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Cozy Glow's day felt like a wave of Deja Vu, as if she had done every last part of it before. Shaking the feeling was hard enough, and made her feel more and more irritated as her day went on. It didn't matter if she tried to "adjust" the deja vu to make it go away, grabbing objects, turning off lights. It all felt the same. Something was off.
At the very least though, Cozy could try her best to figure out what. What she finds, though, is the last thing she expected.
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Good story! I enjoyed reading it.
She's such a cutie!
Less of a critique and more of a observation.
There's something missing in the twist which takes the impact out of it.
I honestly don't know what it is, either the characterzation, or the way the situation is presented, but something about it feels too dream like to be very impactful.
Might just be me though.
Either way, thanks for the story.
11387282
That was actually somewhat the vibe I was going for! She doesn't realize she's dead so she's reliving a happier moment, hence the dream like feeling and constant deja vu.
11387386
Fair enough.
And it works well enough as a dream segment.
The problem is that when it's time to deliver on those tags, we expect a certain emotional kick.
This doesn't really do it.
Again it's not terrible, as works like this do have merit in certain narrative circles.
It just doesn't really work for what people might expect out of a traditional horror or dark story.
11387452
I'm better at displaying horror and dark themes through other means, such as dystopias, vs just full on like ... horror movie horror, but I do get what you're saying! This piece was good practice in the horror field at least, and if you have any ways I can improve on this type of horror, please let me know.
I've never been one to write to "traditional" as you put it - though I'm also out of practice when it comes to horror and dark themes.