Princess Misty (OC) The ruler of Cloudsdale, has a lot of guards that doubt her for her seriousness of her duties. And one guard asks for a meeting to confront Princess Misty of her kindness.
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- Member Since 3rd May, 2023
- offline last seen Wednesday
bryonyTheWolf
Hello! Im BryonyTheWolf. I write mainly Horror MLP stories. I am an amateur writer and am still learning how to improve.
bryonyTheWolf
Joined 3rd May, 2023 ·
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Where are all of the genre tags?
11784738
I thought I added them but i suppose not, thankyou for pointing it out to me that they arent there
Please mention that this story has the Rainbow Factory stuff in it in the description. I will not bother reviewing any of that section since I do not care whatsoever for Rainbow Factory and would not have even read this story if I knew it was present.
There are a lot of capitalization mistakes in the story (e.g. the chapter title).
The blank flank as an adult, being a random alicorn, and the flowing water mane give off the impression of "original character do not steal".
Her guards did nothing to stop Lightning from leaving, even though they were explicitly listening in and would have heard the (extremely childish) insubordination? Would the yelling not have put them on alert?
So, if any of Lightning's friends or relatives try to find her, they'll hear about how much she was last seen with the local ruler AFTER the Lightning had already committed treason by attacking her. Is the princess trying to make her subjects distrustful of her? It would have been less conspicuous and less morally objectionable to just have Lightning supposedly executed for treason and secretly put her in the edgy factory.
Is Lightning 5 years old? How does one who acts this immaturely insubordinate end up in the army?
11813055
Well i do appreciate the reveiw here.
Yes Misty is an OC of mine, I couldnt find the tag that states that there's an OC in the story. I know it exists, but i couldnt find it, im still rather new to the site.
The capitalisation issue is my fault, when im proof reading my stories, im looking for spelling errors or sections that may need polishing up.
I didnt mention the rainbow factory, or as you put it, edgy factory-
Because i feel like that would have spoiled most of the story, because that's where the entire of the 2nd half takes place.
As for the 2 guards, i didnt want them getting involved until Lightning Dust left, for 2 reasons:
1- I wanted to show that Misty can be professional, and isnt as kind/soft as the story lets on.
2- Yes i wanted to make Lightning dust's reactions immature, and i wanted Lightning to be disliked from the beginning.
I do plan on rewriting this story one day to have it make more sense, once i feel like ive improved with my writing.
But I appreciate your comment and i hope this cleared up any questions you had :3