The Most Impatient Meal of the Day
Sourced from Little Black Raincloud on Twitter
My promised Ponish Muffins were in the kitchen. So were two obnoxious foals in highchairs.
"Ah, Pinkie! Bless you for always knowing when you're needed."
Mrs Cake had a spoon in one hoof and a bowl of mashed carrots in the other. There were orange splatters on her apron, the highchairs, the tablecloth, pretty much everywhere except the mouths of the flailing excited little crotch dumplings. "The twins are surlier than normal today!"
Mm-hm, so is your pink tenant. I'm at least planning to eat quietly.
A dinging noise came from the bakery telegraph, and my hooves were suddenly filled with the spoon and carrot bowl.
"I'll get that. Here, take these." Mrs Cake was wiping herself off as she hobbled to the counter. "You're the best with the twins and I know feeding them is your favorite part of the morning. Would you work your magic and settle them both down?"
"But... muffins," I mumbled, not really sounding like Pinkie. More like that walleyed grey marechild who sometimes delivers our party invitations.
Mrs Cake didn't hear me. She was already at the telegraph, focused on whatever order was coming through. I stirred the bowl of orange mush while Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake eyed me suspiciously.
"H-hey kiddos. You see your old gal Pinkie Pie, right?"
Pumpkin burst into tears. Which I guess was her way of saying 'no.'
"Pinkie, please stop fooling around. I need to listen to Starlight's order over here."
My breathing was getting heavy. So were the bowl and spoon in my hooves. Pumpkin Cake kept crying and crying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Pinkie would be singing a nursery rhyme by now. Or using the spoon as a puppet show prop. Or something other than just standing here getting angry.
I don't solve problems in nice ways. But nice ways are the only type you're allowed when dealing with foals in diapers. Even a meanie like me knew that.
I was sort of having my own Current Crisis right now. But instead of a friend from my head coming to the rescue, I had Mrs Cake back from the telegraph. She scooped up the crying one and bounced her a few times.
"Goodness Pinkie, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd be so slow after a late night out."
My ears went from flat to strait up.
"I was out late last nigh-?"
Pumpkin's wails drowned me out and kept Mrs Cake's attention. I heard some gurgles and remembered Pound Cake was still there. Forgotten by his mom because he was the quiet kid. My sister Marble could relate.
"Hey kiddo," I tried again. "How's your morning been going?"
Pound didn't cry. But he did blow a clumsy grumpy raspberry, and that made me like him.
"I feel ya."
I tried to smile. That was a mistake.
Just like upstairs, I only managed to bare my teeth and open my eyes too wide to be friendly. Mr Cake had been across the room and also able to leave after I made my nightmare face. But Pound Cake was up close, and when his flapping little wings weren't enough to carry him out of his chair and away from me, he made a few sputtering sounds that were a lot like the ones coming from his sister.
Mrs Cake heard me. Making her other kid cry just like the first. She was looking hard now, at my limp mane and my shaking knees and everything else that gave me away as a terrible incomplete head cold trying to be a pony. I think it was Mrs Cake's face, and me feeling in my bones I was about to get caught, that made me scrunch my eyes shut and do what I did next. No matter what, I was not going to let Pound Cake cry too.
So I stuffed a heaping spoonful of mashed carrots in his mouth.
I'm not gentle. But I did my best to not be rough either. It helped that Pound Cake's frizzy baby mane made his head kind of the same shape as Pinkie Pie's. Or maybe it didn't matter at all, since right away Pound began nomming his breakfast, my scary face forgotten.
Mrs Cake sighed in relief and said something to me. I couldn't her over the rain pouring outside and the blood thumping in my head. Because I had just stopped a baby from crying. I had made the day better for a mom who needed it.
I did that.
Me. Pinkamena.
"Pinkie Pie? I said thank you."
"Yes ma'am! Always happy to help!"
It wasn't hard right now to fake being chipper. Maybe I wasn't really faking. That thought made me sick, so I had to slump into a chair at the breakfast table. I searched my muscle memory to see if this was Pinkie's seat. Its answer was that Pinkie doesn't generally sit down for anything.
"Don't forget Pumpkin either, dearie." Mrs Cake was back behind the counter. I smelled coffee being brewed, black and strong. Not as strong as Pumpkin Cake's scowl though, back in her high chair and glaring at me like the stranger I was. Oh boy, did I ever want to trot away with my Ponish Muffins and leave her just sitting there. I didn't though, since I knew Pinkie Pie wouldn't want me to. And I guess Pumpkin Cake knew that too, because her tiny horn lit up and the bowl of carrots rose out of my hoof.
"Hey! Put that down, you-"
Pumpkin blew a raspberry, louder and brattier than her brother's. Then the bowl was on her tray, getting licked clean. Pound Cake giggled at the show, still gumming his rubber spoon like a toy. I grunted and gave up. There were babies on both sides of me, and neither one was crying. It was the best I could do for now.
"Wonderful work, Pinkie! And with a much smaller mess than usual, too." Mrs Cake was back. I knew better than to try to smile at her, so I started chatting instead.
"Who was that on the telegraph?"
Mrs Cake bit her lip. "Starlight was, Pinkie. I already told you that."
Buck. She did, didn't she?
"Aw, sure. Right. Well... you know me. Brain more scattered than crumbs on a plate of Ponish Muffins!" I grabbed one and tore in.
Did Pinkie talk while eating? Never mind, that's a dumb question. Pinkie talks while doing everything.
"You thaid that I wathf..." I coughed and swallowed. "You said that I was out supery dupery late last night. Where did... um..."
I realized too late that there was no good way to word this question.
When Pinkie and I were little, she would stay up past bedtime to read story after story of Fetlock Holmes. A sneaky detective who was great at getting answers without talking to others. I really should have paid better attention in those days. Or paid better attention to our life in general, because Mrs Cake just noticed another mistake.
"Since when do you eat pastries with no toppings?"
I hissed, fumbling with a nearby jar of jam and scooping what I hoped was a Pinkie Pie-sized glop onto my food. Then I added another glop. Just to be safe. Feeling three sets of eyes on me, I glopped a third before biting into the slab of jelly that had bread buried somewhere underneath.
My tongue hated what it tasted. Not a big surprise, since I'm me. But in the tug of war between my gag reflex at my panic at being found out, panic was the winner. Gag got choked down, along with a big red wad of sugary jelly.
"Mmmm..." I slurred. "Strawberry. Puts the spring in a pink pony's step. Or something."
A banging noise made me flinch, but it was just Pumpkin Cake throwing her emptied bowl at the table.
"Pumpkin, really!" Mrs Cake scolded. "That's enough breakfast for today." The twins babbled helplessly as their mother scooped them both up. Pound Cake babbled loudest, since he'd done nothing wrong and he knew it.
"I'm terribly sorry, Pinkie. Would you... um..." Mrs Cake was looking at the messy table. Then she was looking at her messier foals.
"I'll clean the dishes," I cut in. It was that or help hose down the carrot-coated kids.
"Thank you. But don't let yourself be late for work."
Mrs Cake staggered off towards the washroom, which was the wrong direction if you ask me. With how hard the rain was coming down, it'd be easier to just let the gremlins run around in the back yard for a bit.
I made a noise that was almost a laugh and pushed my seat back. This was my niche. Fixing up a room and staying away from others. I once turned the storeroom attic into a party of one, a long time ago. Not my proudest project, but one of my bigger and more successful ones. The memory made my shoulders slope and teeth click, but that was my version of feeling relaxed. Too bad the awful taste of sugar was still haunting me.
I dumped my ruined Ponish Muffins in the trash. Pink hair was back in my eyes, so I swept them aside after dumping the dishes in the sink. My mane was a reminder that I still had work to do. That I still had a Crisis to solve.
Just as soon as I figured out what it was.
Lightning flashed outside as I smacked my lips. Having Pinkie's brain cells made it hard to focus even at the best times, but sugar mouth really wasn't helping. Maybe if I chugged some tap water before I left...
My gaze landed on the thermos of freshly brewed coffee.
It wasn't mine. I knew that. But really, what was? What in the wide world of Equestria belonged to Pinkamena? Not the hooves that were picking the thermos up. Not the eyes that were locked on the washroom door or the ears straining to hear any signs of Mrs Cake coming back. None of them were mine.
But at the moment, no one else was using any of these. Not Pinkie, not Starlight. Would it really be that selfish if I just took a sip? Its not like I had much of a self to be selfish about anyway. More quiet than a broken noisemaker I reached out and popped the tab on the thermos lid.
Thunder crashed. So loud and so close I actually yelped like a spooked little filly. My forelegs flailed, missing the thermos but smacking the cash register. The drawer dinged and knocked a plate of candies onto the tiles below.
I cussed and scuffled to my knees on the dirty kitchen floor. Those candies were handouts. Or "complimentary", or whatever fancy word there was for it. The bottom line is that they're supposed to be free for customers. Hand the happy horsey their receipt with one hoof, present their thank-you gift with the other. Pinkie used to sneak mouthfuls from the plate while working her shift at the register. It took the Cakes months to find a flavor she couldn't stomach.
"Value brand Salt Lick lozenges," I read aloud off one of the wrappers. These things were sweet tooth anti-matter.
I replaced the refilled plate on the countertop, then turned to leave. The kid in the candy store needed to buck up and go be a teacher at the Friendship School. Rain was still pouring and my mouth was still sick with sweetness, but at this point I was too deflated to care. Just like upstairs, I'd gotten too big for my haunches. I'd gotten greedy and uppity and (worst of all) forgetful of what I am. Of what I'm not. If Pinkie were here, she'd be disappointed with me. I'm sure of it.
I trudged past the umbrella stand. It was empty, since Mr Cake had taken the only one with him for deliveries. But even if there had been an umbrella, I wouldn't have grabbed it. Umbrellas were like lozenges and thermoses of coffee. They were for real ponies. They weren't for me.
I kicked open the front door of Sugarcube Corner. Rain blew in, but only for the second it took to have the latch swing shut behind me. I trotted forward, one forelimb defensively held to my chest.
Striking out without even a set of horseshoes on my feet, I ignored the downpour. My jaw was clenched as I braced against the chill, the wind, and the wetness seeping past my fur and into my skin.
There I went again. Saying "my" over and over like I had the right to use that word.
After a few blocks of shuffling, I felt something else. Heavy, metallic, warm. A foreleg wasn't the only thing tucked close to this chest. I kept trudging, too guilty to look down, but I could feel them. Tight in the elbow crook, like a filly gripping a stuffed Smarty Pants doll, I had the thermos of coffee and one salt lick lozenge. Both things were unopened. Undeserved.
But I was holding them tight all the same.
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So here's my question. What is this fandom's obsession with making Pinkie's actual name a totally separate thing from her? Pinkie's allowed to have downer moments as much as the next pony.
But I don't see them getting the same treatment.
11418457
It's mainly because of two things.
1. Pinkies drastic and rapid temperament shift in party of one.
2. People have trouble imagining pinkie as anything but fun, silly and cheerful.
It's a similar situation to how the undertale fandom views chara.
(Spoilers)
Your only real confrontation with chara is at the end of a genocide route where she destroys the world.
People don't want to admit they just did that and refuse to imagine frisk the protagonist as anything other that a great person.
So the blame is pushed on chara.
There are things People don't like to think about as they don't fit with their views of something.
So they make something up to add on between the fact and their views.
Sorry for rambling.
11418457
Its actually not too common to cast Pinkamena as full-on split personality. At least, not as common as it used to be. The short answer is that lots of pathos can come from taking upbeat extroverted Pinkie Pie, and giving her a quirky sisterly bond with task-oriented, melancholic Pinkamena.
derpicdn.net/img/2022/3/24/2831341/large.jpg
Its very Jungian, the way Pinkamena hard-pivoted into being Pinkie in the show's canon. As if the Rainboom was some sort of reverse trauma. Split personality stories also don't always make Pinkamena all evil and stabby. Some, like this fic, portray her as simply a hardier, more downbeat Fugue who feels protective affection for her inner (or in this case, outer) child.
derpicdn.net/img/2019/8/21/2123832/large.jpg
Finally, (and this is purely a Casketbase thing) I've built a bit of a brand exploring protagonists who are varying shades of mentally ill.
That was a good story so far goodluck with the rest of it.
11418477
someone spoke of Chara and so I was summoned.
So, the reason people hate Chara (mainly) is because they don't want to take the blame of what they did themselves, not because of how they view Frisk. Frisk is usually a stand in for the player, and so the player would have to take responsibility for their actions. People don't like doing that, so Chara was blamed instead. It also doesn't help that there's a variety of reasons people interpret Chara as evil, but that's a whole different convo.
The name thing with Pinkie comes from the early days of the internet when split personality meant two different ponies apparently, and for whatever reason that caught on. They latched on to this idea that it was cool to make Pinkamena a different personality in Pinkie's mind, rather than the fact that Pinkie's just sad sometimes.
I could go way more into it, especially with the author bringing up psychology terms and how certain aspects of it may resemble theoretical alters/parts of the personality, but tbh I just don't wanna.
Congrats on participating in National Novel Writing Month! I'm writing My Little Pony fanfiction for NaNoWriMo as well, but I'm writing 50k total for multiple fics instead of one story. Good luck!
I'm cautiously optimistic about this fic.
Great writing so far. Keep it up!
Wait a second... How is Chara not the one responsible for destroying the world?
We just kill the monsters. They are the one who kills the world!
Also, Pinkamena as another side of the coin that is pinkie is only obvious, no? We have seen how she acted before the rainboom and we saw how she acted during the universe that had the war against Sombra...
Mind using spoiler tags when talking about spoilers? Undertale is still on my to-play list and now I wont be comfortable visiting the comment section of this fic, probably will just avoid it entirely.
...Hey, you don't get to judge my inability to act. Hard to be my sister in any capacity.
11418708
The Game has Been out for seven years, you cannot reasonably ask people to not discuss a character comparison in a random comment section because you didn't play the game yet.
11418708
You're reading a comment section... You're getting what you deserve as no one is forcing you to read.
I wonder if we are going to have a "replaced by a changeling!" scene!
This is a compelling start! Pinkamena here is probably going to go from what's a essentially a personal Meeseeks to a real pony over the course of the day/however long. And something tells me that was Pinkie's goal from the start. Maybe she got high with Tree Hugger and realized she was repressing her other half.
11418746
I was just asking that, if someone feels that something is enough of spoiler to actually write "spoiler for xyz", they then use the nifty spoiler tags that are provided by fimfiction. I apologize if that was too much to ask.
11418753
Oof. I'm not certain what offense I did to you to make you feel that I deserve that, but ok. Still, I wish you that the comments sections on all your favorite stories be free from spoilers or other irritations for you.
Anyway, the story is rather interesting so far, and I'm curious to where it will go (and what the crisis - if any - is). Maybe we'll find the root cause when we learn what happened the night before.
Off to a great start!
Oh boy, you got your first "discussion about a completely different series" argument in your comments! Mine was Naruto.
Shoutout to another of your trademark EXCELLENTLY short and poignant lines.
11418785
What happened to offend me?
Your words are illogical. You read comments you get what happens.
11418819
To get what one deserves (idiom):
To be deserving of the bad things that happen to one, usually because of one's past misdeeds.
I guess this was merely an misunderstanding, and you were unaware of the connotations by your choice of words (unless you did wish to imply that I do deserve to have things spoiled because I read comments)
11418810
I've always imagined Pinkamena to be Pinkie with her head on straight, whether that takes the form of a mood shift or an alternative personality.
11418819
...Yes, because the idea that Undertale spoilers should be expected to be in the comments section of a fic with no inherent relation to Undertale is just so logical.
11418505
So the fandom being stupid then. Got it. Not touching anything about Undertale since I never cared at all about it.
11418836
Touch a hot stove, you get a burnt hand.
*shrug*
How else do you want to describe it? He said spoiler and you kept reading.
Huh. For some reason I am reminded of another fic I've read that delved into the "split personality" aspect. Pinkie Personalities was its name, and it was somewhat darker in tone, as one of the plot points involved the concept of split personalities being something that needed to be "treated", like a disease. Instead of just having Pinkamena in her head, though, Pinkie also had Surprise the energetic pegasus in there.
I’d just like to clarify something: generally, ‘split personality’ isn’t actually something that people use to refer to different people in their head, mainly because ‘personality’ implies they aren’t really a *person*, per se. These days, ‘alter’ is used if you want to use the medical term, while ‘headmate’ is preferred for non-medical; generally it’s also accepted that alters are people of their own despite sharing the same body.
Hey chum, if you’re reading this head my warning s’i vous plaît.
Don’t scroll down to read the comments. The salt mines beneath Lake Huron contain less salt than the comments below. Regardless of who’s in the right or in the wrong there is really nowhere that needs this amount of spite and vitriol and less so in the comments section of these lovely horse words.
Just read the story and enjoy if you do or leave if you don’t. Personally? I really enjoy this very specific type of story where Pinkamena is her own separate entity from Pinkie Pie and flounders around trying to navigate Pinkie’s world.
What can I say? I’m a sucker for the ever surly (and on some very rare occasions sometimes sweet) Pinkamena Pie.
Apologies author if the comments derail away from the topic of the chapter but for my part I have so far enjoyed the story and hope for more chapters!
11419487
I don't think comments are displayed in that order
11419547
Sort of... the algorithm is kinda weird. I believe most of my posts in particular were done while viewing chapter 2. This means that they can be found in both chapter 2 and the main page. Those who post on the "main page" with no chapter being viewed are hidden in the specific chapters. (Which is how this post is being done)
There is, as I recall from long ago, a setting for ascending or descending posts.
Long story short; if he posted the warning in chapter 2 they can definitely get the warning before reading. If he didn't? It will be lost in the sea of posts that long stories generate forgotten and unheeded.
11419554
I get what you're saying about Systems, but this is a much more literal split personality- real systems don't come with physical on the spot transformations. While you can draw parallels to your real life situation, the one depicted is a supernatural/magical occurrence.
Yikes… Things got bitter real quickly…
Always fun to see the depressive counterpart to Pinkie's usual mania have a mind of her own. (For a given value of "fun," anyway.) Looking forward to seeing where this leads, and just how long Pinkamena can maintain the charade. If she thought dealing with the twins was bad, just wait until she actually has to teach...
11419547
Yeah comments are sorted by date posted (newest to oldest) so since then more comments have been posted, do what you can I suppose.
I like it!
*yeets thermos of coffee*
ANOTHER!
This is different, I like it though it has me wondering what's happened in the background before the story started that caused either pinkie to flip out without remembering it. Must have been one heck of a party she was out for.
11419800
Fair
Edit: I Just want accurate representation
I wish to see more of this, to see the interactions, the desperate flailing's of one thrown in the deep end and the (hopefully positive) end result.
Btw love the arts at the top of the chapters.
11419487 salt you say,
"Takes a look"
Undertale yep, spoilers ahuh. Poor word choice.
Yep, this comment section has perfect ingredients to become a warzone and frankly I can't wait to see how it progresses.
11418765
11418767
11419234
11419603
11419983
Oh Lordy, the theories are already surfacing. Each with their own bit of plausibility. Clues are already accumulating for Pinkamena. Some of them she's noticed, but others are washing right past. I already have an ending I plan to stick with, so go hog wild with speculation.
Perhaps Pinkamena's tempestuous trot to work will align her anxieties. Wonder whether she'll meet any friends on her way there...
I’m very excited to see where this story goes, I think it’s very good so far!
11418746
Actually, I surprisingly have to agree with CharonX here. If someone doesn't think about something being a spoiler, or doesn't consider it one, that's fine. In fact, per the first response CharonX didn't say anything about not discussing stuff that could be considered spoilers, because you're not wrong; The game IS seven years old, and with how popular it is actually avoiding spoilers for it would be rather difficult in the best of cases.
11418880
That said, if you DO consider something a spoiler then you should try to use the spoiler tags for several reasons, such as:
You're not strictly wrong about just, well, "Not reading it"... but that's far easier to do when you have to actively attempt to read it as opposed to stumbling across it.
To use your example of a hot stove, if a person knows the stove is hot and touches it anyway that's probably on them (assuming someone didn't bump them into it or something), but it's possible for someone to end up touching it and getting burned without having realized it was hot to begin with. The spoiler tags are essentially a way of saying "Hey, just letting you know the stovetop is on" to help ensure that doesn't happen, and that's reasonable enough to ask people to do when they turn on the metaphorical stove. Especially given that they tried to do so, but in a way somewhat more like putting a post-it on the stove with small text; They certainly tried to warn people, but the way they did so was easier to miss than the other way CharonX suggested.
11420253
Mine is less of a theory on what happened and more 'a possible conclusion Twilight and co might come too after interecting with her'. You imply it is a major theme of the story and I imply it might just be one beat in the larger narrative (a good source of drama and comedy at that). While related I feel they are different enough in their own light to be different things.
Yeah, this is crazy. It's like a tailor made study on depression for me. It would be weird, if it wasn't so interesting.
This story interests me.
11421140
Your PFP implies otherwise.
11421172
What in the everloving fuck is 'PFP'? Is that one of those chemical compounds in Teflon?
11421660
I thought it was some new internet term from the younger generations. Google tells me it might stand for "Profile Picture" or "Picture For Proof". *shrug*. Your pic is... a furry? So I am drawing a blank here... Nothing looks like it implies you wouldn't like this story; honestly I think his is more likely unless your pic has a much greater meaning attached that I am unaware of.
Also...
The story has reached 200+ likes with no dislikes! Wooo!
... at the time of this comment, this story has 209 likes/upvotes.
AND 0 DISLIKES/DOWNVOTES.
11421754
No backstory. I just think she's really hot.