An Excessive Dream of Victory

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Comments ( 7 )

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Shanenator

Shanenator #1 · Sep 21st, 2020 · 3 · 1 · Aftermath ·

This is good. I like this. Nicely done.

cishole

cishole #2 · Sep 21st, 2020 · 3 · 1 · Aftermath ·

I love how descriptive and well paced this is. good job!

IcyChamber

IcyChamber #3 · Sep 22nd, 2020 · 1 · · Entirely Too Much Love ·

I don't know how you can dislike this story. There are several layers of critical mistakes Chrysalis makes, making the story more fun. Quite an innocent plot. And, yes, it's sexy.

One problem, perhaps .. chrysalis activity does not differ too much from what happened at the beginning. You want the fast character to be more productive with the environment. More movement in the description of what the character is doing. Otherwise, it turns out that she has always been with the same body. There is a description, but not enough evidence. Because even being very heavy, you can still turn around in front of the mirror, but you cannot do 10 things in a couple of minutes. So, we need a comparison before and after at least for specific moments, repeating the event, but with different weights.

Other problems, I don't think they fit the sex story. So good luck with the next story! Only forward!

evan555alpha