Pony Grumps
Welcome to Equestria, bitch/ Bath time
"Congratulations, Jon, you saved all of Hyrule from a giant pig. I think I have a cookie somewhere for you.”, said Egoraptor.
"Thanks. That's all for this episode of Game Grumps. Tune in next week, which will be next month for you guys by the way, for the new game!”, said Jontron as both of them started to laugh. After a few moments they finally stopped laughing as Ego reached up and turned the microphone off.
"Now what should we do?", said Egoraptor.
"Play another fucking game.”, said Jon.
"Oh yeah. Which one should we play?"
"I don't know.”, said Jon as he took out a random pen. "Here, throw this at the wall. Whichever game it lands on, we'll play."
"Aren't we just ripping off AVGN?"
"Just throw it."
"Fine." Ego grabbed the pen and threw it against the book case full of games. Jon got up and pulled out the case.
"This is a DVD; you got something to say to me?"
"It's not my fault, it's the pen. It got the wrong coordinates."
"Don't blame the pen, I like the pen."
"What do you have a crush on the pen?"
"Maybe I'm gay for pen."
"How do you know it's a boy pen?"
"Because it's a fucking pen, that's why." Just then, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it."
Jon opened the door to find a mail woman with a package. She had an all gray shirt, brown cargo shorts, a brown mail bag, blond hair, and she was crossed eyed. "Can I help you?”, said Jon, with a rock by his feet, but the mail woman said nothing. She just handed him a big package and walked off. "That was weird." He walked back in to find Ego playing with his Kindle.
"Who was it?"
"Apparently it was a package."
"From who?"
"I don't know, it's unmarked." Jon opened the package. Inside under all the week old, balled up paper, was a case. The case contained a disk that said 'Game Grumps: Adventures in Equestria.'
"We got a game."
"What's it called?", said Ego as Jon handed him the disk, he stared at it for less than a second before making up his mind. “Cool, let's play it." Ego got up and opened his 360s disk tray.
"Stick it in good.” said Jon as Ego got back on the couch.
The game booted up and an 8-bit screen came on with the Game Grumps logo on it. They both pressed the start button on their controller, then, all of a sudden, the screen turned into a back shot of them on the couch. They both turned around to see nothing, and then turned back several times.
"What the hell? Did we enter Spaceballs or something?” , said Ego. Jon put his hand out and started to wave it and saw his TV self waving it in sync.
"This is creeping me out, turn it off." Jon said as Ego got up and tried to turn the 360 off, but nothing happened.
"I can't, it won't let me."
"Try unplugging it." Jon suggested Ego grabbed the cord and pulled it out of the wall. Once it was unplugged, the screen went black, but a green dot remained on the screen. Ego jumped on the couch and both friends hugged each other in terror.
"I'm scared Jon."
"You have soft hair."
"I know." The TV began forming text for them to read. It said
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Game Grumps. I am going to have to put you in Equestria.” , said the text as a giant portal formed in the TV and lighting flowed out and grabbed them.
"The TV's going to rape us." said Ego
"Good bye cruel world." ,said Jon. Both of them got dragged into the TV, both screamed in terror at the sight of binary coding around them, as they fell deep into the unknown.
________________________________________________________________________________
Celestia was using her magic to spread bath salts into her large bath tub. She dipped her hoof into the water to test the temperature. She let out a satisfied moan when she found that the water was the perfect temperature. It wasn't too hot or too cold, it was warm and just right. She stepped into the bath and let out a sigh. She let her wings spread out as she submerged her whole body, except her mane and head, under the water.
"Ah, all my paperwork is done, my sister is taking over business for me, and I have three whole hours to myself." Celestia let out another sigh of relaxation and repeated "Three whole hours..." She closed her eyes and started dozing off.
As she dozed off, a small flame started to form above her head.
"Ah, that must be a new friendship report. How I love hearing from my subjects while I relax." The flame started flickering in place, but instead of a scroll, it formed into two bodies. Jon and Ego appeared from the area the fire had been, and fell into the water. Celestia had a look of surprise as the two of them came up from the warm water coughing hard.
"You okay, Jon?” said Ego
"I have water up my nose.”, said Jon as he blew water out of his nose "It's seriously way up there."
"Who, and what are you two?” asked Princess Celestia. Both of them slowly turned towards her.
"Who, and what are WE? Who, and WHAT are you, walking marshmallow with a head dildo and wings?"
"Oh, of course. My name Is Princess Celestia of Equestria. Now If I may repeat myself, who, and what are you?"
"My name is Egoraptor and this is Jontron. we're humans-.”, said Ego
"I don't know about you.”, said Jon
"Shut your goddamn face. I have no idea how we got here but I'm in a giant bath with a giant horse and a giant boner so I don't need you interrupting me."
"You mean a tiny boner.”, said Jon as Ego face palmed himself
"See, it's statements like that that makes people think we're gay."
"You two are certainly some interesting characters.”, said Celestia
"You're a character.”, said Ego
"How dare you, you know she’s from a cartoon.”, said Jon
"You don't know that."
"You are talking to a fucking..... What are you?"
"I'm an alicorn."
"A fucking alicorn, how often can you say you see one of those things?"
"I think they have one in Mexico somewhere, or maybe China, they think of everything."
"*Ahem* getting back on topic, I don't know how you two got in my bath, but it appears the bath time fun has been doubled."
"Jon, I'm having second thoughts about this place."
"Sister, can I borrow your conditioner... Oh, I didn't know you had company. They are very strange looking.”, said Luna. Ego looked at her with wide eyes that looked like someone saw the most beautiful thing in the world and his face formed a big smile.
"And now I'm having third thoughts."
"Maybe we should talk in a place that's more private.", said Celestia as she went out of the bath and used her magic to wrap a towel around her waist and mane. Both of the Grumps, annoyingly followed her out of the bath in soaking wet cloths.
As they walked to Celestia's bedroom, they all talked about each other’s worlds. They told her how they were internet personalities, and then they had to tell her what the internet was, though, they stayed away from talking about Rule 34. After a few minutes, they finally arrived at Celestia's chamber.
"Well, not that this wasn't fun, but could you magic us back to earth already?” asked Ego
"I'm afraid that since I don't know were your earth is I can't "magic" you anywhere. I can, however, make your stay here a pleasant one until me and my sister can get you two home. First we need to get you some disguises. Hold still." Celestia then blasted them both with a magic beam. After the smoke cleared, the moderately popular internet sensations, had been turned into ponies. Jontron was a unicorn with yellow fur, a black mane and tail, his two gears logo for a cutie mark, surprisingly enough, all of his clothes but his beige hat were gone. Egoraptor was a Pegasus with blue fur, a black mane and tail, and his animated face for a cutie mark.
"Great, I always wanted to be a horse.”, said Jon
"You’re a pony, not a horse."
"Oh, yeah, that makes me feel better. Not to question "God" but we don't have a place to live.”, said Jon
"Unless we are sharing with you two, in which case I call your sisters bed."
"That won't be necessary good sirs. My faithful student will be more than happy to take you two in until I can find a way to get you two home. Her name is Twilight sparkle and she lives in Ponyville library, It is easy to find since it's made from a tree, I will allow my guards to escort you there."
Both Jon and Ego trotted off towards the carrier, as the two flew over the alien country side, they noticed it was almost sunset outside.
"This place looks so beautiful.”, said Jon.
"Oh yeah, the hills or the city?”, said Ego.
"Neither. I don't have a vagina."
"Right answer.”, said Ego as he gave Jon a bro hoof. "Look, there’s the town."
"Ten bucks say this Twilight is a book worm.”, said Jon
"I say she’s a Twilight fan.”, said Ego
"You’re on." The carrier landed in the middle of Ponyville, as soon as they were off, the guards nodded and flew off, leaving the pair on their own. "So, where’s this place again?"
"All she said was it was a library built into a tree.”, said Ego
“I just realized that's a fire hazard waiting to happen.”, said Jon when all of a sudden they both were stopped by another pony. They both looked forward to see a certain pink colored pony.
"Hello?" Pinkie just stared at them silently. "Hello....... Um, green light." All of a sudden, Pinkie jumped in the air gasping, and ran off. "Now I'm legitimately scared of this place.” The Grumps trotted around for a while, until finally, they found the library.
"Well, should we just go in?"
"No dude, don't be rude. Just knock on the door, and wait for them to come." As Jon said that, the door opened and Jon slipped and fell in.
"Hello, you two must be the Princess' friends."
"Yeah, I'm Egoraptor, this pile on the floor is Jontron."
"Hi lady, your carpet is lumpy."
"That's because you’re lying on Spike." Jon got up and saw a pancaked Spike on the ground. He then used his magic to snap him back to normal.
"How did you know how to do that?" Jon mulled over the question for a few seconds and finally answered.
"I don't know."
"Where are we going to sleep? Because I'm getting tired."
"Well, I have an extra bed one of you can have, and one of you can sleep on the couch."
"I CALL THE COUCH.", quickly said Jon.
"I'll take the bed."
"Before you two go to bed, did you two happen come across a pink pony on the way here?"
"Why yes, and I just want you to know that if she has a problem we will be there for her."
"No, it's not that. Just be ready for a party tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Well it's getting late, let's go to bed.” said Jon as he jumped on the couch and pulled the blanket over himself.
"Something tells me our stay here won't end well.” said Ego as he trotted off to bed and quickly, dozed off.
i knew it was only a matter of time
1175774 Of course
1175793 i will give 7 asses for the idea
I rate this seven out of seven asses
The very fact that this exists is hilarious to me.
HEY I'M GRUMP!
1175827 AND I'M NOT SO GRUMP!
1175832
AND WE'RE THE GAME GRUMPS
Like and fav, nuff said :P
Oh god... Why? WHY DO I WANT TO READ THIS?!
It's ok, but there are a lot of formatting and grammar errors that are keeping me from liking it as much as i wanted. That, and it seemed to go by WAY too quickly. This could have easily been two chapters long (one mega chapter, if that was a better preference), if you had just taken your time. I don't mind the rapid fire conversations, because that's what Game Grumps is all about, but it should be broken up nicely with descriptions of the world they now inhabit, to add some flair to the whole thing.
I love the Game Grumps. I love Ponies.
But I just don't think Internetainers and Ponies go together. Personal opinion. It's whatever.
That said, I give you 7/7 asses for being the first to write it.
This could use some work in both formatting and grammar. It'd be nice if the rapid-fire conversations were broken up a little so I can stop laughing for a few seconds, because this is just so silly. I legitimately (c wut I did thar) felt like these would be actual conversations they would have, though they felt a bit overly jerkish towards Celestia and Luna. They're frickin' god-like beings, I don't think Ego and Jon are stupid enough to risk making those angry!
For now, how... how many ass do I think this gets? One, two, three, four... Four asses out of seven, but you could kick that up a notch with some work.
Also, inb4 boopin'-ass ponies
1175986 This is the boopines fimfic ever.
When I saw this, I was like Oh God, here we go...
But I read, and it wasn't half bad The only problem is the spelling. I suggest getting a friend to proof-read it first.
Still, funny stuff keep going! And maybe Jon and Egoraptor will notice...
1176039 I actually put it on there Facebook page. So heres hoping
Only read the title, and I have to read this. The boopinest fanfic ever.
HEY I'M DERP
I'M NOT SO DERP(insert Vynal Scratch icon here)
AND WE'RE THE GAME DERPS!!
1176056 Egoraptor as George Lopez: Heyee! Suhmbuhdee sehnt mee thees leenk uv thees geiz, thay mayd ah poonyfeec ayftur uhs! Mah frehnds wahch poonees, ahnd thay wehr leik, "I no theese geiz!"
I like the idea, and there are some pretty funny bits, but yeah this story really needs and editor. There's a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes, but I'm almost tempted to say "see if you can make it worse." The set up of having the Game Grumps visit Equestria could potentially be the next Spiderses. You know, so intentionally bad that it's awesome. (I'm not saying that your story is really bad, just that the concept came to me because of some of the missing punctuation.)
Your call, though. I love Game Grumps and I'm glad someone thought to do this so it earns my approval
Looks at pic reads immediately!
After reading: OH MY GOOOD! I LOVE IT!
The characters are well written and the story's kinda interesting, but your grammar's atrocious, which sucks since I really really want this to continue, but with better English. Just figure out how the punctuation works. My friends were reading it with me and we like to read stuff as it's written and our Egoraptor had to read all his lines as statements instead of questions.
Did you say Pinky?
IT'S PINKIEdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
1372049 I've honestly seen it spelled both ways.
1387571
Maybe a few times but 95% of the fandom, the wiki, and the shows creators all spell it Pinkie. Take from that what you will.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
1176011i don't know who the game grumps were but then i read alittle into the chapeter saw egorator was in this story and i shit bricks
Okay, there are so many things I could point out that bother me about this story. So, I will.
The plot is just plain contrived. Oh, Jon and Arin (as they refer to themselves in the show, not as Jontron and Egoraptor) get a game. Then I blinked and they were in Equestria. Turns out Derpy has dimensional-travelling abilities, and yet she only uses them to deliver packages. Okay, that actually sounds like a hilarious crossover comedy, so I'll give you props for that one. But even so, these two just take being teleported to Equestria like it's no big deal.
Same goes for their ponification. It's like they go to alternate universes every single day! And it just doesn't make any sense how Celestia doesn't suspect anything out of two mysterious creatures popping into existence over her private bath. Then she just decides to shoot them with her magical pony-making ray, because apparently she has no respect for their rights. I mean, I'm not going to take any stance on whether or not I'd mind being a pony, but no matter which side of the argument I'm on, I'd rather be ponified on my own terms.
Then in five sentences we're in Ponyville, and the Grumps have already met Pinkie (more on that later), accidentally crushed Spike, met Twilight, and set up their sleeping arrangements. It's like there are no conflicts, not even personal ones that come with forced relocation and transformations. You could have at least thrown in a sentence or two of them tripping over their own, never before used hooves. These two should be walking like toddlers, except worse because they'd have to unlearn human walking then learn pony walking. Now for the last three points I'd like to make. And yes, I saved the best (or in this case, worst) for last.
One: I have no idea who the fuck is speaking half the time.. Seriously, it's like you expect us to be able to magically know who is saying what throughout a good portion of this chapter. You can get away with not telling who is talking when it is obvious by what they're saying, but most of the time I just read a line of dialogue and had to do detective work just to realize who was talking. This is very bad writing, as it does nothing but confuse the reader, and not in a good mystery story kind of way.
Two: Jon just automatically knows how to use a brand new appendage? I understand that he doesn't know how he did it, but at the least this still means that subconsciously he knows how. Now, we can take this one of two ways. Either, one, Jon was once a unicorn but was turned into a human and given amnesia (a concept that I'm sure he would find amusing), or two, Celestia implanted the knowledge of how to use magic into his psyche. If the second is true, then we have to add mental invasion to her list of crimes. What I'm trying to say is that this makes absolutely no sense and only serves to disillusion the reader.
Three: FUCKING. THIS.
...So, these two go from being "legitimately scared" because of Pinkie to willing to help her like a good friend? Unless you're nice on the levels of Ghandi, you don't just offer to help someone who frightened you. This makes even less sense than the rest of the chapter. I just don't see any way these two could go from afraid to helpful faster than Rainbow Dash can clear a sky. It's like you threw in that line because you wanted to make them seem like the good guys, as if the fact that they're the main protagonists wasn't enough. Just, seriously, if nothing else fix this one thing!
Okay, I think that's about it. Please, please listen to what I'm saying. Because I guarantee that if I thought this, a butt load of other people all thought the same thing. There are plenty of places where you can get help on your stories. (Note, each of those words is a different link). I apologize if I sounded angry in this review, but you hit so many of my pet peeves in so little writing that I got a little irked.
TL;DR: This story hit almost every single horrible HiE cliche, please fix this.
Um... Wow. You ma friend need to get someone with some decent writing skills, smash your heads together, get a third writer, and revise every chapter in this story. Granted, I only read the first chapter, but that one was so bad I don't want to read the others. The first chapter alone is giving me stage 3 cancer. That's one cancer away from stage 4 cancer. And god knows I've got enough annoying shats giving me cancer on my plate already...
Oh, um, if you don't mind me saying, that is...
The pen part was the best.
Is... Is that a Nostalgia Critic reference?
Is... Is that a Nostalgia Critic reference?
5416449 Is... Is that a duplicate comment?
5416448 Is... Is that a duplicate comment?
It's probably WAY too late to say anything, but I the main problem I see is that the pacing is too fast. When there's such a potential concept like "The Grumps go to Equestria" then things need to slow down to let suspension of disbelief kick in, explain and let the characters interact and react to their environment. (Ex: Jontron rolled his eyes up to see that now, protruding from his forehead, was a spiraled horn. "Heh, heh. I'm a unicorn..." Jon muttered. He was quiet for only a second longer until he exploded in shock. "I'm a unicorn?!" Lady! You can't just do that to a guy!") It'll make things more interesting and can help make things more believable.
5786649
Yeah, the pacing in this thing is faster than Pinkie Pie's BPM. Like, Jesus Christ.