Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 38: On Your Left

“Can somepony please tell me why I’ve been summoned to participate in this bizarre event?” demanded Chancellor Holdfast as he stalked into the throne room of Canterlot Castle.

“Partly because I value your council and mostly because I said so,” drawled Purple Heart from where he sat on the throne. The white unicorn blinked and inclined his head in deference.

“Your majesty,” he greeted. “I have a Panel meeting I need to attend in an hour.”

“Well, if you all cooperate, maybe this won’t take very long,” Purple Heart assured.

A frown threatened to form on the Chancellor’s face and he nodded once, lips tight. Purple Heart looked around at the collection of advisors assembled before his throne and smiled thinly.

“Lord Jack, in the main foyer of his castle, had a big block of cheese.”

“Huh!” Holdfast grunted as the rest of the assembly sighed resignedly.

Purple Heart glared. “I am making a mental list of those who are snickering,” he warned, “and even as I speak, I am preparing appropriate retribution.” He paused, watching the ponies. “The block of cheese was huge, over two tonnes. And it was there, for any and all, who might be hungry.”

Holdfast raised a hoof. “Your majesty, wouldn’t this time be better spent plotting a war against a country that can’t possibly defend itself against us?”

Purple Heart replied immediately. “We can do that later, Chancellor. We already have one martial issue at the moment and right now I'm talking about Lord Jack.”

“Actually, you’re talking about a big block o’ cheese,” piped up one of the numerous aides.

“And you go on my list!”

The aide blinked. “What about the Chancellor?!” he squawked.

Purple Heart paused for a beat, then shrugged. “I’m unpredictable.”

“Clearly,” muttered Holdfast.

“Lord Jack wanted his castle to belong to his subjects,” Purple Heart continued, ignoring the aide that quietly opened the door to the throne room and sped their way over to the assembly. “So, from time to time, he’d open his doors to those who wished an audience.”

“And then he locked the doors behind them and made them eat two tonnes of cheese,” Holdfast grunted.

“It is in the spirit of Lord Jack that I ask you to attend to any worries or concerns of members of the public who find it difficult to get our attention,” Purple Heart stated.

“And you’re ordering us to do this… for what reason?” asked Holdfast.

“To show the public that despite the trying times we live in, we shall endeavor to attend to any concern they may have,” the purple king said. He cast a cold, hard gaze around at the advisors. “A King rules for his subjects. Not over them.” He blinked once, finally seeing the aide that had entered during his speech. “Yes?”

The aide pulled out an envelope from their satchel and held it up for all to see. “I bring a message from Wits End, Strategos of the Second Alicorn Diarchy, Grand Marshal of the Equestrian Expeditionary Force and...” The aide trailed off, squinting at a smudge on the back of the envelope. “...Best… something, I think.”

Purple Heart scowled. “And you didn’t think this was important because… why?”

The aide winced. “You were in the middle of orating,” they explained. “I didn’t feel it proper to interrupt.”

“Forgiven,” Purple Heart said immediately.

“And the aide with the message from the leader of an invading force doesn’t go on the list,” muttered the original dissenter amongst the advisors.

Purple Heart beckoned the aide forward and stepped off the dais to meet them. Once the envelope was in his hooves, he waved a hoof in dismissal and opened the message.

The page itself was blank, aside from a small inscribed spell array. Once the letter was open, a 3D projection of Wits End appeared, standing on the page in the familiar robes of his character in Discord’s game. He appeared to be talking to somepony off the page. “No, it’s dramatic and thematic. It’s not a silly outfit; it’s a callback.” The scale model of Wits turned back to face Purple Heart. “To whichever of the rotating array of acting commanders-in-chief is currently warming the throne of Equestria, this is an official communication on behalf of the Second Alicorn Diarchy. I speak with the full authority of Princesses Sol Eater and Penumbra; future benevolent rulers of this land and its inhabitants.”

“He’s a bit poncy, isn’t he?” Holdfast asked curiously.

“We stand,” Wits’ image continued, now pacing across the page, “on the brink of a full-out war. One that would only bring devastation to Equestria’s lands, and suffering to its ponies. Your only defences are an unprepared royal guard, and a pair of princesses. One of which,” he motioned to a cut on his cheek with a smirk, “has already been bested in single combat, and sent running with her tail between her legs.

“However, let it be known that neither the Princesses of the Second Alicorn Diarchy nor myself are cruel or malicious in this. I offer you a trio of possible paths for Equestria’s future. The first: you continue as you have so far. The Diarchy shall overrun Equestria from its border inward, cutting its heartland off from both escape and trade, and leaving its ponies to wait until a lack of supplies forces your hooves.” Wits End paused, then shook his head. “This, I cannot recommend.

“The second is your surrender.” The recording paused for a moment as a few of the gathered ponies gasped. “Let it be known that annexation into the Diarchy would not mean an unconditional surrender. There are allowances that can be made to maintain a certain level of autonomy of the Equestrian people. Those allowances are, of course, dependent on the good will shown by your administration in the time before your inevitable surrender.

“Finally,” Wits’ recording turned, looking Purple Heart in the eyes, “I offer the Equestrian ponies a wager. A natural evolution of the war and strife and conflict that this would all bring.” He paused, then smiled. “Single combat. Strategos of the Diarchy against your acting prince or princess. Should you win in a fair fight, the Alicorns of the Diarchy shall retreat, and Equestria can know peace once again. Should you lose…” Wits’ smile widened. “Well now, that would be unconditional surrender.

“This letter is enchanted to return to the Diarchy with your response, so I do hope you’ll do us the courtesy of passing along your decision promptly.” The projected Wits summoned a projected hand by his head. “Let your leader know that this fight would not be like our last one.” With a snap of his fingers, Wits’ image vanished. After a few seconds, a beep tone sounded and Purple Heart blinked, the gold eyes of Beekler flashing green for a split second.

“Hello, Wits End,” he spoke, voice booming around the throne room. “I am King Beekler Alfreeves of Equestria, the current monarch. In favor of expediency, I shall be brief.”

The advisors looked around at each other, wondering where their monarch was heading with his words.

“Where and when, penguin?” He returned the paper to its envelope and sealed it, ignoring the outcry from the advisors as it vanished in a spark of magic. With a roll of his neck, Purple Heart sighed, letting the advisors vent at him for a few more seconds while he walked back up to his throne. Once settled, he looked down at the rabble of ponies and spoke.

“ENOUGH.”

Silence. The advisors knew the Royal Canterlot Voice when they heard it and meekly looked up at their sovereign.

Purple Heart looked at the collection of ponies for a moment. Then he spoke.

“I do not feel an uplifting speech is what is needed right now,” he said, his voice soft, yet it was easily heard around the cavernous chamber. “Our existence hangs on the brink of subjugation. Our forces are outnumbered. We are nearly surrounded.” He paused, eyes closing for a moment. When he opened them, his voice was louder, bolder, and full of passion.

“I do not ask of you many things,” Purple Heart said, “and when I do, it is not for much. But, I must ask you this once… to trust me. I have a plan. And I will not let Equestria fall under the yoke of these False Monarchs. Not when our True Princesses already exist. I can only hope that they return soon. But until then… trust me.”

Purple Heart then stood and walked down from the throne into the midst of advisors. “However,” he warned, “if you think not to, you had best find somepony amongst yourselves to face the Diarch’s champion.” He looked around, scrutinizing the assembly. All avert their eyes and some ducked their heads in deference.

“No?” Purple Heart growled. “Then get out of my way.” The scrabbling of hooves echoed around the throne room as the advisors scrambled to clear a path for their King and he swept through them and out the door, gesturing for the guards to accompany him. Once the door shut, the advisors broke out into panicked conversation, save one. Chancellor Holdfast arched an eyebrow after the King and hummed.

“Most interesting,” he murmured, turning to leave for his Panel meeting. “Most interesting indeed...”

* * *

“How is just one Pony beating you?!” shouted the lead Diamond Dog before having to duck another of his pack. The plan had been simple. His dogs would help as they had been, and when the pesky birds and noisy bulls started their inevitable fight, they’d quietly sneak in through hidden passages, steal the orb, and sneak out. Then they could trade it for whatever they wanted.

The diamond dog leader yelped as another of his clan flew past. How could one pony be beating them?! “Fight harder!” he shouted. “Remember, you not just fighting for youselves! You fighting for the whole clan! And you fighting for me! We could trade Orb to live in a cave of giant crystals if we wanted!”

The dog’s leader yelped involuntarily when something bowled him over. He laid on the ground dazed for barely seconds before he realized something that worried him more than the sounds of the fight. And that was the lack of sounds of the fight.

His ears twitched as he listened to the sound of multiple dogs, including himself, breathing. He was also able to pick out the pony breathing. With a grunt, he shifted the blocking his vision and found himself face to face with the pony. “Wait,” he rasped out. “We thought Orb was easy mark. Clearly we wrong. You not hurt us… farther and we leave now,yes?”

“Actually, I think it would be further.”

“What?”

“You said ‘hurt us farther’. I think the word you want is ‘further’.”

“I don’t care what word used. You not hit, I not stay, deal?”

“Deal. Take your wounded and go.”

The Diamond Dog leader quickly got to his feet and started to stir the nearest of his pack. “Get up and help others. We go now and we not face chair again. And no tell of this, none of us want entire guard units armed with chairs!”

Light Patch watched the dogs gather themselves. He leaned against the now disfigured chair he’d been using against the dogs. He smiled as the leader kept hushing whispers as they started. Eventually, they’d managed to sort themselves out and he watched them quickly shuffle away. His eyes met with those of the Diamond Dog’s leader as he paused at the entrance of the tunnel as the rest of his pack passed.

The Diamond Dog leader watched his dogs pass, and made sure none were planning anything. Who think chairs be such dangerous weapon? He thought, checking one of his subordinates’ wounds as he passed. Or that pony behind this be so competent with them? He seem like joke at first, but now... The dog nodded at the pony before turning to run. Joke not so funny when you punchline.

Once all of the other pack members were on their way down the tunnel, the pack leader pushed his way to the front. No sooner did he reach it when another pony-shaped figure emerged from the darkness: this one making up for a lack of horns or furniture with a horn. “Oh, pony!” the pack leader called, waving a paw. “You no want go that way!”

The unicorn cocked her head, taking in the sight of the battered Diamond Dogs. “Let me guess,” she said slowly. “Whatever did this to you is that way?”

“Yeah! Crazy pony! You no go down there less you want chair to the head.” The pack leader tapped his chest with a claw. “We going back where it warm, or my name no Major Tom.”

“Thank you for the warning.” Moon Dancer gave the diamond dog a nod. “Unfortunately, I suspect that crazy pony is who I came here to stop. Thank you for tiring him out at least.” Moon Dancer walked past the Diamond Dogs

Major Tom shook his head as he watched the unicorn go. “No wonder we never win. all ponies crazy,” he muttered as she took off once clear of the pack’s stragglers.

Moon Dancer burst into the room and immediately spotted Light Patch about to grab the Orb. She froze and in a panic said the first thing that came to her mind: “Not today Zorg!” The grey pegasus froze and looked at her.

“It’s Zurg actually and did you just use a movie quote at me?”

“It was the first thing I could think of.”

“I’m surprised you still remember that movie,” the pegasus said.

“It stuck in my mind as one of the few without a parallel shared between our worlds,” Moon Dancer said, moving closer to the scaffolding.

“It does fit coming from the hero to a villain as it does in the movie. Well, minor antagonist in the movie, but in the characters’ back stories I guess it is hero to villain...” Light Patch trailed off as the two looked at each other. “You’re here to stop me then?”

Moon Dancer locked eyes with Light Patch. “I suppose I am.”

* * *

In a flash of light, Wits End and Trixie appeared on the edge of the Everfree Forest. The two of them were just out of sight of Ponyville, and the nearby roadway was abandoned as far as either of them could see. “It feels weird to be back here,” Trixie muttered. “After running away back then, it’s… It’s just weird.”

“That was a tactical retreat,” Wits said, taking a few deep breaths to ward off teleportation sickness. “Or… No, wait, that was an attempt to unfetter the Mane Six so we could have a fair fight. In either case, definitely not running away.”

The two of them fell silent for a second. “Are you sure about this?” Trixie said eventually. “Fighting Purple Heart sounds like a good way to get yourself beaten to a pulp. Or… well, or worse.”

“Are you kidding? I should’ve led off with this back when Celestia and Luna were around.” Wits started pacing, stretching his legs and taking in the sights. “Trust me, I know Purple Heart. Even when I was being manipulated by Sol Eater into fighting, he pulled his punches.”

“So you might win?”

“Seriously? Dude’s built like a brick that never skipped leg day. I’m losing this fight for sure.” Wits grinned. “Just not bad enough to spend more than a couple of days in the hospital. Purple Heart’ll beat me, but he’ll offer me a chance to surrender once it’s obvious I’ll lose. I take it, the Alicorn’s will be honorbound to end the war, and everypony lives happily ever after. All according to keikaku.”

Trixie frowned. “But the Alicorns will have to go back to that other world and go extinct.”

“Not hardly.” Wits waved a dismissive forehoof. “Part of my redemption arc is gonna be working with the Alicorns; either re-establishing them in their own world, or setting up their new enclave somewhere in Equestria. I’ll talk to Twilight and let her know I feel bad about dragging them through the mud like this. She’ll eat that up.”

“You’ve got this all figured out, haven’t you?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a genius.”

“But what if the Alicorn’s don’t surrender?”

“That’s why you’re here. You can give them a first-hoof account of how it was a close battle, but Purple Heart won fair and square. The two of us shook hooves, agreed to a white peace, and looked off into the sunset or something sappy like that.” Wits shrugged. “Their world’s simpler and more trope-y than even this one. They’ll accept that as an end to the war.”

After a moment, Trixie smiled. “Well, you might just have this in the bag, then.”

Wits nodded back with a smile. That smile slowly wilted as he sniffed the air. “Do you smell… ozone?”

The clearing around them burst into light, and the two unicorns found themselves surrounded by dozens of armored, and armed, Alicorns. “Strategos!” one shouted, half-trotting up to Wits End and giving a stiff bow. “Thank the stars we were able to catch up with you.”

Wits blinked rapidly at the assembled troops. “Bwuh?”

The Alicorn removed their helmet, revealing Iron Maiden’s smiling face. “You left so suddenly, we weren’t certain if following the teleportation trail would even work.” She gestured to the other Alicorns, her smile growing wider. “Fortunately, we have been ready to go since you proposed the duel to the Diarchs!”

Something audibly clicked inside Wits’ skull. “You- This is all of the soldiers from the Cloudsdale assault.”

“Yes sir!” Iron Maiden saluted, hiding a wince. “With Princess Penumbra’s permission, we’ve been reformed into your personal guard! The 597th Equestrian Regiment!”

Both Wits’ and Trixie’s jaws dropped, but Iron Maiden went on excitedly regardless. “Now, I’ll be keeping out of combat for now. The fake alicorn’s magic was quite effective; for a faker, that is. Oh, but don’t worry about me, strategos! Alicorns are a hearty breed, so I’ll be back at fighting strength in a few days! Until then, the rest of the 597th will stick with you and keep you safe!”

“Great,” Wits whimpered. “Can you give Trixie and I a minute? Alone?”

Iron Maiden nodded. “Of course! I’ll get the troops in formation and ready for a show of force as we approach the battlegrounds!” The armored alicorn practically skipped as she gathered her comrades.

Wits grabbed Trixie around the neck and pulled her in close. “Okay,” he whispered frantically, “maybe this is a good thing. More eyes on the fight mean more corroborating accounts when I go down in the 3rd round. With…” He looked back, doing a quick headcount. “Maybe a hundred alicorns watching, they can all tell the army I lost and that the war’s over.”

“Or,” Trixie hissed back, “they can be fanatically loyal to you and refuse to accept your loss. Didn’t you abandon the attack on Cloudsdale because one of them was injured?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“And didn’t you call them your friends? Not even part of your crew, but your friends?”

“Yeah, but-”

“And isn’t their leader the very same one you turned back to help, fighting through the pain of her injuries to prove to you that she’s willing to fight for you?”

Wits looked back, noticing a limp in Iron Maiden’s walk. The alicorn noticed his gaze, and shot him a broad smile. Slowly, Wits turned back. “Trixie.”

“Yes?”

Wits took a deep breath, and looked her in the eyes. “I’m gonna need you to cast a cone of silence on me, ‘cause I have a lot of emotions that can only be expressed by saying things that are decidedly not PG.”

Trixie blinked. “And then what?”

“Then? Then I go get my ass kicked by Purple Heart and hope Ponyville’s still standing by sundown.”

* * *

“Uh, Twi?” Applejack looked back from her place on the balcony. “We got company. They don’t look like the friendly kind, either.”

Twilight groaned, attempting to rub the bags off her eyelids. “Why can’t it ever be a diplomatic mission? Why is it always invasions and conquests? Just once, I’d like to be the Princess of Friendship without having to fight ponies.”

Rarity leaned her head down to Spike’s side. “Is she quite alright?”

“She was woken up by a letter from Canterlot telling her about this whole duel of the fates,” Spike sighed. “I get the sense she’s not too pleased with being kept out of Equestria’s governing.”

“When all this is over,” Twilight continued, “I’m dissolving both the P.I.S.S. and the Council.”

Applejack stepped down off the balcony. “Ya’ll mean like ‘disbandin’, right? Not ‘boilin’ in acid’?”

Twilight gave the farmpony an unreadable look. “I take it our company is the Alicorns?”

“Uh… Yeah. ‘Bout a hundred of them, looked like. An’ the Royal Guard’s coming from Canterlot’s direction.”

“I thought the letter said it was to be single combat?” Rarity mused. “Do Wits End and Regent Alreeves expect to have a score of retainers and seconds in this duel?”

Fluttershy cleared her throat in a way that somehow managed to make no sound whatsoever. “For Wits, it’s, um, probably so the ponies of Ponyville don’t take him out first. I think Starlight probably still has a… bit of a grudge.”

“She called him a corrupting influence that should be purged with fire and salt,” Rarity deadpanned.

“She’s had a lot of time to think about it,” Fluttershy muttered.

“So what’s the plan?” Applejack was looking at Twilight, who was staring out the window. The first of the alicorn aerial scouts were coming into view over the railing. “With Dash and Pinkie out, we ain’t playin’ with a full deck here. Do we circle the wagons? Or try an’ break this up before it starts?”

“Neither.” Twilight stood. “The regent wants a fair fight, so we’ll let them beat the snot out of each other.”

Applejack stared at the purple alicorn. “Twi, that don’t sound so ‘friendship’-y to me.”

“Relax. If it looks like Beekler will lose, we’ll save the day at the last possible moment; like we always do. If he’s going to keep the second-highest ranked pony in Equestria out of the loop and treat the Elements of Harmony like a separate entity, then we’ll be making our own decisions anywhere the Panel hasn’t told us ‘no’.” Twilight shot a wicked grin at the other ponies. “I don’t recall Holdfast telling us we can’t interfere in a battle for Equestria’s future.”

Fluttershy knelt down next to Spike. “Twilight seems a little… scary today.”

“Two hours of sleep over three days will do that to a pony,” Spike replied. “Plus, she got a broken folding chair in the mail today.”

Fluttershy blinked. “What.”

“Besides,” Twilight continued, pacing around the room, “I have a feeling that ‘Beekler Alreeves’ is either another string clone of Purple Heart, or perhaps Purple Heart himself. If Wits beats him and he turns into dust, we’ll know he’s a clone.”

“And if he is Purple Heart?” Rarity asked.

“Then we’ll be stepping in to keep Wits End from becoming a smear on Ponyville’s outskirts.” Twilight paused, chewing idly on one of her wing feathers. “I just wish Moondancer would let me know if the spell works. With the two of them together, now would be the perfect time to hit them both at once.”

“The filterin’ spell?” Applejack scratched her head under her hat. “Why not hit’m with it anyway? It sounds like if it don’t work, then no harm done.”

“Sure, aside from the Princess of Friendship blasting the leaders of the two largest armies in Equestria with an unknown magic spell.”

Applejack frowned. “Yeah, that’d probably get P.I.S.S.’s attention.”

“So we simply wait?” Rarity asked. “Wait and watch as two of our friends beat each other senseless?”

Twilight stopped. “As much as I hate to say it: yes. But not from here. We’ll need to get out to the field.”

“Where the duel will take place?” Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “Won’t we have a better view from your castle?”

“If we do have to step in, we’ll want to be as close as possible. Besides,” Twilight opened the door with her magic, “there’s a fight happening in Ponyville. There’s gonna be a crowd.”

* * *

Purple Heart let out a sigh of exasperation. The field bordering the edge of Everfree Forest was empty save for himself, Generals Belisaddelus and Casus Belli, a pair of Royal Guard Pegasi Flyers, and several subordinate officers under the Generals’ direct command.

Wits End was late. The residents of Ponyville were peering out of their windows and doors, watching the assembly of military ponies and their current Regent. Shifting a little under their collective gaze, Purple Heart rolled his shoulders in a vain attempt to relieve the tension building there.

“Would you like a seat, your majesty?” Belisaddelus inquired. Purple Heart grinned at the general and shook his head.

“I’ve had to stand and walk for hours on end in the past, General,” he replied. “A few minutes won’t hurt me. Now, quiet. I’m concentrating.” Belisaddelus shared a confused look with Casus Belli, seeing his own incomprehension mirrored in his counterpart’s eyes. Only Purple Heart could see the multitude of strings sprouting from all across his back and stretching up into the sky, heading off into one of three directions. A few more minutes and his back up would be ready for anything the minty ‘Strategos’ had planned.

“Your majesty, look!” one of the pegasi called, pointing to the south. The assembly of ponies turned, following the pegasi’s outstretched wing. Cresting over the treetops of Everfree, a number of armoured alicorns appeared. The lead alicorn banked hard over the field and the cadre behind them followed suit, sending gusts of wind that buffeted Purple Heart and his own coterie. Instead of landing however, the lead flyer soared away over Ponyville, eliciting cries of surprise and fear from the inhabitants. Doors and windows slammed shut as the denizens of the town hid from the circling alicorns.

“Why won’t they land?” Casus Belli muttered darkly as the cadre soared directly overhead and banked back over Everfree.

“This is what is called ‘posturing’,” Purple Heart replied. “I believe our challenger is declaring his superiority by using a ‘bit’, so to speak.”

“A ‘bit’, your majesty?” Belisaddelus questioned.

“Indeed.” Purple Heart raised his voice and boomed, “That had better be drum beats you’re humming, Wits. If it's ‘Ride of the Valkyries’, I’m going to drop kick you back to those dress-up nuts of yours.”

“Geez, go figure that the loud-mouth would have such a loud mouth.” A flight of alicorns broke off, landing a safe distance away from Purple Heart’s party. Wits End dismounted from one, with Trixie hopping off another, and the flight took to the air once again. “The ‘posturing’ serves double duty, by the way. It also keeps the rest of Ponyville inside and safe, since there’s only one flank here I want kicked.” He paused, looking over Casus Belli, followed by the rest of the guards. “I see we both brought an audience. Are you sure these are the ponies you want watching your royal beating?”

“Yes.” Purple Heart cocked his head. “Well, sorta... Kinda. They’re here in case something ruins our fight. Like an arrow or a spear or something.” He blinked once, looking over Wits’ shoulder. “Is that your fan club? They look too adoring not to be.”

Wits smirked. “Yeah, believe it or not, they’re here ‘cause they like me, and not because they’re doggidly following the word of the law to serve a 2-bit seat-warmer. What were you before? Like, 20th in line for the throne?”

Purple Heart shrugged. “I thought I was just the butler,” he replied. “Regent Blueblood’s reasoning for why he saw fit to name me his successor should he become unfit to perform his duties has continued to elude me since he stated his intention.” He shrugged again. “He must trust me for some reason.”

“Unlike me,” snapped Twilight as she strode toward the two colts, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Spike hot on her heels. Some of the inhabitants of Ponyville had resumed their overt spectating when Twilight appeared on the scene. Coming to a stop between Purple Heart and Wits End, she glared at the pair. “I’m going to say this just once: stop this madness now!”

Purple Heart and Wits End looked at the Princess of Friendship, then at each other, back to Twilight, back to each other, then back to Twilight.

“Nah,” they chorused, stepping towards each other.

Twilight sighed, then shrugged. “Well, I tried.” She stepped back towards her friends.

With a glint from his horn, a dozen spectral hands surrounded Wits. “By the time this is done,” he said with a smirk, “I think you’ll be back to being the Purple Bruise.”

Green threads burst from Purple Heart’s back and coalesced into a massive fist and for once, was visible for all to see. “I wouldn’t count on it,” Purple Heart replied. “A Master Hand fight sounds like a smackdown in my favor. I’ve got quality over quantity.”

Both combatants inhaled deeply as they met on the field.

“Prêt… ALLEZ!”

* * *

The two stared at each other for a few moments without moving. Light Patch faked a cough into his hoof. “You didn't think this far ahead, did you?”

“I was a little busy trying to get here first while avoiding the not so civil war going on. Congratulations on getting that part of your plan to work.” Moon Dancer gave a small clap.

“Only took two tries. I did have some good help with that too,” Light Patch replied modestly, letting the awkward silence roll back in.

“I don’t suppose I can simply talk you out of doing this?” Moon Dancer asked, earning a thoughtful look from Light Patch before he reached a hoof out and grabbed the Orb of Glacious.

“That's a ‘no’.”

“What's your real plan?” Moon Dancer asked carefully, trying to get herself closer without him noticing fully.

“Tell you what Moony-I bet that’s what Pinkie would call you-why don’t you tell me what you’ve figured out and I’ll fill in the gaps?” Light Patch suggested with a smile. He leaned on the Orb which was floating in the air in front of him.

“Why do villains always want to see how much we’ve figured out?”

“I figure the ones that do that think they're smarter than everyone else. They crave the chance to tell others how dumb and wrong they are. I just want to know how well I was hiding my end game,” Light Patch answered, earning a derisive snort from Moon Dancer.

The mare took a moment to plan out her words before beginning to speak. “Your original plan seemed like it was to ‘simply’ make a portal. Then you changed it when you realized how easily the portal could be used to manipulate universes, possibly pulling them closer to reduce magic strain and letting them open and stay open more. But, I think you’ve changed the plan again. I didn’t have time to figure out this most recent twist.”

“Not only can you bring them closer,” Light explained, “but you could, in theory, merge them. A little spark of a random idea and thinking of the Hydra’s plan gave me the idea of merging my home universe with this one. We could be Solar neighbors. In fact with a little bit of manipulation I think we could fold every universe together. Don’t tell me you’re not tempted to get a chance to meet your favorite characters from fiction.”

“And risk having another solar system appear in ours for taking that chance?”

“It’s like making an Angel Cake. You don’t just dump it in and mix it all up. You gotta carefully fold it in.”

“I don’t think you can equate baking to stellar physics,” she muttered quietly.

“You gotta fold those whites in or everything falls apart… or undergoes nuclear fusion, which will ruin all of the angel cakes forever.”

“What I really don’t get is what you need the Orb for?” she demanded, dragging them back to the important topic.

“It’s simple. Power”

“You’re going to power the portal with souls?” Moon Dancer asked, freezing in her surprise.

“No, with the artifact. It’s already broken. Trying to use this sucker would probably blow it up at this point. But tell me you can’t feel the power this thing is humming with,” Light Patch said, holding the Orb off to the side. Moon Dancer’s eyes narrowed.

“I know and that’s why I’m going to stop you,” she declared as her horn lit up, dumping all of her magic into the spell she’d been mentally preparing for. Light Patch realized a fraction after her horn lit up that moving the artifact from between them was a bad idea. He tried to re-interpose the artifact between them to get her to fizzle the spell. But his hoof started to move just as a beam shot from her horn. This panicked reaction resulted in his second critical mistake as the artifact was finished moving just to catch most of the spell with only a little glancing off to strike him.

Light Patch grunted and staggered back a pace. He looked at the Orb. “We really lucked out at that not breaking the-” The Orb threw out a massive pulse of energy, slamming the grey pegasus into the ice pillar. The last thing he saw before blacked out was the Orb dropping to the scaffolding where it split in two.

* * *

“I-incredible…”

Belisaddelus took in the sight before him. What had been a plain, open field looked more like a battlefield after three straight days of consistent combat. Craters like those left by unicorn artillery groups were scattered as far as the eye could see, forming an invisible barrier between the site of the duel and the watching crowd.

“All of this,” Belisaddelus breathed, “from just two ponies.”

“Yeah.” Twilight sighed. “This is gonna be a pain to clean up.”

“C-clean up?” Belisaddelus blanched. “This is like a battlefield between the Princesses themselves! If anything, this should be commemorated as a national landmark.”

“One caused by two national pains in my flank,” Twilight grumbled. “At least they’re not putting everything they could into it.”

The general’s eyes looked like they could pop out of their sockets at any moment. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means no-pony is using an overpowered gauntlet or turning into a Timberwolf.” Twilight shrugged. “I guess I should be happy that they’re just using their-”

She was cut off by a spray of dirt from the battlefield. “... fists. Watch your aim, would you!”

Wits End rolled to his hooves. “Little busy!” With a yelp, he vanished a moment before Purple Heart’s fist slammed into the space he’d been occupying. “You couldn’t pull at least one punch?!”

“We both have our own collection of onlookers that are highly invested in our respective victories,” Purple Heart answered, splitting the massive fist into dozens of smaller undulating limbs, “and you think pulling punches is a good idea?” The weave of green fists swarmed Wits End, sending the unicorn squeakily dancing backward. One solitary fist held back by Purple Heart’s head. “There. Pulled a punch. Happy?”

“Not really!” Wits grit his teeth. This is bad, he thought, throwing out his own flurry of fists to keep Purple Heart at bay. One of those big fists would be a good way to go down, but if I got K.O.’d without landing a few good hits of my own, the Alicorn’s won’t take it well. I need this to be a close defeat, not a ROFLstomp.

The unicorn’s eyes gleamed as he saw Purple Heart shift his weight, ready to advance like a rank of Earth Pony Cavaliers. But if I catch him before he gets his momentum up… Wits kicked off, throwing himself towards the regent. It was only a moment of surprise in Purple Heart’s eyes, but it was all Wits would need as he summoned another fist.

A pulse of energy washed over the rooftops of Ponyville, and straight into the dueling ponies. Purple Heart, hooves still firmly planted on the ground, took the buffeting force with a grimace. Wits End, however, had no such luck. The wave wasn’t enough to blow him off course, but it was enough to slow him down.

Just enough time for the Purple Barbarian to steady himself.

Growling at the sudden wave of energy that crashed over the field, Purple Heart glared balefully at Twilight. A smile twisted his lips in a cruel sneer when he saw the look of panic on her face. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wits End dazedly regain his footing. With speed belying his size, Purple Heart dashed towards his stunned opponent and grabbed him with his strings. Holding the mint-colored unicorn over his head, and deaf to the panicked string of ‘nope’s spilling from his mouth, Purple Heart turned towards the assembly of alicorns and made eye-contact with the lead officer.

“Well,” he rumbled. “How do you want to do this?”

The lead alicorn shifted worriedly. “Preferably peacefully?”

Purple Heart grinned widely. “Nah.” With a blur of green, Wits End hit the ground hard. As his strings receded, Purple Heart looked down at the stunned unicorn.

“Stay down,” he hissed, turning away from the painful wheezing drifting up from the pulverized crater.

Wits stared up at the sky from his newly created crater. One hoof twitched as he took a breath of stinging air. As far as he could tell, nothing was broken; just very, very bruised. I guess he can pull punches after all, he thought. He considered pulling himself out of the hole, but decided against it for the moment. Maybe the ROFLstomping will work out after all. That was a pretty decisive blow. If I don’t get up, maybe they’ll think I was well and truly bested. A weak smile formed on his face. It’s not the way I planned it, but I’ll take it.

“Dishonor!”

The smile slipped off Wits’ face and sunk into the dirt. All of these hands, and I can’t catch a single break.

Iron Maiden landed in a flurry of wingbeats, leveling an accusing hoof at Purple Heart. “This is a farce! The terms of the duel clearly stated that there would be no outside interference! Yet the moment the Strategos took the upper hoof, you summon some sort of external magic! Is this what you Equestrians consider a fair fight, you scoundrel?”

Purple Heart turned away from his generals and looked back across the field at where Iron Maiden stood. “Amongst some circles, yes, this was considered a fair fight,” he replied. “But honestly, I must deny your accusation of my utilizing an external variable to skew this combat in my favor. Quite frankly, it was probably a puff of cloud or something.” He waved a hoof vaguely in Twilight’s direction. “What you fail to consider is the condition of your strategos. He is a thinker. Not a fighter. Were this a Battle of Wits, I would have actually needed to consider the wine in front of me. But it wasn’t. It was a duel of physical talent… with the added benefit of some extraneous abilities. And yes, the ‘Battle of Wits’ bit was a pun.”

“Your wordplay won’t fool me, knave!” Iron Maiden growled. “That magic clearly came from the direction of your capital! Do you expect me to believe that no-pony would watch their ruler fight in a battle such as this without some plan to tip the scales in their favor?” She shot a glare at Twilight. “Perhaps your false alicorn couldn’t stand the thought of her lover being wounded, and so set up a contingency for just such an occasion!”

Twilight found herself choking on a particularly difficult piece of oxygen. “What?!”

“In the face of this treachery,” Iron Maiden continued, “I, Iron Maiden of the Second Alicorn Diarchy, must demand your immediate surrender!”

Purple Heart blinked. “You wish to surrender to me?” he asked. “Very well. I accept.”

Iron Maiden stared at him. “That’s not what I said, and you know it. Now you’re just being difficult.”

With a smirk and a low bow, Purple Heart said, “guilty.” He straightened and his disposition shifted, his face taking on a grim countenance as he looked at Iron Maiden. “However, I expected some displeasure with the outcome of this duel. So I provided myself a little insurance.” With a flex of his shoulders, a pillar of green threads burst from his back and shot straight up, piercing the clouds above Ponyville. A pulse of green energy blossomed at the peak of this sudden emerald spire and cascaded out in all directions. Several seconds of silence passed as all eyes were glued to the green tower sprouting from Purple Heart’s shoulders. Then a distant rumble was heard from within Everfree Forest.

“Ehm, your majesty?” Belisaddelus asked. “What was that?”

“Reinforcements.” The spire vanished back between Purple Heart’s shoulder blades as the rumble grew louder as whatever was in the forest drew closer. Just as the rumble reached a crescendo, Purple Heart looked at Iron Maiden.

“Iron Maiden of the Second Alicorn Diarchy!” boomed Purple Heart. “I, Purple Heart, Regent of Equestria, deny your request for surrender! The shroud of your invasion shall fold under our retaliation!” The sound of cracking timber and shuddering leaves drew all eyes to the treeline of Everfree Forest as rows of glowing green and gold armour tramped out onto the field. Once more, strings sprouted from Purple Heart’s body and lifted him up above the approaching army. Once the center of the formation drew perpendicular to the Regent’s floating form, the suits of armour halted and left-faced, their empty helmets pointing to the alicorn group.

Purple Heart grinned widely over his army as answering beacons of green energy surged upward to the northwest and northeast. “Flyers,” he barked, addressing the two pegasi in his coterie. “Inform Colonel Hathi and Commander Skykicker: begun the Clone War has.”

Iron Maiden looked into the darkness of the armors’ visors. “597th!” The remaining alicorns landed around her, forming into neat rows. A nervous energy ran through their ranks: instinctively, they could tell that these suits of armor were a worthier fight than the soft Equestrian guardsponies they’d fought so far. “Equestria falls before the guard will!” She raised a hoof, tension building amongst her fellows.

“Hold.” The voice was a rough whisper. Iron Maiden looked back to find Wits End standing behind her. He winced as he stepped forward, his eyes set on a point behind the suits of armor. “We’re pulling back.”

“What? But, Strat-”

“I said,” Wits said, his voice clearing, “pull back. We haven’t lost yet, so let’s save the last stand for a better place.” His gaze shifted to Purple Heart. “I’ll call you out on stealing the Armoroids another time. For now, I’ll just wish you good luck.”

Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “Kinda strange to wish your enemy good luck on the battlefield, isn’t it?”

“Oh, it’s not for the battlefield.” Wits looked back behind the ranks of empty armor, to the confused members of Equestria’s military command. “It’s for coming up with a good excuse for them.” With a smirk, Wits waved a hoof to the regent. “Don’t worry. I believe in you. I’m sure Twilight will help you out.” A summoned hand helped him onto Iron Maiden’s back, and with a sharp order from the alicorn, the entire group took to the air.

Purple Heart hung there, watching the alicorn force flap away to their base. With a scowl, he descended to ground level and turned to address the battalion of armour. “Protect Ponyville from reprisal and await further orders,” he instructed. The battalion stamped their armoured hooves once and split down the middle for him to pass through. Upon reaching where his generals stood, Purple Heart looked over at Twilight approaching with Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike.

“So you were Purple Patches, Baelhart, Beekler Alfreeves, and Purple Heart all at the same time?” Rarity asked heatedly.

Purple Heart grinned and nodded. “Acting.”

“Wait a minute,” Casus Belli muttered. “You’re that upstart producer from all those months ago that wanted backing for that theater show!”

Purple Heart grinned and nodded. “Acting.”

“What’s stopping me from knocking you out right now and dragging you back to my castle?” Twilight snapped.

Purple Heart’s smile vanished and strings sprung out of his chest, binding the Mares and Spike as the entire battalion of Empty Armour turned to face the Princess of Friendship.

“I’d love to chat with you all,” Purple Heart said tightly, “but I’m not sure it would be pleasant for you.” He turned to Belisaddelus and Belli. “I’m sure you both have questions and I will be happy to answer them when we return to Canterlot, but I first need you to gather the battalions of Guard Ponies stationed in the hills behind Twilight’s Castle and beneath Lake Saddlai and bring them to Ponyville.”

The two generals shared a hesitant look, but eventually bowed to Purple Heart with mutters of ‘your majesty’ and departed, leaving Purple Heart alone with his battalion and the restrained Mares and Spike.

“Now, I’m going to let you all go and I’m going to go back to Canterlot to prepare for whatever mess Wits tries to throw at me while dealing with whatever shenanigans Light has cooking up north.” The large purple earth pony let loose a gusty sigh and shook his head. “I also have to prepare to address Observation Post 9983, explain myself to the generals, keep Blueblood in his room, and stomp this invasion of alicorns out. I’m swamped.”

Purple Heart then turned and started walking away. “I must get some rest. If I haven’t got my health, I haven’t got anything.” Four stout ropes of thread arced from Purple Heart’s back and he strode quickly away, leaving the Mane Six minus Two and Spike alone beside the silent formation of Empty Armour. Seconds later, their bindings loosened and they immediately started walking towards Twilight’s castle.

“Why ain’t we goin’ after Purple Heart?” Applejack asked. “The four’ve us could take’m, couldn’t we?”

“Maybe,” Rarity mused. “But that would once again leave Equestria without a leader. The Panel would likely object to Twilight taking the throne if she were the one behind dethroning Purple Heart.”

“Politics is harder than trying to balance a dozen apples on the end of a fishin’ rod…” Applejack muttered.

Spike dashed ahead and turned back, walking backwards to keep up with the rest of the ponies. “Don’t you get it? This is the secret plot Fluttershy kept saying Wits End had! He got Purple Heart to reveal himself! Now all of Ponyville knows who he really is!”

“And if there’s anywhere in Equestria that can spread a rumor,” Rarity continued for him, “it’s Ponyville. Twilight-”

“I know.” Twilight cut her off, pushing the doors of her castle open. “We have options from here, but first we need to plan. For now, let’s just let everypony spread the facts.”

Fluttershy raised a forehoof. “And, um, what facts are those?”

Twilight smiled faintly. “That the regent of Equestria summoned a bunch of scary threads from his back, has an army of soulless suits of armor under his command, and had the Elements of Harmony strung up while he monologued.”

* * *

Light Patch blinked awake after what he hoped was only a few minutes. He looked up to find himself at the foot of the ice spire that had once contained the artifact. His mind jolted and he hastily set about searching through the powdered ice for the Orb. Oor at least it’s halves, he remembered bitterly. He found them surprisingly far from the spire and near a just stirring Moon Dancer.

“I’ll take these,” he said, picking up the two halves and prompting Moon Dancer to jump to her hooves and face him. “I’m surprised the spell did enough to the Orb to let it break. Just what were you trying to do to me?”

“It was supposed to de-villianse you,” Moon Dancer admitted as she avoided eye contact with the pegasus, which was much harder than she thought given the damage to the cloak and robe.

“I’m hardly a villain. Maybe a bit megalomaniacal.” Moon Dancer politely coughed, “Okay, somewhat mega-” Moon Dancer coughed less politely. “I just want to fold the multiverse together like a giant paper crane! it’s not like I’m looking to just burn all of reality to the ground! I’m just trying to better the universe and you hit me with some spell!”

“It was also new and untested,” Moon Dancer said off-hoofedly as she reached out and adjusted how the pegasus was holding the Orb halves to get a closer look.

“That's not much better! And hooves off! My broken artifact of doom!”

“Just hold it in the light better, I’m trying to figure out why the spell damaged it,” Moon Dancer replied hotly.

“Why?”

“Because figuring out what the spell did to further damage the artifact could help me help Twilight finish it.”

“And I should help you finish the spell you want to use against me because?”

“You enjoy not being split into two halves of the same pony?”

“...That is a hard point to argue against.”

“I believe that artifact belongs to us ponies!” A pair of voices bellowed into the room, causing the two ponies to quickly turn to face them. The two bandit leaders stormed into the room, neither of them looking untouched by the battles they had fought through to get to the dig site themselves.

“Carp, I was hoping to be gone before they could get here,” Light Patch groused.

“Hah, you again?” The griffon leader barked out. “I can’t believe the joke was true!”

“Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?” The minotaur leader said, failing to hide his own mirth.

“Yeah, don’t rush building the tension. Make sure you have smart people helping you and be ready to crack skulls should the time come. Speaking of which!” Light Patch gave a cry as he grabbed the mostly intact remains of one of the folding chairs and tried to hurl it at the leaders. Instead, it scattered to pieces in several directions.

“Bad throw, pony. But on the upside, I’ll get to have fun helping you learn your lesson again,” the griffon leader sneered, slowly stalking forward.

“We’ll get to have fun,” the minotaur chimed in, also moving forward with a sadistic grin twisting his mouth.

The grey pegasus leaned slightly to Moon Dancer and whispered for her to plan fast before he trotted ahead to keep the bandit leaders focused on him and said, “I thought you two weren’t allies anymore. Shouldn’t you two fight for the honor or glory of beating me up again?”

“There is no honor in beating up an idiot for the second time, or the first.”

“And glory is only worth those not looking to be feared.”

“Fair points. Just don’t expect me to go down as easy as you want this time around. Or have you already knocked each other senseless to not remember what you’ve seen me do in disguise?” the pegasus jeered. A smug smile grew on his face as they stopped in their tracks.

“Well, at least it would be more interesting than the mashing we gave you the first time,” the griffon leader thought aloud.

“Then do you really think you can beat me?”

The minotaur’s smile shifted from sadistic to anticipatory. “Maybe there will be glory in this battle. Fighting stronger can grant that even if you lose.”

“And there are still the two of us?” the griffon asked, earning a nod from the minotaur leader who then chimed in.

“We might not win, but that just means you won’t mind if we try, do you?”

Light Patch fought to keep the smile from faltering but managed, “Well, you may want to wait for you both to have a chance to rest, but we might as well make this fight all it’s worth, right?” He smiled hungrily at the two leaders pause in thought.

“I think I’d rather do it while my army watches. Besides, you’d just skip out with the Orb or what’s left of it if we let you,” the griffon leader said. The occupants in the room could now hear the sounds of others approaching the cavernous pocket in the ice cave.

“I’m going to need more time for a new plan,” Moon Dancer whispered, her tail flicking in annoyance.

“I don’t think we’re gonna have it,” Light Patch whispered back. His mind raced as he closed his eyes, seemingly getting ready for the fight. The two leaders stepped forward as their bruised and battered hordes gathered in a ring around the three fighters.

Suddenly, Light Patch burst into action, scooping up the two halves of the Orb of Glacious and throwing them at the two leaders before whipping around to charge right at Moon Dancer. The bandit leaders dropped their weapons to catch the halves. They looked up to shout for their bandits to catch the ponies but the moment Light Patch slammed into Moon Dancer, they both vanished in a puff of smoke. The two leaders stood fuming in silence for a few moments before looking down at the halves of the Orb they each held.

* * *

The hands of the clock on Twilight’s wall ticked slowly. Annoyingly, they seemed to slow down the longer she watched them. The alicorn had given up at tapping her hoof in time with the rhythmic noise and had settled in on a dull, mindless trance instead.

A trance that was broken by a rap on the door. “Twilight?” Spike asked. “Whhhhat are you doing?”

Twilight didn’t take her eyes off the clock. “Would you believe me if I said I was running an experiment?”

“After watching the other experiments you’ve run over the years? Yeah, probably.”

A smirk crossed Twilight’s lips, and she straightened back in her seat. “The duel was about half an hour ago, right?”

“Something like that. Why?”

“That means there’s been plenty of time for ponies to come out of their homes and talk to each other, right?”

Spike cocked his head to one side. “Like… about the fight?”

“The fight, and what happened afterwards. Bleeker being revealed as Purple Heart, the suits of armor, our little… conversation afterwards.”

“I mean, I guess the ponies watching the fight would’ve seen all that, so yeah.”

Twilight glanced back at the clock. “How long does it take for a rumor to spread from one end of Ponyville to the other?”

Spike blinked. “Uh… I mean, I haven’t really timed it or anything. Maybe a week? A couple of days.”

Twilight held up a hoof. A few moments later, there was a wail from outside the window. “About 32.7 minutes,” she said smugly, walking to the window. “What’s wrong, Daisy?”

“Oh, Twilight!” the mare outside cried. “Have you heard the awful news? It’s just terrible!”

Twilight shot an ‘I told you so’ look back at Spike, then affixed her best surprised expression. “Why, no I haven’t! What is it?”

“Well, you know the big fight just outside of town? The regent fighting that dastardly commander of that army of alicorns?” Daisy didn’t wait for Twilight’s response before the mare launched into a breathless spiel. “Well, I heard from Lemon Hearts, who heard it from Cloudkicker, who was having lunch with Parasol, who ran into Ditzy Doo in the market, who-”

“Through the grapevine,” Twilight interrupted. “I get the idea.”

“Well! Apparently Sweetie Drops was in the crowd watching the whole thing! And according to her, the regent was actually a Changeling in disguise! He used some sort of dark magic to summon a bunch of demons from Tartarus to fight off over a thousand of those alicorns! Why, Merry May said that the whole westerly orchard was completely demolished by the fight! And… well, you have my sympathies, but I must confess that she said that the Changeling King had you and the other Elements of Harmony chained up with dark magic, and was trying to put you under his control like he did to the generals of the Royal Guard! Are you alright, Twilight? He…” Daisy seemed to think of something, and shy back. “He didn’t actually put you under his control, did he?”

Twilight shot another smug look back at Spike, who responded with a roll of his eyes. “Of course he didn’t, Daisy,” Twilight replied. “The power of friendship protected us.”

“Oh thank Celestia, wherever she is now.” Daisy breathed a sigh of relief, all concerns apparently forgotten. “That’s good to know. It’s so hard to tell whose word to trust right now, what with all of the rumors flying around.”

“Oh, I’m sure, I’m sure.” Twilight thought for a moment. “Out of curiosity, does Rarity know about all of this?”

Daisy scoffed. “Of course! She’s the first pony I talked to after Lemon Hearts told me. Rarity confirmed everything the moment I told her; said it was exactly how it happened.” Her ears perked up. “Oh! I should tell Lily Valley and Rose! Sorry, princess!”

Twilight waved as the excited mare took off. “The corollary to my previous theory,” Twilight explained to Spike’s confused expression. “Any rumor of sufficient size must, by necessity, pass through Rarity. It’s how we know that the rumor’s reached critical mass.”

“Ignoring the fact that you’re talking about a rumor like some sort of viral infection,” Spike said, “what does ‘critical mass’ mean in this case?”

“That it’ll start spreading outside Ponyville soon enough.” Twilight’s smile grew wider. “And usually, when Patient Zero is Ponyville, then Patient One is Canterlot.”

Spike let out a low whistle. “You’ve got this down to a science, huh?”

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve been the Princess of Scientific Theory. But, I guess ‘Elements of Harmony’ has a better ring than ‘Methods of Rationality’.” She sighed and rolled her shoulders. “Anyway, what’s up? Did Just Duty send me some of the stuff from Purple Heart’s clones’? Not that I really need it now, I guess.”

“No, just a letter from Moon Dancer.”

Twilight’s eyebrows just about merged with her mane. “Why didn’t you lead with that?”

Spike produced a rather ragged-looking letter from behind his back. “Because you were staring at a clock with an expression usually reserved for Pinkie Pie when the town runs out of sugar.”

Twilight took the letter, her expression souring as she scanned the hastily written text. “The spell… failed? Entirely? And it broke the Orb of Glasious?” She did a double-take, jumping back up a paragraph. “They found the Orb of Glasious?” Twilight then performed the rare triple-take. “THEY BROKE THE ORB OF GLASIOUS?”

“I’m… guessing that’s bad?”

“I could go into all of the reasons why that shouldn’t even be possible, but for now let’s just say ‘yes, it’s very bad’.” Twilight returned to the letter with a frown. “We don’t even have a good reason why it didn’t work, aside from hitting the Orb. But the spell should’ve still affected Light Patch since he was holding it. But it obviously didn’t, or at least not entirely. Maybe we could just hit them a couple dozen times, but if it splits them like it split the Orb…”

Spike raised a claw. “Split like ‘good side and bad side’?”

“Split like ‘left side and right side’.”

“...Ah.”

Twilight set the letter aside, holding her forehoof in front of her mouth. “I have to be missing something here. The spell should have used the energy Moon Dancer provided to target Light Patch and whatever elements of Just Duty were influencing him, and seperate the two. But instead, it broke the Orb, which sent out a magical energy pulse all the way to Ponyville. Why?”

Spike scratched at his chin. “Huh... I need to read that one again,” he muttered, drawing Twilight’s attention.

“Read what one again?”

“Volume 37 of the Artifact Hunters comics. It’s a spinoff of the Paladin comics focused on a secret member of theirs who collects old artifacts for them.”

“Oh, a comic book… Spike, why are you thinking of comics now?”

“I think because I remember the Orb coming up in it once or twice, but Volume 37 was actually about a couple of lower powered artifacts. Long story short, it was all in the lock up vault and a bunch of artifacts started to activate without reason and hurt a couple of the ponies who worked there. They thought it was another broken artifact that was leaking power, but it actually turned out to be a third artifact that was causing trouble because it was trying to protect itself from the broken artifact. It was my favorite in the whole series, weirdly enough.” Spike scratched his chin again as he thought about where in his collection it had gotten.

Twilight meanwhile was once again thinking about why the spell failed. Or did it fail? she asked herself. Moon Dancer’s letter mentioned that Light’s powers seemed to be acting up after the spell hit him and after the Orb’s power hit him too. She frowned. It was probably just the Orb’s power wave messing with his power, much like it seemed to throw Wits End off. Why did the Orb even do that? In all likelihood, it should have just exploded and we’d be calling the Far North ‘the Far Crater’... She puzzled over her thoughts for a moment until she noticed out of the corner of her eye Spike pulling another box of comics from a closet.

“How many closets do you have your comic collection stashed away in?” she asked, rolling her eyes. She thought back to what Spike had told her about Volume 37. The Orb’s pulse happened after the spell hit it, and after it hit Light Patch. It the spell broke it, shouldn’t it have pulsed before the spell could hit Light? The pulse might have come from the Orb, but was it really the Orb’s doing?

“Hey Spike mind if I read volume 37?” she asked aloud.

“Sure, let me just…” Spike rifled through the collection. “34, 35, 36- Here we go! Volume 37!” The dragon stood, holding the comic in one claw. “Just be careful with it. This one’s part of the limited first run where they miss-colored Dirk Slamhoof’s mane.”

“I’ll treat it like an original copy of the Ponyvich Manuscript.” Twilight reached out with her gentlest touch of magic, plucking the comic from Spike without looking. “Now, I need you to take down a letter for Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. I need them back here in Ponyville as soon as-”

“Uh, Twi?” Spike’s voice wavered. “You, uh… Have you been studying Purple Heart recently?”

“Purple Heart? No more than the others. Why?”

“You might wanna look this way, then.”

Twilight looked up. Volume 37 of the Artifact Hunters hovered just over Spike’s head, suspended by a thin, green thread. Slowly, the alicorn followed the thread with her eyes to a point that, as far as she could tell, ended right between her wings.

“Huh.” Twilight took a deep breath. “That… is new.”

Comments

[Mix-up]

Interesting