This story takes place during/after the episode "Fame and Misfortune"
And is written as more of a "what if" scenario. If the protests outside of rarity's boutique got too much to handle, and business went down the drain.
Thanks to Lavender Bloom and Diamond Cutter posting a review of the friendship journal, alongside other highly known book critics.
This caused Rarity to jump down the deep end, and take revenge on the couple.
this story was inspired by the Artist BlisAzalisDash and her drawing "stress sewing" the speedpaint of which can be found on Youtube :)
Chapters (1)
wow, rarity's move at the cafe was smooth
i just wonder what happened in that week
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I would love to write up more stories for this little project.
But my main worry is it'll take away from the main story if i add more to it haha.
Im glad you liked the story though :D
This was satisfying. Well, mostly. Except for seeing Daisy (that Derpibooru insists on pretending she's a different mare puzzles me) getting tortured and killed. Her words weren't nice, but she doesn't deserve that just because she foolishly decided to impress some stallion she fell in love with by trying to be as snobby as him.
But aside from that, the general sentiment here makes me feel satisfied. And Rarity is a good psychopath and murderer, that role oddly fits her. I enjoyed this portrayal of her.
There are a few grammar and style issues here (and the end of the story makes it seem like you have gotten exhausted from writing it, as the errors substantially increase there), you definitely have quite some things to learn as author, but the grammar is also far better than I expected it after reading the description (did you, perhaps, write it right after you wrote the whole story?) and I definitely see potential to grow and to become a great pony horror author in you. And pony horror is my favourite genre, so I will follow you and see where this potential leads you.
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omg i only just saw this and i feel terrible for not responding sooner.
This is so so sweet, thankyou so much!
I did have a read through, and yes i do see the errors you mentioned before.
The ending, i got inspired by the fan-made story "muffins"
If you know the story, at the end of one of the chapters, fluttershy's head is put on display in the town hall, and a banner is put up that reads "we're still here"
I wanted to do something similar, but twist it to fit into my story.
I do see that it was quite rushed.
But overall, thankyou so much, this is so sweet of you, i cant wait to see what you think of my next stories :)
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I was wondering why you didn't respond, despite my praise and me writing a very nice comment. It felt a little ungrateful. But I'm glad you did now.
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The end of the story is okay and it doesn't feel rushed to me. The sudden jump from Rarity's boutique to the town hall a week later and to the fate of Diamond Cutter and
Lavender BloomDaisy actually makes for a shocking reveal and that's a style choice that lends itself well to the genre of the story. The errors I mentioned are just of a grammatical kind, the plot is okay. They are present throughout the entire story, but become more at the end, that's why it seems to me that you paid less attention to your grammar during the final part of the story..
You're welcome. I cannot say when I will be able to read more of your stories, a lot has changed for me in December and I'm dealing with many things since then that keep me occupied off-site for the most part. But I am happy to see a pony author focusing on horror stories, I'm a big fan of the genre and the fandom needs more pony horror stories, so I want to be in the loop about what you're doing. I will read more stories by you eventually, after I took care of other very important things.
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Ahh I see, I apologize if my lack of response came across as ungrateful.
After writing this story I went off-site too for a while and I wasn't able to see comments about being busy IRL.
As for the grammatical mistakes, I can see what you mean now that I look back. But now, I've installed Grammarly to help me with these errors, and I have a friend who is happy to help with editing to make sure everything makes sense.
I completely understand you being off-site due to IRL reasons, and please, take all the time you need to get yourself sorted before returning. I can assure you that my page isn't going anywhere.
Your comment was a really big help in seeing how my stories can end up feeling unfinished toward the end, and I'm glad that i now have the help i have to get my stories to flow better and feel more complete :)