Autumn Leaves just transferred to the Humanville High School (formerly known as Ponyville, for the sake of the fic), and is surprised to discover new friends and have amazing adventures.
Chapters (3)
FoxxehSquirrel
Joined 22nd Aug, 2012 ·
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Who is the main character in this story? It's definitely not Autumn. I just read 3600 words and don't know a single thing about him. Who is he? Is he just a boring blank slate that passively meanders around all day? If this is his story, then he should have more of a personality or else its going to be boring.
Why are you spending so much time showing off the other characters? This site is made specifically for bronies! Everyone who reads this story is a brony! We already know who all the ponies are! You've spent so much time establishing things the audience already knows that you've completely left out any kind of plot development. 3600 words is a lot, and not much has been accomplished in that time. Some guy went to school. That's it. I'd suggest streamlining the story a bit. Cut out the fat and speed up the pacing.
1204203 I can see what you mean, but the story will pick up in a bit. I'm just trying to get past all the introductions and stuff first. All of the characters should be done with by chapter 3, then I will focus more on Autumn (or at least try.)
I guess I'm just used to writing characters in passive observant mode.