Colt 1911

Colt 1911 is one of the last few members of an organization Called the Queens Agents set to protect the royal family. Long ago it was the greatest strength of Canterlot now the last of its might rests on the shoulders of the Small ragtag crew led by Colt. Although their numbers are few Colt will soon find out that there are still many brave ponies left in Equestria that are willing to stand up against the villains that plot Equestrias downfall.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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The Grey Pegasus

The Grey Pegasus #1 · Sep 26th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Okay! Review:

The premise itself is okay. However, this does need some refinement editing. Nothing too major, which is good, but many, many small ones. Obviously, I can't point them all out.

Your use of indentations is inconsistent. Indent every paragraph. Sometimes you have the odd space instead of an indent. And, of course, nothing to indicate a new paragraph at all, half the time.

The use of commas and sentence separation need work, but they're within my tolerable range. Sentences separate or don't separate at the right places at times. And sometimes a quotation isn't closed.

Oh! Yes- and the random switches in point-of-view. It's strange, but I'm not sure what's exactly proper in this case. Standard procedure is to stick with one though, instead of randomly switching. Especially switching in the direct middle of action.

totallynotabrony

totallynotabrony #2 · Sep 26th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

I'll admit, I read mostly for the title.

Anyway, it's confusing how you keep switching back and forth between 1st and 3rd person. If there was some kind of page break it would be easier, or just don't do it.

Your formatting sometimes includes a first line indent and sometimes doesn't.

“That’s quite a lofty request from a man wearing a ragged cloak in a dark alley.” Huh?

Your spelling is pretty decent, although there are a few missed capitalizations.

I'll watch this and see where it goes.

Novus