If you like mlp your a buddy to me :)
It’s best friends day in Equestria and the mane six want to show each other just how much they care. You’d think they knew by now that fate was like Discord when it came to timing. After an argument that threatens to snap their friendship like a twig, the girls must fix it and show each other what they said was out of anger and they didn’t mean it before the day ends. Oh, can’t forget the presents!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really like this, the only nitpick I have is the character's dialogue isn't spaced out in separate paragraphs. Usually when a new character starts talking there's a new paragraph. But it's a very good story otherwise.
My apologies if this sounds rude, but I have to say this.
I want to like this story. Really, I do. Bit I can't. It's... confusing to understand. Melody Song said itʼs a ʼnitpick,ʼ but it's more than that.
When you write dialogue, you need to separate your paragraphs according to your speaker. When the speaker changes, change the paragraph. Otherwise, you'll get huge walls of text like this one.
Again, I don't mean for this to sound rude. Would you like an example?
10277745
Thanks a lot for telling me, I picked out quite a few problems in my writing that I'm planning on fixing as soon as I can get to it and that includes dialogue and paragraphing. Again thank you for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated!
10277883
No problem. I really enjoy helping others when it come to their writing. Let me know if I can help you some more.
10277398
10277745
Thank you both for your feedback. I have fixed the dialogue problem! Or at least I believe I have. Thanks again for your help, hope this is better!
10277973
It is a lot better, less confusing. It's alright too, in my earlier days of writing I did the same, and now I've gone back and corrected the paragraphs myself. Still, this was a great story, I really liked it.
10277986
Thanks a lot, glad you enjoyed!
10277995
No problem
10277973
Okay. The story's much more readable now. Have an upvote. That said, there's still a few problems with dialogue.
This is wrong:
You don't put a period if the dialogue is followed by ʼsaid Character.ʼ You put a comma. Furthermore, the word ʼsheʼ is not to be in uppercase.
Right:
10278065
Thank you for the upvote and the help I’ll fix it right away.
10278083
My pleasure.