One day, the most popular shy, yellow pegasus, Fluttershy, got invited to a short interview by some new generation fillies and the now grown up Cutie Mark Cursaders.
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- Member Since 5th Jun, 2021
- offline last seen Yesterday
Stelsun Darkstar
I would love to be more active here.. But now i'm mostly playing 'Pony Town'.
Stelsun Darkstar
Joined 5th Jun, 2021 ·
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A promising premise, but poor execution. First off, I noticed a large number of mechanical issues (capitalization, grammar, unnecessary whitespace) that could have been fixed with a little bit of proofreading. There were also a few instances of odd word choice, including at least one instance of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Lastly, I'm going to have to point out Applejack's hard-coded accent; I know lots of people do it, but it's still distracting and makes the dialogue slightly harder to read. Just write her dialogue normally; we know what she sounds like.
Regarding the story, I find myself asking what you were trying to accomplish here. Fluttershy being peppered with questions from a bunch of fillies is prime comedy material, but you didn't seem to make use of that at all. If you weren't going for comedy, then you could have at least taken the opportunity to do some more in-depth character stuff. If you had taken the time and beefed up the story a bit, I bet it could have been good. As it is, I can't say I particularly enjoyed it.