• Member Since 3rd Nov, 2019
  • offline last seen 56 minutes ago

marmalado


Long-time fanfic writer, newbie ponefic writer. Lives for platonic Pinkie/Fluttershy fluff. Proud Odd Squad connoisseur for over 9 years running.

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Source

Scootaloo has been an alicorn for as long as she can remember. While her Earth pony strength and her unicorn magic have progressed at a steady rate, her Pegasus flight has been lacking. Whenever she tries to fly, no matter what she does, her wings simply can't propel her off the ground.

At the brink of losing all hope, she turns to a few ponies she knows for help. But what she receives will be something long-lasting and invaluable that will allow her to achieve both of her goals.


Initially written for the Choices: A Species Change Contest, but was not entered due to quality issues and the other entries being too towering against my measly piece. :rainbowlaugh:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

I suppose she could also cast the butterfly wing spell on herself, though it would probably be a while before her magic is at the point where she could attempt that (Twilight almost passed out when she cast it in "Sonic Rainboom").

I don't see why you wouldn't submit it anyways, the worst that can happen is it doesn't get mentioned at all when the results are announced.

That said, I can see why you felt it would be unlikely to get much attention. It's certainly a heartwarming tale, but I think it's sorely missing actual conflict to interrupt the simplistic "tries until she succeeds" plot, or comedy to spice things up. My advice if you ever revisit this for rewriting would be to try to work in other foal characters as antagonists (bullies like DT and SS) and utilize the other CMC for some comedy, consider making Dash snarky (could make fun of Scoots' struggle a little, but in a friendly manner to still be supportive), and have Scootaloo give up at one point.

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Learned my lesson from the last contest I entered, which, funny enough, also had me attempting to type a story with two concurrent projects. Thought it was pretty good, but a lack of placement, constructive criticism, and a re-read made me reconsider. I had actually wanted to enter my Solar and Lunar story instead (one of two said projects), but it's nowhere near completion.

Either way, thank you for the suggestions! I've been trying my hand at shorter stories since a lot of my stories tend to clock at around 5,000 words, and this was my attempt at that. Still, it really could have been fleshed out a lot more, I agree. Will keep your words in mind if I ever try my hand at another similar concept.

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It would definitely be tricky to do what I suggested in 5,000 words...it would need great care in making things efficient (like timeskips into the middle of conversations where the dialog is selected to only be what's necessary). Anyways, yeah, conflict is key to making compelling stories.

Everyone has Dash trying to teach Scootaloo to fly. Why? :rainbowderp: Fluttershy was the one who had trouble learning. & It is NOT wing size. Bulk Bicep/Snowflake has tiny wings & he flies just fine.

:scootangel:

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