The Quiet Kid: Day by Day

by aegishailstorm

Am I the only one that's got a Problem with 'em?

" Gah, it's the big one!!!" William awoke from a name under his favorite tree in the apple orchard to a massive rumbling. At first he thought it might have been an earthquake, being that he was from California, he was quite well versed in them. Even though he had lived in the valley, where earthquakes that were strong enough to be felt were about as common as a 100 round AR drum magazine.

One time he had gone out to San Jose to visit his grandpa and had felt a 4.5 firsthand. Ever since then, he had had a fascination with them. This however, was clearly not an earthquake, as his eyes adjusted to the light, he noticed what appeared to be a... Massive tortoise with a literal forest, or at the very least, a patch of a forest growing on it's back.

"Damn, leave your hole much?" William joked, his attitude changed when the massive creature bent down and tore the tree next to him out of the ground and began eating it. Trunk and all. It was a good 80 feet tall. Towering above the entire orchard. William only knew one way to deal with a threat like this. Lethal force, or at least, weapons powerful enough to deter them. An RPG 29 with a tandem anti tank warhead. " Now listen here mister tortoise, I'mma give you all of... 2 minutes , since you're massive, and a tortoise, to take your damn snack and leave!" The tortoise ignored him. Of course, it's a damn tortoise, what was he expecting?

"Hey, Twilight, Fluttershy, you're the experts on this stuff, explain!" William walked out onto the dirt road the massive creature was standing on. Around him was the six, " I told mister tortoise to take small bites." William balled his gloved hand into a fist and slammed it into his head again and again. "Ugh, It's been almost 2 years, could you use some semblance of reasoning?!" He unslung the launcher.

"Twilight! I'll give you one final change to peacefully remove it! Because I really don't wanna clean up a 500 ton corpse!" He raised it to his shoulder and took the safety off. "If we don't stop it, it'll eat my entire families apple crop!" Added Applejack. " I've seen your family grow, and trust me, that ain't much of a loss, you earth ponies could regrow this entire field in all of 10 seconds!" William yelled over the commotion. Then, the sun went dark. William looked up to see the iconic silhouettes of the 2 royal sisters blocking it out.

"Halt interloper-" William snapped his fingers, and gesture them to where he was. "Hey, celestial alicorns! Can you get rid of this thing? I'd do it, but I don't want to clean up the corpse!" Luna understood him, and nodded. " Very well then!" Both their horns began to glow, and a few seconds later. The massive creature disappeared. Taking it's, 'snack,' with it.

"Er... Thanks!" The 2 alicorns disappeared.

Later that day...

"Alright, who the hell put their hoof through the bridge?" William put his ands on his hips, and looked at the crowd of ponies around him. None of them responded. "Alright, let me rephrase, who's going to fix it? 'Cause I got better thing s to be doing right now than public service." The crowd slowly began to leave. William sighed. " Oh well, I live in this damn town as well, figure I might as well care for it if no creature else will." He manifested up a toolbox, "Alright, I need some 2 by fours, some plaster, and cobble!" He turned around to head back to his house and grab some of the spare materials that were left over from building his house. When suddenly he heard a crash, and glanced back. Just in time to see Celestia and Luna swapping the bridge out for a new one. The crowd came back and began cheering for them. William meanwhile, was... Displeased to say the least.

"What a waste of resources. You know, you could have just fixed the hole. I mean, is that thing even structurally sound?" He screamed internally as they went on there way, and, out of habit, he rushed over to inspect the bridge. "Holy ####. It actually is."

That night...

William, after a long day of obsessing over things he probably shouldn't have, had gone out for a walk in the woods behind his house to clear his mind. The princesses had never before batted an eye to the troubles of his little town his whole time there. Unless it was a direct threat to their, 'national security.' Which itself was almost nonexistent. Now they were acting as though it was all their castle, and that they were entitled to help with every little thing. Whether creatures wanted it or not. As he trekked through the forest with his rifle swinging lazily from side to side on a sling. A flash of light momentarily cast an array of shadows over the forest. And faded as soon as it had come. And sure enough, it was the sisters. Trying to solve other's problems. He was going to have a talk with Luna later tonight. William turned around and headed back home.

The next day...

Luna, if she had been on magic dream duty. Didn't pick up the proverbial phone. Now he was groggily stumbling about his kitchen. Waiting for his damn coffee to finish cooling down. William stumbled across the kitchen floor to snatch it up. And as usual, Joey showed up. This time he knocked on the sliding glass door in William's backyard. Upside down, at that.

"Mornin' bud. Ugh, is it just me, or did the royals keep you up as well?" Joey shook his head." Good morning to you as well. And no, they haven't. Is this about their behavior yesterday?" William stumbled over to him and slid the door open. " Well, I wouldn't call it a good morning. At first, I was glad because they saved me the effort of having to clean up a massive corpse, which I was ok with. Then, they replaced an entire bridge just because there was a little hole in it. The whole damn bridge!!!" He threw his hands up in there air. " I could have fixed it myslef. It would have taken all of 20 minutes. But no... They tore the damn thing right out of the ground. Supports and all, and swapped it for a new one. With gold lining. What the ####!?"

"Let me guess, you haven't had your caffeine yet?" William stopped, and relaxed his arms. His hands stayed clawed up. " No, no I haven't. " William immediately went for his mug. He didn't say a word until it was finished. And then left for Twilight's castle. He had spotted Celestia and Luna flying into town just a few minutes prior.

"Thank you Twilight! What a relief to know that the royal swanifiing ceremony is in good hooves!" William leaned against the front door. " The what?" He glared at the 2 alicorns as they trotted by. " Oh, hi William!" Luna turned around. " My sister and I are going on a vacation. Would you like to go with us? Don't worry, the castle'll be in good hooves." William pondered it. Sure he had gone camping a few weeks ago. This was something else entirely. He might actually have fun on this trip. A few days off with the 2 celestial alicorn's was just what he needed.

"Where are you going?" He tapped his boot against the crystalline wall. Celestia scratched her muzzle. "I don't actually know yet. We'll work it out as we go along." William shrugged. "Ok." They went their separate ways.

While Celestia and Luna were packing things that were typical of them. William was prepping a long range assault pack. But rather than camping supplies, he just took a banjo, weeks worth of MRE's and coffee. And a half gallon of water in a camel pack and another quarter in a jug. " Where are you going?" Joey tapped on his situation room door at the end of his second floor hallway.

The lock clicked, and William poked his head out, keeping the rest of the room hidden, " I'm going on a trip with Celestia and Luna. You mind keeping the six in line while I'm gone?" He slung the pack over his back and walked out the front door. Stopping only to make sure all the windows and doors were locked and secured." Not a hoof inside until I return. Understand?" Joey nodded. "Got it."

"Hawaiian floral shirts? What, is it boogaloo day again? And what's with the angry swans?" The 2 princesses looked at him with concern. Celestia levitated a scroll over to Twilight. She didn't answer his question. " Hey, are y'all paying attention to me? Why are these swans acting like gooses?"

He kicked one in the snout as it jumped out of the water and snapped at his leg. " Forget celebrating these things, you should've locked 'em up in prison!" He wasn't going to wait at the city gates for them to finish their goodbyes. He began heading west.

"Remember sister, from now on, we are regular, carefree ponies!" William slowly tuned the volume meter on his amplified hearing protection. The irony he got from seeing ponies swoon as the royals passed by had stopped being funny a very long while ago. He watched helplessly as they began singing. He fell behind, got out his banjo and began strumming it. " I can't stand them singing."