• Member Since 6th Sep, 2020
  • offline last seen 9 minutes ago

CitreneSkys


I...may or may not be obsessed with Changelings at the moment uhhhh-

T

No one will suspect a thing....


WARNING: Blood, Knives, Murder, Psychopathy, and Overall Unsettling. Please, read at your own risk.

Also, this is mostly just dipping my toes in horror. Obviously, as you will see, I’ve never written horror, so I probably did things wrong and/or made this real crappy and bad. It mostly a learning trial for me.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 6 )

I don’t mind criticisms, please tell me I do there should be anything I should change. I’m trying to go for the creep factor here.

WTF was I just Reading?

Seriously, this was Great. I sometimes ask myself whats worse. This ones mind or a terrorists mind?


I understand why he is doing this, the pain of others is satisfying him because he feels strong and in controll of everything in this Moment.

Franso #3 · 1 week ago · · ·

Not my type of horror. The second half really feels all gore and no content to me, but it's subjective as far as I know. Descriptions of how Cozy perceives everyday life are a nice touch but she still feels a bit bland, largely due to psychos being overused, well, everywhere. That is to be expected really, cause character development in stories this small is nearly impossible.

The story overall gives off The Secret Life of Rarity vibes. You should consider writing bigger stories with more explanations as to how she came to be, repercussions of her actions and everyday life through the lens of her worldview. Small stories need an interesting concept to work. Also maybe give the main character some good traits.

Yeah also there are several small mistakes that I think you can really find in word or any other grammar checker, not a writer tho so no insides.

10626432 Thanks for some of the feed back. I never really dabbled with horror as a genre before, so yeah it’s not going to be my best work. I’ll see how I can implement more of what you said into a my next piece of horror (if I decided to ever do it again)

Oh, you did this exactly right. It just needs some editing.

jmj
jmj #6 · 1 week ago · · ·

Mother is gone now...

That little bit right there adds so much to this story for me. It's probably the best part of the story because it adds a layer we don't see.

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