Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 41: Rainstorm

Light Patch looked towards the train station, and watched as the various pony workers tended to the engine; mostly quenching its thirst and refilling the coal tender. The clinking of armor nearby made him pull his disguise closer around him.

The sounds of guards ponies clanking behind him made him start to regret his choice of getting off the train to walk around. He had been hoping to relax away from the noise of the train station, and he might have been able to if it wasn’t for all of the guard patrols. As it were, he decided to post up at a cafe overlooking the railyard.

Light Patch started to tense up when he realized the sounds of armored ponies was getting close. He fought to keep his breathing steady as the noise got much closer than he’d hoped to hear it. He was about to throw bits at the guards and bolt, when the noise stopped. It wasn’t directly behind him, but it was closer than he was comfortable with.

The pegasus looked up from the paper he’d been staring at and casually looked around, as if to flex a stiffened neck. His movements allowed him to catch sight of the guard. The whole outdoor section of the cafe was available, and they’d chosen the table right behind his, well within earshot even with the noise of the railyard. A fact he took advantage of by carefully pointing his ears backwards to listen in.

“Did the princes' announcement seem a little… terse to you?” one guard asked.

The other grunted. “Suppose so, but what’d you expect?”

“I guess so. It seems like everything’s happening everywhere but here.”

“Hah! You should be thankful we don’t have to deal with what the rest of Equestria’s dealing with.” There was a pause; presumably the two guards nodding to each other. “What’s the latest from down there, anyway? Last I heard was something about alicorns.”

“I got a letter from my sister in Appleloosa. It sounds like there’s a couple hundred alicorns just… sitting in towns down there.”

“Do you think it’s an invasion?”

“Who knows? Personally, I’m not certain they’re alicorns at all.” A sigh. “Times are tough.”

“Times are tough.” Another pause. “Hey, wanna hear something? On the down-low, of course.”

“What, about the alicorns?”

“Nah, nah. This is something happening in Canterlot.”

“Canterlot? What’s happening in Canterlot?”

“Well, I don’t have any details, but it’s gotta be something big.”

“Something big? Doesn’t exactly narrow it down a whole lot.”

“Hey, I said I don’t have details, didn’t I? Maybe it’s related to that headline.”

“You mean… the news from the North?”

“Yeah. It was all over the papers this morning. Seems like things will be happening here sooner than I’d like…”

Light Patch stopped listening to the guards for a moment as he looked through the newspaper for the headline they’d mentioned,.“Bandit Civilwar Gathers More Fuel Threatening to Burn the North,” he muttered, reading the headline and then skimming through the article. It mostly focused on the fact that several bandit groups were reported to be seen heading north. The reporter speculated it was either to support one of the groups in the north, or possibly fleeing the invasion in the south.

“Some of them are probably just heading north looking to take advantage of the opportunity for some easy pickings,” Light Patch heard one of the guards say, causing him to focus on their conversation again.

“Sounds like we’ll be dealing with them either way,” one of them said, followed by a sigh.

“With any luck those two Elements of Harmony will stick around up there. I’ve heard that one’s faster than sound, and the other can sneak into anywhere.”

“I’ve heard the pegasus was tasked by the Captain to hunt down the Pony that started this whole mess.”

“Huh, I figured they’d be staying up north to keep fanning the flames.”

“Maybe they just wanted a fight to watch.”

“I don’t really care what their reasons were. I just wish they hadn’t let the bandits get their claws and hands on Artifacts of Immense Power.” Light Patch sank a little lower in his seat, and stopped listening to the guards as their conversation started to shift to their daily lives and other topics.

Light Patch sighed as the sun peaked out from behind the clouds, and looked around at the small picturesque square. Finally able to relax a little, he decided on what to order, waved over the waiter, paid, and sat his paper down on the table and laid his head on it. He was halfway to falling asleep when a pegasus landed heavily nearby.

“Is this seat open?” he heard a raspy voice ask.

“And how ‘bout this one?” a bubbly voice chimed in. The grey pegasus’ eyes shot open to see Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie standing at his table.

“Uuuh.” Light Patch panicked and looked at the two, before relaxing as he remembered his disguise. He made a show of looking around at the sea of unoccupied tables used by the cafe: the only occupied tables still being his and the guards behind him. “Why not take one of the empty tables?”

“We’re thinking of getting something quick and moving along,” Rainbow replied casually, slumping into the chair without waiting for an answer to her question.

“And I’d hate to make them have to clean another table they don’t need to!” Pinkie chimed in again, dropping into her chair.

“Well when you put it that way, I don’t mind,” Light Patch replied before waving over the waiter again. After the two mares had ordered, Light Patch relaxed enough to figure he could try to get some information from them. “So what are you two doing up here?” he asked, trying to ignore the intense whispers from the guards behind him.

“Looking for a friend.” Pinkie said, cutting off Rainbow. “We want to help them.”

“Good luck finding them,” Light Patch replied, trying to come up with a reasonable backstory. “I’d offer to help, but I’m waiting for a train. It’s unlikely I ran into them.”

“No problem!” Pinkie replied. “We're fairly sure we know where they are; we just gotta catch up to them.”

“What are you looking for them for?” Light Patch asked, fighting to not tense up.

“They could use help, and we want to help! We just need them to be willing to let us help. We’ll even back off if they need time, or help them with what they’re working on.” Pinkie’s eyes sparkled slightly, catching Light Patch off guard.

“So come on, Light Patch, will you-” Rainbow Dash was cut off by a swift kick from Pinkie, who then turned back to try and quickly smooth things over with the colt.

Just in time to see his disguise drop. She thought it was because he trusted them, until she registered the pure shock on his face. She could have still salvaged her plan, or so she thought, until the two guards ponies jumped up from their table.

One pointed a hoof at the colt. “You’re the pony that started the bandit civil war!”

“Halt, you’ve violated the law!” the second one shouted, causing Light Patch to kick his chair backwards into the guard ponies’ table. Both guards were bound up in their own removed equipment just long enough for him to jump the cafe’s patio fence.

“One of these days you're gonna have to shake that habit of jumping the start early,” Pinkie shouted, jumping out of her chair.

“I got better at it!” Rainbow shouted, taking to the air, “I didn’t immediately give away that we knew it was him!”

“I’d have preferred to not have to chase him at all,” Pinkie griped, hopping over the guards entangled in their equipment. Rainbow watched Pinkie head in what appeared to be exactly the wrong direction. With a practiced shrug of a long time friend of Pinkie, she figured there was a Pinkie Plan in motion, and took off after Light Patch herself.

Of course, like Pinkie, Light Patch had a plan to lose the mares himself. Step One saw him running in near total panic while he tried to think of Step Two. Step Two was undecided, until he just barely heard the wingbeats of a pegasus over the sounds of the train building up a steam. A light clicked on in the pegasus’ mind, as he jumped to the station platform.

Step Two now involved two parts. The first was diving into the train’s passenger cars. That was accomplished easily enough, as the doors had been left open for the passenger’s convenience. Rainbow Dash fluttered along on the outside, sure her speed would allow her to just easily catch up if Light Patch tried to suddenly bolt out of the train again.

This was the second part Step Two was counting on. Just as Light Patch passed through the space where one car connected to the next, he skidded to a stop, dropped to the floor, and started to crawl back towards the front of the passenger cars.

Step C of Step Two was this sneaking back, and did not involve the four pink legs he bumped into.

Unknown to Light Patch, and very known to Pinkie Pie, but not Dash, this was Step Two Part A.2 of Pinkie Pie’s master plan to Catch up to Light Patch when Rainbow lets on that We Know in Front of Guards in the Cafe and They Try to Catch Him. “I don’t suppose you’ll let us help you ditch the guards, and then finish hearing us out?”

“Not that I have any handy, but I really don’t see that being the cards at this point, no,” Light Patch replied quietly, half dumbfounded and half flailing around for an escape option. The sound of hoofsteps behind him helped him by at least taking one option out of consideration.

“I gotta admit, the stunt you pulled to lose me by ducking into the train was pretty good,” Rainbow said, looking down at the pegasus who was busy considering just trying to pretend to be a Light Patch-colored pancake.

“Thanks, I was rather proud I’d thought of it so fast.” Light Patch let his sentence hang in the air as a thought whirled through his mind, and a part of his brain shrugged and figured it couldn’t get much worse. “I don’t suppose you could convince Pinkie Pie to wait outside, and we give it a second try?”

“Yeah, I don’t really see that one in the cards,” Pinkie replied. “And I do have some.”

“Oh, well in that case, this was fun but I should be going.” Light Patch stood up, dusted himself off, then grabbed one of Pinkie’s hoofs and shook it vigorously before turning around and doing the same to Rainbow. He then turned and entered one of the sleeping compartment rooms and shut the door. Rainbow and Pinkie watched the stallion enter the room, then glanced at each other.

Both winced at the sound of something heavy bouncing off glass.

With as neutral of an expression as Rainbow could keep, she opened the compartment’s door and looked at Light Patch clutching at his nose on the floor. “Forgot to open the window huh?” she asked, with a tone indicating she was experienced with the same issue.

“I forgot to open the window,” Light Patch confirmed as the two mares entered the room and closed the door behind them.

“Will you hear us out now?” Pinkie asked, sitting on one of the benches with Rainbow sitting across from her.

Light Patch pulled himself up into a sitting position. “I guess I have a little time,” he replied, checking his pocket watch for the locations of Wits End and Purple Heart. “Actually, it looks like I might not have as much as I thought.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You know, something interesting about the station we’re at.”

“Uuugh,” Rainbow groaned, slumping into her seat. “Not boring train stuff.”

“Before the Crystal Empire’s return, this used to be the end station for this line, with no planned expansion beyond it.”

“Okay, that’s a little interesting,” Rainbow deadpanned.

“Because of this, when the Crystal Empire re-appeared and they had to rush to expand the rail lines, they didn’t set up bypass tracks. They just took down the buffer stops and expanded from there.”

“Huh. I was wondering why they didn’t have this train under the water tower, and-” Rainbow cut off at the looks of the other two ponies. “What? I fly over trains all of the time. I’ve picked a few things up.”

Light Patch shrugged and closed his pocket watch. “A priority train from Canterlot was given use of the main track, which is why this is on a maintenance siding.” A train started to flash past the window behind him. “And I’m afraid if I don’t leave now,” he said with a smile on his face, “I’ll miss it.” Pinkie caught on first and made to jump after him, only for him to poof out of existence just as the caboose of the train passed by the window.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow as she stared at the colt sitting confused on the track, looking between the departing train and her. After a beat, Light Patch shot up and bolted for the disappearing train.

Rainbow threw the window open and dove through, her wings snapping open at the last minute to give chase; only to catch sight of Light disappearing. This time he didn’t reappear on the tracks. She was about to give chase after the departing train, when she noticed the Royal Guard’s insignia on the caboose. Even though she could easily catch up with it, she was sure P.I.S.S. would just tie her wings for interfering where she wasn’t ordered to. With a sigh, she turned back to search the town, hoping that the pegasus was just trying to fake them out again.

* * *

“Before the next time I get isekai’d,” Wits groaned, “remind me to learn how to build the field radio.”

The alicorn aide next to him looked up. “Are these reports not to your liking, strategos?”

Wits End looked up from his stack of papers. “Oh, there’s nothing wrong with the field reports themselves,” he explained. “It would just be easier if I could communicate directly with the enemy generals.”

“...What purpose would that serve, my lord?”

“Well for one thing, I could tell them how exceptionally uncooperative they’re being with my war efforts.” Wits waited a beat for the aide to respond, but only got the scratching of a quill in return. He sighed, flipping to the next page. “I miss Trixie already.”

“And where might she be, little one?”

Wits looked up to find Sol Eater standing at the entrance. The aide leapt to his hooves, immediately kneeling as the princess approached. “Doing a favor for me,” Wits said nonchalantly. “All of the griffon traders are in Equestrian-held territory, and I’ve had a mighty craving for a good cheeseburger.”

“Ah, I see.” Sol Eater came to a stop in front of Wits’ desk. “I must say, I wish you had come to me first.”

“I think having an alicorn princess appear in Griffonstone would probably cause some concern for the local government.”

“Oh, I wasn’t volunteering,” Sol Eater said. “I would’ve asked for one myself.”

Wits paused. “You might not say that if you knew what was in it.”

Sol Eater grinned at the unicorn. “It’s been some decades now, but I do remember the taste of minced and fried meat.”

“...Oh.” Wits was silent for a few seconds. “We’ll deal with the psychological damage learning that did later.” He leaned so that he could see the still kneeling aide. “Would you stand up already? You’re making my knees hurt just watching you.”

“How well is your new assistant doing to fill Lulamoon’s horseshoes?” Sol Eater asked, while the aforementioned alicorn aide remained doggidly on the ground.

“Who, Jargon?” Wits sat back in his seat, apparently given up on getting the aide to move. “He’s fine. Could stand to take a shower once in a while, and terribly at picking up on banter, but he’s helped to keep all these combat reports straight.”

“Thank you, strategos,” Jargon said from his kneeling position.

“If you wanna thank me, invest in an air freshener spell or five.”

“You certainly have a way of winning over the common pony,” Sol Eater giggled. “You practically have the 597th worshiping the ground your hooves touch.” Her smile widened at Wits’ obvious discomfort with that fact. “I will say, there are better things they could be obsessed with.”

“Like their nigh-immortal princesses?” Wits offered.

“I was thinking of other aspects of anatomy, my little princess.”

“Let’s change the topic,” Wits said quickly. “Why did you interrupt my very important complaining about running an army?”

After a few more seconds of looking the stallion over, Sol Eater sighed. “This war of ours,” she said, the humor gone from her voice. “It has not been progressing as quickly or as decisively as either my sister or I would have liked.”

Wits frowned. “What, I get one day after my big speech, and now everyone’s getting impatient again?”

“We’re not so foolish that we would expect instant results.” Sol Eater straightened, looking down at the seated stallion. “However, when you came to us in the Last Bastion, you promised a quick war and a receptive population of ponies.”

“I underestimated the Equestrians,” Wits replied flatly. “The plan was an initial thrust, then to capture Celestia and Luna. Those two together would have broken their morale and won the war. I didn’t expect them to-”

“To put your friend on the throne instead?” Sol Eater cut in.

“What, like you would’ve seen it coming?”

“That is not the concern here. You must admit that to anypony else, it appears that you’re stalling.”

Wits stood, and Sol Eater paused. “I don’t know how wars work back in your world,” he said, keeping his voice steady, “but where I come from, wars are measured in years, not days. We’re lucky that we’ve managed to keep the casualties on both sides from becoming fatalities.”

“And how is that a good thing?” Sol Eater asked. “Fatalities would break their spirit.”

“Fatalities would make us a threat to the Equestrian ponies, not just their government,” Wits shot back. “These ponies are used to threats of enslavement from their would-be conquerors. If we crossed that line, we would be fighting the civilians along with the Guard.”

Sol Eater tisked. “Making an example of the peasants would take care of their delusions.”

“You wanna deal with a hundred years of revolts while the de jure title shifts over? Do it after the war is over. For me, that’s a bit outside my expected lifespan. With my way, you’ll be welcomed as ‘not as bad as it could’ve been’.”

Sol Eater bit back a sneer. “Why this obsession with holding ground? Why not push straight for their capital? We can take control of the skies from their pegasi and leave the ground war to their earthbound forces while we cut off the head.”

“It’s a show of force.” From his tone, it was clear that Wits was starting to lose his patience. “If we can’t wipe out their armies, they’ll go to ground and then, again, you’ll have revolts for a hundred years.”

“We can outlive a hundred years of rebellions.”

“You can; I can’t. After all this is over, I wanna retire to some tropical island and drink all the mojitos in Equestria.” Wits sat back down. “Unless you wanna question my tactics some more, I have to figure out how best to deal with three legions of puppeteered armor suits.” He nodded toward the door.

“Fine.” Sol Eater turned and strode to the entrance.

“Sol Eater.” Wits’ words made her stop. “I do have a plan for all of this. You just have to trust me.”

Sol Eater paused. Then, she turned back with a smile on her face. In a few strides of her long legs, she crossed the room again to stroke the unicorn’s cheek; ignoring Wits’ flinch as she touched him. “Of course I trust you, my little princess.” With that, she exited.

It didn’t take long for the Lady of Sunlight to meet up with her next partner. “Dear sister,” she said as she entered their private quarters.

Penumbra looked up from her place on the bed. “How goeth it with our dear strategos?” she asked.

Sol Eater sighed. “As we both feared, young Wits End is indeed delaying this war.” She frowned. “He was so convincing before.”

“Indeed,” Penumbra mused. “Mayhaps it is as we said before, and our strategos art yet too young for the title.”

“Or maybe we’re being manipulated,” Sol Eater fumed. “Like with the Serpent of Chaos before.” She sighed. “Regardless, how were your ‘studies’, sister?”

Penumbra sat up in the bed, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. “They follow the orders of our appointed leader,” she said slowly, “but the loyalty of the alicorns still rests in their princesses.”

“How many of the officers did you talk to?”

“Near all in camp.” Penumbra yawned. “Of them, all but the barest number swore fealty when asked.”

Sol Eater’s frown deepened. “Who refused?”

“Who indeed?”

“...Iron Maiden.”

“The mare art infatuated with her strategos. We wouldst do well to… apply pressure to her.”

Sol Eater nodded idly. “Who else?”

Penumbra shrugged. “A scant number. They shall fall in line upon realization of their comrades’ loyalties.” She thought for a moment. “Doth thou remember from whence our strategos’ new aide reports from?”

“Jargon?” Sol Eater thought for a moment. “The 12th Polar Warriors, I believe. Why?”

“We have yet to speak with their commander. Mayhaps we wouldst do well to apply pressure to them as well.”

A grin pulled at Sol Eater’s lips. “In case pressure need be applied to our strategos?”

Penumbra frowned. “We dislike violence, sister.”

“Then leave the violence to those who enjoy it,” Sol Eater said flippantly. “On a related topic; you were always the more skilled one at enchantments, were you not?”

“Thou hadst a penchant for a particular type to the exclusion of all others.”

“And you had to clean up after your dear sister,” Sol Eater purred. “Do you remember the counterspells?”

“How could we forget?” Penumbra deadpanned. “Thou gave us so many opportunities to practice them.”

Sol Eater chuckled. “How would you like to take a trip with me down memory lane?”

Penumbra’s brows narrowed. “What hath thou in mind?”

“Just a hunch.” With a gesture, Sol Eater produced a small, mint-colored hair. “And a magical signature from our dear strategos.”

* * *

Purple Heart sat, calmly gazing out the window of his private cabin on the train running from Canterlot to Vanhoover. The large colt inhaled deeply then exhaled, letting a small smile curve his lips. Looking away from the passing scenery, he grinned down at the selection of sushi arrayed before him. After leaving Canterlot Castle in the chaotic state he’d crafted, he’d grabbed enough sushi for the road to keep him sated til he arrived at his destination: a small outpost just off the main rail-line, one where he’d requested Commander Skykicker and Colonel Hathi to rendezvous with him at their earliest convenience.

The purple earth pony was certain that Skykicker would arrive first as the young pegasus’ travel time was shortened due to flying over any land obstacles. Colonel Hathi’s journey wouldn’t be as easy or non-descript. An elephant travelling nearly the breadth of Equestria wasn’t likely to go unnoticed. Hence, Purple Heart sent his messenger clones as soon as he’d left Canterlot Castle.

In the interim, Purple Heart could sit and enjoy the peaceful, filling ride before him. Unknowingly to Purple Heart however, Rainbow Dash was in the process of interrupting that peace; a fact the purple stallion was actually about to become partially aware of by way of a sudden grey wing slapping him in the face, as the compartment was filled with a tumbling panicked pegasus who came to rest on the ground.

Said grey pegasus lay on his back, panting as he glanced around before his eyes came to rest on Purple Heart. “Oh, hey buddy,” Light Patch said as casually as possible between panting breaths. “How’s it going?”

Purple Heart stared blankly at the wheezing grey pegasus, lips pursed in clear annoyance. “Could be better,” he replied dully. “What about you? You look like you’re running from something. Did your plans fold?” Mechanically, he reached out and picked up a piece of sushi, eating it slowly as he stared at Light Patch.

“Rainbow Dash, actually,” the pegasus replied as he moved to a sitting position. “And I doubt your plans are going perfectly either.”

Purple Heart nodded his head side to side a few times, then settled for nodding vertically in confirmation. “Twilight is making things difficult as always,” he admitted. “The micromanaging required of a monarch is ridiculous and significantly more demanding than I had originally thought when putting together my plan.” He paused, taking another piece of sushi as he thought. “You’re welcome to have some, if you wish.” He gestured at some of the spicer rolls with a hoof. “I had intended to deliver some with a battalion of guard ponies a while ago, but I got a little side tracked.”

“Yes, well,” Light Patch replied, “I heard a can of spicy tuna being opened and, like a cat, here I was.” He grabbed a couple of rolls for himself. “Thanks for sharing your lunch. I had to ditch mine in a hurry.” The pegasus lapsed into silence as he ate and kept his eyes on Purple Heart; and his ears on the door to the cabin.

“Sudden interruption, I’m guessing?” Purple Heart asked. “I left after being inundated with too many ponies calling for my attention.”

“Then I suppose I shouldn’t bother asking you for help as I was considering, then?”

Purple Heart stopped mid-chew and blinked once. After swallowing, he twisted his lips, eyes squinting at the grey pegasus. “I mean… you can certainly ask,” he said. “Answer depends on what you’re asking for.”

Light Patch looked suspiciously at his friend for a few minutes. “Alright, fair warning at least, I guess. Twilight developed a spell-” he was interrupted by a derisive snort from Purple Heart. “...To fix what’s wrong with us.” Purple Heart raised an eyebrow.

“And what does she think is wrong with us?”

“She thinks something is making us do these plans beyond our own natural minds, and so she made a spell to... fix that, and then had Moon Dancer test it on me.” Light Patch paused. “Maybe something is messing with us. I think I’ve been having a few more second thoughts, but maybe that’s just my plans falling to pieces. But I do know that since I got hit with it, my powers are on the fritz, and I was trying to get to Wits End to see if maybe he could help.”

Purple Heart leaned back, squinting at the ceiling of the cabin as he chewed thoughtfully. “This spell… She didn’t happen to cast it a few days ago, did she? Cos Wits and I were having our Duel of the Fatal Wits a few days ago… And some kind of wave of magic threw everything off kilter for a bit…”

A frown creased the purple earth pony’s brow and he leaned forward, resting his chin on his hooves. “If that wave of magic was the spell you say Twilight made to-” he made air quotes with his hooves, “-‘fix us’, then it didn’t work on me. Dunno what it did to Wits though. He was a little preoccupied with adopting my fist to his face.” He fell into a thoughtful silence, eyes gazing at nothing as he dropped a hoof to blindly grab more sushi.

“You didn’t knock his horn off, did you? I might still need it... Unless you’d be willing to task a couple of unicorn flunkies onto my case?”

“Nah. Just pulled a Hulk on his sorry Loki. You may have trouble getting past his Fan Club. I swear, the way those alicorns trail after him it's like he’s Ciaphas Cain or something.”

“Or he’s their favorite toy, and they’re trying to keep the ponies from breaking him.” Light Patch chewed silently for a little bit. “Wouldn’t it be crazy if they turned on him?”

Purple Heart arched an eyebrow. “Who? The alicorn battalion or whatever the hell this ‘diarchy’ is?” He blinked, pausing mid-reach for more sushi. “Did he mean Diarchy in the sense of those two Alicorns from Discord’s Game, or did he somehow convince Celestia and Luna to defect to his side?”

“If he got Celestia to join him, he wouldn’t be fighting against Twilight half as much.” Light Patch grabbed some of the lettuce garnishment from the plate and munched on it to cover his thinking. “From what I got his whole plan is about having and settling beef with Twilight, so he wouldn’t do anything that might endanger that, like get Celestia to willingly join him. Luna maybe, but she seemed fairly skeptical of the both of us the one time we’ve met.”

Purple Heart shrugged. “Fair enough. So the Off-Brand princesses then.” He paused again, chewing methodically. “Yeh, them turning on him would be a pain.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and eyed Light Patch. “Your plan was to use rival groups of bandits to get some Orb of Gascoigne or something, wasn’t it?”

“The plan was to get the Orb of Glacious quietly. Getting the bandits to fight each other was just a little bit of vengeance to pour on my ice cream. So, I guess my plan’s haven’t completely failed, but now my powers are on the fritz and I’m looking for a new artifact power source to fold my, uh, portal together.”

“Ahuh… Do you think you could sneak into Twilight’s castle? I’m sure there’s something you can use as a focus.”

“I was planning on seeing about nicking a book or two on artifacts to study while I try to meet up with Wits End,” Light Patch replied.

“Certainly sounds planlike,” Purple Heart agreed. A voice echoed through the train, forestalling any further conversation between the two colts.

“Next destination, Pointuv Neigh Retun in five minutes. Pointuv Neigh Retun in five minutes.”

Purple Heart cleared his throat. “This is my stop,” he stated. “I’m not sure how you’re going to get headed down south. This train heads to Vanhoover.”

“With any luck, the same way I got here,” Light Patch said, finishing off one last piece of sushi. “I’ll just pop in.” With that, he plugged his nose and looked like he was trying to inflate a balloon. Light Patch was starting to turn blue when, with a cartoonish noise, he popped out of existence as far as Purple Heart was aware.

Arching an eyebrow at the unorthodox method of departure, Purple Heart shrugged and looked down at the remnants of the shared lunch. Only a few pieces remained. Within minutes, they were gone and the rubbish was bundled up for disposal just as the train came to a halt. With nonchalant care, he disembarked and walked down the short platform, pitching the bag of trash into the requisite receptacle as he passed. With a deep breath in, Purple Heart sighed happily at the nature around him.

“Time to steal Equestria’s military,” he said firmly, walking by the few buildings surrounding the train depot and into the hills beyond.

* * *

Spike looked up at Just Duty, who was walking right next to him as if this was just completely normal and he wasn’t a secret national hero legend. He also reflected that a few months ago he’d be freaking out… had been freaking out if he was totally honest.

“You're thinking how weird it is, how normal all of this feels aren’t you?” Just Duty asked, a small smile playing on his face.

“Yeah,” Spike replied. “It just feels weird to be walking next to a pony I knew from comic books.”

“Now you know how I felt when I found out Daring Doo was real.”

“You didn’t know?”

“Different agency. And I don’t know every secret in the country. I don’t even know why Celestia and Luna’s hair is so wavy.”

“No pony does,” Spike said, smiling before a look of curiosity took over. “So what brings you to Twilight’s Castle?”

“Got some information that I think Twilight will want to hear. It’s being kept quiet for now, but I wanted to make sure she hears it.”

“Why not just send an underling to bring it?” Spike asked with a skeptical look blooming on his face. Just Duty frowned, then looked up and down the hallway.

“Well, between us, I shouldn’t be passing this onto Twilight, even.”

“I still know you have underlings you could trust. What’s the real reason?” The small dragon put his best look of skepticism on his face, growing more intense as Just Duty started to shift nervously.

“Alright, it’s an excuse to get away from the office, and...” The paladin trailed off, only to continue at the raised eyebrow Spike returned. “Have you ever felt like a secondary or tertiary character in a story that the writer tends to forget about?”

“Oh yeah, all the time.” Spike shrugged and continued to lead the way to the basement lab.

“How do you deal with it?”

“Flake off on my chores when Twilight is away and hang out with the CMC a lot. I’ve found it’s best to just not think about it too much. Anyway, here’s the lab Twilight’s been holed up in,” Spike said, pushing the door open. “I guess it’s closer to a magic test chamber or something.”

Twilight was hunched over a desk, surrounded by notes, scribbles, and reference books. To one side sat a chalkboard completely covered in markings; some of which were extended off the board via taped pieces of paper. Just Duty made note of a low tone, only to realize that it was the Princess of Friendship muttering to herself.

“Yeah, she does that sometimes,” Spike said plainly. “You get used to it. Twilight!”

The alicorn jumped in her seat with a yelp. “Spike? What’re you-” She paused, looking through bleary eyes at Just Duty. “Oh. Uh… Good to see you again. You look… well.”

“If I can be frank with you,” Just Duty said, “I would love nothing more than to say the same for you, Princess.”

Twilight made a halfhearted attempt to smooth her wild mane. “How long have I been in here working, Spike?”

“Long enough for Pinkie to start planning a party for your eventual return,” Spike deadpanned.

“...Hm.” Twilight gave up on her appearance and turned back to the Paladin. “Are you here to deliver those things of Purple Heart’s clones? I kinda expected a package in the mail, to be honest.”

Just Duty nodded slowly, pulling a ziploc bag from under his armour and held it out to the purple alicorn. In the bag were a pair of black chopsticks, delicately decorated with gold painted, and a thin green book. “I’ll need those back by the end of the day,” the paladin warned. Twilight nodded briskly, grabbed the bag, upended it on her desk, then brought the bag with her over to a large magnifying glass on a mobile, swingable stand.

“Incredible...” she whispered, gently opening and closing the bag to examine how the locking mechanism worked utilizing only pressure and friction. “Is this something only your division has access to?” she asked without looking away from the bag.

“No,” Just Duty replied shortly. “Major city grocery stores have them for sale.”

“Really...”

The old paladin cleared his throat. “...If you don’t mind, Princess Twilight, there was something else I thought you should be made aware of,” Just Duty said.

“Yes?” The alicorn’s attention was still glued to the bag and its closing mechanism.

“I argued for a long time with my compatriots on whether or not to bring you into the fold. They felt what I’m about to share would distract you from your current goal.” His lips twisted with irritation as Twilight’s attention remained centered on the bag. He looked at Spike. The small dragon shrugged weakly. With a roll of his eyes, Just Duty sighed. “Blueblood is now the reigning ruler of Equestria. Again.”

“What, so Beekler stepped down?” Twilight frowned. “Why would Purple Heart willingly give up the leadership role he’s been trying to take to this point? I’m sure if he wanted to he could keep Blueblood sequestered, even if he’d recovered from whatever Purple Heart did to him. Purple Heart willingly let this happen… Unless he’d already done what he wanted to do… Where was the list of everything he did as Beekler when he was filling in for Blueblood? Wait, that list doesn’t exist yet.” Twilight’s slightly unfocused eyes started to look around the room at the various chalk boards and piles of notes, searching for some empty space. Finally, she settled on using the back of paper that already had notes. “Okay, he, uh... He did that one thing. And I think there was a law thing? And he’d have done his laundry… No, scratch that, he’d have his butler do the laundry. But wait, he is the butler. Do butlers have butlers to do laundry for them? Maybe I should do laundry.” Twilight continued to ramble, adding more and more unrelated notes to the list.

“Is she like this often?” Just Duty said, his face constantly shifting between worry, confusion and even a little impressed.

“Usually when one of those three are involved. She’s probably gonna be passing out, so we should get her to finish up with those chopsticks so you can get them back sooner rather than later.” Spike walked up to Twilight, picking up a couple of scrolls and then lightly slapping them to either side of Twilight’s face, forcing her to look at him. “And just what are you?”

“An unfocused Twilight sandwich,” she replied after a few calming breaths. “Okay, first things first. Let’s look for a magic signature.” Twilight’s horn lit up as she scanned the chopsticks. A series of auras seemed to surround, or perhaps become visible, around the two pieces of wood. “This one is mine, just from handling these,” she muttered, and one of the auras faded from sight.

“How long can this take?” Just Duty asked.

“Not long. I just need to filter out the weakest signatures…” Twilight muttered as auras faded away. She paused at one. “This one is… yours, Just Duty? It’s a little odd...”

The paladin shrugged. “It’s a long story, so I’ll tell it another time. Or maybe your little friend can do that for me.”

Twilight ignored the excited noises coming from Spike as she filtered through the auras, until there was only one left. “And this one is…” She frowned, checking her results against her notes. “It’s not an exact match for Purple Heart, but it’s effectively the same. Definitely closer than any familial connection, and that’s as close as magical signatures usually get.” She sighed, noting her results on a spare piece of paper.

“So?” Just Duty raised an eyebrow. “Is that the proof you were looking for?”

“Yes and no.”

“I hate it when ponies say that…”

“Taking into account everything I already know, it means that the clones were most likely created by Purple Heart using what I can only assume is Bael’s magic.” She frowned as she slipped the chopsticks back into their bag. “The problem is that it’s not proof enough to do anything about Purple Heart right now. And since it’s not purely Purple Heart’s magical signature, I can’t exactly use it to help with this spell.”

Spike frowned. “So we’re…

“Right back at square one,” Twilight sighed. “Except that now Purple Heart’s put Blueblood between us and him. And I need something from Purple Heart himself.” She turned to Just Duty, eyes squinting slightly. “Any chances you could get something he used frequently while reigning under the guise of Beekler Alfreeves?”

The paladin frowned, lips pursed in thought. “I do not believe so,” he muttered. “You could try the throne in Canterlot Castle.”

Twilight squeezed one eye shut. “I don’t think anypony would let me zap the throne with magic. Especially for an experiment or to get a sample. What about his crown?”

Just Duty shook his head. “Despite his deception, he never wore a crown while he was regent,” he replied. “One thing I can certainly respect him for.”

“What about clothes? His wardrobe?” Spike suggested. “I doubt the Imperial Dressers would allow even a temporary ruler to go around in clothing unbefitting their station.”

Again, Just Duty shook his head. “All he wore was a cape, and that particular piece of clothing has vanished with the pony who wore it.”

Twilight growled, resisting the urge to unleash her magic in a torrent of frustration. “There has to be something I can get a sample off of!” she snarled, stamping a hoof on the floor.

Spike and Just Duty shared a worried look while Twilight fumed, neither of them knowing what they could do to help the irritable alicorn. The small dragon looked back to the mare and blinked at a small green string waving gently in a non-existent breeze from Twilight’s shoulder. He stepped over to her, patting her side with a hand.

“Don’t worry, Twilight,” he soothed. “I’m sure something will pop up.”

Twilight snorted, eyes on the window in her study. “How is it that the barbarian player is outsmarting me at every turn?” she asked.

Just Duty shuffled his hooves and cleared his throat. “If I may, I don’t think he’s going out of his way to outsmart you,” he said. “It seems to me that this Purple Heart is adept at taking the opportunities he’s been given. I think that you should emulate him.”

“What?” Twilight snapped. “Look at the opportunities I’ve been given?”

Paladin Just Duty’s eyes hardened. “Capitalize on the mistakes of your foes,” he rumbled. “Think: what mistakes has Purple Heart made that you can benefit from? What can you think of that he left behind when he left?”

Twilight’s brow furrowed as she thought. Then her eyes widened. “The collar.”

“Exact- wait, what?” Just Duty blinked at the princess.

Spike’s eyes widened too. “I think that’s still here somewhere!” he cried, racing out of the room.

Just Duty frowned, looking over his shoulder at the small dragon’s sudden departure. “I don’t understand...”

“The collar I gave him to help him control his powers when he first came to Ponyville!” Twilight elaborated. “He wore that thing for at least a week while possessing strange abilities! It surely has a sample I can pull!”

“I don’t know anything about a collar, but I was talking about Blueblood being on the throne. This is a perfect opportunity to-”

“Forget Blueblood, I have my answer!” Twilight crowed. A wide grin split her face as she pranced around with joyful triumph. Spike screeched to a halt outside the door, chest heaving with the exertion of running whilst carrying a crate of fractured metal shards over his head.

“Got to them just as the garbage ponies came!” he cheered, skipping into the room. With a jangle of metal, he placed the crate on the table and grinned widely.

“That’s great, but…” Just Duty was frowning. “I’m not sure we should write off Blueblood’s return as if somepony just announced a sequel to a mediocre novel. The prince was out of the picture for a while, and him popping up again doesn’t sit well with me.”

“I suppose you’re right, but what do you expect me to do about it?” Twilight asked. “If I go anywhere near Blueblood, P.I.S.S. is gonna be on my case for interfering with… something. I’m sure Holdfast would come up with something.” She sighed, running a hoof through her mane. “I don’t suppose you could-”

“Put my career and the secrecy of my entire organization on the line by staying suspiciously close to the regent of Equestria, while in the middle of a war, all while we don’t know who else might be a clone of the former regent?”

Twilight’s mouth formed a thin line. “Well, when you put it like that…”

Just Duty chuckled. “Relax. It’s not like I had anything better to do. The rest of the Paladins can take care of holding Equestria together for me a while longer.”

“You’re bored ‘cause all of the evil deeds are happening in plain sight, aren’t you?” Spike asked.

“You read too many comic books, kid.” Just Duty sighed, “But yes.”