Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 31: The Calm Before the Storm

Spike looked up from the corner of the room he’d ended up claiming as his own when Twilight got up and stretched. As she let the quill fall out of her magical grip, she sighed. “Well, I think I’m close to figuring out how to deal with at least one of our issues. I just need to go over the results of one of the spells again.” She shifted some scrolls on one of the many overflowing tables that had been relocated to the makeshift research library.

“Do you really need that scroll... or any of them?” Spike asked, subconsciously standing up to help if needed. “You’ve gone over them so many times I figure you know them all word for word by now.”

“I haven’t read the results that many times,” she snipped. She frowned as she looked at the table again. “I only have two of them memorized... The rest are similar enough to kind of bleed together if I’m not looking at it.”

“Maybe we should take a break then. Refresh the minds and all of that,” Spike hinted rather heavily.

“And let the colts get ahead of us further while we do nothing?” Twilight punctuated with a stomp of her hoof. “Besides, I'm so close to-”

“That's what you’ve said for two days now, ” Spike interrupted. “I think you're getting too focused on this.”

“Maybe I am getting a little focused, but I really do think I’m on the edge of the next big break! Now, do you remember where the sheet with the information from Gleamed Insight’s Cerebral Cranial Checkup spell is?”

“I still think that’s a dumb spell name,” Spike snarked as he walked to the table he’d last seen the scroll.

“It is not a dumb name! It’s a very specific spell checking a very specific part of the body!” Twilight replied defensively.

“It’s name is almost redundant. ‘Cerebral’ and ‘cranial’ almost refer to the same part of the body,” Spike said, shifting through the clutter.

“One means skull and the other means brain!” Twilight rebutted, stomping again to punctuate a point.

“But the spell just scans the brain. Why not just call it the ‘Brain Scan Spell’ or something?!” Spike retorted. He could tell Twilight was about to make some long winded speech but at that point, the door to the room opened and Starlight trotted in.

“I couldn’t help but hear your brewing argument and figured I should step in,” the mare said. “The answers are one: probably because alliteration and two: Spike is right. Gleamed Insight probably would have been fine calling it the ‘Brain Scan Spell’. Checkup does sound a little unprofessional paired with the first two parts of the name.”

“Okay, fine! The spell's name isn’t perfect!” Twilight cried. She gave an unsatisfied sigh and looked hard at Spike, promising they’d finish the argument later. “What are you doing back? I thought you were trying to track down Trixie.” Starlight shrugged.

“Ran into another dead end and I figured I’d drop by to see if any of you had some new information on basically anything.” She eyed them questioningly, receiving only a shaking of both heads as reply. “Figures. Anyway, I made the mistake of stopping at Rarity’s first and she sent me on a mission to make sure you two were still keeping up common hygiene standards.”

“Oh, believe me, we’re still good there. Unless you want to pick your way through a minefield of water resistant writing materials, I wouldn’t use the bathroom on this level. What even got Rarity worried about something like that anyway?” Spike asked.

“I might have joked about how sometimes the kitchen looks like a stallion was living in it alone with piles of unwashed dishes in the sink and other stuff. And how bad it must have gotten with everything drawing you and Twilight’s focus away from the usual housekeeping.”

“I’m insulted that you’d even think I’d let standards slip that far,” Spike scoffed with a haughty sniff.

“Oh please. I’ve seen you sniff your armpits and then blow fire on them to clear the dirt, Spike,” Starlight retorted, causing the young dragon’s eyes to widen, which earned a chuckle from Twilight.

“Like you wouldn’t too if you were fireproof,” Spike muttered.

The back-and-forth was interrupted by a loud bang that shook the castle, followed by a relatively smaller one that only shook the room’s window. The two mares, and one dragon, turned to see Rainbow Dash plastered against the window, looking for all the world like an insect stuck to the goggles of a Wonderbolt during a high-speed maneuver. The pegasus mouthed something that might have been ‘let me in,’ and fell through when Starlight opened the window a moment later.

“I can’t take this anymore!” Rainbow Dash shouted, shooting off the ground and hovering in circles overhead. “Waiting, waiting, waiting! All we’ve done is sit on our flanks for months!”

“It’s been less than a week,” Spike said flatly, swinging the window closed again. Rainbow Dash ignored this.

“We have to do something!” She grabbed hold of Twilight’s face, smooshing the alicorn so that all she could see was Rainbow Dash’s wild eyes. “I can’t deal with staying still like this, Twilight! Just tell me where I can find one of those so I can punch’m square in the jaw! Even if they capture me, at least then SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.”

Twilight blinked. “Feel better now?”

“No, and that’s the point!” The pegasus still looked nearly wild with the stress, but she did finally land on a relatively clear part of a table. “I hate waiting.”

“You hide it well,” Starlight deadpanned.

“I hate it! And that’s all we’re doing! We have three separate problems out there, each one a Tirek-level threat, and we’re just going about our business like nothing’s wrong!” Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof out the window, nearly cold-clocking Spike in the process. “I passed Pinkie Pie making half a dozen cakes for a party. A party! At a time like this! What if those boys are planning something like what their villains did back in Discord’s game? What if there’s half-demon ponies marching on Canterlot?! Or Armoroids?! Or spider-ponies?! What about half-demon heavily armored spider-ponies, Twilight?! What’d we do about them?!”

Twilight held up a forehoof. “Rainbow Dash.”

“WHAT‽”

“Breathe.” Once the pegasus had taken a big enough breath to effect the air pressure in the room, Twilight continued. “The reason we haven’t done anything is because there’s nothing for us to do now that we haven’t already done. The boys have gone to ground, and with the map still out of commision thanks to Trixie’s sabotage and Light Patch’s interferance, what we need to do now is prepare for when they eventually show up again.” She gave her words a few seconds to sink in before finishing. “We’re not standing still, we’re just… lying in wait.”

Rainbow Dash sighed, finally relaxing a bit. “Is that what we’re doing? I’ve been sitting in my room and binging on Paladins of Equestria for three days straight.”

“Did you finish the series?” Spike asked.

“Three times.”

Spike gave a low whistle, then returned to straightening piles that had been disturbed by the pegasus. “Well, Twilight, at least you’re not the only one going crazy thanks to those colts.”

“I’m not going crazy!” Twilight shrieked. She immediately clapped her forehoof over her mouth. “I’m just… under a little stress right now from all the… lying in wait.”

Starlight shifted some stacks to clear a seat, which she then took. “What’re the rest of the Elements doing? It can’t just be the two of you going nuts.”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. “Applejack’s been working on the farm non-stop. Big Mac was saying they’ll have the orchard bucked in record time at this rate.”

“And how much of that work is stress-fueled?” Starlight asked.

“Do I look like her therapist? She’s been working, and that means that if Equestria’s still around in a few months, we’ll have a bumper crop of cider.” Rainbow Dash sighed, forcing herself to calm down again. “Fluttershy’s been working with her animals to search the Everfree Forest for Steven Magnet. Apparently that big blob monster that lives near him has gone missing.”

“Whimsy?” Spike asked. “Whimsy’s harmless as long as they stay away from Ponyville. Why worry about them?”

“Whimsy’s also an Aboleth,” Twilight explained. “Which means they’re a living piece of history. Not knowing where they are is like… losing track of a Mint-In-Box Minifig of ‘Smog, The Chieftest and Greatest of Calamities, Esq.’ Edition.”

“Ah.” Spike nodded. “Now that makes sense.”

“Those are the only two I know about,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug. “Well, and Pinkie working on the party cakes or something. Anypony know what Rarity’s up to?”

Starlight raised a forehoof. “Actually, I imagine Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s work is related. Rarity is working on updating some dresses she made for the Grand Galloping Gala.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Why’s she doing that?”

“Because Prince-Regent Blueblood is throwing a Regency Coronation party in Canterlot,” Starlight explained. “And apparently fancy dresses and tasty cakes are an excellent way to get into the good graces of the stallion who’s working with the Senate.”

“And therefore P.I.S.S.,” Twilight finished with a sigh. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to take this time and see if we can get Blueblood to reign them in and let us get some work done.”

“Prince-Regent Blueblood,” Rainbow Dash repeated with a shudder. “Almost as bad as ‘Alicorn Princess Discord’, if you ask me. Why’s he in charge? Aren’t there two perfectly good Princesses to do the job?”

“One of which is dealing with the suspicious bandits up north,” Twilight said, “and the other is trying to figure out how to keep three idiots from destroying Equestria. Besides, with P.I.S.S. in the picture, putting me in charge would make the chain of command look like one of Opal’s yarn balls.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “Still, Prince-Regent Blueblood…”

“What are you, Rarity?” Starlight snarked. “Blueblood might be a spoiled child, but he’s not the worst thing that could happen to Equestria.”

“Unless you happen to be Rarity,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Can we not talk about what could go wrong?” Spike asked. “That’s almost always immediately followed by everything that can go wrong going wrong.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

“It happens on an annoyingly frequent basis,” Twilight muttered. “Especially when it comes to three specific boys.”

“It’s coincidence,” Starlight said, “not causation. Equestria has made it through the rules of Discord, Tirek, and probably half a dozen other more dangerous villains-”

“Don’t say it,” Spike whispered. “Don’t. Don’t you say it.”

“What could possibly go wrong with Blueblood being regent?”

Two hooves and one claw slapped against their respective owners’ faces. “Here we go,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“What?” Starlight cocked her head to the side. “What’s going?”

“Just wait for it,” Twilight sighed. “Somepony will burst through that door right about…”

As if on cue, the door slammed open. Rarity stumbled as she tried to avoid a pile of reference material. “Twilight!” she gasped, coming to a stop in the middle of the room. “It’s Blueblood! He- And as much as I would ordinarily take delight in this, it hardly seems like the time- Well, the news from Canterlot could hardly have come at a worse time-”

“Rarity,” Twilight said flatly. “Breathe in first, then talk.”

After a gasp of breath, Rarity nodded. “News from Canterlot says that Prince Blueblood collapsed on the throne this afternoon. No-pony has been able to wake him since!”

Starlight snorted. “Maybe he needs a kiss from his Princess Charming.”

If there were ever a glare that could banish a pony to the moon, Rarity certainly came the closest to replicating it. “This is serious! No-pony I talked to knows who’s supposed to be in charge now! Someponies are saying Twilight should take the throne, others are pushing for the Senate to take charge, and I even heard one pony say that the Prince’s butler is next in the line of succession!” She scoffed, flipping her mane back into place. “That last rumor, by the way, came from Loose Lips down at the marketplace, so I would only put as much faith in it as you would in a lace handkerchief holding up a battleaxe.”

“Well,” Starlight said briskly, and pointedly avoiding the glares of two ponies and a dragon, “th-that doesn’t count. It happened before I even said anything.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“She asked what could go wrong,” Spike said.

Rarity gasped. “Oh, dear, you didn’t!”

“Don’t you start on that too,” Starlight grumbled. “Do you really think anything else is going to-”

“The bacon is lit!” Pinkie Pie dropped down from some space above the ceiling, and landed in the middle of the gathered ponies. “The Crystal Empire calls for aid!”

Three ponies, sans the newly arrived Earth Pony, plus one dragon, glared at Starlight. “Alright,” the unicorn said slowly, “maybe there’s something to be said about your little… theory.”

Seemingly satisfied, Twilight turned back to Pinkie. “What’s happening in the north, Pinkie? Cadance needs help with something?”

“If she doesn’t now, she certainly will soon!” Pinkie pounced onto the table, sending papers into the air. “My Pinkie Sense is going crazy! The ‘Bandit Infighting Disrupting Precious Party Supply Lines’ sense! Something’s goin’ on up there, and it’s as bad as a sleep-deprived Applejack’s baking!”

“Bandits?” The conversation had Rainbow Dash’s attention now. “You mean like the ones taking all the food?”

“Exactly those ones! I told you; something rotten in the Frozen North!” Pinkie Pie paced, knocking a stack of scrolls into Spike’s waiting arms. “That’s what was wrong about them taking all the food! They weren’t trying to eat it or sell it; they were stockpiling it! It’s Bandit: Civil War up there, and we don’t even know which side has Captain Equestria on it!”

“Hang on,” Starlight interrupted. “Just to be clear, we’re basing all of this on a hunch?”

“When it comes to Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said with a sigh, “then yes, absolutely.”

Starlight blinked. “Alright, sure. So that’s it, right? We can start dealing with these-”

Spike held up a claw. “From what I’ve read, these sorts of things come in threes.”

“In what you’ve read?” Starlight raised an eyebrow. “So… in those comic books?”

“Hey, in our current situation, they count as scholarly texts!”

There was a knock at the door. “Uh, Twi?” Applejack moved into the room, stepping over the disturbed piles of books. “Ah’m sure this is probably a bad time, but… there’s somethin’ Ah heard from my cousin Braeburn just a bit ago.”

Spike stuck his forked tongue out. “Told ya.”

Twilight ignored the spat behind her. “What is it, Applejack?”

“It’s, uh…” Applejack scratched her head under her hat. “It’s gonna sound pretty weird, Ah ain’t gonna lie.”

“Trust me, it won’t be the weirdest thing we’ve heard in the last ten minutes.”

“Ah’s wager bits on it givin’ a good run for that trophy.” Applejack took a deep breath. “It’s, uh… alicorns. In Appleloosa.”

Twilight blinked. “Alicorns?”

“In Appleloosa, yeah.”

“No, that’s the part I understood. Which alicorns? Princess Celestia? Luna? Maybe Cadance and Flurry Heart? Or an alternate universe-slash-future version of me?”

“Yeah, that’s the part that makes this a bit ‘turnip in the apple sauce’.” Applejack cleared her throat. “It ain’t any of them.”

Twilight blinked again. “But… that’s all of the alicorn’s there are. Who is it, then?”

“Some stallion by th’ name of Flash Dancer. And, uh… he brought friends. Lots of them.” Applejack took her hat off, holding it at her side. “And they sounded awful set on bein’ Appleloosa’s new bosses.”

Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “What.”

“And Los Pegasus’ bosses too,” Applejack continued. “And Dodge City. And from how Braeburn tells it, they’re determined to do the same up in Tall Tale too.”

“Hang on.” Twilight pinched the bridge of her muzzle. “How many alicorns are there, exactly?”

“From what my cousin says?” Applejack swallowed hard. “All of them.”

The room fell silent. Eventually, the gaze of five ponies and one dragon landed on the remaining mare in the room. Starlight gulped. “I’m, uh…” She edged towards the door. “Not that this means any of that was my fault, but I’m going to… go look for Trixie again. Somewhere very far from here.” With that, she bolted.

The remaining ponies turned to Twilight, “So,” Spike said slowly. “We have an indisposed and deposed ruler, a war in the north, and an invading alien force. What do we do, Twilight? ...Twilight?”

Twilight had moved to a cupboard in the corner, which she opened with a click. “Well, there’s a skill I’ve always imagined being useful in this situation,” she said, rummaging in the dark cupboard. “I figured now would be a good time to start practicing it.”

“And what skill is that,” Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight turned around, a half-drained bottle of cider pressed to her lips. Eventually, the bottle was empty, and she could speak. “Day-drinking.”

Silence echoed in the room once more. Finally, Rarity cleared her throat. “I do hope you have enough in there for the rest of us, dear.”

Comments

[Mix-up]

Nice

[Adood]

Ah yes.
Alcohol solves all your problems