Harry Potter and the Prancing of Ponies

by The Guy Who Writes

Omake: Queen of England

Author's Note:

I wrote this back when the queen was all over the news because… well, you know. In any case, I didn't write this with the intention of actually integrating it into the story, but I decided "You know what? To heck with it. The modern chapters are filled with lighthearted fun anyway."

In short: To me, this chapter feels like it comes close to the kind of plot points that kill suspension of disbelief. Mainly because it includes a (now deceased) real-life person, and it's impossible that I got that real-life person's lines believably right and accurate to reality, among other things. I apologize in advance for that, if anybody's bothered by it.

Nothing overly important happens, you can mostly ignore his chapter. At the end of the day, it was simply fun to write.

Sometime over the summer…

It started with a letter from Minister Fudge. If you ignored the politicking, which Harry could easily do after months of reading his own mail, the message was straightforward: "The Queen would like to meet with you."

Harry felt involuntary joy at that, not unlike what other young children feel after being told that they're going to meet Santa Clause. At the end of the day, he is a citizen of England, raised in Oxford, and despite the sentiment among some professors that monarchy is old-fashioned, everybody he'd ever met growing up approved of the current Queen. If monarchies had to exist, his father had often remarked, then they should exist as a symbol, an icon, not as a wielder of state power.

There was no better example of this than the Queen of England. She held no political opinions that he knew about. There were no major scandals about her, though her family was a different matter. She was like the kind mother, or perhaps grandmother of the whole country.

Strangely enough, Harry had never thought to ask magical Britain if they felt the same way.

"They do," said Professor Monroe when Harry asked, among other questions about the topic. "Excepting the blood purists, of course. Though even Lucius Malfoy of twenty years ago would not have refused the Queen if she politely requested him by name, nor would he have offered her insult. I think you should accept."

"I was planning to," said Harry. "But could I go with my parents and you instead of Minister Fudge?"

"I can probably convince him to let others tag along, but he would have to be there." The man grinned. "At least at first…"

---

Her Majesty's Royal Protection Officers were always nervous about this kind of thing. It typically happened once every year, whenever the latest minister was elected or re-elected. The minister of magic, that is. Her Majesty's bodyguards were some of the few people in the government – in the world, even – who were allowed to know about magic.

They had laughed or scoffed or disbelieved at first, of course. Their superior would always tell them to take it seriously, and it never really sunk in until the demonstrations. And even then, the gravity of the matter didn't sink in until they learned about Dark Lords, like the 'Voldemort' matter a decade ago. That had been a tense time.

Now it was back to 'business as usual', which was precisely the problem. Because on some rare occasions, 'business as usual' means entertaining the Queen's curious fancy with some part or another of the magical world, and she had recently picked up a new one.

After reading a magical newspaper, her Majesty had made a request to meet someone known as 'The-Boy-Who-Lived'. A messiah-like figure of the wizards who had ended the 'Voldemort' threat as a baby, and who had apparently done so again in June.

Since the boy is only twelve, and even the magical consultants insisted that this really, truly shouldn't require so much worry, the meeting had been arranged with only slightly less than the normal tensions and hullabaloo.

The 'Minister of Magic', a man called Fudge, had arrived in the magical fireplace installed in a heavily-guarded, private room. Fudge was followed by a man, a couple, and a child. The Prime Minister of normal Britain greeted the Minister of Magical Britain, and the two quickly left for tea and conversation. This left the other man, the couple, and the child in the company of the queen and her guards.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all," said her majesty. She smiled at the boy. "You must be Harry Potter."

"And you must be the Queen," the boy said, smiling back.

"Harry!" the couple whispered, clearly the boy's parents… though wasn't the Boy-Who-Lived supposed to be an orphan?

"This is my mum," introduced the boy, still smiling brightly, "Petunia Evans-Verres, sister of Lily Potter, who married James Potter. This is my dad, Professor Michael Verres-Evans of Oxford. I'm Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres, son of all of the above. Pleased to meet you." He bowed deeply.

The queen smiled back. "My, I didn't know all that. I thought it was just Harry Potter."

The boy looked up, and his smile faded slightly. "You and everyone else. At first I thought wizard newspapers didn't like to say my whole name because it would be acknowledging my muggle upbringing, and wizards don't think much of muggles. And while that's still 100% true, I can admit that it's also a bit of a mouthful to include in a newspaper headline."

The Queen blinked. "Did your… parents tell you about that?" The Queen asked, looking to the adults who were with the boy. "The… difficulties, between wizards and non-wizards?"

"He told me about it," said the boy's father. "He's… rather smart for his age."

"Is he now?" asked the Queen, looking at the father.

The other man in their company spoke up. "Smart enough to impress Albus Dumbledore in Transfiguration and Charms, smart enough to defeat Lord Voldemort multiple times, smart enough to outwit Lucius Malfoy in a game of politics, and smart enough to be the first to consciously apply the scientific method to magic. 'Rather smart' is a slight understatement."

The Queen looked at the man in surprise. "And… you are…?"

"David Monroe, presiding Chief Warlock in Albus Dumbledore's stead," the man said with a bow of his own. "Apologies for interrupting, your majesty."

"No, no, it's fine," she said with a smile. "He impressed old Albus, did he?"

"And me," the man nodded. "In all my life, I can count on two hands how many people I would call brilliant, and Mr. Potter is one of them."

"Tends to happen when you do the formerly impossible," the boy chimed in. "Multiple times. On purpose."

The Queen seemed to pause. "Oh my," she said with a chuckle. "Aren't you the fearless one? Most children I've met are a bit more… reserved. Or excitable."

"The charm wears off when you see people as people." The boy shrugged. "Besides, I've met other monarchs. Just yesterday, even."

"You have?" asked the Queen and his mother simultaneously.

"He's scolded another monarch," Monroe confirmed. "And not without just cause. And their country is better for it, in a small way."

The Queen blinked, then gave a full laugh. "My, the scolding of children. I hope I won't be scolded. But what monarch did you meet? One in Europe?"

"Ah… it's a long story," said the boy. "And hard to believe, if you don't know much about magic."

"We have all afternoon," said the Queen. "Come, I'd like to hear it. I can't remember the last time I've had a chat without the weight of my crown getting in the way." She smiled conspiratorially. "Did you know, I met a few tourists on a walk of the countryside, and they didn't recognize me? We had a normal little talk, and it was one of the most refreshing things I've done in a long time."

"I can imagine," said the boy. "I recently made a name for myself where nobody knew about 'The-Boy-Who-Lived'. I'm proud to say that even without name recognition, I was so much of a monkey wrench that the leader of the country contacted me on day two of me being there."

"Harry!" the boy's mother whispered, even more shocked and afraid.

"What did you do?" his Father asked calmly. Very calmly.

If not for the fact that the parents were taking the claims seriously, the Queen would probably have dismissed it as childish boasting.

"What did you do?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing major. I met the monarch's personal student by accident, and that student mentioned me in her daily letter, and the monarch didn't want me distracting her pupil from her lessons, so she sent me a polite letter about it. But it doesn't sound so impressive when you put it like that, now does it?"

"Oh, it still sounds plenty impressive," said the Queen. "Come, have a seat. I'd like to hear more."

"Before we do say more," said Monroe as they were escorted to seats, "do you mind if I ensure our privacy? Magical eavesdropping is all too possible, I'm afraid."

"No spellcasting in the Queen's presence," said her most experienced Royal Protection Officer. "This room is already protected."

"No spellcasting at all?" asked the boy, sounding disappointed.

"Unless I allow it," the Queen replied with a wink. "And if these old fuddy-duddies agree that it's safe. Now, what monarch did you meet?"

"Um…" the boy glanced at the older man, who shrugged and made a go on gesture. The boy looked to the Queen. "So… quick check. Did you want to meet me because you read that article in the Daily Prophet about the Dark Lord's return?"

"My, you are bright," she said. "I did read that one, yes."

"Did you read what else happened that night? The other big story?"

"You mean the part about the prison?" she asked with a slight frown.

"Yeah," said the boy. "How up-to-date are you on the pony situation? Or have you been told yet?"

She pursed her lips slightly. "I understand… Minister Fudge says it is a tense situation, but he does not think war is on the table. He said that a very powerful wizard is protecting us… I think his name was Davis… no… David…" she trailed off, then looked to the tall man in her company.

"Present," said the man with a raised hand.

"Ah," she said. "You're our ambassador?"

"Unofficially," nodded the man. "Not that we have an official one as yet."

"How have things been going?" asked the Queen.

"Politics as usual," he shrugged. "It's been a trainwreck, so nothing out of the ordinary. On our end of things, I've been managing the situation as best I can, despite the Wizengamot's best efforts to annoy our new neighbors. On the other end, the ponies took a while to warm up to me, and vice versa. Mr. Potter made a better first impression than I did."

The Queen stared at the man. Then she stared at the boy. "Might I ask how?"

"Eh…" said the boy. "Made a few friends?"

After the slightest of pauses, the Queen was beaming magnanimously. "Why, that is brilliant, isn't it?"

Comments

[Greenhorn]

"Eh…" said the boy. "Made a few friends?"

Friendship is Magic!

[Fireeaters]

Man, the queen seems tickled pink on how cute of a kid the little boy genius is

[keybounce]

"Oh, nothing major. I met the monarch's personal student by accident, and that student mentioned me in her daily letter, and the monarch didn't want me distracting her pupil from her lessons, so she sent me a polite letter about it. But it doesn't sound so impressive when you put it like that, now does it?"

It actually sounds ... almost normal. Meeting someone, making a friend, and that person turned out to be connected. Perfectly normal, and completely unlike what was implied by ...

I'm proud to say that even without name recognition, I was so much of a monkey wrench that the leader of the country contacted me on day two of me being there."