Hello there ladies and gentlemen and creatures from beyond, i am lore mizer if you like lore, stories and fables then we would make good friends if you don't find me too much
I awoke to a large woman with flowing hair looking down at me, and while I stared blankly at her she said "I have a job for you if you'll take it" [Human in Equestria]
5 years have passed sicen the hero of Toki Toki City/Conton City had dealt with Mira and has continue to train and had become strong enough to rival and even surpass the one and only Goku. But what happens when you put someone that strong in MLP?
I'm torn away from my home, and warped into someone unrecognisable, with powers to match. All because of a car accident that Tia tried to save me from. Discord however, thought he was helping when he decided to let me have a Power Fantasy.
11669528 Well he didn't get sent to the Sun but he is practically a vegetable after Luna got done with him, but don't worry a caribou is going to get sent to the Sun and thank you for commenting on my story
Well, this is a better take compared to the many rape porn storytelling of Fall of Equestria. Although you need an editor badly though. Over half the writing is almost unreadable and a lot of the grammar is all over the place.
Interesting take, but you need to spend some quality time fixing the writing, spelling errors, words capitalized for no reason, wrong words in places. It's as if some sort of speech to text was used with zero folllow-up.
friend, friend! I'm telling you now, you and I are going to get along very well. I loved your soundtrack and the battle was good, you just need more gore for the cabiru to suffer, let the idiots burn slowly while we enjoy the view with some popcorn.
This looks like you put it together with a Speech to Text device and didn't look over it before hitting publish.
I highly recommend combing over this and fixing the typos.
Beyond that, glorious start. Reminds me of one of my MLP40K fics. I used the caribou as redshirt civilization when the planet was being besieged by the Drukhari. It was fun.
11817500 how dare you!! point out something I need to improve on, instead of stroking my ego how rude of you how mean of you jokes aside thanks for putting that out
11817511 Thanks for noticing, that cursed manga had to be good for something right.
And I'm glad I'm glad you liked the the lightning artillery, I put it in for three reasons, one it is just an awesome concept, two it is practical, and three because I didn't see it anywhere that was a tragedy I wanted to fix.
11817542 Yeah that would have been better, I will fix it when I revisit this whenever that may be,🙃 hopefully the other story I'm working on will be enough to make you patient
Friend! I knew that you are still alive and apparently you still haven't lost your touch.
I loved it, very good soundtrack, I don't know how I was lucky enough to have the climax of the melody right at the moment when Celestia turns into a meteorite and when she destroys the doors.
Although I was surprised that the Cabiru had more than shacks with rotten wood and mud, knowing the inefficiency of their lifestyle, but if that were the case it wouldn't have been so much fun, would it?
11817571 Yes I am alive sorry it took so long, this is my first story and I got nervous, and Yeah It wouldn't have been fun If the equestrians We're just attacking mud huts And I'm glad you enjoyed the soundtrack
I didn’t know that the story took place in the past because the story did not specify when the story took place. I thought the it took place during the show, because the first chapter was set in the Crystal Empire. And a lot of stories like this takes place during the show so I assumed it would be the same for this one.
Screw that caribou. I hope the Royal Sisters sent him to the sun to get burned.
11669528
Well he didn't get sent to the Sun but he is practically a vegetable after Luna got done with him, but don't worry a caribou is going to get sent to the Sun and thank you for commenting on my story
You're welcome. Maybe he get turned into a cooked vegetable after being sent to the sun?
11669538
🤔 Well they are a lot of caribou corpses around, so I guess they could just burn them
looks good, i aqlways enjoy a good story of the caribou losing. you should add a bit to the emotions, like emotions or body language
11669551
Thanks for the tip but what do you think about the fight scene was it a bit too short
11669555
i cant complain, looked good to me but if i you need any other advise, i can try to help
11669559
That's all I ask thank you
11669562
okay then. eager to see the royal guards in action with the princesses
Well, this is a better take compared to the many rape porn storytelling of Fall of Equestria. Although you need an editor badly though. Over half the writing is almost unreadable and a lot of the grammar is all over the place.
Interesting take, but you need to spend some quality time fixing the writing, spelling errors, words capitalized for no reason, wrong words in places. It's as if some sort of speech to text was used with zero folllow-up.
Otherwise use a decent start.
11669992
Thanks for the advice and they will be a corrected version
friend, friend! I'm telling you now, you and I are going to get along very well.
I loved your soundtrack and the battle was good, you just need more gore for the cabiru to suffer, let the idiots burn slowly while we enjoy the view with some popcorn.
11670318
You know when I had the idea to write about the Caribou genocide I had no idea on how many friends I would make but I'm glad to have as one
11670318
And don't worry they will all burn in the next chapter
11670336
🤝
(gives him a sinister look as he shakes his hand and the other returns it, both smile)
11670384
🤝
This looks like you put it together with a Speech to Text device and didn't look over it before hitting publish.
I highly recommend combing over this and fixing the typos.
Beyond that, glorious start. Reminds me of one of my MLP40K fics. I used the caribou as redshirt civilization when the planet was being besieged by the Drukhari. It was fun.
11674261
Thanks for the advice and the praise
I think you did rather well. You could have discribed dane's change in detail.
And the guard was a good idea, giving them attention
11817486
Thanks 😁 and also thanks for the advice and leave a thumbs up if you want
11817496
Youre welcome. I don’t want to Sound mean or anything but your punctionation is messed up in the second chapter
11817500
how dare you!! point out something I need to improve on, instead of stroking my ego how rude of you how mean of you jokes aside thanks for putting that out
11817500
Oh and what do you think of my soundtrack selection this time
11817507
I think it fits. Heh, now i get a silly thought about the guards.
And I wonder, did they just took care of dann, or the nation itself?
Solid Redo of Healer reference. Tis an appropriate ending for King Dainn.
And I definitely like the lightning artillery. Not many authors utilize that.
11817509
We talk about magical ponies, there are no silly thoughts here.
And I will explain what happens to the nation in the remastered version
11817514
Well, i thought about the guards's thought during this, like one saying this is for his wife.
Oh? Looking forward to that, hope it wont take too long
11817511
Thanks for noticing, that cursed manga had to be good for something right.
And I'm glad I'm glad you liked the the lightning artillery, I put it in for three reasons, one it is just an awesome concept, two it is practical, and three because I didn't see it anywhere that was a tragedy I wanted to fix.
11817518
Maybe I'll add that, however I will be working on a different story, so it might take a while to get back to this one, sorry
11817536
Sure, better late than never. I actually thought said guards could be distinct in apperence.
But who am i kidding, its your Story after all
11817511
Oh and what do you think of the underground ambush
11817537
Yeah but don't worry, I'm definitely going to revisit this at some point
11817541
Of course. Just thought those guards could be named and look different from the normal onces for better effect
11817542
Yeah that would have been better, I will fix it when I revisit this whenever that may be,🙃 hopefully the other story I'm working on will be enough to make you patient
11817546
Sure. Just thought...could give you a hand with names and such
Friend! I knew that you are still alive and apparently you still haven't lost your touch.
I loved it, very good soundtrack, I don't know how I was lucky enough to have the climax of the melody right at the moment when Celestia turns into a meteorite and when she destroys the doors.
Although I was surprised that the Cabiru had more than shacks with rotten wood and mud, knowing the inefficiency of their lifestyle, but if that were the case it wouldn't have been so much fun, would it?
11817571
Yes I am alive sorry it took so long, this is my first story and I got nervous, and Yeah It wouldn't have been fun If the equestrians We're just attacking mud huts And I'm glad you enjoyed the soundtrack
11817533
I utilized lightning artillery in one of my fics. The Grimdark 6 Volume Two:Broken Beast.
11817539
Not bad at all. I can see RockHoof pulling that off.
Let's not forget he's the biggest jerk of all. Especially on his own does.
11817653
Awesome can't wait to see it when I read it
11817654
I know right, I Really wanted to give Earth Pony Magic it's time to shine, Hopefully I did that
Every single one of those Caribou bastards deserve what karma is about to do to them. I’m surprised that Celestia didn’t straight up nuke the castle.
But I do have one question, is Shining Armor and Cadence ok?
11817999
Why wouldn't they, this is in the past that's why they mean six aren't involved did I not make that clear in the story
11818111
I didn’t know that the story took place in the past because the story did not specify when the story took place. I thought the it took place during the show, because the first chapter was set in the Crystal Empire. And a lot of stories like this takes place during the show so I assumed it would be the same for this one.
Thanks for letting me know.
11818144
Oh then it's my bad, I should have been more clear