Fluttershy goes batshiz crazy and gets put in a mental asylum, where she meets Pinkie Pie.
Contains: Blood, Death, Swearing, Gore, Mental Facilites, and that’s it.
Chapters (1)
Mystoriessucklolyeet
Joined 9th May, 2020 ·
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Hi everyone! This was a small, one shot story to please y’all while I work on another one, and I hope you like it! I’m super proud of it too!
Sorry for this negative review, but this story completely lacks pacing, discernible motivations for anything the characters do and I goes into detail on pretty much all the wrong things, while glossing over everything important.
10265883
It’s ok, I can take criticism! If you could give me a few tips on what needs to be put into detail, that would be nice! I’m still new to this and I’d love to improve.
Ok, so. Behind Pinkies motives.
Her parents were killers , they died when she was little, and her foster parents were abusive. She found her mother’s cookbook, and in a state of insanity, rewrote the cupcake recipe, her favorite. She wanted to avenge her parents, but she had no one to kill, so she started numbering everyone and picking names from a hat. I’m not gonna go into detail on what she does.
As for Fluttershy’s motives, she wanted to stand up for herself, but messed up.
10265883
Oh btw, if you think THIS is bad, please do not look at Opposite Worlds. It’s my only other story and terrible.
10265905 Yes, but you can see how the reader doesn't know this. And stuff like this has to be in the story... and that standing up for her stuff, if I remember correctly whoever she attacked were just talking to her? If you really want to improve your writing maybe map the story out before you write it. And be sure that every character has understandable motives that sync up with their actions
10267812
I understand. Thank you for taking the time to help me.
Oh my...
10275460
Well damn
How did they never get caught?
horror stories need to have more depth. Such as making ponies don't want to read it... dark corners, dusty places, spider crawling out of eye sockets, lots of guts blood, and story, character feeling... etc ( heard a sound that was creeping behind her while the floor squeaked. ) Sounds in a fiction makes it worth more while in details. I give this fiction a 5/10.
This is my new acc btw- Iris