• Member Since 6th Sep, 2020
  • offline last seen May 25th, 2023

CitreneSkys


Red is my favorite color

T

No one will suspect a thing....


WARNING: Blood, Knives, Murder, Psychopathy, and Overall Unsettling. Please, read at your own risk.

Also, this is mostly just dipping my toes in horror. Obviously, as you will see, I’ve never written horror, so I probably did things wrong and/or made this real crappy and bad. It mostly a learning trial for me.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

I don’t mind criticisms, please tell me I do there should be anything I should change. I’m trying to go for the creep factor here.

Not my type of horror. The second half really feels all gore and no content to me, but it's subjective as far as I know. Descriptions of how Cozy perceives everyday life are a nice touch but she still feels a bit bland, largely due to psychos being overused, well, everywhere. That is to be expected really, cause character development in stories this small is nearly impossible.

The story overall gives off The Secret Life of Rarity vibes. You should consider writing bigger stories with more explanations as to how she came to be, repercussions of her actions and everyday life through the lens of her worldview. Small stories need an interesting concept to work. Also maybe give the main character some good traits.

Yeah also there are several small mistakes that I think you can really find in word or any other grammar checker, not a writer tho so no insides.

10626432 Thanks for some of the feed back. I never really dabbled with horror as a genre before, so yeah it’s not going to be my best work. I’ll see how I can implement more of what you said into a my next piece of horror (if I decided to ever do it again)

Oh, you did this exactly right. It just needs some editing.

jmj

Mother is gone now...

That little bit right there adds so much to this story for me. It's probably the best part of the story because it adds a layer we don't see.

10626459
There is potential here with the mother is gone now in morse code you could expand this with the mother catching (no clue if the protagonist is male or female) coming home covered in blood which can lead to 6 outcomes the mother dies at her child’s hoof. the mother kills the child. they join together and kill. the police show up and the mother takes the blame. or the childs is aressted. Or the child goes on the run as a serial killer

Though I will say you have a decent skill in writing and I’m about to read more of your stuff

Survival Horror?
WARNING: PROFANITY!

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