Love has admired Cheerilee from afar for sometime, but has always been too afraid of rejection to make a move. But this Hearts and Hooves day he will put aside his insecurities and pursue the mare he desires. As he prepares for his moment of truth, he loses his poem, falls in a stream and tramples his own bouquet. To top it all of, he almost sleeps through the time he planned on meeting her. At the end of it all, a little filly points the final nail in the coffin of Love's ego. In his lowest moment, Love finds that hope can be found in hopelessness.
Chapters (1)
Looks promising. I'll give it a try.
Dawww! I went and looked up the video for the "The Perfect Stallion". I feel so sorry for the poor guy now. I'd be interested in seeing more about him. :) Cute story!
Because of what happens later in the story, you should specify that he picked it up with his mouth. (I'm assuming that's what he did, because his cough caused him to drop it.)
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There's nothing I can just go and say "you're wrong" on this one. But you might consider re-wording it in some way, as it might lead to a bit of confusion.
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could use some re-wording. Probably soemthing along the lines of "so he could make the..."
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Alright, aside from those few "errors" I can't say that I see anything wrong with this story. It's not groundbreaking, but it is a nice little read. =3
-WW
i.imgur.com/7iudW.jpg
1279358 That's all I can ask for.
Aww, the poor stallion!