stay by her side and become the everything to a mare that once meant nothing to her.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 26 )

Interesting and well written with only a few minor spelling errors. I'm excited to see what happens next.

Interesting start, Ill keep an eye on this, although you might want to get rid of the line "like a vixen looking after her young kits." I know you want the title in the story but it comes off quite awkward.

1442371
Hmm, perhaps I should change the title name? Or does the sentence in the context of the story sound awkward?

Interesting... keep up the good writing. :twilightsmile: It'd be nice to see a story where perhaps Rarity's generous side can extend farther than some money or dresses.

Please don't let this one fall off a bridge or something. :trixieshiftleft: The last fic I read with Rarity and Trixie got a rewrite (deleted old chapters), and hasn't been updated for two months!

1442385
Comparing her to a fox is a little odd, there's got to be an equivalent for ponies that makes more sense. If I were you, I'd consider changing both.

1442463

Like a bitch looking after her pups? :rainbowlaugh:

In all seriousness, thank you for the thought. I'll look over it tomorrow, but for now, I've gotta hit the hay. :ajsmug:

1442385

The title is fine since chapter titles have a long history of elaborate names but the line in the story comes off as just awkward, like it was shoehorned in since that was the chapter title... although I suppose the title might work better in the context of Rarity actualy defending Trixie from something instead of her trying to save her life. Maybe change it to something like "Consequences" or "For every action..."

Very well done cant wait for the others, hope she makes it :pinkiehappy:

Interesting story. I'll keep an eye on it. I'm afraid though because of the 'sad' tag.

Really good start! :raritywink: Tracked.

Fantastic start! I'm a little sad that I won't be seeing much of the mane 6, but nonetheless I can't wait for another chapter. :raritywink:

Any idea when the next chapter will come out?:twilightsheepish:

1729584

Hopefully here very soon actually. A good portion of it is already type out.

Yeah... this took an abrupt turn lol

1945019
I agree, like 90 degrees maybe. It went from Rarity being exceedingly generous to some kind of whacko criminal kidnapping nonsense.

1946123

As confusing as it is now this will eventually tie together. I intentionally kept the story vague to avoid giving everything away at once.

I'd like to see more of this

1947310 Well, you overdid it with the vagueness. Big time. People came here to read a story about Rarity caring for Trixie. Not an epic rescue adventure, or whatever this is. I'm not saying an epic rescue adventure is a bad thing, but it needs to match the description. Your current summary is misleading, which is actually against the rules. It also sounds like there's a bit of adventure here, so we can add incorrect tags to the list of infractions. The Red Queen? Sounds like an OC. Need to adjust the character tags as well.

Your vagueness has caused this fic to violate three of this site's rules.

1994532
I see your point but at this point, I'm not sure that just clearing the second chapter and ditching that entire idea is what I want to do, because I do like the general concept. However you make it sound as if I'm intentionally being misleading, which is not the case. Should I choose to continue on this route, Rarity taking care of Trixie WILL be a major part of it, though I can see how you are saying my vagueness could be an issue. As for the adventure tag, I just don't see going to Canterlot as much of "adventure" seeing as how the girls can take a train there in less than a day, but I guess it could be, so for the sake of doing so, I'll add it.

2005254 I didn't meant to make it sound like it was deliberate. At least I don't think I did... I don't really remember. Either way, just chalk it up to my inner Rarity stating things in an overly dramatic way again. I end up doing that a lot online.

The red queen ? Is that some kind of reference to Alice in Wonderland ? :derpytongue2:

1947310 this story is amazing you gotta finish it

6688292
something tells me this will never happen

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