Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 30: Breaktime

Purple Heart resisted the urge to giggle with glee as he followed Blueblood back into the throne room. Unless he was mistaken, Twilight had received the letter his String Clone had delivered to Celestia when Blueblood had led him into the throne room. Clearly, Celestia was summoning Blueblood back to make him regent while Celestia and Luna were mediating the summit. Or so Purple Heart hoped.

His giddy mood dulled as he walked behind Blueblood, hoping against all hope that his plan hadn’t just fallen apart. It was nigh impossible for his strings to allow him to influence either of the elder princesses. Their magic was just too potent for him to manipulate them. Granted, if he tried to make Celestia want cake, maybe he’d succeed. But the Princess of the Sun already had a propensity for cake. Therefore, it wouldn’t be too hard to convince her to eat it.

Purple Heart’s attention was pulled from his ruminations to settle on Celestia when Blueblood stopped in front of his many greats-aunt.

“Aunt Celestia,” Blueblood greeted, inclining his head to the monarch. Purple Heart bowed, moving to stand several paces away from his principal.

“Prince Blueblood,” Celestia returned. “Something has come up that requires the attention of Luna and myself. The Deerkin of the Undiscovered West have requested that we mediate a summit between themselves and the Thestrals.”

Blueblood blinked in surprise. “Why are you informing me of this?” he asked.

“Because Princess Twilight and Cadence are both busy with their own duties,” Celestia explained. “I need a regent to watch over Canterlot and Equestria during Luna’s and my absence.”

Blueblood blinked again. “Oh. Oh… oh.” He looked at Celestia, eyes wide in realization. “Me? You’re making me regent?”

Celestia nodded. “Indeed. Luna and I shall be leaving as soon as we are able.” She stepped down from her throne and looked at Purple Heart. “I hope you will advise my nephew in my absence.”

Purple Heart bowed his head again, hiding his grin from the two royals. “I shall endeavor to do so, your highness,” he replied.

Celestia smiled, looking at Blueblood. “I, Celestia, Princess of the Sun, do declare Prince Blueblood to be regent of Equestria. Do you swear to govern and rule to protect the ponies of Equestria?”

Blueblood shifted, hit by a sudden bout of anxiety. He gulped loudly. “I swear.”

Celestia smiled. “Excellent.” She turned and walked around the dais towards the door leading to her inner chambers.

Both Blueblood and Purple Heart stared after the Princess in stunned disbelief.

“That’s it?” they chorused helplessly.

“That’s it,” Celestia confirmed over her shoulder.

“Don’t you need to sign a piece of paper, or something?” Purple Heart inquired.

“Nope. The Magic takes care of that.”

Blueblood nodded, not understanding anything.

Purple Heart swore under his breath. I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face…

“I’m sure this won’t take more than a few days,” Celestia said as she returned. “A week at most. Remember-” she looked pointedly at Blueblood. “No parties, let Philomena out twice a day, in bed by ten.”

Blueblood flushed an impressive shade of red and he ducked his head, trying to hide his blush. “Auntiiiie,” he whined. “I’m not a foal anymore.” Celestia chuckled lightly and smiled.

“If you insist,” she said, walking past them and out of the throne room.

Blueblood coughed and looked aside at Purple Heart, wondering if the colt had seen his blush. The large purple colt was looking studiously out the window. Blueblood gave a sigh and turned to fully face his butler.

“Beekler, notify the press that Princesses Celestia and Luna will be away for some time and that I am regent until they return,” Prince Blueblood ordered. “Please let Madam Speaker Top Class know that I wish to speak with her as soon as possible.” Baelhart nodded, pulling out a small notepad from his pocket.

“Will you be wanting to meet with the Captain of the Royal Guard as well?” he prodded, nudging the unicorn into making decisions that lined up with Purple Heart’s plans. Blueblood nodded.

“Make sure to send a pony out to get our usual from Wasabi,” he added. “And get me a piece of paper.”

Purple Heart balked in his note taking and looked up, feigning confusion. “A piece of paper?” he echoed. Blueblood nodded.

“While ‘magic’ is enough for Aunt Celestia, I’d rather have my replacement be properly documented and notarized,” the Prince said.

“Aha. Of course, si- your majesty.”

“It will of course be you, Beekler.”

Again, Purple Heart looked up, feigning confusion. “Me?”

“Of course. I trust no other pony to head our nation should something happen to me,” Blueblood said, laying a hoof on Purple Heart’s shoulder.

“But… but I’m not even in the line of succession.” Internally, Purple Heart grinned. Almost there...

Blueblood snorted. “My dear butler, Equestria is a monarchy with a democratic senate. And the monarchy has been held by one pony for several millennia. I doubt there’s a line of succession anywhere.”

Purple Heart nodded in agreement. “Fair enough.” He paused. “I’m honored you trust me enough to install me as your replacement should something happen.”

Blueblood smirked. “Get that paper and finish that list. I’ll be here when the Speaker and the Captain arrive.”

Purple Heart bowed and turned, striding resolutely out of the throne room and into the Hall of Glass. To his immediate left was a blank window, one that would soon chronicle the events taking place.

A grin curved the purple earth pony’s face as purple bled back into his coat.

“I am now amongst the ranks of ascended ponies including the likes of Joustinian, Thoroughbredora and Shacolt Zebru.”

* * *

Light Patch slowly entered the chamber in the ice cave. Strangely, the ice was white as snow on the outer walls that only served to draw his eyes towards the blue light cast from the center of the chamber. A pillar of blue ice bore a sphere of darker blue ice. Surrounding it was scaffolding that allowed the mine's workers to stand eye level with the sphere.

All around the ice were several tents and little covered areas where the ponies worked on various smaller digsites. Light Patch noticed one of the workers he passed was carefully working towards a helmet. Light Patch ignored the various workers and guards and picked his way towards a gathering near the pillar.

“Like I said, we can’t just try to mine it out.” Moon Dancer drew her sigh out.

“Why not? Pony can see it dere, just like dog can. Dog claws sharper than pony horn,” a diamond dog replied, clearly frustrated.

“Fine. If you want to go ahead, be my guest. Just give me a warning shout so I can move to the minimum safe distance,” Moon Dancer snapped back, glaring at the diamond dog who looked at her with confusion on its face.

“What pony mean ‘minimum safe distance?’ It just ice,” the diamond dog said, scratching its head.

Moon Dancer sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. “Do you see how the ice is a darker shade of blue?” She waited for the diamond dogs to look up at the sphere of ice. “That means it’s different from the ice around it. And do you know what makes it different?” This time they all shrugged. “Magic. Magic made it different. Specifically, magic has infused the ice, changing how it refracts the light that passes through it.”

“Okay, but why magic make ice dangerous to dig?” the diamond dog asked, cutting off Moon Dancer’s explanation of the refractive properties of ice.

“...It is full of magic. Striking it with a pickaxe or your claws will crack the ice.”

“That how you dig.”

“Yes, and it'd create a way for all of that magic to come out! All of that unstable magic! I’m sure you've heard some stories about the Badlands and why it’s called that now.”

She smiled as the dogs all shied away and tried to hide behind each other. She was sure the dogs weren't going to try anything now.

“So how do we get the artifact out of the doom trap?” Light Patch asked.

“Myself or some other magic users are going to have to slowly siphon the magic out of the ice,” the unicorn replied. “And before you ask, unless you have some other trick under your cloak there, boss, it’s going to be a slow process without several working in tandem.”

“Well, let’s go up and have a closer look. Maybe I can magic something up,” Light Patch said, working his way up the scaffolding to stand next to the Orb’s trapped container. As he climbed the scaffolding, Light Patch took a few moments to observe the cavernous area excavated. Finally, the two ponies reached the top and turned to look at the orb. After a moment of studying the orb and the ice it was encased in, he pulled a burlap sack from out of his cloak.

“I thought you got rid of that old cloak,” Moon Dancer said with a grin on her face. Light Patch ignored her and stuck a hoof into the bag, still focused on the sphere of ice containing the Orb. Moon Dancer leaned in and was able to hear objects banging about in the bag before Light Patch pulled out a cupcake. Moon Dancer nearly fell over as she’d learned so far forward in curiosity. Before she could ask what he was planning to do with his snack, a pink hoof shot out of the bag and snatched away the cupcake before either could react. The two stared at the bag silently before the pegasus shoved it back in his cloak.

“I’m gonna hear about that from Pinkie later,” he muttered, looking at the unicorn. “How fast can you get your plan to go?”

“If we had a battalion of Royal Guard Unicorns, I could coordinate them so we could drain it in one big stream.”

“Could you make do with some of the local unicorns?” Light Patch asked.

“It would slow us down for a day so I can make sure they know what to do. But, it would be faster than trying to do it on my own,” Moon Dancer said with a small nod.

“How long do you think it will take before you can clear enough for us to retrieve the Orb?”

“Not longer than a week. Then we can take this to Canterlot so it’ll be safe. Maybe the princesses can take the artifact apart,” Moon Dancer replied, watching the cloaked form of Light Patch for hints of his reaction.

“We could also unstabilize the artifact and hurl it towards deep space,” Light Patch suggested.

“The artifact is already unstable or we wouldn’t have to spend all of this effort to dig it out of the ice. Magic doesn’t leak from arcane objects like this for no good reason,” Moon Dancer replied thoughtfully.

“Well, if history is true, they did craft this in a hurry for a battle.”

“Are you suggesting they cut corners on what was meant to be a weapon of war?!”

“Going from the information we can gather about its creation, they rushed to get it finished in time for a battle. And when it was used in said battle, it did more than they were expecting”

“What do you mean ‘it did more than they thought it would’?!” Moon Dancer shot back. “Do you think they were trying to make a shielding object and accidentally made a ‘wipe everything out’ object?”

“I’m just saying it’s possible that maybe they didn’t realize it was gonna be as strong as it was. If you made a ‘kill everything in this radius’ magical artifact, would you have your army march up and die in it too?”

Moon Dancer opened her mouth to bark out a reply before she started to think about what he’d said. “No... no I wouldn’t,” she eventually replied. “I’d have the army fall back while the pony designated to use the artifact remain in place or maybe hidden and have them activate it when my army was safe and my opponent's army was in range.”

“Exactly. And if I thought I’d made a weaker weapon, I’d have it go in with my army. Maybe it broke before they first got to use it or maybe it was never perfectly intact in the first place. Then you have that the user of the artifact probably panic when they realize they were the only one still standing. Hence why they probably just dropped it in the nearest deepest hole and fled.”

“But why wouldn’t the mages have come find it to properly dispose of it? They would have known about the risks of this just as well as we do now.” Moon Dancer crushed a couple of small bits of ice in frustration.

“They probably weren’t native to this area and so they, and maybe even the pony soldier, couldn't have found the right crevice.”

“It’s just frustrating! They cobble together some kind of immensely powerful artifact which maybe breaks on its first use. Then, rather than taking the time to find and fix or dismantle it, they just leave it to be some future pony’s problem,” Moon Dancer snarled, glaring at the ice chunks she was crushing.

“Welcome to my world,” Light Patch murmured. “Well, go on and organize your little band of merry mana siphons. I’ll make sure the miners know not to touch this without giving everyone else a fifty-mile headstart.”

“Try two hundred miles,” Moon Dancer retorted, disappearing.

“Right, no one is to even think of touching this thing without orders in triplicate,” Light Patch called loudly, drawing the eyes of a few of the closer miners.

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Trixie asked, appearing from the darkness.

“Whimsy? They’re harmless,” Wits said offhandedly. “As long as there’s no signs of civilization nearby.”

“I meant the part about the Element of Friendship.”

Wits chuckled, brushing his mane into place. “Please, they’re not going to suspect Fluttershy didn’t really tell them to stay with us. They are, and I am quoting them directly here, not a clever Aboleth.”

Trixie sighed. “I meant,” she repeated, “the part about Fluttershy and you.”

Wits raised an eyebrow. “I don’t follow.”

“About you being friends?”

“What’re you talking about, Trix?” Wits raised an eyebrow. “‘Shy and I are friends. See? I call her ‘Shy, ‘cause we’re friends. And she calls me Wits.” He paused for a moment. “‘Cause we’re friends. Sorry, felt like I should clarify that part. The friendship part. ‘Cause we’re friends.”

“You’re a villain,” Trixie explained. “Villains are not friends with heroes. Not when they’re in the midst of villainy.”

“Fluttershy’s friends with Discord. He’s a villain.”

“A reformed villain. You’re not reformed.”

“...In the words of the great Magenta Bruise: nuance.”

“Speaking of Purple Heart.” Trixie glanced back into the cavern. “Don’t you think you should tell him and Light Patch about what you’re about to do?”

“Should I?” Wits mused. “Probably. Will I? Absolutely not.”

“What about your truce?”

“Have they sent me so much as a little blue bird with updates on their plans? This isn’t an alliance, Trix; it’s a race. A race to see who’s going to be the one with a hold on Equestria at the end of all this.” The mint-colored stallion frowned. “I don’t know what those two are planning, but at least my plan involves everypony who’s alive now staying that way.”

Trixie sat back on her haunches, crossing her forelegs over her chest. “So you’re friends with your enemies, and enemies of your friends? How does this work out for you?”

“So far, so good.” Wits waved a dismissive forehoof. “Besides, I’m not frenemies with everyone I meet. I have my crew.”

“Your… crew?”

“Sure. Mousetail, Leafnose, Vampire, and you.”

Now it was Trixie’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “I’m part of your crew?”

“You were the first member of the W.E. Crew.”

“...And that makes me your friend?”

Wits tilted his head. “I just said you’re on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?” He gestured with a jerk of his head and started further into the cave. After a few seconds, Trixie followed with a wide smile on her face.

The two of them followed the trail of wires back to a large archway: Wits’ contraption on a larger scale now that it had been moved from inside Trixie’s wagon. The Tomb of Horses tome sat on a crystal pedestal a few yards away from the center, hooked up to wires and pipes that fed into the Diamond Dogs’ helmet-shaped artifact. The pseudo-headware seemed to crackle with dark magical energy that lit the cavern with sickly light; energy that flowed like water through grooves and runes carved into the arch. Wires led out of the cave where they connected to electrodes on Whimsy’s skin, and at the other end met those from the pedestal was a large, well-furnished cage. Through the bars both ponies caught a glimpse of something dark, vaguely feline, and armed with a set of barbed tentacles on its back. The creature took a seat near the locked door of the cage and mewled.

Wits End stopped near the door and scratched under the Misplacer Beast’s chin. “Yes, I know, Project,” he cooed. “I just need you to stay in there for a little bit to stabilize the sciency technobabble. When I get back, you can steal all of the socks you could ever want.” That seemed to be enough for the creature, as it turned away and began sharpening its claws on a scratching post.

“Why did you name it Project, anyway?” Trixie asked.

“Because she’s a pet,” Wits said plainly. “Everything ready?”

Trixie nodded. “The layout has been recreated exactly from that mess you made of Trixie’s kitchen. I’ll be on this side ready with an instant retrieval spell if anything goes wrong. If we’re lucky, it’ll even be able to pull you from… wherever you’re going. Are you ready for this?”

Wits winked. “Oh yes. This is all part of the plan.” He paused. “Well, the new plan.”

“What happened to the old plan?”

“It didn’t survive contact with the enemy.” He strode to the pedestal and flipped to a bookmarked page. As he tapped it, the lights on the arch began to glow brighter, coalescing in the center as an undulating plane of dark, inky, sudo-water. “Remember how I said you were the first member of my crew?”

“Sure, it was less than a minute ago.”

“Well,” Wits took a few steps, coming to a stop in front of the rippling mass. “If this all goes well, when I get back this crew is gonna be a lot bigger. I’ll expect you to help keep everything in line.” He glanced over his shoulder at the mare, who had taken his spot by the pedestal. “You can do that, right?”

Trixie smirked. “We should have a chat when you get back. I have something to tell you that I think you’ll be very interested to hear.”

Wits’ smile fell a few notches before he caught it again. “At least you didn’t tell me I’m retiring in a week, and this’ll be my last mission,” he muttered. He shook his head and slapped his cheeks. “Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast. Allons-y!” With that, he stepped into the portal.

One second and an eternity later, a ray of sunlight gleefully stabbed at his eyes. A wide grin spread over his face as his eyes snapped open, taking in the arcane temple-like structure in front of him

Wits took a deep breath, taking in the smell of desert winds, hot sand, and civilization. “I survived! Brilliant! Love it when I do that.” He summoned a pair of hands and used them to shade his eyes from the bright sun overhead. “Huh. I liked this place better with the mysterious lights passing overhead.”

“You there! Halt!”

Wits turned towards the command, his grin widening. “Ah, excellent! The sheriff’s secret police, Flash Sentry! Just who I wanted to see.”

“That’s Flash Dancer,” the guard growled, looking down at the newly appeared stallion. “You look familiar.”

“I should certainly hope so,” Wits mused. “Take me to your leader, Flash. I have some very important business to discuss with them.” He looked over Flash Dancer with a look of amusement. “Not with the Man-Princess.”

Flash Dancer flared his nostrils and his wings, his horn glowing as he drew a pair of blades and leveled them at the unicorn. “Now listen here, you-”

Wits’ smile vanished. In an instant, a coil of silvery magic latched on to the alicorn guard’s horn. “Pin yourself to the wall,” he said casually.

Flash Dancer jerked to a stop. After a moment of thought, he pulled back to stand flush against the wall, holding one blade against his throat. “How are you doing this?” he managed, struggling against his own grip on the sword. He hissed as he drew a drop of blood.

“Oh, don’t hurt yourself with that,” Wits said. “This is just for convenience, not intimidation. Sheath your weapons, then make sure no-pony comes in for… say, half an hour.” He patted the alicorn on the shoulder as he passed.

A short walk later, Wits threw open a massive pair of oak doors and strode through. “Dormaremu, I’ve come to bargain!”

A pair of large thrones sat on a raised dais at the end of the throne room. Each throne was occupied by an alicorn: one clad in flowing silks of blacks and blues, the other in whites and golds. “Well, well, well,” Sol Eater purred as she stood, watching the stallion approach. “It has been quite some time since we’ve seen each other, has it not?”

“Yeah, about that…” Wits came to a stop at the foot of the dais. “No hard feelings about how we… parted ways last time, right?”

“And for what reason would that be necessary?” Penumbra asked. She didn’t move from her place on her throne. “When last we met, thou hadst helped us get closure on a thousand years of strife.”

“Oh.” Wits blinked, but quickly recovered. I guess the ones we fought in the Equestria Girls ‘verse really were copies. I don’t feel so bad about making them banish each other now. He cleared his throat and resettled his smirk. “Well, I’m glad to have been of service.”

“If only you would stay to be of service,” Sol Eater mused. “I would love to see you in many important positions. Both in our court, and-”

“Mind the rating,” Wits interrupted quickly.

“And what brings thee back to the court of the Alicorns?” Penumbra asked. “If our memory art accurate, thou hadst returned to thy own realm after thy task was done. What business hath thou in our realm?”

“Not that we’re complaining,” Sol Eater said, looking the stallion over. “You carry yourself with much more confidence now. Where is the shivering little bunny my princess once was?”

Wits shrugged. “You save a couple universes from unspeakable evils, you learn how to grow a backbone. Be the isekai hero you want to see in the other world, and all that. As for what I’m doing here,” he shrugged. “I found a way back here, and wanted to check in on my two favorite diarchs.”

Penumbra frowned, slouching slightly in her seat. “Most unfortunately, thou have arrived during a dark time in the history of the Alicorns. It would seem,” she trailed off for a moment, meeting Sol Eater’s eyes, “the time of the Alicorns has come to an end.”

“Allegedly,” Sol Eater corrected. “Or this is just a time for the Alicorns to turn their attention elsewhere, while the world of Ponies does whatever idiocy it will inevitably slide into without our advice.”

“And where wouldst our eye turn to, dear sister?” Penumbra shot back. “Where in this world created by the Serpent of Chaos wouldst we turn to? Wouldst we escape to the one place not that hath not been yet corrupted by strife?” She rolled her eyes towards the vaulted ceiling. “Space?”

Sol Eater seemed to think for a moment. “Perhaps…”

Penumbra placed her face in her hoof. “Oh, Great Mothers protect us…”

With a clap of his forehooves, Wits cleared his throat. “Maybe I can be of some assistance?”

Sol Eater raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Do you have a way to take the Alicorns to space?” Penumbra leaned across her throne and smacked her sister on the foreleg.

“I’d rather leave that to those who know how to do it reliably, like Scott Marenley or Ponny2462.“ Wits paused. “But not NerdColted or Life of Boaris. Never trust an engineer who builds a plane with no control surfaces. But regardless!” He flashed a smile to the two princesses. “What if I said I knew a place in dire need of some proper Alicorn leadership?”

Both Alicorns looked at each other, clearly sharing some sort of wordless conversation. Wits had enough time to wonder if they were communicating via telepathy or just the bond that some siblings have, then they turned back to him. “For sooth,” Penumbra said slowly, “why hath thou come?”

Here we go. Wits tapped his chin with a forehoof thoughtfully. “I still have my position as Strategos, don’t I?”

“Of course,” Sol Eater said.

“Well then, let me start by saying this.” Wits’ smile broadened into a toothy grin as he spread his forehooves to either side. Thin, almost invisible tendrils of silvery magic snaked their way along the ground, and creeped up either throne. “Ladies,” he said smoothly, “I love war.”

Comments

[Mix-up]

Managed to read the chapters I have missed it is interesting how the colts have turned into antagonists in the story which is an interesting twist. Oddly enough it feels that Twits and Purple Heart have switch antagonists from Hold Fast and Bale , at least in their MO aspect, with with Wits being more interested in being a foiled to Twilight, and deliberately trying to fail/lose then actually amassing power. And Purple Heart who is supposed to be holding Bale seems to be more focused doing political scheming and amassing power then like Hold Fast would. For Light, despite initially sort of acting sort like he is doing the same as Just Duty staying passive and pouting he seems to be now planning something a lot bigger then the others which, sort of like Just Duty trying to get that time artifact, yet it doesn't sound like him in trying to tip the Mane Six off on the others and the fact that he is trying use the Orb to go back home, with the incidental possibility of the risk of merging all three world together sounding like something the Hydra would want and do actually. So for the situation of Light, sense EqG Just Duty was subsumed by the Hydra it's possible that he is one actually in the driver seat of the pegasus. For Wits, Best guess would be that Hold Fast, from, the D&D and the EqG world, and having all of Wits' knowledge of the show, and thinking that anything he does in this world is doomed to fail, thinks that the shortcut to getting to power by going all reform and create a liaison with Twilight in his 'recovery'. For Purple, it sound maybe he is amassing power for just the the sake of antagonizing the Mane Six for it's own sake. I personally would like the Mane Six to fail as well as the orb merging the three worlds in the same D&D seeing at least after the Colt's are freed at some point.