Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 36: Muzzle-Hoof Turn

At the edge of Ghastly Gorge, the roughly defined streets of the Second Alicorn Diarchy encampment sat in darkness. Although the army hadn’t been there more than a few days, hundreds of alicorns marching, trotting, and patrolling through the camp had warranted the addition of wooden slats to prevent the dirt from turning to muck under their hoofsteps. Tents lined each thoroughfare, with simple signage denoting the purpose.

A shadowy figure snuck through the streets, their short legs barely carrying them from one wooden plank to the next without hitting the mud. They avoided tents with lights still on, keeping to the shadows with their cloak pulled up against the gusts that rose out of the gorge. Despite the chill and the wind, the figure made a bee-line for the lip of the valley. The wind was stronger at edge, sending their cloak whipping about them.

The hood blew back from Wits End’s face, which was pulled into an uncharacteristic scowl. He reached into the folds of his cloak, retrieving a single piece of paper: his notes from that day’s after action reports. His lips flipped between smirk and scowl as he looked at the bullet points he’d written. By and large, he thought, the campaign’s going well. We’ve split Equestria from Los Pegasus to Baltimare. We’ve pushed the south as far as the Macintosh Hills. We’ve made it as far north as Vanhoover in the west, opening a channel to the Crystal Empire if it comes to it. From Equestria’s side, it must look like we’re blitzing through their land. Next we’d take Cloudsdale, cut off supplies to Canterlot and Ponyville, and let them get good and hungry before seizing the capital. Instead, we’ll have a nice defeat, followed by a siege on Canterlot to oust Purple Heart, and a one-on-one curb-stomp from Twilight to top off our slow, guided descent into surrender. Operation Fail Better should be off to a great start.

“It should be,” he muttered, focusing on a set of circled notes, “and yet…” Wits sighed, shoving the page back into his cloak. “And yet some ponies continue to defy me. Or worse, disappoint me. It really makes me wonder if those other villains were right. Maybe absorbing all of the power and using it with impunity is the way to go. I mean, if Tirek got super powerful with the magic of four alicorns, imagine what could be done with a few hundred of them…”

Wits froze. “If I turn around, there’s gonna be somepony standing right behind me, isn’t there.”

“Sometimes your self-awareness is astounding.” Wits turned to find Sol Eater standing a few paces to his right. She smirked down at him. “But perhaps you should work on your spatial awareness as well, my little princess.”

“Shouldn’t you be asleep right now?” Wits asked. “What with being a princess of the sun and all?”

“I had plenty of time to sleep in the last few years since you left our world.” Sol Eater gave him a wink. “And a thousand years before that while banished from my sister’s sight. You won’t be rid of me that easily, little princess.”

After a moment, Wits shrugged. “You’re hardly the worst pony I could have overhearing my villainous dialogue. What happens now? Are you gonna banish me to the sun?”

Sol Eater’s laugh was like the sound a frozen lake makes when stepped on: beautiful as long as you’re not too close to the deepest part. “Hardly. I’m more than a little proud of you, little princess. You’ve grown into the kind of foe I wish I had been for you and your little friends. A force to be reckoned with, willing to do anything to achieve your goals for those closest to you.”

“‘Anything’ is pushing it a bit,” Wits muttered. “I’m a professional villain, and professionals have standards.” He paused, then smirked. “I have a very clear goal I’m trying to accomplish, and it involves Equestria still having greenery like this at the end.” He sighed, staring out at the other side of the gorge, as if he could spot Ponyville and Canterlot beyond it. “I will say, I have a newfound respect for Field Marshal Tamares now. This is hard, and I’m not even dealing with an angry god.”

“Were it so easy that anypony could do it, they surely would.” Penumbra seemed to rise from the shadows to Wits End’s left. “Thus, it falls to great ponies to lead when leadership is needed.”

Wits wasn’t sure how he managed to leap into the air without ever bending his knees, but he was certainly glad that the wind took him away from the cliff instead of towards it. “I didn’t know you could do that,” he managed once he was able to breathe.

“We art called Penumbra for more reasons than simply the color of our mane,” Penumbra chuckled. “And for the record, we hath been observing you since thy attempt at stealth from our encampment.”

Darn princesses won’t even let me brood properly, Wits thought. “Well, welcome to the Ledge of a Thousand Monologues. I’m sure if Purple Heart were here he could give you some classics, but all I’ve got is the ‘What is a Mare’ speech and the entirety of The Jabberwocky.”

“Wouldst thou give us the ‘I Love War’ speech once more?”

“I never repeat a joke. Unless it’s a really good-slash-bad one, in which case I drive it into the ground.”

Sol Eater laughed again. “I have missed this otherworldly sense of humor of yours, my little princess.”

“I haven’t been a princess for a long time,” Wits muttered. He took a deep breath, then turned and took a few steps away from the edge. “We need to talk,” he said, turning back to face both alicorns. “Now seems as good a time as any.”

Penumbra frowned. “Why doth we feel concern when we hear thee sayth that…”

Wits reached into his cloak and retrieved his list of notes. “This,” he said, “is a summary of the after action reports from each of our commanders.” He tapped the page with the back of one spectral hand. “Dragon Slayer in Baltimare. Mighty Hoof in Los Pegasus. Whirlwind in Vanhoover. All of them.” He tapped the page again. “Summarized right here.”

Sol Eater gave an appreciative look at the single page. “Every commander’s report on one piece of paper? Quite impressive.”

“I had a job where I was doing a lot of summaries like this.” Wits paused. “Well, it wasn’t supposed to be my job, but that’s not the point. The point is that we’ve been making great advancements except,” a pair of tiny magic hands pointed at the two points circled on the page, “for these two. Eternity’s Will, and Flash Dancer.” He saw as both princesses stiffened at the last name. “Which would you two prefer to start with?”

Penumbra glanced at her sister, but Sol Eater was glaring at a point somewhere away from the both of them. With a rare moment of hesitation, Penumbra turned back to Wits. “‘Twas not Flash Dancer’s failure,” she said slowly, “but our own.”

“Was it?” Wits’ question held an edge so hard that even the princesses flinched. “Do you mean to say that two of the most powerful beings in two worlds, backed by two dozen alicorns, were unable to capture two alicorns on their own? That, when outnumbered thirteen to one, Princesses Celestia and Luna somehow just… got away?” He turned his attention from one princess to the other. “Sol Eater? Anything you would like to say?”

Still refusing to meet his eye, Sol Eater gave an almost dragon-like growl. “They were… trickier than expected.”

“Trickier?” Wits gave an unnecessary glance at his notes. “Do you mean to say that they somehow tricked you into leaving your guards behind? That they conned you into facing both of them in single combat, while leaving your sister to try and coordinate two-dozen alicorns on her own?” Wits took a step forward, somehow managing to look as if he were looking down at the alicorn, despite standing several heads shorter. “Is that what you’re saying, Sol Eater? Because that’s what Flash Dancer’s report says happened.”

Sol Eater grit her teeth. “I shall have to have a talk with Flash Dancer,” she spat.

“Don’t bother. It’s hardly his fault I have the truth.” Wits turned his back on Sol Eater, walking back to his previous position. “But loyalty has its limits, and they end where I say they do.” His horn glinted silver for a moment as he shot a look back at Sol Eater. “I realize that you’re a princess, but when you strategos tells you to take care,” his voice lowered to a hiss, “it would be nice to be heard.”

Penumbra had just opened her mouth to come to her sister’s defence when Wits turned on her as well. “Two dozen alicorns,” he said flatly. “Two dozen against two. Sol Eater is to blame for sticking her neck out, but who’s to blame for the failure to capture them with superior numbers? Who was commanding the two dozen alicorns who stood back as Sol Eater fought, Penumbra?”

The younger of the princesses took a deep breath, keeping her eyes on Wits’. “We were waiting for an opportunity-”

“And opportunity?!” Wits spat. “From what I read, no alicorns moved to help until the princesses were already on the run again! Was that the blessed opportunity you were looking for, Penumbra? When the enemy was successfully retreating?”

Penumbra drew herself up. “No opportunity ever presented itself,” she said plainly. “Had one done so, we would have-”

“You should have made the opportunity yourself,” Wits hissed. “I sent two princesses for a reason, and that was to capture two princesses. If all of you had been defeated in battle or failed to catch them together, I could understand. But failing to act?” The unicorn looked down his nose at the alicorn. “Is this why the alicorns in your world had such a decline in power? Because their leadership froze in the face of trouble?”

In an instant, Penumbra’s composure broke. “I did not freeze!” she snapped. “I did not want to risk harming my sister!”

“Then perhaps you should have-” Wits End cut himself off. His eyes grew wide as he looked at the glitter of tears against her dark fur. Slowly, he turned towards the sullen form of Sol Eater, then back.

What am I doing?, he thought. I’m trying to lose, aren’t I?

“I… damn.” He turned away, stomping a hoof against the packed earth. “That was uncalled for on my part and… not what I wanted to say at all.. That… all of it. I should have prepared you better for facing them and… Damn it, I’m sorry.”

Penumbra sniffed, turning away as she wiped her eyes on the back of a forehoof. Both she and Wits jumped as Sol Eater’s wings gently brushed their backs. “This is more than any of us have had to deal with for quite some time,” she said, her voice softer than Wits thought it could be. “Certainly for our strategos, who lacks centuries of experience in the manners of ruling.”

“The way of kings, huh?” Wits muttered. “Wish I’d finished that book before getting sucked into the space between dimensions.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. “Seriously, I’m sorry. I… don’t know what came over me there.”

Penumbra nodded. “We art sorry as well,” she said, her voice rough from her unexpected cry. “Perhaps… we did hesitate longer than ‘twas wise.”

Wits shook his head. “It’s in the past. If nothing else, at least Celestia and Luna went into hiding instead of going back to Canterlot. I’ll send orders to Flash Dancer in the morning to keep on their trail and make sure they don’t poke their heads up until after we take the capital.” I need to lose to Twilight, not to the other princesses. He smirked at the younger sister. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll keep you on our side of the frontlines until you’re ready. Alright.”

“... very well.” Penumbra sniffed.

After a moment, Wits chuckled. “Maybe I’m not the only ‘little princess’ here,” he said.

“And why is that?” Sol Eater asked.

Wits nodded his head towards Penumbra. “‘Cause she’s a little hoarse.”

A few seconds of silence passed. “We do not understand,” Penumbra said flatly.

“Neither do I,” Sol Eater chuckled.

Wits pouted. “Tough crowd here on the ledge…”

Sol Eater returned her wings to her sides. “Now,” she said, “unless I am mistaken, there was a matter with Eternity’s Will you wanted to discuss as well?”

After straightening his back, Wits sighed. “It’s a… minor issue, I’m sure. Our forces moving south have been stalled at the Rock Farm run by Pinkie Pie’s family. I wanted to see if you two knew any reason why that would be.”

Penumbra raised an eyebrow. “Pinkie Pie… The mare who accompanied thou to the bastion?” She saw Wits’ nod, and frowned. “Perhaps… they art all like she was?”

“Hardly,” Wits scoffed. “As far as I know, Pinkie got all of the crazy in that family.” He looked up at Sol Eater. “Can you go check on that front? I know I’ll sleep easier knowing Equestria’s supply of artisanal rocks has been cut off.”

Sol Eater hesitated, then nodded. “If it would ease your sleep, my little princess. But… who will lead the attack tomorrow.”

“I’ll handle it,” Wits said with carefully rehearsed off-handedness. “It’s leading from the rear, so I shouldn’t need a cloudswalk spell or anything.”

“...Very well. Do take care, then.”

“Awesome.” Wits yawned wide. “Speaking of sleep, I think I’ve spent enough time on the Ledge of Emotional Dialogue. I’m going back to my tent for some shut-eye. Night, princesses.” With that, Wits End made his way back towards the encampment.

The two princesses watched the retreating back of the colt. “Hmm.” Sol Eater had an unreadable expression on her face.

“Thou seemest distracted, sister,” Penumbra said. “And for once, not by our strategos’ posterior.”

A smile pulled at the corner of Sol Eater’s mouth. “No… Although it is a welcome distraction.” The smile failed to find purchase, and slid into a frown. “He has… changed.”

“It hath been many years since last we saw him,” Penumbra mused. “The small ones doth change quicker than we.”

“It’s not that.” Sol Eater’s frown deepened. “His outburst… The pony I fought, and the pony who helped in our reconciliation, would never attack an ally so… personally. When I forced him to fight his friends, I could feel him fighting it the entire time. This time…”

“‘Twas as if he enjoyed it?” Penumbra finished. “Mayhaps thou hast a point, sister… But, thou art given a remedial task, and we art placed on the ‘bench’ like a foal playing at being a squire. Would we act against the judgement of our own strategos?”

“Against his judgement…” Sol Eater let the thought roll around for a minute. “Why do we need a strategos to conquer this world?”

Penumbra hesitated. “We… We have no reason to not to have a strategos in this endeavor, sister.”

“I suppose so.” After a moment, Sol Eater sighed. “And now I find myself on the cusp of irritation.”

“How so?”

Sol Eater smirked. “I became so lost in my thoughts, I missed my chance to properly appreciate my little princess’ retreat.”

* * *

Iron Maiden followed dutifully behind her Strategos, followed in turn by roughly a hundred of her fellow alicorns. A brief visit from the small pony known as Trixie was the only warning she had had of her reassignment from Baltimare;s Occupation to the Cloudsdale Offensive. It had certainly been a surprise to the (relatively) young alicorn mare, who had been looking forward to spending the rest of the campaign meeting the ponies of this world with a friendly smile and a helping hoof. Still, the front lines were still a way to see what this brave new world had to offer.

She looked down at the Strategos. It was strange to walk almost side-by-side with one of the heroes she’d heard so much about from the ponies in Roania after their battle against the Three Great Evils. But now? Now she was walking in the hoofsteps of the one spoken of most fondly by her own Princesses.

To be completely honest with herself, Iron Maiden felt a little lightheaded.

“Iron Maiden?”

The mare nearly tripped over her own hooves. “Y-yes, strategos?”

Wits glanced over his shoulder. “Walk next to me, if you please.”

Iron Maiden’s stomach gave another turn as she took a few longer steps, dropping into place next to the smaller unicorn. “Like this?”

Wits gave a nod. “Thanks. I’d hate to fall off another cliff from not paying attention where I’m walking and talking. Last time that happened, my body got hijacked by an instrument of chaos.”

“Is… that so?”

“It’s a long story. Tell me, what do you think of me?”

Iron Maiden blinked. “Strategos?”

Wits looked up at her for a moment, then turned his attention back to the road. “You’re a bunch of demigods being led by an ordinary pony. I want to know whether you’re just following me because the Princesses said so, or… you know, whatever else.”

“Isn’t it enough to know we’ll follow your orders without question?”

“In technical terms, yes. But usually when I ask questions like this, the answer I get is something I’m not expecting in the slightest.” He smirked up at Iron Maiden. “It’s a long walk to Cloudsdale, and I’m getting quite bored. So, humor me, if you will.”

“O-of course, strategos.” Iron Maiden cleared her throat. “If I might speak so boldly, you’re anything but an ‘ordinary’ pony. You’re one of the heroes of the Discord Saga. You’re… a legend.”

Wits End snorted. “Please, I said ‘humor me’, not ‘make fun of me’.”

“It’s true!” Iron Maiden’s mouth snapped shut. “My apologies, strategos. It’s just… You’re one of the Nine Trotters, the Fellowship of the Thing fighting against the tyranny of the Three Great Evils. You saved our world! So... to hear you call yourself just an ordinary pony… It does you a disservice, strategos.”

Wits blinked. “Fellowship of the what now?”

“The Fellowship of the Thing.” Iron Maiden waited expectantly, but was greeted only by a look of confusion from Wits. “It’s what the ponies of Gallopilli named you and your companions after the Battle of Roania.”

“The Battle of… You mean that last fight against the villains?”

“The Three Great Evils, yes.”

After a moment, Wits glanced back up at her. “Were you one of the alicorns I brought in via plot contrivance?”

Iron Maiden blushed, but simultaneously beamed with pride at being recognized. “Yes! I had the honor of trampling a dozen of the Tyrant Holdfast’s armored husks during the battle! It was…” She trailed off, embarrassment winning out over pride. “Well, it was the most exciting thing to happen for us alicorns in over a century.”

“And the Roanians made a legend out of it? In just a couple of years?”

“Oh yes! You’ve all been immortalized thanks to the patronage of Queen Amber Glitter. I think most every pony in Roania knows your names from the bards’ tales.” Iron Maiden nodded, recalling her own repeated experiences with the stories. “The Purple Barbarian, Sir Light Patch the Hammerer, the ‘Last Alicorn’ Twilight Sparkle, all of them. A bit odd that they called her the ‘last’ alicorn when the rest of us showed up, but I suppose they meant it chronologically rather than numerically. Personally, I always thought she was a fake alicorn. A ‘faker’, I believe the youth would call it.”

Wits blinked rapidly as he tried to process everything. “Patchy’s gonna be pissed that he’s famous,” he muttered.

“And of course!” Iron Maiden grinned openly at the unicorn. “There’s the personal favorite of our own Diarchs! The Princess’s Strategician. Thornshield Wolvenfriend. The Mimic of Gallopilli. The one known as-” she paused dramatically, “-Wits End.” Her horn glowed for a moment, and Wits was certain he heard a choir of angels for a split second.

“Buh?” Wits said intelligently.

“Of course, the Bastion’s own bards also refer to you as ‘The Littlest Princess’, but I think that’s just at the request of the Diarchs. You don’t seem any smaller than the rest of the ponies of this world to me!” Iron Maiden finished with a smile.

Gorram it, Sol Eater. It took some time for Wits to gather his thoughts. “So,” he began slowly, “to answer my question of what you all think of me-”

“You’re a legend,” Iron Maiden said. “And a favorite of our Diarchs. If nothing else, we follow you out of respect for that.” She hesitated, a blush spreading over her face again. “And, perhaps, to see if the legends are true.”

“Legends?”

“About your skill. In combat, that is.” Iron Maiden paused. “And, well… with the hearts of ponies.”

GorRAM it, Sol Eater! Wits grit his teeth, acting as if he’d become interested in a passing bush. I wanted soldiers willing to give up in the face of an unwinnable battle, not a starstruck fandom thinking I’m Aragon Skywalker, the Pony Who Lived. He forced his grimace into a smile and turned back. “Well, I don’t know about the whole ‘hearts of ponies’ thing, but I’ll do my best not to disappoint you all.”

Iron Maiden grinned. “I don’t think you could even if you tried, strategos.”

“We’ll see about that...”

* * *

Invisibility was a surprisingly simple spell in Twilight’s opinion. All you needed was to redirect light around you from the point where it would make contact with your body to the point directly opposite it on your other side. Easy enough if you combined Silent Galloping’s 37th Principal of Energetic Redirection with a healthy dose of the Element of Magic.

Okay, maybe she was in a particularly unique situation. But, the point was that staying invisible while trailing the Alicorn forces from the sky wasn’t nearly as difficult as she expected.

By her count, there were exactly one-hundred and twenty-seven alicorns making their way towards Cloudsdale, all led by one of the three thorns in her side: Wits End. If the rest of the girls were here, she thought, I’d give us good odds even with those numbers… She sighed silently. Best to teleport ahead and give Cloudsdale a warning. Maybe I can help coordinate defenses to hold these alicorns off until the Royal Guard makes it.

She frowned, squinting to focus on Wits End again. He was still talking to the lead Alicorn; by all accounts, the one who’d caught the guardsmare from Baltimare. It just seems strange, she mused, looking back down the marching alicorns. 127 alicorns against all of Cloudsdale? Against the Wonderbolts? And so close to Canterlot? Either Wits is very confident in his plan, or... She shook her head. It feels like a trap of some sort. Like it or not, Wits knows his strategy and tactics. He wouldn’t lead the charge against an overwhelming foe unless he knew he could win.

Twilight gasped. Or if winning didn’t matter. It’s a trap! He’s trying to lead the guard away from Canterlot for some reason. An ambush?! Did I miss another Alicorn force on my way here?! She shook her head. There’s no time to check! If Wits gets to Cloudsdale, the Royal Guard will be summoned immediately! I have to stop them before they get there! But how?

After a moment, Twilight looked down at Wits End again. If you want to take out a hydra... She took a deep breath, and folded her wings flat against her body.

Typically, two objects colliding at high speed will inflict near equal amounts of kinetic force on each other, even though their thresholds for damage may be different. An egg thrown at a wall doesn’t harm the wall more than the wall harms the egg, but the egg shatters because it’s more fragile than the wall. Following the same logic, a pony throwing herself at the ground has about the same effect as an egg at a wall.

Kinetic redistribution was a surprisingly simple spell in Twilight’s opinion.

The alicorn slammed into the earth at speeds Rainbow Dash would be proud of, horn flashing with raspberry light the moment she hit the turf directly behind Wits End. The force of the impact was redirected into the air around her in the form of a blastwave. A smirk crossed her face as she heard a familiar squeaky toy-esque yelp as the unicorn was thrown into the air.

She whirled around, taking in the rest of the alicorns behind her. The front row was knocked backwards into their companions by the force of her landing. Part of her was shocked to see so many alicorns in one place after years of being one of four in all of existence. The rest of her followed the plan she’d devised during her plummet. With her invisibility broken by her kinetic impact, she moved to phase two of her plan.

Calling her own internal store of magical energy, Twilight summoned a rainbow of colors from her horn, weaving them into a sphere that separated her and her target from the rest of the Alicorn forces. These colors were mixed at first, but soon coalesced into seven distinct layers. With a final touch of magic, she made the swirling colors pulse once, sending out a blinding flash as they became tangible.

Behind her, Wits End landed gracelessly in a heap. One spectral hand appeared, picking him up and setting him back on his hooves before vanishing again. “Did someone get the license plate of that- Who broke the sky?” He paused as he took in the sphere of colors around him, his gaze eventually landing on its source. “Oh! Twilight! I’m gonna be honest: I was not expecting to see you this early in the plan. See, I had this whole final, climactic battle planned for Canterlot and-”

“Save it,” Twilight spat. “You still owe me for the damage you did to my castle.”

“Damage you did using my body,” Wits retorted.

“You’re the one who broke the window.”

“And you’ll notice I never paid the ticket for that. Aren’t I so deliciously evil?”

“Pathetically evil, more like.”

“Ouch?” Wits gave an over-dramatic pout, then glanced up at the multi-colored sphere that surrounded them. “So, am I imagining things, or is this a prismatic wall?”

Twilight smirked. “I thought something from their world would give those alicorns plenty of pause. I had plenty of time to read the book Discord gave me. Before you stole it, that is.”

“And I put it to good use!”

“You summoned an invading army.”

“And made friends!” Wits’ smile held a sardonic edge. “Isn’t that what you wanted me to do, Twilight? Make new friends?”

“And how much magic did you have to use making those friends?” Twilight asked.

Wits End’s smile vanished. “Low blow.”

“I’d put it at right about your level.”

The two of them were cut off by a groan. Iron Maiden slowly raised to her hooves, armor clanking and shifting as she got upright. “What manner of spell was- You!” Her eyes went wide as she took in the sight of Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle… You’re the faker!”

“Faker?” Twilight looked over the armored pony, who seemed to tower over her in plate armor. “I think you’re the fake alicorn around here.”

Iron Maiden flared her wings. “I’ll make you eat those words!” The armored alicorn shot forward with surprising speed, closing nearly close enough to touch Twilight before the purple mare could react. Twilight didn’t flinch, though. Instead, she moved to the contingency part of her plan.

One flash from her horn, and Iron Maiden dropped to the ground, her momentum sending her skidding to a stop directly in front of Wits End. He knelt for a moment, confirming that the larger mare was still breathing, though not moving otherwise. “What was that?”

“A temporary, non-lethal, neurologically disruptive spell effect.” Twilight waited a beat for Wits to stand again. “The book called it Hold Pony. It’ll wear off shortly.” Her horn glowed once more, the light infusing itself into Iron Maiden’s armor. “A Shape Metal spell to fuse the joints of her armor, on the other hoof…”

“Are you gonna cast all of your spells from there? Is this some sort of ironic twist?”

“Actually, I was thinking of opening a portal back to my castle to throw some more thrones at you.” Twilight beat her wings, rising to hover in the air. “But this time, it’ll be just you and me. No interruptions from Rarity, Light Patch, or Holdfast’s pet panel.”

Wits blinked. Then, slowly, he grinned. “Wait, Holdfast is in charge of PISS?”

Twilight smiled back. “I thought you’d enjoy that.”

“Always knew he was a right PISSer.” Wits started to slowly move in a circle around the inside of the sphere, Twilight moving to keep him on the opposite side from her. “So what stops me from calling the Trixie Express and bamf-ing my way out of here?”

“I literally just said ‘no interruptions’,” Twilight said dryly. “Aside from sight and sound, everything inside this sphere is cut off from the rest of Equestria. Your army’s just gonna have to watch as I beat you senseless and take you back to Ponyville to figure out what’s going on with you.”

Wits seemed to think for a moment. Eventually, he shrugged. “Well, not exactly what I was going for, but alright then.” He summoned a pair of spectral hands, balling them into fists in front of him. “I’ll make it a good fight.”

Twilight shifted her stance, horn glowing as she prepared a spell. “Sorry to ruin your ambush plans.”

Wits blinked. “What?”

A bolt of lightning ripped through the space Wits had occupied up until a moment ago. He looked down at the scorch mark, still faintly glowing with the atmospheric discharge. “Man,” he muttered, “still getting used to spells not having vocal components.” With a short yelp, the unicorn vanished moments before a second bolt split him in two; thin trails of smoke outlining where he’d been.

Twilight tracked the smoke to where the mint-colored stallion had reappeared. “You’ve gotten the hang of short-range teleportation,” she noted dryly.

“I’ve been keeping up with those studies you recommended, yes.” One magical hand brushed a wisp of smoke away from Wits’ shoulder. “Besides, I had a very great and powerful teacher, and it’s basically like using Hunter’s Step back in the game wo-” He disappeared again as a fireball slammed into the ground, throwing flames and debris in a wave around where it had landed: directly under his hooves. “It’s even got i-frames,” he quipped, reappearing a few feet away.

“Do you know what the weakness of most teleportation spells is?” Twilight asked.

“I get the feeling that whatever I say won’t be what you’re thinking of.”

“Without intensive training,” Twilight said, horn glowing as she summoned a second fireball, “you can’t spam them. At most, you have two, maybe three uses before you have to re-”

“Surprise attack!” A spectral fist slammed into Twilight’s cheek, sending the hovering pony spinning to the ground. Wits End hopped from side to side, floating fists on either side of him throwing jabs at the air. “You gonna fight, or are you just bumpin’ gums? Ya hard-boiled turt-”

A telekinetic force knocked the wind out of the stallion, with a follow-up sending him end over end and into the barrier. Twilight stood on shaky hooves, her cheek turning a darker shade of purple than the rest of her. “That one’s from Discord’s book, by the way,” she spat, rubbing at the bruise with the back of one hoof. “Bridleby’s Forceful Hoof.”

Wits pulled himself back onto his hooves with the help of a magic hand. “Well then,” he muttered as he started walking towards the alicorn.

Twilight spread her wings, watching Wits with a wary eye. “Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of trying to come up with a trick, you’re coming right to me?”

With a smirk, Wits cracked his neck. His horn lit up as he summoned half a dozen spectral hands. “I can’t beat the applesauce out of you without getting closer.”

“Oh really?” Lilac light flowed from Twilight’s horn, forming into an equal number of translucent hooves. “Then come as close as you like.”

As if triggered by crossing an invisible threshold, both sets of magical appendages lanced towards their targets. Blows aimed at Wits by flying hooves were palmed aside, while the unicorn’s punches were deflected by a sweep of Twilight’s magic. The speed of their rushing attacks whipped the air into a malstrom, all while the two ponies kept their eyes locked on each other.

Look at him, Twilight thought, pumping more mana into maintaining six simultaneous spells. He’s buying time while he comes up with a new plan. What will it be? Break through the barrier? Teleport behind me? Whatever it is, I’ll need to finish this quickly before he can think of something… Could all of this be playing right into his original plan? What kind of chess game is this guy playing?

This is perfect, Wits mused. He could see the alicorns on the other side of the rainbow shield, watching in awe or even cheering as they watched the fight. If I lose here, it’ll demoralize the troops most loyal to me. They’ll spread that to the rest of the army, and the invasion’ll collapse in a matter of weeks, if not days. All I have to do is time this so Twilight knocks me out without taking my head off, then retreat and make a last-ditch assault on Canterlot. And I think… Carefully, the stallion let one spectral fist drop an inch.

Twilight’s eyes lit up, immediately seeing the opening. There! she thought, spellwoven hoof lancing forward even before her mind consciously acted. She did, however, take the opportunity to cast a follow-up spell as the hoof swung. She grinned, seeing Wits’ eyes go wide as the hoof burst into wicked-looking flames. Checkmate, Wits.

Wits End stared at the flaming hoof sailing straight towards his face. Ah, he had time to think. Sugar honey iced tea. He braced himself for a world of hurt.

The blow never came.

A gray shape appeared in front of him, moving at speeds that matched that of Twilight’s original descent. It intercepted several of the alicorn’s unenhanced blows with its own body, wings flared as if to shield Wits from anything Twilight could throw at him.

It was only when Twilight’s flaming hoof slammed into her side that Iron Maiden let out a cry.

Twilight let out a gasp, dismissing her magical hooves before they could do any more damage. She barely noticed as Wits End’s own hands vanished around her, as she was stunned by the unarmored alicorn’s sudden appearance. A quick glance towards where Iron Maiden had been initially stunned revealed an empty suit of armor, cut open with magic like a butterfly’s cocoon. She hadn’t hit armor; Twilight had stuck flesh and bone with flame and magic.

She heard something snap. She felt something give.

Iron Maiden dropped to the ground, clutching the wound. One stunned second later, Wits was kneeling next to her and assessing the damage. His mind raced with panic and adrenaline as he clawed at his limited medical knowledge. “Iron?” he gasped, rolling the larger pony so that her side was out of the dirt. “Iron, talk to me. I’m not the medic of the party, so you’ve gotta talk to me.”

“Ha…” Iron Maiden hissed through clenched teeth. “It’s… been some years since I was last bested.” She looked up at Wits with a weak smile. “You… held back when fighting your former companion. The legends were true.”

“You and your legends,” Wits muttered. “Keep talking. What legends are true?”

Iron Maiden chuckled, then winced. “That your greatest strength isn’t here,” she raised a hoof, placing it at the base of his horn. “Your strength...” Her hoof drifted down to the unicorn’s chest. “Is… here.”

Her hoof slipped, landing on the ground with a dull thump.

Twilight watched the two ponies before her. A quick medical scanning spell revealed that the alicorn was unconscious, but still breathing. “Wits,” she said softly, “she-”

“You.” The word cut Twilight like a knife. Wits rose to his hooves, his eyes locked onto hers with a look she’d never seen before. It was a look she could only imagine last being turned towards Holdfast on that first day in Gallopilli, when he had threatened the rest of the party. “How dare you?”

Twilight took a step back, a chill running down her spine. “Wits,” she said quickly, “she moved so fast. If I’d known she’d try to protect you like that, I would never-”

“These ponies.” Each word Wits spoke sounded like it was bitten out. “Are under my protection. They are,” he took a step forward, and Twilight stumbled back another step, “my friends. They are… mine.”

“Wits.” A choke cut off Twilight’s reply as she stepped back again. “Wits, we’re-”

“No-pony,” Wits growled, “hurts my friends.” His horn began to flicker violently, arcs of teal and sea-green jumping from its tip. “No-pony damages what is mine.”

Twilight flung herself into the sky, her rainbow barrier shattering as she shot through it. A split second later, powerful bolts of lightning arced through the air around her, each one leaving the smell of ozone in its wake. She knew that if one bolt hit her, it wouldn’t simply stun her or shock her. Only her frantic dodging and weaving kept her safe as the electrical barrage intensified.

Her eyes widened as the lightning began hooking back towards her. Each bolt reached out towards her like a grasping hand, following her movements and, she realized with a feeling like her stomach had been dropped into a pit, moving to cut off her escape. She was trapped from all sides.

With a gasp, Twilight’s horn flashed. She vanished with a pop of displaced air, moments before bolts after bolt collided in the space she had once occupied.

With his target gone, Wits’ barrage ceased. Immediately, he turned back to Iron Maiden, who was surrounded by a set of her fellow alicorns. One saw the stallion’s approach, and snapped a salute. “She’ll live, strategos,” the medic said, “but for a full recovery, she’ll need more than field healing. I recommend-”

“We’re turning back.”

The alicorn blinked. “Strategos?”

“Did I not make myself clear?” Wits watched as the other alicorns lifted Iron Maiden onto a summoned floating disk. “We’re going back to the forward base at Ghastly Gorge. If Twilight knows we’re here, she’ll give Cloudsdale ample warning and send the Canterlot guard to re-enforce them.” He forced himself to look the medic in the eye. “Let them tire themselves by preparing for a strike that never comes. We’ll be rested and… healed.”

Eventually, the medic nodded. “Yes, strategos. Thank you.”

“Whether the princess knows it or not,” Wits said, “this invasion, this war… It just changed. I’ll need to plan accordingly.” He gave a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I won’t have anypony else under my command harmed on my account.”

“Strategos…” The medic hesitated, realizing that other alicorns had gathered to listen. “If I might ask: did you mean what you said? About us being… well, your friends?”

Wits stared at the medic for a long time. Then, slowly, he gave a smirk. “Didn’t I make myself clear? Why are we standing around asking questions with obvious answers.” He made a chopping motion with one forehoof, gesturing back the way they’d come. “Alright, get moving! Easy with Iron Maiden, keep pressure off her wound unless the medics say otherwise! We’ve got a lot of walking to do, folks!”

* * *

Twilight appeared in front of the Cutie Mark map in a flash of light. She was panting, sweating, bruised, and scorched from a few near misses at the end. But more than any of that, she was exhausted. She was exhausted physically, and mentally.

She’d thrown a spell at somepony that, even now, she still considered a friend. A spell that, ultimately, she had no control over. A spell that, if it had hit anypony but an alicorn, would have had much more dire consequences than a mere wound. The look of pain on Iron Maiden’s face flashed before her eyes, followed by that look on Wits’ face afterward.

“Twilight?” She looked up from her reverie to find Spike standing in front of her. “Are you alright? You look… uh… terrible.”

The Princess of Friendship gave a half-hearted smile. The gesture dissolved like spun sugar in water almost immediately. “Spike?”

Spike tilted his head quizzically. “What’s up?”

“Am…” Twilight trailed off; the image of Iron Maiden and Wits End still fresh in her mind. “Am I one of the bad guys this time?”

Comments

[Mix-up]

Well Twilight nearly had Wits, and actually decided to go all out on him. Through invading Equestria wouldn't get much sympathy for him even if he is being manipulated by Hold Fast. Through I think Twilight should have had some form of back up if things didn't go her way.

For the Celestia and Luna easily outwitting Penumbra and Sol Eater that was to be expected, but I didn't expect them to to lose so easily when they had a massive numerical superiority over. It really shows that these alicorn's really don't have any sense of initiative of their own and that their heart really isn't in this war of theirs, with Iron Madden statement it sounds like they are absent of any imagination. Are they so long lived that they can't even relate to ponies I wonder. I wonder what Celestia and Luna are going to do now, my first guess would be the take back the throne and get Purple Heart off it, bust somehow I don't think Celectia is going to just rally the troops but rather she is going to twist this situation into her advantage, maybe she will keep Purple Heart near her and propose a surrender negotiation where she can use her true unmatched powers oratory stills at full effect and stall the alicorns right through the next millennium, at about G5. And probably use Purple Heart as an escape goat or patsy if things go really wrong where he would shoulder all the blame or even just crush him with and onslaught of bureaucracy heaped upon him, and leave his a husk of a pony.

It's interesting to see that events in RPG world are still going on and that there is already a legend surrounding the colt trio.