The Recluse

by Live Light

Chapter 15: The Second Hour

The two suited thugs were walking around Ponyville, walking as if they could fit in. In reality, they really couldn't, their intimidating appearances always got looks from other ponies. They didn't mind it, they were really only there to keep an eye on Light. Their names are Fluorescent Kane (Skinny) and Able Sunshine (Large). Able had expressed embarrassment on what was almost an act of voyeurism on Light and Fluttershy, but Kane assured him it wouldn't happen again. Able is somewhat nervous about these sorts of things. Although, he did feel partly offended by the fact Light laughed at his stiff neck... it's a medical condition... he does use it to help with the intimidation, but it's still a medical condition.

"We won't be here for long, Able, don't worry." Kane assured. "I hate this job as much as you do, remember."

Able nodded.

"I don't see why he'd have that much bits, though... 42,000,000,000,000? We could try to convince him to pay a bit less?" He continued.

Able shook his head.

"Right... by the book... okay. Thanks for keeping me steady."

Able nodded.

Suddenly- OH, GOD WHAT IN TARTARUS IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE!?

What appeared in front of them was a stallion... his mane was stringy and black, he was wearing sunglasses that covered all his eyes, and a black blazer with a blue business shirt under it, complete with tie. His cutie mark was a spoon, despite the fact it was obvious make-up. He reminded the two thugs of some degenerate who made a movie called The Room. It was hailed as the best and funniest worst movie, because it had many inconsistencies in plot, sub-plots, characters, had a ton of continuity errors, so much to the point that any little thing introduced pretty much had a chance of being entirely forgotten. And this stallion... he played the protagonist of the film... and... he... just listen to the following, you'll see what I mean.

"Oh, hai guys." Came a familiar voice, in a distinctly Europonyean accent of doom.

"...Live Light," Kane began... "Why are you dressed as Pony Wiseau?"

"Whai nnnat? I'm a good ecktar, and I can play a bad ecktar, huuuuh?" Came the reply of Light, who will be referred to as 'Johnny' for whenever he does this voice.

"Look... We're sorry about invading your priva-"

"Flutter-cuddles." Light responded, going out of character to signal he was being serious this once.

"...about invading your Flutter-cuddles... we're doing our job."

Johnny gave that awkward laugh he gave when he found something that isn't funny, absolutely hilarious.

"So am I. We can do our job togethere. How does that sound, Skinn-ee?"

"My name is Kane. And that's Able."

"Kaaayyne. How does that sound?"

"...I do not wish to discuss this..."

"Whai won't you answer me, Kayne?"

"That's en-"

"You're tareing me apaht, Kayne!"

"What do you want!?" Kane tried to get to the point.

"I wahnt to play hoofball." He replied innocently.

"There is not a hoofball anywhere." Kane replied monotonously.

A hoofball fell on Johnny's head as soon as that was said, which caused his sunglasses to fall off. Light even managed to get the half-blinked eye right. Pinkie's mini-chopper (Which had been repaired... somehow) could be seen flying from the scene, as if on cue.

"...Now we do." Kane miserably noted.

Johnny picked up the hoofball, and threw it to Kane. Kane caught it, and threw it back a bit violently. Johnny caught it, and it continued for a long while. I should've brought the tuxedo.

"Can we stop now... I get the feeling you're doing this because you hate me." Kane said.

"But I respect you, Kane. As an equine bean." Johnny honestly replied.

"No you don't. I don't wish to continue." Kane said, taking a hoofball to the face, grateful his own sunglasses hadn't fallen off.

"Come ahn, you're a little chicken. Cherp-cherp-cherp-cherp-cherp." He made in the worst chicken imitation ever. I just realized, I'm doing what Rainbow did. ... ... ... I should stop now, it's only funny with Scootaloo, and I don't know why.

"ALRIGHT, YOU WANT THE PRICE DOWN!? FINE!" Kane yelled. Light went out of character for a moment, and looked at Kane for a moment. That was... strangely easy. Able, however, shook his head. Buck.

"...Okay, apparently no, you don't get it." Kane simply said.

"Err... why is it 42,000,000,000,000 bits again?" Light asked as himself momentarily.

"Because... I don't know, that's just the price he requested."

"You need a better employer," Johnny began. "He is yoosing you, and he doesn't cahre about it."

"Just drop the act, you're scaring everypony."

"That's the idea." Johnny said, before realizing this is what the character said as he left. Light then spoke in a strange accent with a weird, deep voice. "Un momento, por favor." The accent was not Sponyish. Light ran off else-where, and about 30 seconds later, arrived nearly as his usual self, only he was wearing a hoodie, and weird glasses that were possibly too large for him.

"What are you doing dressed as a hipster, Light?"

"I don't pay irregular debts. Irregular debts are too mainstream."

Surprisingly, Able, after suppressing laughter, spoke up in a way that was extremely cultured and intelligent.

"You do not seem to realize, Live Light, that the reason there are no more hipsters in Equestria is because being a hipster has become too mainstream, as everypony has been trying to do it."

"Well, buck." Light said. ... ... ...Wait, what?" "Did you just speak?"

"No, no he didn't." Kane suddenly said.

"Yes. Yes he did." Light replied.

"No, he didn't." Kane insisted.

"Yes, he did."

"No he didn't."

"Yes, he did."

"No."

"Yeah."

"He didn't."

"Shut up, we're in a vicious cycle. He did speak, and that is that."

"FINE. He spoke." Kane admitted.

"Why is that a big deal? He sounds respectable."

"He doesn't like to."

"Why not?"

"Never mind why not."

"I'll mind it until the day I die, unless you tell me."

".... ... ... It's to help with the intimidation."

"...Ah huh... and... the neck cracking."

"Intimi-" Kane began, before Able explained his stiff neck.

I laughed at a medical condition? ... well, now I feel bucking terrible.

"...Err... sorry about laughing... I wouldn't have if I was aware it was a condition...

"...It's fine." Able replied.

Awkward silences occured.

"So err... can I... get a discount?" Light asked hopefully.

"No, you can't. No you shouldn't. Don't even try." Kane replied.

"At least attend the costume party that's happening."

"When?"

"Tomorrow." Light said. ...That isn't the time... damnit.

"... ... ...Okay. No Wiseau." Kane soon said.

"I Pinkie promise."

"...What?"

"You know. Cross my heard, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-" He didn't close his eye soon enough, and so his hoof poked his bare eye. "AAGH! MY EYES, MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!" He said. The intense drama in his voice would lead one to assume he was doing that to make them laugh. They just shrugged.

"Err... I promise." Light said.

"Okay. Bye." Kane said, while he and Able walked off.

...I've got to use something like that... Okaybye.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie... dressed in a red-and-black spandex suit. It looked a bit like his Deathelocke concept... except... he based the design of Deathelocke off this suit. Now, this isn't hard to imagine, so just think of it... Pinkie Pie dressed up as Deadpony. Got it? Knew you would.

"You know everything." Pinkie said to nopony in particular, which caused Light to notice her.

"Oh, hai Pinkie." He said as Johnny, for the last time today, despite not wearing anything resembling Pony Wiseau anymore. He still looked like a hipster.

"Was I late?" Pinkiepool said.

"Depends on what was late. The hoofball thing was right on time. I don't think I was expecting you to turn up looking like Deadpony, so I will not criticize."

"Oh, darn, I WAS late... we can do this next time, right?"

"Next time... that'll have to be today, I just told them the party was tomorrow... not sure why."

"If this was a novel, or some work by somepony, it'd be the author's fault." Stop that... "But since it's not... well, still don't blame yourself, being faced with paying 42,000,000,000,000 bits can be distracting." Pinkie philosophised.

"Okay... by the way, do you have a version of that suit that comes in blue?"

____________________________________________________________________________

I ran out of ideas, hmeh.

But out of that loss of idealistic thought...

I had an idea for another possible story.

Hoping it hasn't been done before though...

I present to you....

DEADPOOL IN EQUESTRIA.

What? You were expecting that image out of all the other possible ones? Fine... how's this?

Is that better? Akay.

Although, I wonder... do I make him keep his form, or ponify him... ... ...

Back to the story that presently exists... yes. I will be making one that's back to the usual length. Sowwy for the short ones. There'll be more once my brain gets ideas from others ending... or something...

Bye then.

P.S: Yes, I am a huge fan of Deadpool. And 4th wall breaking in general. You'd think Pinkie would be my favourite for this fact... but she's my second favourite. Flutters is just too damn cute.

Okaybye

Comments

[Rainbowblitz]

1397776 troll

[Live Light]

1411911

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c0/Norman-bates.png

[Rainbowblitz]

1412554 lol

[Rainbowblitz]

first biotches lol