Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 42: Monsoon

With a soft pop of displaced air, Trixie appeared outside Twilight’s castle. “Sunset?” she whispered. “Are you there?”

“Up here.” Trixie looked up to find Sunset leaning out of a second story window. “No need to break a window this time,” the red-maned mare said as she lowered a rope.

Once inside, Trixie looked around. “She’s not mad about that, is she?”

“Oh, she’s plenty mad,” Sunset said. “But I told her it was one of the Alicorns that did it. It helped to sell the idea that Wits isn’t completely in control at this point.” She paused. “Speaking of Wits, did you get it?”

Trixie nodded and patted her hat. “Despite his complaining. It’s as close to a fresh sample as the princess is gonna get.”

“Perfect,” Sunset grinned. “Between me and Spike, we’ve been feeding Twilight news and rumors about dissent amongst the Alicorns. She’s good and prepared to believe you when you say that Wits has lost control of the army.”

“He hasn’t lost control yet,” Trixie muttered.

“Give him time, the day’s still young.”

Trixie sighed. “So, what’re we waiting for?”

“A signal from our guy in the chair,” Sunset explained. “We want the perfect time for you to coincidentally show up.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow. “And when will that b-”

The door flew open. “Sunset! Is Trixie-” Spike froze, looking at the two mares. “Oh, you’re already here. That’s convenient.”

“That does seem to be what we’re going for,” Trixie deadpanned.

Spike shrugged, then turned to Sunset. “Twilight just went to the study room to work on that spell again. If you want to catch her while she’s off guard, this is the time.”

Sunset smirked. “Thanks, Spike. You wanna come help keep her calm while we explain things?”

The young dragon shook his head. “I’ll come in after a couple minutes with study snacks and some tea. That way her mouth has something to focus on while the rest of her listens to you two.”

Sunset’s smirk spread into a smile. “All those comic books really taught you how to play with ponies, huh?”

“Hey! Guy in the chair!” Spike raised a claw, a serious expression on his face. “I use my powers for good, not evil.”

“Yeah, yeah. Great power, great responsibility.” Sunset jerked her head towards the door. “Let’s go, Trixie. Time to try diplomacy.”

It didn’t take long for the two mares to arrive at the closed door of the study room. Sunset Shimmer nodded to Trixie, then knocked on the door. “Twilight? You in there?”

“Come in!” Trixie flinched at the sound of Twilight’s voice, but swallowed her concerns as she followed Sunset in. The princess of friendship was hunched over a table that was covered with notes, scribbles, and reference books. “Actually, I had some ideas about the villain removal spell I wanted to run by you.”

“Sure, sure.” Sunset silently motioned for Trixie to stand next to her. “But, uh… I wanna run something by you first, and you’ve gotta promise not to freak out.”

Twilight stood up. “Why would I freak- What the buck is she doing here?!”

Trixie stepped behind Sunset. “I think she’s freaking out.”

“Just a bit,” Sunset replied. “Twilight, calm down.”

“Calm down?!” Twilight fumed. “The last time she was here, Wits destroyed half of my castle!”

“Spike said it was one window and a set of doors.”

“She’s working with the pony who declared war on all of Equestria!”

Trixie cleared her throat. “Actually, that’s why I’m here. Wits needs your help.”

“Ohhhhh no no no.” Twilight shook her head, plopping back onto her seat and crossing her forelegs. “You’re not getting me with that old trick. If Wits thinks he can fool me into an ambush by playing the sympathy card, he can forget it!” Her glare turned on Sunset. “Why are you going along with this?”

Sunset’s expression was completely neutral. “Because both you and I have dealt with those boys before, and we both know that Wits isn’t the megalomaniacal supervillain he’s been playing at being.” Twilight looked like she wanted to object, but bit her lower lip instead. “And,” Sunset continued, “of the three of them, Wits is the one we can convince to stop just by putting the two of you in a room together.”

“Putting us in a room together was what started all of this,” Twilight muttered. “And that doesn’t exactly convince me anyway. What if you’re being controlled by Wits just like he’s controlling Trixie?”

“Trixie is not being controlled,” Trixie cut in. “I mean, she was, but now she’s broken the enchantment.”

That got Twilight’s attention. “You broke Guiding Sunlight? How? What spell?”

“...Twilight Sparkle’s Universal Disenchantment.”

“...It was that easy?” Twilight held up a forehoof. “Wait, it’s Wits. Of course the easy solution would be the one everypony misses.” She sighed, some of the tension leaving her body. “Look, Trixie, I really want to believe that Wits wants my help. But with Celestia and Luna missing and Cadence busy with a bandit war in the Crystal Empire, I can’t afford the chance of Equestria’s last remaining Princess being captured by an invading army.” The alicorn sighed again, looking back at her assembled notes. “Not without a working spell to remove all traces of villainy from those boys…”

Trixie’s eyes went wide. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“The short version?” Sunset asked. “The working theory is that those boys have somehow merged with their villainous counterparts from a game Discord forced them all into.”

Trixie blinked. “What.”

“Yeah, that summarizes most adventures involving those three.”

“The point is,” Twilight continued, “I can’t put myself in Wits’ reach without having a spell to remove Holdfast’s influence from him. And I can’t get this stupid spell to work,” she gestured to the piles of notes, “without complete samples of those three’s magical signatures. I’ve got one from Light Patch and one from Purple Heart-”

“How’d you manage that?” Sunset cut in.

“I don’t wanna talk about it. The point is, without a proper sample from Wits, I can’t finish this spell.”

Without saying a word, Trixie stepped forward. Ignoring the magical shield that Twilight summoned, the showpony reached into her hat and retrieved a small glass vial. “Here.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “What is that? A bomb?”

Trixie shook her head. Behind her, Sunset rolled her eyes. “It’s a vial,” Trixie said. “Scan it.”

Carefully, Twilight took the vial with her magic, casting the necessary spells. Slowly, her eyes widened, and she dropped the shield spell to bring the vial closer to her eyes. Inside were three, mint-colored hairs. “This is-”

“Fresh samples of Wits’ magical signature,” Trixie confirmed. “Plucked from his mane just this morning and preserved right away.”

Twilight’s eyes jumped between Trixie’s face and the vial of hairs. “But… How’d you know I needed this?”

“I didn’t. Well, not exactly for that reason. But, Wits assumed that with those samples you could easily create a tracking spell to know exactly where he was.”

Confusion was obvious on Twilight’s face. Sunset sighed loudly. “Oh for the love of… It’s a peace offering, Twilight. Wits is giving you a way to teleport straight to him and beat his flank halfway to Tartatus and back if you wanted to. If that doesn’t make it obvious that he’s serious about wanting your help, then I don’t know what else you could want.”

Twilight was quiet for a good, long time. Eventually, she looked back at Trixie. “He’s really in trouble, isn’t he?”

Trixie threw her forehooves in the air. “Why does everypony assume that if he’s being genuine, then he’s in trouble?”

Twilight and Sunset shared a knowing look. “I can’t say I’m completely convinced,” Twilight said slowly, drawing one of the hairs out of the vial with her magic, “but the fact that he’s given me this is…” She sighed, suddenly looking very tired. “It’s a good first step.”

Trixie glanced back towards Sunset, who gave her a wide grin and an encouraging hoof-gesture. The showpony turned back to Twilight. “So, what happens now?”

“Now?” Twilight was busy looking the hair over, scanning it with a variety of spells. “Now I’m gonna use this sample to figure out why my spell didn’t work before. Sunset, can you get Starlight and give me some help?”

“Sure, uh… Speak of the-”

“Actually,” Trixie cut in, “can I talk to Starlight first? I’d… like to clear things up with her.”

Twilight idly waved a forehoof. “Sure, sure. Just send her when you’re done.”

Sunset cleared her throat. Trixie turned back to face her, and found herself looking at the very unicorn they’d been talking about, standing with her forelegs crossed as she leaned against the doorframe. Starlight was looking straight at Trixie, her expression stern. “You,” she said, “have a lot to explain, Lulamoon.”

Trixie swallowed hard, and chuckled nervously. “See, it’s really a funny story.”

* * *

Buck Skykicker peered down from his perch amongst the low floating clouds that hung over the outpost town of Pointuv Neigh Retun. Several northbound trains had passed through over the last few hours, but none held the pony he and his squad were waiting for. Red Squadron had been the name of their flying team within the Royal Guard, but as he sat above the clouds with time on his hands, Skykicker had the distinct impression that, should they return to Cloudsdale where the Flight Command for the Royal Guard was based, they were definitely be court-martialed and stripped of their rank. The fact that his squad had followed him in his desertion both heartened and worried him.

When the Royal Guard recruiting officer had arrived all those months ago with a letter of rec from Purple Heart with a royal seal, Buck had been baffled and pleased to have a chance to fly for Equestria. His first months in the Royal Guard had been exhilarating and illuminating. Then the Alicorns arrived and everything was thrown into chaos. Princesses Celestia and Luna vanished with no reason or warning, some pony named Beekler became regent after Prince Blueblood got sick or something, and the Elements of Harmony got hamstrung by a panel of senators. Skykicker knew that he would have to fight for Equestria. Just not so soon after enlisting.

Then the Strategos of the Second Alicorn Diarchy lost in single combat against Regent Alfreeves, followed promptly by the regent, allegedly, summoning an eldritch army to defend Equestria. From what little he was told while at Flight Command, the gossip vine of Ponyville had differing stories about what actually happened circulating within hours of the Duel. Personally, Skykicker preferred to believe the theory that Alfreeves had made a deal with a bunch of unicorns to enchant armor to create autonomous suits of armor to better protect the lives of the ponies in the Royal Guard.

Skykicker shook his head, trying not to dwell so deeply on thoughts that concerned him. He looked over his shoulder at the other members of his squad. They were either napping on the clouds or having whispered conversations amongst themselves. His second-in-command, Wedge Antlers was rolling his eyes at a joke Hobby Cliffer just told him. West Prancer and Crowcall View were gently dozing while Soon Fell was staring resolutely at the land below, ever watchful.

“Train, Buck,” noted Soon Fell, dipping his head towards the railway. Skykicker shifted, peering over the edge of his cloud to watch as a train slowed to a stop at the outpost station. As several times before, the doors shifted open. This time, however, only one pony stepped out. A purple earth pony with cobalt blue markings.

“Red Squadron,” Skykicker said, rocking up onto his hooves, “fall in.” Prancer and View snapped awake, standing at the same time Antlers, Cliffer, and Fell did. With just a twitch of his wings, Skykicker dove off the cloud, not seeing, but knowing that the rest of his squad were in hot pursuit as he plummeted earthward. The dark brown pegasus free fell for about a few seconds, then flared his wings out so that he coasted gently down to land on a short hill some distance from Pointuv Neigh Retun. Upon landing, Skykicker glanced around speculatively, patiently awaiting the appearance of Purple Heart.

Without looking behind him, Skykicker knew that the rest of his squad had landed as well. Their respective touch-downs were silent; nary a shudder of the earth could be felt. It was the change in the breeze that Skykicker felt. Then the ground rumbled.

“Ehm… Buck?” West gulped. “What’s that?” Skykicker turned, looking first at West, then where the colt’s wing was pointing. Following the appendage, Skykicker blinked.

“Uhhh,” he grunted intelligently. “Colonel Hathi?”

“Aah! Young Skykicker! How are you, old chap?” thundered Colonel Hathi as he stepped out of the forest to the south. Red Squadron shifted, trying to subtly settle into a defensive formation. The arching of one of the elephant’s bushy brows told them that their attempt was neither subtle nor impressive.

“F-f-fine, Colonel, sir,” Skykicker replied, stepping through his squadmates to address the elephant colonel face to face. Or as much face to face as a pony seven times smaller than the elephant before him could.

“It appears that our illustrious leader is yet tardy,” the elephant Colonel commented.

“Not exactly,” Purple Heart said as he crested the hill behind the squad of pegasi. He smiled at the individuals assembled before him, nodding and greeting each in turn. “Colonel Hathi. Commander Skykicker. Red Squadron. In case you haven’t heard or didn’t know, I am Purple Heart. I have also acted under the names Purple Patches, Baelhart, and Beekler Alfreeves. Some of you may be familiar with those while others may not.”

Colonel Hathi shook his great head, large ears flapping. “An elephant never forgets, but then again, the only name I can remember is Purple Heart.” He glanced at the pegasi below and arched an eyebrow in interest. “The small ones, however, seem to recognize them.”

Purple Heart grinned, meeting the eyes of each member of Red Squadron. His smile widened at the looks of bafflement and surprise before him.

“So… you weren’t really a military liaison the Princesses sent to the Badlands,” Skykicker said, frowning in contemplation.

“Depends on your perspective,” Purple Heart replied. “Was I actually a producer for a stage play, or a senator from the Pony North West, or a butler turned regent? Or am I simply a strange pony lost in a strange land?”

“I sincerely doubt your name is Mic Hail,” drawled Soon Fell, “and I’m fairly certain you aren’t a visitor from one of the celestial bodies.”

Purple Heart looked at the pegasus and inclined his head in acknowledgement.

“Touche,” he said. “But anyway, does it matter? We have better things to talk about than my identity.”

His head cocked to one side and a nearby tree trembled and collapsed into several remarkably well carved hunks of wood that roughly resembled seating. Cocking his head to the other side, the carved wood jerked over to the ponies on the hill and arranged themselves in a semi-circle. One last flick of his chin felled a brace of trees that then fashioned themselves into a far larger bit of seating that could support the weight of an elephant.

“Now, to business,” Purple Heart declared, standing before the assembled group like a lecturer. “I’ve called you all here to share my plan for ending this conflict between Equestria and the Second Alicorn Diarchy. In addition to Red Squadron and Colonel Hathi’s Tusken Raiders, I have two Armoured Legions at my disposal. My plan is for Colonel Hathi to rendezvous with the Legion assembled in Phillydelphia and recapture Baltimare.” He looked at the elephant. “Did you tell your subordinate officers to ready themselves in the eastern Macintosh Hills?”

Hathi nodded. “Major Hannibal awaits my signal,” the colonel said, gesturing with his trunk.

“Excellent,” Purple Heart said. “You, Colonel Hathi are to lead the Legion under your command to recapture Baltimare with Major Hannibal. You are then to sweep westward and recapture all Equestria’s holdings under Diarchy control.” Purple Heart looked at Skykicker and the rest of Red Squadron. “Meanwhile, I will be leading my Legion to retake Vanhoover and head southward. If all goes to plan, we’ll converge on the strategos’ main camp at the same time, surrounding him with our forces.

“Red Squadron, however, will not be part of either push.”

Skykicker blinked and recoiled from the cries of outrage from his squadmates. Wincing, he raised a wing to silence the angry colts beside him. They quieted promptly, though they muttered darkly as they glared at Purple Heart.

“Respectfully, sir, why did you call us here then?” he asked tightly.

“Because I have a separate mission for you,” Purple Heart replied. He paused, looking at each colt. Their attention, while petulant, was indeed on him. “In the north, beyond the reaches of the Crystal Empire, there is a conflict being waged over an old arcane artifact. Two rival forces of minotaurs and griffons are in a stalemate over it. I want you to break that stalemate by taking it right out from under their noses and bring it to me.”

Hobby twisted his face into a grimace. “That sounds like a lot of work,” he muttered.

“Just the two groups to deal with, right?” Wedge inquired.

“As far as I know, yes.”

“We’ll get it, sir.”

Purple Heart clapped his hooves together. “Excellent! You all have your objectives. Let’s get this madness underway.”

He turned around, flicking out a thread to connect with the Armoured Legionnaires hidden within the trees behind him.

“So what are we called then?” Hobby asked. The colt blinked as all eyes settled on him. “What? We’re no longer part of Equestria’s Royal Guard, so I doubt we can still be called Red Squadron.”

“That… is a fair point,” Soon Fell muttered. He looked at Skykicker. “You’re the squad leader. What are we called?”

Skykicker blinked. “Uhhhhhhh...” He in turn looked at Purple Heart. “You’re technically the see-oh. You choose.”

Purple Heart squinted at the brown pegasus, irritation etched into his clenched features. “You put a great deal of faith in my naming conventions,” he mused. With a shrug, he sighed. “Fine. Henceforth, Red Squadron is no more. In its place, you are now...” The purple earth pony fell silent as rumination took him and his eyes glazed over as he tried desperately to search his alarmingly empty mind of some witty pun or reference that fit the pegasi before him. Then it hit him.

With a grin, he looked up at the six pegasi before him. “Rogue Squadron. You’re now Rogue Squadron.”

“Nice.” Hobby grinned.

“By your leave, sir,” Skykicker said, nodding to Purple Heart. The purple earth pony waved a hoof and Rogue Squadron leapt into the air, took formation, then soared off to the northeast.

“I should be heading off, sah,” Colonel Hathi grunted, standing from his seat. “Got a long way to travel.”

“Indeed. Farewell, Colonel.”

The elephant saluted with his trunk, then turned eastward and trampled off, leaving felled trees and mulched ground in his wake. Alone once again, Purple Heart created a string clone. Within seconds, a long limbed pony clad in a shimmering white cloak appeared before him.

“You know what to do,” Purple Heart said. The tall pony nodded and set off southward, disappearing quickly into the hills. With a grin, Purple Heart turned back to the trees behind him and fired off a pulse of strings. Within seconds, Armoured Legionnaires appeared and assembled in near columns before him.

“To Vanhoover,” Purple Heart ordered. The Legion turned as one and marched. Matching pace, Purple Heart strode beside them. A grin curled his lips as he looked southward.

“Ready, or not, Wits,” he murmured. “Here. I. COME.”

* * *

Light Patch closed the door behind him and then took a few moments to press an ear against the door to listen for any indication that Twilight, Spike or any others who might legitimately be in Twilight’s castle had seen or heard him. After a few moments of total silence, he relaxed just a little and turned on the light gem he’d snuck out of Spike's room that the dragon used for his late night reading. The pegasus shone the light around the dark library. He walked around the shelves looking for the indicators of various sections and thanking that he could recall helping Spike in the library.

“Ah, here we go.” Light Patch stopped in the section for history books, and scanned through the A’s. At the end, he shrugged. “Well, it was worth a shot to look for something under ‘A’ for artifacts.” He started to carefully and quickly look through the titles picking out the occasional book that looked promising.

Occasionally, he’d hear hoofsteps or even Twilight’s voice and he’d quickly shut the gem off and hide. Luckily, not once did any pony enter the library at this time in the night. Which suited his current plan just fine. Okay, he granted it wasn’t much of a plan. It was less panicked flailing and faffing about which he figured had to be at least a twenty percent increase in quality.

Mostly, his plan had consisted of him sneaking into Twilight’s castle to rest for the night and maybe long-term borrow a couple of books on artifacts to look for a new battery for his plan.

Right now, he was in step two, maybe even three: Find books on artifacts. And possibly find a place in the castle to hide till sunrise.

At that point, he figured he’d want to skedaddle before the more active ponies in the castle catch him. And considering the lack of accuracy in his teleports now meant he was hoping to walk, not flee in a panic, towards the invading alicorns to find and get Wits’ help with his power issues.

The pegasus sighed and shook his head to focus himself back onto the task. He did take a moment to mentally add to his checklist ‘get sleep’. This was the third time he’d gone over everything in his head again.

He worked as quickly as his stealth requirement allowed him to and found a decent number of books. He also managed to find a small bag of snacks that he presumed Pinkie had hid in case of snack emergencies. Figuring it was time to find a place to hide and, hopefully, sleep out the night, he packed everything into his bag and quietly snuck back to the door. He turned the light gem off and cracked the door open. He listened for almost a minute before he was sure and quietly set off.

The pegasus slunk his way through the castle into the upper floors. He had a brilliant idea for where he might be able to hide for the night. Okay, it was brilliant for him. He was sure Wits would have a better idea. But this was good enough for him. Specifically, he was heading to the room Twilight had housed him in before everything started. He had to duck under an end table when Spike passed by, grumbling about Twilight having probably stolen his comic light again. Now Light Patch faced no other sudden stealth checks. Perception checks however, was an entirely different story.

It was only the one, but it occurred at the least opportune time. To be exact, when he’d gotten into the room of his destination. Just as he’d closed the door, he heard a faint rhythmic sound from behind him. He turned and saw another form resting on the bed, where he’d hoped he would get to rest for the night.

Strangling a sigh, the pegasus pulled the light gem out again and, using some cloth to dim it, he turned it on, hoping the amount of light would allow him to identify the pony without waking them up. He held his breath as the light crystal lit up and the room was filled with a gentle glow, enough he could make out the blue coat and white mane of the pony. The big give away however was the purple cape and wizards hat.

“What is Twixie doing here?” He pondered aloud before he connected some dots. They weren’t necessarily the right dots to connect, but they were dots that were now connected. This was my room when Twilight was holding me here, so I bet that means Twixie was captured. This is great! the pegasus thought with a smile. Well, it’s bad for Wits and Twixie, but great for me. This is an easy in with Wits End. I free his best minion and he frees me of buggy magic. Light struggled to wipe the smile from his face and keep it neutral-serious as he prepared to wake Twixie.

This required a simple plan and like Otto Von Bismarck, Light Patch had a plan. He always had a plan…

Okay, usually had a plan... Granted, most of the plans were-

Light Patch shook his head and tried to focus. He carefully readied a hoof to cover her mouth to keep her from screaming and blowing the whole op. Light Patch smiled and briefly pondered trying to change his name to Salmon Fisher before he managed to focus himself again.

He quickly placed his hoof over Twixie’s mouth and shook her awake. He was about to tell her to not scream, but she cut him off.

With a solid uppercut that flipped her assailant backwards, she rose from her bed and looked down at the pony ready to beat up what she thought was an alicorn or maybe even Wits or something she didn’t even know. Instead, she found the one dork she wasn’t expecting. “Light Patch, what are you doing here?”

“Rescuing you,” he groaned quietly from the floor.

Trixie, who had spent the last few hours before sleep explaining herself to Starlight Shimmer, was remarkably short on patience. “Aren’t you a little short for an alicorn operative?” she spat, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “And what’d you mean ‘rescuing’?”

“I uh- was sneaking into this room to hide for the night and then head down to try and meet up with Wits for some help with something. I found you here and this was my room when Twilight was keeping the three of us here before all of this started to shake down,” Light Patch explained, rubbing his jaw and praying he wouldn’t have to say her name aloud. It’s not a good idea to get clocked twice before going to sleep.

It took Trixie’s still half-asleep brain a few tries to wrap her head around what the pegasus was saying and even then it was a bit like trying to wrap a ball of bread dough around the entirety of Canterlot Castle.

She blinked. “What?”

“This was my prison cell, so it makes sense for it to be yours when you got captured. Do you ponies even know how to make prison cells? Are they just spartan rooms with okay beds? Or do you cover them in garish mismatching colors?” Light Patch caught himself before the rambling set in. “Sorry. I’m a bit tired. Anyway, I’m here to rescue you, so let’s go.”

Trixie was starting to get the sense that she wasn’t the only one in this room who was confused. “I’m not going anywhere. At least, not tonight. I’ve still gotta finish convincing Twilight, and apologizing to Starlight, and, now that I think about it, I should really thank Sunset and Spike for all their help. Not to mention I’ve gotta wait for Wits to give me the all clear, and I’m just realizing now that I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this since you’re the only one of those three boys who’s actually trying to destroy the world.” Her mouth formed a thin line. “What’re you doing here, anyway? Looking for another Orb of Gladiolus or something?”

Light Patch coughed into a hoof. “Sort of,” he admitted. “I was gonna borrow a few books on artifacts before I left. And for the record, I’m not trying to destroy the world, just fold all of the universes together into one…” He blinked. “I probably shouldn’t have said that. Back up for a moment. Are you telling me that a part of Wits’ plan was to have the great and powerful Twixie get captured?”

“I’m not captured! I’m… I’m on a diplomatic mission!” Trixie groaned, rubbing her forehead with one hoof. “Look, I don’t know what you’ve been doing up in the mountains, but down here this little war has snowballed into… something that’s another snow analogy.”

“An avalanche?”

“That’s the one. I’m trying to help Wits keep this thing from destroying all of Equestria under the hooves of a couple thousand unrestrained alicorns, all led by the mirror universe version of our own Princess of the Sun.” Trixie sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, and resisting the temptation to fall back into it entirely. “If I leave now, Twilight’s paranoia’s gonna kick off and I’ll lose any progress I might’ve made. So, thanks for the offer, but maybe save it for somepony who, ya know, needs saving?”

“Okay, okay, fine. But please keep it down, Twixie. Just because you’ve been caught all according to plan doesn’t mean I want to be caught.” Light Patch was listening to the door before he suddenly looked at Trixie. “I’m not supposed to be caught according to the plan, am I?”

“Did you just call me- Never mind. It’s not part of the plan, at least as far as I know.” Trixie’s eyebrows furrowed. “Although, if I caught you, that’d definitely get me in Twilight’s good graces.”

“How about we have an epic fight and you stop me from stealing a book? We both know that’s probably the same level as far as Twilight is concerned.”

Trixie shrugged. “I can’t say you’re wrong about that. But, can we just say we had an epic fight, and then you knock over a couple of shelves? I’m so exhausted you might just be able to beat me.” She paused, looking the pegasus over. “Well… maybe.”

“Hey! I’m squirrely and I don’t fight fair! But yeah, we can not and say we did.” Light Patch grabbed one of the less promising books from his bag and tossed it onto the bed before knocking a couple of things over. He turned to leave before he seemed to think of one final thing and he turned back to Trixie. “Call you what?”

“You, uh…” Trixie yawned. “You called me ‘Twixie’. Either you forgot what my name actually was, in which case… ouch. Or I’m not the only one whose brain is a few spokes short of a wagon wheel here.”

Light Patch looked confused for a moment before muttering Trixie’s name under his breath a couple of times. Then he remembered. “Oh that. It’s neither. I’m still stuck under a leftover bit of magic from Discord’s game. It’s some kinda forced name use thing, and to be honest, you didn’t get the worst. Your’s was the first name I figured out it was affecting.”

Trixie stared at Light Patch for a few seconds. “Are… Are you sure it’s not just brain damage? ‘Cause that sounds more like brain damage to me, to be honest.”

“Even brain damage wouldn’t make me instinctively call a pony, Skittles, Beanpole or the worst ones for me, Princesses Woona and SunButt,” Light Patch replied carefully, staging an end table on it’s side and artistically strewing what had been atop it across the floor.

“That sounds exactly like what brain damage would do, actually,” Trixie deadpanned. “Believe me, I’ve messed up enough ‘avoid the falling object’ tricks to know.” She paused. “Huh, actually that would explain a lot about how I got into this mess in the first place. Tilt that painting a little more.”

Light Patch tilted the painting then whirled around to face Trixie. “I’m not brain damaged!” The two stood in silence for a moment before Light Patch’s eyes went wide and he covered his mouth. The silence continued for a minute before he relaxed just as Twilight’s voice came through the door.

“Twixie, are you okay? Wait, no. Why did I say that.?” They heard Twilight ask herself.

Trixie shot a glare at Light Patch. “I blame you.”

Light Patch pointed a hoof at her and gave a sharp laugh. “I told you! Discord Magic zeitgeist or something!” The Pegasus had just enough time to clamp his hooves over his mouth before the door to the room exploded and Twilight jumped in.

The three ponies stared at each other for a few beats. Trixie was the first to recover. “Look out, Twilight!” Her hoof shot out, clipping Light Patch on the chin. “He, uh, snuck in here while I was sleeping. Looking for… Books.”

“I want to borrow them,” Light Patch replied weakly, wincing under the hard glare from Trixie. “Uh, long-term and probably not bring them back until long after their due date! And uh, crease the spines or dog-ear the corners or something!” Light Patch added, working his brain as hard as he could.

Twilight continued to stare at them, her eyebrows narrowing. Eventually, she spoke. “How stupid do you think I am?”

Trixie raised a hoof, ready to sock Light Patch again, but Twilight waved her off. “Save it. Somehow I doubt that Wits is in kahoots with Light Patch at this point.” She turned her glare on Light Patch. “And I know you keep sneaking through my barriers, so it almost feels like I should just give you a key. Almost. You’re not getting a key.”

“Fair enough,” Light Patch said, continuing to lie there looking at Twilight. “Hey, uh... you mind if I sleep here tonight and leave in the morning?”

“No.”

“Great I’ll go sleep in the room-”

“I meant no as in ‘I do mind if you sleep here’, so get out.”

“Oh. Okay. Does Ponyville have a hotel or-” Light Patch shut up and quickly started to walk away at the look of anger on Twilight and Trixie's faces.

Twilight stood there silently, looking at the room and trying to calm down before looking at Trixie. “Twixie-” Anything further she had to say was cut off by another single loud laugh from Light Patch.

“Magical discordian scrabble spell,” Light Patch called back as Twilight face hoofed.

“Light! What are you doing back here?!”

“I wanted to ask if you’d tell Spike I’m sorry about taking his magical light gem for late night comic book reading.”

“Sure.”

“Also I’m still taking the books.”

“Just go.”

“Really?”

“Don’t tempt me,” She snarled, nearly grinding her teeth. A moment later, she felt the pegasus pull his teleportation trick and finally sighed.

“You okay, Trixie?” She blinked a couple of times. “Huh, now I can get it right again,” she muttered, looking at the show mare.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Trixie sighed. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to pretend this was all a nightmare and go back to sleep.”

“The story of my last couple of weeks or so,” Twilight muttered as she stepped out of the room and magicked the door back together.