Starlight tries to start a revolution

by Derpyfan1

WORKER'S OF EQUUS, UNITE!

Author's Note:

If it isn't clear, this is meant to be funny, don't take this story seriously lol

Starlight Glimmer was sitting in her room one day. She was playing with her action figure of Cutie Marx, the one who wrote The Equalist Manifesto, her favorite book of all time, she than thought to herself

"HMMMMMMM, being reformed is boring. I prefer communism Equalism...I will start a worker's revolution! But first, I will scream the USSR anthem from Earth at the top of my lungs" So, she did, it annoyed Twilight to the point where she came in and called Starlight a "Dumb Communist" but Starlight ignored her. Thus, she went out and started the Worker's Party of Equestria, many others joined, including 14 year old edgy Colts who think Communism Equalism just means cool propaganda and playing the Soviet Anthem randomly in the middle of class.

"Yeah, I got a boo boo while working, we aren't represented!" Said a random 18-year-old who works at Pony McDonalds, even though they are horses, they eat cheeseburgers. Starlight was confused

"Huh, since when were the worker's of Equus so pathetic? Hmm, guess communism Equalism has changed since the Soviet Union on Earth dissolved..." She didn't mind, as she planted crops, and used a sickle to cut the weeds, and used a hammer to build a grand "palace" for herself. (It's just a stand that says "Soviet Palace" on top.) It was clear Starlight was slowly going insane. She and the edgy 14 year old colts, workers with small problems, and the few actual communists Equalists marched to the old town, Feather Bangs didn't notice, because he was too busy with his bitches. Double Diamond thought "Oh no, not again" But Starlight explained to him.

"Nah bro, we're gonna try it the Earth way this time, so speak Russian or something, but you're keeping your cutie mark for now, Double Diamond" She explained, Sugar Belle is making out with Big Mac, so she doesn't even notice that Starlight and the workers of Equus even arrived. They than expanded further, until they reached Trixie.

"Hey Starlight, the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE wonders what the fuck you're doing this time!" Screamed Trixie at the top of her lungs.

"Starting a revolution, babe, wanna join me??" Asked Starlight, Trixie agrees because Trixie thinks Starlight is sexy. That is all, having nothing to do with Trixie's political ideology, which is Trixieism, a cult ideology that views her as Trixie Lulamoon, supreme Emperor of the Multiverse. So, Starlight and her comrades enter into Ponyville, spreading the word of Communism, but the Mane 6 don't care because most of them aren't into politics, except Twilight only because she is one, they don't even notice what Starlight is doing, Discord doesn't care either because it is causing chaos, why would he intervene? Once Twilight attempted to stop her, Starlight just punched Twily in the face, which makes her cry. Starlight and her comrades start going to other cities, and even countries, to, well, here are the results. Yakyakistan has no idea how the hell communism works, Griffonstone is as poor as Africa, so they can't even afford to change government, Thorax thinks that it's "too scary", and the Hippogriffs think that Equalism is a stupid idea because it has nothing to do with the water, so there wasn't much luck with the other countries of Equus, so, Starlight storms the Equestrian palace, there sat Princess Celestia

"Who dares enter the palace?" Asked Celestia in the royal Canterlot voice, Starlight started speaking in Russian, Celestia had no idea what the fuck she was saying, so she just said "PONISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?" Starlight decided to be a smartass and start neighing. Luna and Celestia was about to launch a beam at her, when she finally spoke Ponish.

"We want to start worker's revolution, Celestia." She said, Celestia rolled her eyes and tells her that Communism Equalism is bad, she didn't give a shit because Celestia was a "Dirty capitalist" Celestia than makes a deal, if Starlight can beat "Luna's four trials" than she'll let Starlight lead Equestria under communism, Luna's Four trails are just beating Luna at video games, Starlight thought it would be EASY, not knowing how fucking pro-gamer Luna is.

"First, Mortal Kombat!" Said Luna, Luna picked Sub-Zero and Starlight chose Kano. Unfortunately, Starlight won, because she kept spamming high kick while saying "I was just walking along, minding my own business" and it annoyed the shit outta Luna

"Second, Mario Kart!" Said Luna, Luna played as Dry Bones, Starlight played as Waluigi, the magic of Waluigi automatically won because she was Waluigi.

"Third, Hearts of Iron 4!" Said Luna, Luna played 'Murica and Starlight played the Soviet Union, Starlight won fair and square because Starlight is very fucking good at the game, especially the Soviet Union, because lol funny communism Equalism

"Forth...who can complete A Maretime Bay Adventure faster?" Said Luna, Starlight was like "YOUR ON!" Luna finished it in 15 minutes, but Starlight won with 14 minutes and 59 seconds, so Starlight now led Equestria under communist rule, so the princesses went on vacation to the Bahamas, the humans there was really confused how horses were there, spawning many conspiracies.

It's been 1 day, already, the ponies are asking for monarchy back, simply because monarchy is the superior form of government, but Starlight ignored them and listened to the Soviet anthem and Red Sun in the Sky on loop for 12 hours. Now the ponies could only eat radishes and work on farms, or well, that's what the law says, but Starlight was missing something that all other communist revolutions need, oh I don't know, a decent red army? The Red Army is just edgy 14 year old colts and former McDonald's employees, so everyone ignored it. Twilight than had a fight against Starlight, as vengeance for punching bookhorse. They both got boxing gloves, even though they have hooves, and started a scrap, but than, Twilight called Luna back, Luna than did a Fus Ro Dah from Skyrim which than threw Starlight out the window, Starlight than figured out how bad a mistake this was, and returned to Twilight's castle, she was grounded for 1 week and needs to stay in her room, she's a naughty girl. Luna and Celestia returned to the normal Equestrian government, this will be remembered as the most chaotic day in Equestrian history that did not involve Discord.

"So, sister, this week was for nothing?" Asked Luna, Celestia replied

"Pretty much, yeah." Twilight and her friends got called by the friendship map to the human world, because of a conspiracy about a random goddess appearing in the Bahamas, hmm, wonder what that could be. Once Starlight was done being grounded, she vowed to never do it again, but who knows, maybe she'll do it again...maybe, who knows.

And THAT was the story of how Starlight started a Communist equalist coup d'etat by starting a revolution and beating Luna in games by cheating. She might do this again, this is a normal occurrence, she does this once a year, Starlight never learns her lesson.

Comments

[TearingNose24]

This was crackfic gold, holy hell. XD I love fics where the whole point is to just be able to turn your suspension of disbelief to 11. So fun

[Hariester]

It always saddens me that people associate her cult with anything socialistic or communistic. If only Starlight actually would read what it means, starting from word "Soviet". This is specific term for democratic election of people representatives in government.

[Derpyfan1]

11329594
Bruh this is a crackfic, Starlight is meant to be this insane Communist maniac in this story, because it's meant to make people laugh.

[xiwu]

2333，What do I see? If people simply equate equality with egalitarianism, we can really think that starlight has this orientation.
I don't think adding ponies to this kind of thing could be any better.

[Hariester]

11329897
Don't ever mistake cultist and communist. This comparison may be considered humorous only to those who don't have a clue what any of this means. Just like creationists laughing at evolution, proclaiming "it means you believe that you came from a rock".