- Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 13th, 2013
sirgawain1997
I fell in love with MLP in the summer of 2012. And want to write some fanfics, but have no ideas! So I would absolutely LOVE some requests from you people!
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Pacing is a quite fast
slightly OOC-ness
split up your wall of text in paragraphs
1355118
I'll keep that in mind!
1355118
what does ooc mean?
1355421 Out of character.
1355478
well, if youre referring to fluttersy's angry face or applejacks obvious lie. you may notice that even out of the discord episodes, all the characters tend to lapse here and there.
1355490 I was only answering your question. If you want to debate the OOC-ness, you should probably reply to DbzOrDie about that.
1355118
well, if youre referring to fluttersy's angry face or applejacks obvious lie. you may notice that even out of the discord episodes, all the characters tend to lapse here and there.
1355523
I'm actually referring to Fluttershyy tearing up/getting angry over getting surprised by Rainbow with a hug. Fluttershy isn't as weak as you describe her. In fact, the only words she muttered aftee being supersurprised by Pinkie are: "Oh Pinkie, you startled me"
1355693
I'm sorry. I guess i did go off the handle a bit with the personalities. I was just setting up Rainbow's initial confused feelings in the best way I could with out just having her covertly check them out.
This fic kinda feels like a gut punch. Ya wind up and just blast us with it. It's a good idea but you need to work on the delivery, build it up more.
This story has lots of potential and I've enjoyed reading it so far. Aside from the pacing issues others brought up there are some grammatical and tense errors that can be easily fixed by finding yourself a pre-reader/editor or joining a group such as "School for New Writers".
Are some of the errors in this chapter. As far as pacing perhaps lengthening the awkwardness between Fluttershy and Applejack in the first chapter? I'd like to see the conversation between those two when Rainbow first gets hurt as well. Keep up the good work and I hope to see an update soon