Here to make your day 'cuz why not
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Well, it’s always difficult to write a serious comment when the story is only one and you don’t know anything about the writer .. And usually comments are just an empty “pop” if you don’t criticize. And critics usually don't know anything about how to write. So, all comments/request comments is 99 percent useless. Everyone asks for their own and whines to get more so that they are given more free content .. But, who knows, maybe you will become one day a popular writer, you have something in you. So, I will collect everything that I managed to catch here.

So, this story clicked with me. That is a good sign. A writer constantly on the lookout is a good sign. Bad sign - the writer is looking for and does not know whether he will find something or not. I suspect there is a lack of readiness here. = Sometimes the story goes somewhere, sometimes not. We have checkers, but we do not see how far the board goes. And the further the process goes, the more we lose control and lose the thread.

However, checkers move, they are well controlled if they are interesting to the writer. The world is well described in the physical sense. I am an artist and I really follow that in the story that I read I could draw a comic book. For this, the script must have% 100 know where the character is position and how the character’s anatomy works. Your characters do not teleport, they act depending on the position of their body. However, while physically they are seen as living beings relative to their surroundings, I see a need for knowledge of anatomy. If you try, it’s good, but it feels like they are most likely made of wood. They move poorly, poorly understand what to do with their surroundings, sometimes they freeze for long minutes on the spot and the reader’s imagination is forced to think through these points.

Perhaps this is not important, because we get the basis of what is happening when they should use something, but the Devil sits in the details. And it makes no sense to lose opportunities if you want to increase the level of your work. Lose the viewer's attention once and the remaining days of work are no longer important. Remember that this is your time and you must make this time worthwhile and maximally effective, otherwise you are simply wasting it.
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I don’t need to describe the plot and specific moments, here everything is more or less. Besides the fact that you make the same mistakes every time a peak occurs. Do not be afraid to injure the viewer. This is why they are sitting here, and not because you are trying to waste time and leave the main secret for the end. It's just a bad taste. Divorces, triangles, dangerous topics - this is what you CAN do on sites where people move away from popular things that are censored.
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So, since you asked about the comment, here it is. I cannot write more detailed one, as I am usually ready to spend words on something really good. I hope this is only your first story. But I was pleased to see a dude who believes that sex is for stupid monkeys. Be original and knock the crap out of these people) They don’t pay you anyway, so you can torture them as much as you like. But remember that torture must be well thought out and realistic written. If you know how to convey this, you are already on the right track to level up.
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By the way, your story inspired me to art - https://www.deviantart.com/icychamber/art/my-practice-on-Fluttershy-847374700

and, actually, your story would have been nice if it had been drawn. Of course, if 80 percent had been cut and the characters did not consist of wood and move more. Good ideas are good, but usually all depends on how you bring it up for the viewer. So, I would not risk it.

Thank so much for the watch! It honestly means a lot to me. If you want, please leave me a comment on what you like about my story, or even what you don't like. No worries if you don't. Either way, you have a good day!