Harry Potter and the Prancing of Ponies

by The Guy Who Writes

Chapter 63: Heroic Opposition

Draco Malfoy's Occlumency lessons were coming along at a rate that astounded Mr. Bester. He is "the fastest student I've ever had!" and his progress wasn't showing any signs of slowing down. He reached the stage of Legilimency detection within the first two weeks, and if he kept up his current pace, he really would become an Occlumens before he returned to Hogwarts in the fall.

The only problem from Draco's perspective is that his lessons are taking up a lot of his time. And patience. He became accustomed to studying long hours to keep up his grades in Hogwarts. He's used to working his mind, if not his body like Gregory, so it wasn't too difficult. But it was time-consuming. Not to mention monotonous.

It was the same thing every day, hour after hour. Prepare yourself, Legilimens, criticism, prepare yourself, repeat.

It was almost a relief when Professor Monroe came knocking to Malfoy Manor late July. Now that Draco can detect entry, the next phase can begin: secret battle magic training.

His father had objected on the grounds of underage magic laws. Draco hadn't said anything about the irony or the hypocrisy, obviously, but Professor Monroe certainly had. Then Professor Monroe claimed that no such laws exist where Draco would be training, so the point was moot.

The man then took something from his robes, held it out, and told them to grasp the wide metal ring – a standard shape for multi-person portkeys.

"Father…?" asked Draco.

"Lord Monroe," his father said formally. "I do not mean to offend, but if there are any words that could reassure my son of your motives, would you speak them now?"

"I would," said Professor Monroe, lowering the ring to his side but not returning it to his robes. "Due to circumstances your son must not hear until he is a full Occlumens, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are leaps and bounds ahead of him, in magical strength and battle experience." He faced Draco directly. "It is my intention to prevent you, Draco Malfoy, from being left in the dust. I am taking you to an arena of powerful combatants, where you will practice your battle magic daily. Today, we are registering you to the battle system." He seemed to pause in thought. He then glanced at the elder Crabbe and Goyle, whom Draco has a tendency to forget about most of the time. "Your sons may join as well. If you accept, they will be more dangerous than… basilisks by the time they graduate Hogwarts. Perhaps sooner."

The two men nodded in unison, then Apparated away. They didn't even ask for Father's permission. And Father didn't seem to be bothered by that, which confused Draco.

The professor looked back to Draco. "The rest of your summer will consist of Occlumency lessons and battle magic. You will have about as much leisure time as if you were still taking Hogwarts lessons. If you want, I can arrange for you to receive further private tutoring, but that would require you to ditch the concept of 'free time' altogether. In fact, you'll need to completely change the way you think about 'Time' itself. I doubt you'll fully catch up if you decline, but it's up to you."

"I'll do it," Draco said without any hesitation.

He felt his father's firm grip on his shoulder, and he saw a look of pride mixed with worry on Father's face.

He gave a fearless smile in return. This was a decision he had made himself. Only a fool turns down private tutoring from the strongest wizard in the world.

Professor Monroe has been making it clear that he's an ally to Houses Potter and Malfoy, and he already gave Harry plenty of special attention at Hogwarts. Now, with that speech at the Wizengamot about Britain's future leader…

Draco fully intends to live up to the high expectations that have been placed upon him.

"Excellent," said Professor Monroe. "Your private lessons will start before summer's end. Unless your father objects?"

"I do not," said Father.

Once the elder Crabbe and Goyle returned with the youngers in tow, Professor Monroe extended the portkey again, and Draco grasped it alongside his father and friends.

When they arrived, he was immediately distracted by a hustling, bustling crowd of ponies surrounding him. Not the kind you would see in real life, but the kind you would see in Pansy Parkinson's colouring books. And it wasn't just ponies, it was colouring book griffons too. And… is that supposed to be a dragon?

"Come along," said the voice of Professor Monroe to the other three adults. "The administrative stands are over there. You'll have to fill out the preliminary paperwork yourselves…"

But Draco didn’t follow. He was more focused on the big, purple, green-flaming, angry-looking dragon walking their way. Yes, walking. On two back legs. The dragon roared, and Draco instinctively drew his wand and stepped behind his bodyguards, who'd also drawn their wands.

"Peace, children. And adults."

After a visible hesitation, all three fathers continued towards the desk at Monroe's indication. Gregory and Vincent dutifully followed, but Draco somehow found himself staying behind, enraptured by the appearance of this clearly-intelligent, non-humanoid creature.

"What is it, Spike?" said Professor Monroe, causing the creature to focus squarely on the world's current most powerful wizard. "We're somewhat busy."

The dragon continued roaring, a little less loudly this time. It wasn't until Draco distinctly heard the words 'Darth Vader' that he realized the dragon was talking, not roaring.

"Darth Vader?" Draco repeated.

It's intelligent enough to talk? And how is its voice that flexible? It can switch from roars and grunts to vocal articulation in the same sentence? And that's not even mentioning the subject matter…

The creature looked to Draco, then began roaring- talking again. Not that Draco could understand a word of it.

"Wear this," Monroe sighed.

Draco felt a necklace lower around his head.

"-and do you really eat cows?" said the dragon, going from roars to perfectly comprehensible English.

Draco blinked. "Um… yes?"

The dragon seemed to get cartoonishly green. Its cheeks bulged as if it had just thrown up inside its mouth.

"Where we come from," said Professor Monroe to the creature, "cows don't have minds. They are about as smart as chickens." Then, to Draco, "Oh, and you didn't hear it, but he asked if you are Darth Vader."

"Huh? No."

The creature seemed to swallow whatever was in its mouth. "Chicken?" it asked. "You sure?"

"Yes," said Monroe. "Circus was just having a bit of fun when he gave that message."

"Oh," said the dragon, blinking. "Right. I guess that makes sense. It did cause a lot of Chaos, didn't it?"

"It did indeed."

The creature focused on Draco. "So you're not Darth Vader?"

"No," Draco repeated. "Nobody is. Darth Vader isn't real."

"Oh, yes he is," said Spike. "He was in the arena yesterday. Black outfit, mask, cape, deep voice, weird breathing sounds, red glowing sword. All of Equestria is talking about it. Darth Vader is 100% real."

Harry. The thought came to Draco instantly, without doubt or hesitation. In retrospect, Harry did a lot of Star Wars things when he was General Chaos. It's only natural that he took it to the next step.

"By 'not real'," said Professor Monroe, "my student meant that 'Darth Vader' is a fictional character. Like Supermare."

"Oooohhh," said the dragon with a snap of its fingers that, somehow, manifested a light orb above its head. "So someone was just pretending to be Darth Vader?"

"Precisely."

"Oh," said Spike in a voice that was a mix between relieved and disappointed. "So what are you anyway?"

"Humans," said Professor Monroe. "Now we really must be going. These three are about to get registered."

"Are they as good as Darth Vader?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

"Are they the same age as him?"

"They are close enough to be in the same bracket."

The dragon seemed to focus on Draco. "Well, I hope you're better than Darth Vader. Somepony needs to teach him a lesson."

"I'll see what I can do," said Draco neutrally. If it was Harry…

"And make sure you choose a good name." The dragon turned and began walking away. "You'll be stuck with it for a while," it said over its shoulder.

When it was gone...

"Should I even ask what that was about?"

"No you should not," said Monroe. "If you're going to be my pupil, you should not ask questions you don't need to ask. My time is short enough as it is."

Draco tapped his cheek with a finger. "Harry caused a fuss?"

Monroe grinned. "Much better. But again, if you're going to be my pupil, you shall also have to deduce such things on your own, and attempt to disprove your own conclusions. Now that much of Magical Britain has been introduced to the character, it is no longer guaranteed that Mr. Potter is responsible. Vader's profile information is publicly available at any kiosk, with some details that might support or falsify your guess. One fact you might find interesting is his age." He turned around. "Come. Your father should be done with your form by now."

Draco followed the Defense Professor, occasionally glancing at the bustling crowd that was giving them a very wide berth.

After signing up, he was given a Circus armband that, among other things, allowed him to return the borrowed language necklace while still understanding the new creatures around him.

---

Not being a complete idiot, Draco asked if he and Vincent and Gregory could observe a few battles before their own first fights, because Professor Monroe warned them that it would be different from the armies.

Draco learned what that meant pretty quickly – free-for-all, shrinking arena, but still a 'stunmatch'.

He also realized that, assuming he and Vincent and Gregory got placed in the same game, they might actually stand a chance long enough to reach the end. They just needed to coordinate their location beforehand. The battlefield cycled through a list of 'maps' – different kinds of battle arenas – so they went through each one and jotted down notable landmarks where they would meet up.

The only problem is that 'teaming' is publicly frowned upon in free-for-alls unless certain conditions are met. Draco was hoping he could meet one of those conditions, for he knew the importance of public image. Professor Monroe mentioned that an experienced player is currently going around 'teaming' with completely new players for the fun of it. So long as she doesn't win herself, it's seen as a 'kind' thing to help a 'newbie' to their first win.

Since Draco and Vincent and Gregory were all 'newbies', he hoped that ponies wouldn't mind if they teamed up for their first few battles. He knew they wouldn't mind if the team-up resulted in the defeat of 'Darth Vader'.

But when they actually did make it through their first fight, Draco suddenly wondered if that reasoning had been valid. With Gregory at his side (Vincent must have gotten stunned before he could reach the meeting point), it was pitifully easy to make it to the final three. 'Teaming' is frowned upon for a reason. And if the third contestant isn't 'Vader'…

Draco breathed a small sigh of relief when he heard the breathing. Then the relief vanished when he saw the blue shield. He hadn't gotten all the details of Vader's first appearance or tactics; he'd only read Vader's profile. He hadn't asked around for more information, partly because it would have meant interacting with ponies, which had been a discomforting prospect, and he was suddenly regretting that he'd allowed such a trivial emotion to cost him an important advantage. Though he had at least concluded that Vader's not Harry, because Harry isn't thirteen years old; he's not even twelve, though he will be in a few days.

Draco and Gregory were already leveling their wands on their opponent, wasting no strength as yet. They would probably have to coordinate a dual cast of the shield-breaker to get through that Protego. On the plus side, 'Vader' seemed to be handicapping himself by using the Charm of the Most Ancient Blade. Coloured red, of course.

"Teaming?" asked a deep, voice-charmed voice. "Pitiful."

Gregory collapsed.

Draco's eyes widened, and he threw up a prismatic barrier. "Are you alright, Mr. Goyle?" he asked without taking his eyes off of his opponent, but after a stretch of silence, out of the corner of his eye he saw Gregory's body disappear in teleportation – a sign that he was out of the fight.

Draco's eyes settled firmly on 'Vader'. "What did you do?"

The mask was unreadable. "I put an end to your cowardly tactic. Think you will survive without your pathetic partnership?"

There was a brief pause as Draco thought of his options. He was fairly certain that 'Vader' would beat him in any kind of fight, fair or unfair. The thought occurred to him to stall, but to what end? There was only one avenue he saw that might give him an advantage…

"You DO realize that spell is illegal, right?"

(The many watching ponies gasped at this question. It did not help when Vader replied with…)

"We are not on our home planet, are we?"

Draco hadn't been expecting that, but…

"Hm… good point." He then cast the spell himself, in the colour of Slytherin and Skywalker. Even if another wizard saw this later, it's not illegal for him to use since he is born of a Noble and Most Ancient House.

If 'Vader' agrees to an honourable blade fight, that's the only way Draco can see himself winning. His father had given him a small amount of training with the charm, and that training was currently his only hope-

"It is useless to resist," said 'Vader'. "Don't let yourself be destroyed, as Crabbe and Goyle did."

And then he felt his wand yanked from his grip. He knew how to grip his wand properly, and the blade charm allows you to grip it more firmly than usual because finger position doesn't matter after you've cast it, but the wand was still pulled from his grasp, falling to the grass between them.

"There is no escape," said 'Vader', placing himself in swiping range of the wand before Draco could make a grab for it. "Don't make me destroy you. You have only begun to realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the universe."

It was only halfway through that Draco understood what was going on. Should he play along? The scene was still fresh in his mind.

Well…

Why not? He basically lost already. Why not have some fun?

"No!" Draco shouted. "I'll never join you! You killed my mother!"

It went something like that, right? He knew it was supposed to be 'father', but he wasn't a professional actor, so he went with a line that he could actually put some genuine emotion behind. He wondered what this 'Vader' would do with the slightly adjusted script.

His faceless opponent shook his head. "No," said a deep, male voice. "I am your mother."

Er… well, if he's taking it this far…

"NO!" Draco shouted, louder this time, and seemingly afraid. "That's impossible!"

"Look deep inside yourself. You know it to be true."

It was too much. Draco burst into laughter, hunching all the way over at what had just been said. He had no idea how his opponent had said that with a calm, straight voice.

Then he heard the Charm of the Most Ancient Blade dissipate, and he looked up in time to watch it be re-cast.

In the lethal setting.

"A lost hand will cure your insolence," said 'Vader'. "Here." He kicked Draco's wand forward. "Have a chance to defend yourself. It will not matter in the end. I will show you the true power of the Dark Side."

"You're bluffing," Draco said flatly after picking up his wand. "Lethal spells are against the rules."

"Unless certain conditions are met," said Vader in reply. "Including mutual consent."

"Well, I don't consent," said Draco. He was not going to lose a hand, or any other body part, just for some silly game.

"Have it your way," said Vader, his red blade disappearing. "Coward."

That word was the last thing Draco heard. The next thing he knew, he was staring at a screen that said '2^nd!' in bold silver letters, along with some other information, and when he looked away from the screen, he saw that he was in a room with Vincent and Gregory and a bunch of ponies.

"How did he do that?" he asked Vincent and Gregory.

"Couldn't tell," said Vincent. He was currently about halfway to 'minion' mode, sacrificing looming and scowling for a status report. "I was watchin' as close as I could, but he didn't even point his other wand at ya. Or Greg."

"Think he's cheating?" asked Gregory. "Some kind of device?"

Before Draco could fully process the 'other wand' line…

"No," a nearby pony joined in on the conversation. "No cheating in Circus. Especially outside magic."

It would be Draco's first time talking to a pony. He did his diplomatic best to act as if he were just talking to any other wizard, following Professor Monroe's example from earlier. "What do you mean?" he asked politely.

"Um…" said the pony. "It's hard to explain…"

"Give me the one-sentence version."

The pony's eyebrows scrunched in thought. "Okay… I guess you could say Circus is the tent."

"The tent?"

"Yeah. The tent. This place." The pony waved a hoof around him. "It's got a mind of its own, and it's in control of… well… everything. The battles, the teleports, the screens. And whenever somepony tries to cheat, Circus knows. Well, most of the time. And when Circus doesn't know, it figures out pretty fast. So… yeah."

Like a more hands-on Hogwarts, Draco decided. "'Circus' would know if Vader was cheating?"

"Definitely," the pony confirmed with confidence. "You're always allowed to bend the rules, at least until the rules change. But you can't break them. No outside enchantments is a pretty big one, except when Circus decides to allow them."

"And this isn't one of those exceptions, is it?"

The pony shook its head.

Draco considered the problem for a moment. Then he realized he might not have to. "Do you have any idea what Vader was doing?"

"Um… to be honest, you probably know more about wand magic than I do. It just looked like hornless magic to me."

"Hornless magic?"

"Yeah. Like, the magic comes out through your eyes, or a hoof, instead of your horn. I don't know much about it, though. I heard it's really hard to do. Is it easier for… um… your... uh..."

"We're humans," Draco supplied. "And I wouldn't know if wandless magic is easier or harder for us, but I do know that learning it at 13 is ridiculous. It's got to be some kind of trick. You said he has a second wand, Vincent?"

The boy nodded. "That's how he got me before I could meet up with you."

There was some back and forth for a while on what could have happened. A few ponies (who were probably just curious about the new species on the alley) helpfully supplied a few details. There were conflicting memories and accounts, but everyone was certain that Vader cast a green shield breaker against someone called 'Madam Chaos' without speaking an incantation. Everyone was also certain that Vader could move things just by pointing his wand at them – typically Vader moved things towards himself, into the path of his red blade. And although Vader has caused some 'spontaneous fainting', he does it very sparingly, so no'pony' knows how he's doing it.

"Is it possible he charmed his mask to mute the incantations?" Draco asked. "It's not like we can see his lips."

"He'd have to do the charm after the fight started," said a pony.

"I never saw him do anything like that," said another. "And I re-watched the first battle from his perspective, start to finish."

Draco inquired into this, was given an explanation, and immediately went about gathering some proper evidence now that he knew he could. After a vocal request to the bare air, which did indeed produce what the pony said it would, he synced up two perspectives, his and Vader's, watched them side-by-side, and focused on one moment.

"I was wonderin' about that," said Vincent. "Why'd ya drop yer wand, boss?"

"I didn't. It was pulled. And he wasn't pointing either of his wands at the time."

"So… hornless magic?" asked a pony onlooker.

"Wandless magic," Draco nodded. "Or some other trick. I think we have a chance if there's three of us. Think you can avoid Vader next time, Vincent? Just run if you see him?"

"I'll do my best, boss," said Vincent.

"Um… you know teaming is wrong in a free-for-all, right?" asked a pegasus pony.

"I know," said Draco. "But it's not against the rules. We're only doing it to beat Vader. Want to help?"

The pegasus blinked. "How can I help? I can't even break a normal shield."

"Can you cast a magic-canceling spell?"

"Um… yes…"

Draco's voice projected confidence and leadership. "Then you can help. Although to be honest, we'll probably need more than four of us…"

Word quickly spread throughout the 'loser's lobby' about Draco's proposed plan: if you see Vader in the battle (you can check the names of all the contestants at any time during a match, a fact Draco hadn't known before), try not to do any fighting until the greatest threat is vanquished.

If everybody does it spontaneously, for the sake of defeating exactly one opponent, it's not teaming, right?

Comments

[Booster Spice]

We decided to spend our entire holiday this year at Circus.

How long are you here for?

A Fortnite.

Given the timing of the basis of the story, its not that long after the classic joke about a deep manly voice from a female was due to it being the Russian Womans Shotput, or East Germany Womans Power Lift at the Olympics?

Or many Black Forest farmers wives?

I wonder what level Tempus spells are, to speed yourself up, slow others down, or even temporal aliasing wheree you take a very small duration and squeeze it to an instant, the effect repeating quickly to give the equivalence of a strobe, making it harder to hit? hogwarts has got so many spells and variants, need a treedex or be an expert to be able to go through them instantly.

[Fireeaters]

rude

[keybounce]

So Draco is finally becoming an effective leader?

[keybounce]

Oh Draco, "Harry isn't 13". Have you asked him? A few days from 12, but over a year in pony form, plus almost a year of time turner time.

Still ... if the others are teaming up against Harry, and his magic is weaker than ponies, and he's still taking them out ... I find myself wondering how Starlight Glimmer fares here.

[Skulltan]

"How did he do that?" he asked Vincent and Gregory.

He? Vader did say they're a mother...

[Black--Soul]

Priceless. Vader gets a challange of his own making.
This chapter was extreamly entertaining.
The mother joke was Priceless. Funny I made it in the comment section earlier 👍