• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen April 18th

DragonLost


Comments ( 4 )

Not bad. It's not a very common pairing either. :rainbowdetermined2:

Keep writing!

The content is decent, but there are a lot of very distracting technical errors -- missing apostrophes, missing capitalization, a few missing words, a few words spelled incorrectly (like "lewed" instead of "lewd"), some misplaced or missing punctuation, that sort of thing. You should look this over again very carefully, or try to find someone to do some proofreading for you. If you do that, your presentation will only improve.

This feels more like a story treatment than an actual story. :applejackconfused:
Good start, though.

Login or register to comment