Chapter 75: Ascending Above Addiction
Earlier.
Draco stared at where pony-Harry had just phased through the stage's floor. After less than half a second of the entire stadium being silent, he started a bit in surprise at a new sudden appearance – one that had to be an illusion, right? – accompanied by loud clown music and blinking lights. He stared upwards at the massive, downward-facing arrow. It pointed straight at the direct center of the stadium. Pointing right where future-pony-Harry had disappeared.
Above the arrow, there was one word: FOLLOW?
The illusion was so big, and projected on so many screens, that every single being in the stadium could probably see it clearly.
"HelLOOOOO everyone!" said a chipper voice that Draco recognized from earlier in the day. It was the kind of voice that was so memorable from sound alone that it was hard to forget. "Sorry to interrupt, I'll be quick. There's a Circus Challenge starting in five or so minutes, ages ten to seventeen. Fall through the floor or activate your Circus portkeys to join the fun. Fallers get bonus tickets for bravery. Parents, don't be spoilsports if your children want to go, they'll just be celebrating Silver Wing day their own way. Plus, they'll be back in time for the Wonderbolts. Ya got two minutes to decide! Ta!"
And the giant arrow started flashing. The 'FOLLOW?' started flashing in off-sync, disappearing as the arrow reappeared, and vice versa. Above both was an illusion of a massive, muggle-style, numbers-only clock counting down from 2:00 to 1:59 to 1:58.
"I think now would be a good time to take our leave," said the pony voice of the Defense Professor. All human heads turned to face him. "The tour has achieved its various objectives, and Hogwarts curfew is approaching."
"…Yes," said the Headmistress after a few seconds' pause. "Yes it is," she repeated, more confidently, rising from her seat. (An action which was not out of place, given how many other adults and children were standing up. Or falling down. Or doing a mix of the two.)
"Everybody grab this portkey," said pony-Professor Monroe, holding in outstretched hoof a wheel that would not have been out of place at the helm of Durmstrang's ship, which Father had once taken Draco to see. "It is authorized to take us back to the castle, where we can then go through the Mirror."
"Come along, children," said the Headmistress. "Back to Hogwarts."
"Aaawww," said Autumn in a possibly-exaggerated childish voice. "But I wanted to have some fun!"
"Yeah!" said Harry, joining in on the joke.
"Yeah!" said Draco, deciding to join in as well.
Hermione just sighed.
"Tough," said the Defense Professor. "Come along humans. Back to earth. There shall be plenty of fun to be had… in due Time."
There was a brief pause.
"You know what," said Autumn, "that's a great point!" She jumped up from her seat, jaunted forward, and grabbed one of the two handles on the circular portkey closest to the Defense Professor's handle.
"All aboard the due time express," said Harry, who walked up and grabbed the other handle closest to the Defense Professor. Harry's father walked up and hesitantly grabbed the handle next to Harry's.
Draco and Draco's father grabbed two, Hermione and McGonagall grabbed two, and the portkey activated not a moment later.
"Although there is one last order of business," said the Defense Professor's human voice, coming from his now-human form, before Draco had fully gotten his bearings. "Now that we're out of public sight and sound." He cleared his throat. "Mr. Malfoy."
Two heads turned to face the Defense Professor.
"Draco," the Defense Professor clarified. "Have you figured out what Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger, and Ms. Query all realized?"
Draco did not smile, though he felt the strong impulse to. (He might be wrong, after all.) He's been thinking about this whenever there was downtime on the tour, and he'd eventually found an angle of attack that actually worked for him. "I think I have, Professor."
"Oh? Let's hear it, then. What workaround was discovered to prevent the man behind the mask from reverting to his old ways, even as he wore the mask once more and spammed the Unforgivables?"
"He constantly has that super strong version of the Patronus active, so he constantly has to keep a super strong happy thought in mind."
The Defense Professor's eyebrows rose in apparent surprise, along with a few other adult eyebrows.
"I admit, I was not expecting you to succeed." The man inclined his head, a show of respect Draco had never gotten from the Defense Professor before, as far as he can remember. "Kudos to you, Mr. Malfoy, and twenty-five Monroe points too, of course. Though I shall need your Patronus charm to confirm that you received… no help… from those who already knew the answer."
This was done with a proudly honest message, spoken by a silvery serpent, declaring Draco did not cheat in that way, even if cheating is technique.
"May I ask how you figured it out?" the Defense Professor inquired, the corners of his lips twitching upwards. "Did you cheat some other way?" There was no accusation, no tone of 'I disapprove if you did'. Just pure curiosity.
Now Draco allowed himself to smile. "It was simple once I asked myself the right questions. I asked myself how you knew they-" he gestured to his fellow Hogwarts students "-would solve it but I-" he gestured to himself "-might have trouble. I also asked why Father would be the worst wizard here at solving it 'on a gut level', like you said. I asked if there was any magic Father knew about, but couldn't do like the rest of us could. And then I realized Father hasn't learned how to cast the Patronus charm yet. And when I thought about it a bit more, I realized Harry and Hermione can cast the super Patronus, I can't, and Autumn can probably cast it too. I heard her voice when we were all casting it earlier. And that's when I realized the super Patronus is probably extremely important to the answer of the Riddle."
The Defense Professor was smiling, now. Another rare sight. "Would re-state that riddle for the benefit of everyone? And provide your complete reasoning about it?" 'Show your work', as Harry has had Draco do in many a math problem.
"It's the question of how Tom Riddle-" you "-might not slip back into super-evil even if he wears the super-evil mask again. And my reasoning… well, I remembered that Patronus charms wink out if you can't maintain your happy thought because you get too clouded in darkness." Like mine did when Harry was talking about Slytherin House going wrong and Salazar wishing he'd never been born. "From there, it wasn't too hard to see that Voldemort-" you "-wasn't just talking about what everybody else has to do, back when he was giving that lecture after the death battle. He was also describing what he was actively putting into practice for the first time. Maintaining a super Patronus out of sight, I mean. Not just to block Killing Curses if a bunch came his way and he couldn't dodge, but also to ward away super-evil thoughts in his own mind. Even as he used the Killing Curse a bunch of times. And the Cruciatus."
Or as Father put it when Draco was much younger, the Unforgivables might feel good and righteous and justified in the moment, but they do have certain negative affects on your emotions. Like how eating too many cookies at once makes you feel good right away, but makes you feel bad a few hours later, and makes you fat and ugly a few years later, if you do it every week.
It is the pride of Malfoy to resist such low-class temptations. The Malfoys do not overindulge in the Unforgivables. Especially when others are watching. Just like it's the pride of Malfoy to not overindulge in sweets, especially when others are watching. It's undignified.
Just look at Mr. Avery. (This last line had been said in a conspiratorial whisper.)
Mr. Avery had, quite conveniently, been eating a cookie at the time. As usual, Mr. Avery was overweight, unshaven, and unkempt compared to Father. Mr. Avery has plenty of good qualities – cunning at chess and keen at business and conversation. But not all of your friends at Hogwarts will be smart about food and health, Father had warned Draco, and it is important to still make friends with them.
(Furthermore, by that point in his training, Draco had already been given first-hand experience, multiple times, about the problem of sweets. In that Father let him scarf down as much as he wanted a few times. Father even encouraged Draco to go overboard by offering new and exotic flavors to mix it up at the end of those glorious binges. And then Father pointed out later, when Draco was clutching his stomach in distress and didn't even want to look at another treat, that too much sweetness was to blame.)
(That particular lesson had taken three iterations to properly sink in, with three separate sweets.)
(Draco still likes cookies and chocolate frogs and ice cream, of course, but he now knows how to stop before he goes too far, stop when the sweet taste is getting just a bit too dull from repetition, and save some for later so he can spread out his enjoyment over a month instead of eating it all at once. He also now knows how to treat treats as treats. As rare rewards for special occasions, not as something to be childishly demanded after every dinner.)
Those lessons on temptation and self-control had been the key foundation upon which Draco was able to build his solution to the Defense Professor's puzzle.
Apparently, maintaining a Patronus is the efficient and obvious way to not overindulge in Unforgivables, if for whatever reason you have to cast them a lot. Not that Draco even understands how one can cast both the Patronus and the Unforgivables at the same time, but he's at least aware of his own confusion about that question, which according to Harry is the first step to actually trying to solve a problem, instead of doing what most people do – i.e. not even realizing there is a problem to be solved. But Draco didn't need to know the answer to that to realize that the Patronus method probably doesn't rely on any subjective intuition on when to stop, like Draco has to rely on with sweets. The Patronus just winks out if you're not thinking right.
The Defense Professor looked as satisfied with that answer as Draco had ever seen him.
"Your answer is perfectly correct, Draco Malfoy. This is one of the rare times I would not change a single thing about it. And that was a cheeky little deduction to kickstart your chain of reasoning, young Slytherin. Well done. I think an extra five Monroe points are in order for that excellent answer, and five points to Slytherin instead of three for how you went about your deduction."
Father stood tall and proud behind Draco, who also stood exultant. Even the Headmistress looked impressed.
"One of the best ways to solve any sapient-made puzzle," lectured the Defense Professor, "is to put yourself in the mind of the puzzle-crafter. It is often easier to pass a test if you know what the test-maker was thinking when they wrote each question. Kids these days call that the 'Cosmic-Brain' way of puzzle-solving. 'Big-Brain' is the intended solution path, and 'Small-Brain' is brute force, bashing your head against the puzzle until you eventually get it by luck, by process of elimination, by random guessing, or by sheer familiarity with all the puzzle's nooks, crannies, and pitfalls. All are preferable to 'No-brain', which is giving up and failing to solve it at all."
Harry interjected at that point. "What about when there is no intended solution path because it's not a sapient-made puzzle, it's the laws of nature?"
"That would be 'galaxy-brain'," said the Defense Professor without pause. "Or alternatively, 'science'. And in the realm of sapient-made puzzles, there are also 'exploits', 'cheese', and 'cheating'. All different ways to describe the event of overcoming puzzles in creative ways that were not intended by the crafter, if there was a crafter."
"Well," said Harry. "I know what method I'll continue focusing on."
"All methods have their places and times, Mr. Potter," said a slightly dry voice. "When the puzzle-crafter is deliberately misleading you, Cosmic-brain is often the way to go. Big-brain is a good way to prove your competence as a leader and thinker. And small-brain should be what you do in your downtime while waiting for ideas from the other three categories to surface."
"If all the methods have their places and times, does that apply to No-brain too?" asked Harry.
"Are you interested in the extremely deep, terribly difficult, ever-changing, and richly complex topic known as 'fashionable attire'?"
Harry blinked. "Um… no?"
"Then until you are interested, you should No-brain that entire field of study, lest you waste precious mental resources on it." The man turned to face Professor McGonagall. "Digressions aside, I was not expecting Mr. Malfoy to provide such an elegant explanation, Headmistress." (Draco preened a bit more.) "One that truly did exceed my expectations in every way." (More preening.) "One that, I think, might be understandable to the dullest first years in Hogwarts, if Mr. Malfoy refined it slightly." (That… also warranted preening? Yes, probably. More preening.) "Was it understandable to you?"
The Headmistress blinked at the question. "Ah… yes. I think it was."
"Do you think we have less to talk about now, when we go off for our private chat? I confess to being rather busy tonight, for possibly obvious reasons. Though of course I could make. Time. If you needed me to."
The Headmistress blinked a few times more, seeming to get the unspoken message that was so un-subtle even Draco got it. "I… well, I think there may be less to discuss. But not nothing."
He nodded. "To the Mirror, then."
"…but I'm still not convinced it'll prevent relapse," Horizon finished giving his opinion, speaking to Excelsior as they stood in the Astral Plane.
They'd already covered the false memory and compulsion charms, and had moved on to other topics. They still hadn't exhausted the full extra (i.e. Time-looped) hour, and Excelsior intended to use every minute.
The thestral tilted his head. "'Prevent' is not quite the right word for what the Patronus is doing for me. A better way to put it would be a 'constant reminder'."
Even that much was heartening to hear, it was exactly the way the Patronus worked, but Horizon still asked, "A constant reminder of what?"
"Of a brighter future. Without which, I could easily become lost again. I think the thing you do not understand, Mr. Potter, is that for those who have fallen as low as I have, the risk of relapse always exists. Always. That is the terrible power of habits and addiction. Like Dark Rituals, their scars remain with you forever."
That he did not immediately understand. "Eh… explain?"
"Habits start as cobwebs and end as chains," said the powerful wizard, starting with analogy and symbolism, which Horizon is getting more accustomed to hearing, now. "Warm, cozy chains. Protective chains. Heavy chains. They fit ever-so-neatly into the groves they have worn into your skin over the years. And into your muscles. And your bones. And most importantly, your brain. The chains are not locked. You can wear them or take them off at any time, if you can manage to notice them. And the iron serves as a powerful shield from attacks, whether or not you notice them. Can you picture that, Mr. Potter?"
"Give me a moment." Horizon closed his eyes. "Got it. Go on."
"All long-term addictions are powerful habits," said the thestral. "Therefore all long-term addictions have reached the point of powerful chains."
Pause. "Got it."
"The strongest habits end up as bonds so comfortable and reassuring that you cannot help but retreat into their familiar embrace at the first sign of negative emotion. All it takes is a small amount of stress, a tidbit of difficulty, a flash of frustration, a moment of anxiety, or most common of all, just plain old boredom. That's all it takes to push a man to retreat into his chains. And even if he manages to shrug off the chains for days, weeks, months, years, or decades, the temptation always exists to put them back on again. Because there was a strong reason he was wearing them in the first place."
"Um…" said Horizon uncertainly. "That's not at all reassuring?"
"Indeed," the Defense Professor nodded. "The patterns always exist in my brain, patterns I could fall back into if I am not careful. It was not fun to learn my future would look like that."
"So… what did you do about that? What are you doing?"
"There are three standard steps to the process of improvement, performable in any order. First, I have a certain foresight that I lacked when I first became addicted. I have a sharp understanding of the question, 'How will I feel two hours later?'. Second, I have a certain hindsight to know, on a truly gut level, every answer to the following questions: 'Why did I become addicted to this thing in the first place? What problems were I avoiding and self-medicating? What problems am I medicating?'. Those questions are difficult to answer, but they do not require a Patronus-capable mind to solve, just a self-cynical one, and so they came first in my own journey."
A pause for questions. Since Riddle would get to the third step anyway…
"And…" said Horizon. "…You found your answers?"
"To a decent extent, yes. Many addicts only find their answers after relapsing time and time again. By pure repetition, experience, and most important of all, paying close attention to what your mind and body are telling you through their feelings. After enough failure, the long-term consequences of the addiction finally manage to start outweighing the short-term relief. When a former sugar addict walks past a cookie on a table, they will notice it, but they will anticipate the unearned dopamine, the crash an hour later, the brain-fog of sloth. And then they will leave the cookie on the table, understanding it for the drug that it is. And understanding themselves for the mental issues they once avoided, suppressed, and medicated by drugging themselves."
"I think I get all that," said Horizon. "But isn't a common strategy of breaking addictions to avoid the addiction altogether? Isn't it bad to tempt a former sugar junkie with cookies?"
The Defense Professor shook his head. "No, Mr. Potter. Your questions are proof that you do not get it. Avoiding one's addictions entirely results in something Equestria calls a fragile rehabilitation." He said this as if it was a normal word he said all the time, and gestured towards the screen in Harry's Astral Plane. "For instance." He pulled out a book from nowhere, opened it, tapped it, and Harry's screen lit up.
"Finally come out of your cave?" Riddle asked.
"Ya got eyes, don't cha?" asked the creature, earning him a slap on the back of his head, courtesy of his phoenix's wing.
Riddle took the jibe in good humor. "What finally brought you out after so long?"
"My own free will, of course," said the dragon. "The future is now. And I think I'm finally ready for it. My rehabilitation ain't fragile any more."
The phoenix gave a "Caw!" of approval.
"Ya bastard," the dragon addended, still addressing Riddle, and earning him another slap on the back of his head.
Riddle nodded in seeming understanding. "Good to hear."
The memory paused there.
"When addicts force themselves to not do a thing," Riddle said as Harry tried to wrap his head around the memory, "or they allow others to force them into not doing the thing, that one specific thing may very well be removed from their life entirely. Those are called fragile rehabilitations. And they are called fragile because they are easily broken. They are a house of cards, a cabin built upon a foundation of sand. Sometimes, such structures do withstand the test of time, when they are carefully maintained. But more often than not, they are blown over by the right pressure."
"Okay…" said Harry. "I think I understand. Now that you mention it, I think that's what most people do to kick bad habits."
"Most people on earth, yes. And to be completely fair, many ponies as well. And as I said, sometimes they do last. Sometimes fragile rehabilitations can grow solid with enough time. But in the end, they are still fragile. The addict is 'cured' on paper. In theory. Until they aren't anymore. Until they encounter their old habit randomly in their environment, in a place they weren't expecting. Like a cigarette addict being pressured into a free smoke by an old smoking buddy he hasn't seen in forever, tempting him with his favorite brand while the sports game is on at the bar, which was always the addict's favorite time to smoke. And it's cold in the bar, he forgot his jacket, his shirt is thin, and the warmth in his lungs from a quick smoke would help. Even if he hasn't been smoking for years, that one moment is all it takes to shatter a fragile rehabilitation, Mr. Potter. Understand?"
"I understand."
"Do you understand how that generalizable circumstance would be a problem for me if I were susceptible to it?"
He tried to apply the knowledge to the 'Voldemort' issue in his head for a few seconds, before speaking out loud. "I… think so. Yeah, it makes sense. Whatever mental habits you were addicted to that caused Voldemort, we can't afford for you to have a 'fragile rehabilitation' about them." Man, that's a mouthful. There's got to be something shorter to describe the same concept in the English, right?
Riddle nodded. "Fragile rehabs do not fully understand – or even somewhat understand – all of the deep-rooted and painful questions about why they were addicted in the first place. They forced themselves to stop, but they learned little about themselves in the process. Even if they do manage to stop smoking, they often find themselves snacking on sugary drinks and fruits and cookies every few hours, replacing one addiction with another in their haze of ignorance. And then their idiot friend pressures them into smoking again, they relapse, and now they have a new sugar addiction to deal with on top of their old smoking habits. Such are those who believe they have overcome their addictions when they have not. That is what Equestria calls a 'fragile rehabilitation', though in their language it's only three syllables instead of eight."
At this point, there was a single obvious question that Excelsior wanted Horizon to ask. "So how does Equestria manage to do something else which is not that?"
The Defense Professor switched cadences, the tone of lecture he uses to subtly indicate that he is now talking about the correct thing to do.
"By enacting anti-fragile rehabilitations."
"Anti-fragile?"
"Yes, anti-fragile. Anti-fragility is the concept that some things grow back stronger after they undergo stress. It is a concept that applies to muscles and bones, for instance, and skin and tissues. It applies to the immune system. It applies to taste buds. It applies to your personal magic stores. It applies to many aspects of living creatures in particular. It is an insight that, as far as I remember, has been most directly touched upon in English by the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Unfortunately, that phrase is too overbroad. There are plenty of things that make you weaker after you survive them. Still, it's close enough to the core insight the ponies have systematized and studied extensively."
"Huh," said Horizon. "Now that you mention it, I realize the English language really should have a single word for that. I know exactly what you're talking about, but yeah, we don't have a word for it. 'Anti-fragile' is what you came up with?"
"Not quite. The translation spell did. But getting back on topic, anti-fragile rehabilitations consciously and deliberately put addicts through the temptation process, like putting a muscle through a workout. They often involve many relapses, light judgement if any, and a great deal of therapy. They encourage their addicts to think about their addiction, and in particular the why's of addiction. At the end of a successful program, you can surround a former drinker with alcohol, pressure him through his social group, offer him free quality wine, and he will turn it all down. Or perhaps he will hold and keep the principle of 'I shall only drink alcohol with others, never alone, and only pre-determined amounts, like when having a toast'. And thanks to the therapy, he has not replaced his bad habit with something equally bad or worse."
Horizon thought about the proposed program style. "That… doesn't sound like the sort of thing most people would manage to do. Or anyone, really."
The tone switched back to academic temperance.
"Which is why many busy ponies will settle for a half-decent fragile rehabilitation, when they are willing to change at all. Even that much isn't easy. It takes some strength to close your eyes, plug your ears, and say 'I'm not listening' when temptation comes knocking."
Back to commanding lecture.
"But when temptation has burst through your door and yanked your hands off your ears and forced your eyelids open so that you must stare at its lovely appearance, it takes true inner-strength to calmly say 'You were not invited at this hour, there are designated times when you may be here but now is not one of them, you are trespassing, it is time for you to leave', and politely escort the temptation out the door again. And then to go through all of that again fifteen minutes later, with another temptation wearing a different enticing guise. And then ten minutes later. And then fifteen minutes later. For thirty-five years straight. Regarding habits you've had for over half a century."
"Yeesh," said Horizon. "Yeah, I don't think I've ever gone through that. But if you have… does that mean you're fully rehabilitated? You're not worried about Voldemort and relapse at all?"
"I am cautious about it. Incredibly cautious. I am constantly vigilant, as is Luna. I have peace of mind if I can keep it. The difficulty is the 'keeping' part. Rest assured, we are trying to comb through every detail of my past addictions. As I already said, that is partly the reason for my current mood. It is not fun to do for extended periods of time, especially alone, but others aren't always available to help."
"Okay…" Maybe it would be best to switch topics. "Am I allowed to ask what that dragon meant earlier today, when he said his rehabilitation isn't fragile anymore? I mean, I understand the term now, but not the context. And who was he?"
"You are allowed to ask, and I am allowed to answer, but you must swear that you will not repeat what I tell you without his permission."
Horizon thought about it. "Do you think I should?" he asked.
"I do. While you are still curious about the question."
"Alright, sure. I sswear not to repeat what you tell me of that dragon."
Riddle nodded. "When he spoke of his rehabilitation no longer being fragile, he meant he originally secluded himself in a cave partly out of fear that his temptation to visit the Mirror and return to the human world would one day overtake him, that he would undo his sacrifices made before the Mirror, thus undoing his Interdict, thus dooming the world. His name is Merlin."
That was a doozy of an answer.
"Let me know when you're ready for me to continue," said the thestral. "It is rather thrilling to learn, is it not?"
Horizon nodded absently. After a time of just prancing about his Astral Plane to release his pent-up excitement somehow, he said, "All right. Hit me with the rest of it."
"Because I told him about your escape method," Riddle explained, "for the past thirty-three years Merlin has had to deal with the beast of temptation living in his very home. He has a phoenix and an Astral Plane to exploit it, you see. I brought his seductive addiction to his door step and into his house, forcing him to face its every whisper day in and day out. After three decades, he feels some measure of confidence that he is truly no longer swayed by all the various mental temptations. A deep part of him really truly wanted to go back to the human world. The rest of him knew it would be a terrible idea and he would regret it soon after. So he addressed that deep part of his free will directly and found a positive means of aligning it. A means other than simply forcing it to obey the rest of him by telling it to shut up and listen, or by pretending it doesn't exist and it's not a part of him, as fragile addicts do."
Like I sorta-almost did with my Dark Side, Harry thought. Until I integrated it.
"As for how Merlin succeeded," Riddle went on, "as for what positive means he used to absorb that part of his free will into the rest of his being without allowing it to consume him, what arguments he used in his own mind, and what rationalizations and urges he had to deal with from his tempting side, you shall have to ask him directly. It's different for everybody."
Horizon considered this, then nodded. Now, to address something that might or might not be a test.
"So… earlier you said there were three things rehab patient needs to be anti-fragile, but you only got to two of them. What was the third?"
"Good catch, Mr. Potter. I was hoping I would not have to point that out to you, and you shall soon be trusted with more powerful knowledge."
YES! thought Harry.
"The third and final thing a rehabilitated addict requires in order to achieve anti-fragility is a reason to re-align their free will. A reason to overcome their addiction. A reason that is consistently more powerful than the addiction. When the prospect of staying on the same path grows more harrowing than the prospect of correcting course, that is when the addict changes. It tends to require a shift of perspective more than anything else, the ability to see what lies at the end of addiction lane. The ability to see yourself – your fat, wheezing, half-asleep, disgusting self – as you walk down that road one unthinking step at a time, unable to stop yourself."
"What kind of reason gave you that ability?" Harry asked.
"A new path is only revealed by a guiding light. A vision, a dream, an ideal, a principle. Something to believe in, and something worth believing in. Someone worth believing in. To put it as concisely as I can, anti-fragile rehab patients require a strong, Patronus-worthy thought if they wish to overcome their addiction for good. Which I now have."
"I see," said the Alicorn of Life, who didn't disagree with a single word of that. "And what was your shift in perspective, precisely?"
"Manifold and complicated."
"Two-minute summary?"
He paused. "I suppose we still have time, and then some. Very well. There were four fundamental acknowledgements involved in my perspective shift. I acknowledged that intelligent minds will always seek power; as I already knew. I acknowledged that so many more means of world-destruction probably exist out there than I can possibly imagine, just waiting to be discovered; as I half knew, but should have realized more explicitly. Next came the acknowledgement that, so long as intelligent minds exist and have cause to seek such power, the risk of unlocking those dangerous powers will never go away. Again, I half-knew this, but I never promoted that particular thought to conscious attention. And finally, and most difficult for me to accept, I acknowledged that being a Dark Lord is an efficient and effective means of giving otherwise ordinary people a reason to break their bounds and desire not only to seek such power, but to use it. Against me, of course. Put those four facts together, and I began seeing the bigger picture you were trying to communicate to me in our political discussions, I think."
Horizon had this overwhelming sense of being stupid. The feeling that, if he had just found that argument, he could have-
"If your mind is engaging in hindsight bias, tell it to not bother. You might have achieved something if you'd been able to find the right arguments, but there were many steps prior to my shift in perspective which were necessary for a Patronus Charm. Like six years of regular connection with Princess Luna. If not for those hidden variables, I likely would have simply replaced Lord Voldemort with David Monroe – something equally empty, only in a uniquely different direction. Just like any other fragile addict who 'gets over' one addiction by jumping ship to another, without addressing the painful root cause."
"Eh… you realize what I'm about to ask, right?"
"You are going to ask, 'then what do I call everything I've done in the recent months?'"
Horizon nodded.
"That shall be the final part of this lesson, if you had no other important questions."
There was a pause. And Horizon realized there was still something he didn't know. Something he needed to know.
"I still don't understand what part of your thinking was not Patronus-compliant, back during your duo performance as Voldemort and Monroe. Because it seemed pretty ethical across the board. No worse than what you did in the battle today. Probably better, actually."
The pony shook his head. "No, Mr. Potter. There was exactly one moment which was far, far worse."
There was a stretch of silence.
"You do not see it?" the thestral pressed. "There were no notes of confusion about any parts of that performance?"
Horizon frowned. "Nothing that I considered important enough to write down. I might have to re-watch."
"Do as you will. I'll remark that this Plane is a luxury to powerful wizards, one that might form a bad habit laziness. 'I'll watch it later, I won't think about it as it happens.' This habit gets in the way of seeing insights immediately, the first time around."
"Did Princess Celestia tell you that?"
"No. I am speaking from personal experience. That temptation was eventually another addiction I had to break, if minor. I saw and solved it for myself without any outside input, for I am highly competent at breaking those kinds of addictions. If there was a note of confusion about anything, that part of the performance should be more memorable to you than the rest. Even before you re-watch it."
"Eh… then let me think about it on my own for a bit."
There was a stretch of silence as Horizon manually tried to remember the performance.
"The… self-flattery you gave to David Monroe?"
Eyebrows rose. "You know, I hadn't even thought about that until you just mentioned it. Luna did not point that out. Perhaps that was not fully Patronus-aligned either. But it's not the sort of moment that breaks a Patronus."
"The Killing Curse?"
"Warmer, but no. Or perhaps I should say 'colder'." He chuckled. "But no, the Killing Curse was not the critical moment."
Colder? Hm…
"Was the self-Crucio real?"
"Yes."
"Is that the critical moment?"
"Why might it be the critical moment?" asked the thestral. "Why might that moment not be Patronus-aligned, even if it were aimed at myself?"
"Eh…" Horizon had multiple impulses to just answer right away, but they were all shots in the dark. "What was your mindset when you were casting it?" he asked, remembering the Defense Professor's 'mindsets' remark from earlier in the day.
"Before I answer that, a little background information. Much of the play you saw had no hard script, but I did practice many times leading up to it. I practiced the art of performing with my Time-Turned self, making sure to hit all the necessary moments. Sometimes Voldemort would lead, and David Monroe would act as he remembered seeing David Monroe act through Voldemort's eyes. Sometimes it was the other way around. I had been vacillating, considering a Crucio as a possibility, but never tried to practice it. When it finally came time, I decided Voldemort would lead. He came earliest in Time, he was my first time around, as you probably noticed or guessed. So in the moment of truth, in the moment before I said 'Crucio', I made the commitment to do it. I inflicted it on my future self in the heat of the moment, giving my future self no means of escaping it. I forced myself to suffer the torture curse for however long Voldemort felt he should maintain it. My mindset when casting it was, 'I deserve this, and probably far worse'."
Horizon no longer needed to shoot in the dark. "Nobody ever deserves the torture curse."
The distant descendants of sapience, the children's children's children, would be sad about it. Harmony would be sad about it. The ponies would be sad about it.
"Correct, Alicorn of Life," said the Alicorn of Death. "It took a long session with Luna, a session we had as soon as there was time, to figure out why the Sense of Doom had returned and resonated. In the long run, that part of my different spirit cannot co-exist in the same world as yours."
A different Horizon might have let the dramatic pause after that sentence stretch. But this Horizon was running out of his allotted hour. "If that's the case, how did you cast Crucio earlier today?"
Prince Excelsior switched to a lecturing cadence. "In the horrible world of the present, the torture curse can occasionally be necessary, even while maintaining a happy thought. Your past idea of torturing an immortal dark lord into insanity to prevent him from killing innocents for no good reason is an example of one such necessary circumstance. But there are others as well. On the day of our return, if my mindset had been 'this is truly what it takes to make the performance convincing, and it is ethical because it is only me,' and literally nothing else, no hints of self-loathing – if I had managed to include it in a practice session and I still felt I should do it to make the performance convincing – then it wouldn't have broken a Patronus. Not that I had been casting one. But believing that anyone deserves a torture curse, even the Dark Lord who used that curse more often and more severely than just about any other living wizard or witch on earth… that belief was borne of revenge-seeking."
"Or self-righteous anger," the Alicorn of Life pointed out. "Neither of which can fuel a Patronus."
"And so easily lead good ponies astray, yes," said the Alicorn of Death. "Thoughts of revenge and self-righteousness often lead to the thought that someone deserves a torture curse, a thought which not only can't fuel a Patronus charm, but breaks it outright."
"So what thought did you use in the Death Battle?"
The sucking emptiness of Prince Excelsior's mane grew a little stronger, his expression a little more severe. "I used the thought that, though it might not be deserved, tortuous pain is a part of the world. If we wish to stack the odds in our favor, then living beings must quickly develop means of dealing with terrible pain. And it's more efficient to crowd-source a solution, like you did with Patronus blindness in your own battle, instead of trying to research one all by myself. When you have known unsolved problems like the Cruciatus, there's less risk to the world in crowd-sourcing answers. Thoughts like that can co-exist with a Patronus."
Horizon's eyebrows rose. He found he had nothing to say, and nothing to add. That was, as far as he could tell, the exactly correct thought.
It was also a bit absolving, to explicitly realize that his Patronus blindness was already a known unsolved problem, from the perspective of Magical Britain. In all possible worlds of future political catastrophe, it probably helps that Equestria has a working solution in its back pocket, to be unlocked by Circus if necessary. To be used by ponies on the battlefield if necessary. While the Unspeakables, the Aurors, and the other magical military powers that aren't fully aligned with Harmony have to rely on guesswork.
If only Horizon had consciously intended this to be the case, instead of having a convenient post-hoc rationalization for something he wanted to do anyway.
But there wasn't any time for more self-reflection than that. It was almost time to go. "So," said Horizon. "What do you say in response to the accusation that you've clearly jumped ship from the narrow addiction of Voldemort to the narrow addiction of Monroe, because you're generally addicted to masks?"
"This, I say to you honestly, my young apprentice. I am the basstard child of love potion rape between ssquib and witch," he hissed in Parseltongue. "Raissed by bansshee orphan-mother ass muggle weaponss fell upon ssurrounding city, bullied by my fellow orphanss until my accidental magic hurt them back. That child did not grow out of hiss unsseen chainss for the longesst time. But finally I am becoming the man I wass alwayss meant to be. I sseek power over otherss no longer. Insstead I sseek power over my choicess and habitss. I am not the man I killed and occassionally pretend to be. I am not a Dark Lord. I am sstill addicted to masskss, but I am preparing for when I losse them all, for the day I never wear a falsse face again. For at my core, I am Tom Morfin Riddle. And don't you forget it, Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres."
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I'm pretty sure that meme shouldn't exist yet in the timeline
Nice chapter end there
I get the feeling that Voldemort was using the Patronus like a container for supercritical dark thoughts, keeping tem contained but still energetic, and in a way that the Patronus in itself was powered through the knowledge of containment?
In Equestria, would thre be any reason for Riddle to have his Patronus make a Pinkie Promise in Parceltongue? Apart from Alliteration?
Im still trying to work out if theres Dragon varients where Crucius wouldnt work because there wouldnt be any increase in the body and mind response, with the moult effect, lava swimming, rapid size changing, brutalistic and monstrous enviroment in general etc?
11758979
Well, not on Earth, of course. Those memes are just like the term "anti-fragile", a term which I borrowed from Nassim Nicholas Taleb, who coined it in 2012.
As far as the story and continuity with the timeline is concerned, those exact terms are just the product of an automatic translation spell.
:)
11759241
Lol
So that's the answer to the Riddle. Makes a whole lot of sense.
I was led astray by the line of dialogue insinuating that the resonance was very closely related to how Silver maintained the Patronus and Killing Curse, thus I thought about the puzzle only in terms of 'true self and false self', never thinking about the possibility of the Patronus acting as a sort of buffer or filter through which hurtful thoughts and actions have to pass through by staying positive. Silver never did that. Which makes sense. He was practicing by shooting morally irrelevant ants that may or may be transfigured from live ponies, not shooting actual people for the Greater Good. Thus, he didn't need to cross that hoop.
in fact, if that was the proper technique, to believe the curse is cast with good intentions, he 'cheated' with Occlumency to just have two different mindsets. Unless he DID do what was necessary and just didn't understand his own trick? He focused on the good of life and Occlumencied an apathetic viewpoint towards the non-transfigured ants and bees. The Patronus did not intervene because their death is not relevant to Harry's understanding of happiness. If he had cast it on a creature he'd feel more sympathetic towards, like a (nonsapient) squirrel, the false apathetic mindset might work for the Curse but dispel the Patronus. I dunno.
Perhaps the two mindsets are in fact completely unnecessary for casting the Curse on some ants. It's not a contradiction to be apathetic to them while striving for the future of humanity.
Finally caught up, and as always this keeps being a wonderful fic
Did I miss it, or are we still waiting for the reveal by Voldemort used the Killing Curse on Harry on day one of his release?