Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 22: Yes, We Split the Party Again

“You know,” Rainbow Dash said, draped sideways across one of the waiting room chairs, “when I said that I was excited to meet the real Paladin Duty, waiting in a small grey room for THREE HOURS was not what I had in mind.”

“It’s hardly been three hours,” Starlight scoffed. “Maybe… two? Two and a half, tops. It’s hard to tell with no windows.”

Rainbow Dash groaned loudly.

Sunset turned in her seat to Twilight. “I get that this is standard for a government office in Equestria Girls, but I thought being a princess would get you some kind of priority.”

Twilight frowned. “So did I. It seems the Department of Equestrian Activities has some other idea of what ‘the Princess of Friendship needs a meeting right away’ means.”

“What kind of a name is ‘the Department of Equestrian Activities’ anyway?” Rainbow complained. “What’s wrong with ‘The Paladins?’ That’s a cool name!”

“It’s also an obvious one,” Sunset offered. “It’d be a lot harder to pretend there’s no connection if their name was the same as the comics.” She turned back to the alicorn. “Can’t one of the other princesses do something? Maybe Celestia-”

Twilight shook her head. “All three of the other princesses are busy with their own problems. Cadence is back up in the north dealing with emboldened bandits, and Celestia is doing damage control for Discord’s play and disappearance, and Luna’s busy with keeping Canterlot from imploding. We’re on our own for now.”

“Seems like that’s how it usually turns out with you and your friends.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sunset shrugged. “Whenever there’s a world-shattering threat, doesn’t it come down to the Elements of Harmony to fix it?”

“Not all the time,” Spike said from his place on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. “Otherwise, the Paladins of Equestria comic wouldn’t have any material to pull from. I guess they’re better at damage control, though.”

Twilight was about to retort when the door to the waiting room clicked open. The Earth Pony who walked through was dressed in a simple, yet well made, black suit and tie. “Sorry for the wait,” he said cheerfully.

There was a moment of silence before Starlight responded. “What, no excuse for why you were delayed?”

The Earth Pony smiled back at her. “None at all. Please, come in.” He held the door open as the four ponies, and Spike, filed through. Sunset stopped at the door, her eyes locked on the name plaque on the desk. “My name is Agent Coltson,” the pony said, taking a seat behind the desk and steepling his forehooves in front of him. “How can the Department of Equestrian Activities help you?”

“Coltson?” Sunset asked, eyes wide.

Agent Coltson smiled back at her. “That’s me.”

“Like, Agent of S.A.D.D.L.E. Coltson?”

“I’m not sure what saddles have to do with it, but that is my name, yes.”

Twilight gave the stunned redmane a magical nudge towards a seat. “Different agent,” she whispered, before turning back to Coltson. “I need to-”

“Actually,” Coltson interrupted. “Sorry. I just need each of you to sign in.” He produced a clipboard from behind his desk and passed it over. “And if I can get your names, breeds, and occupations, please. It’s standard procedure.”

“Are you freakin’ serious?!” Rainbow Dash blurted out. “You couldn’t have had us do that during the last twelve hours?!”

“Three,” Starlight corrected.

“I literally could not care one iota less.”

“It’s figurative,” Starlight muttered. “Good use of ‘iota’, though.”

“Thanks.”

“Let’s start with you, miss,” Coltson continued, smiling at Twilight. “Name, breed, and occupation.”

Twilight blinked. “Seriously?”

Coltson’s smile did not falter. “It’s standard procedure.”

“Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn, Princess of Friendship. Now can I-”

“Is that Twilight with two ‘i’s?”

It took a few seconds for Twilight to find her words again. “I’m sorry?”

“You’d be surprised how many spellings for ‘Twilight’ I’ve seen,” Coltson said. “I’ve seen ‘i’s, ‘y’s, ‘e’s. Once I saw it spelled with an umlaut. No vowels. Just an umlaut overlaying all of the consonants.”

“Yes, two ‘i’s. In the places they’re supposed to be.” Twilight felt a vein threatening to form on her forehead.

“And where’s that, exactly?”

That was the last straw. “Mister Coltson-”

“Please,” Coltson smiled brightly, “Mr. Coltson was my father. Call me Agent.”

“Agent.” Twilight ground the word out through clenched teeth. “I’m starting to think that you’re just wasting time at this point.”

“Just now?” Coltson’s face was one of mock disappointment. “I would’ve thought the three hour wait would’ve been the first hint.”

“Twenty!” Rainbow Dash corrected.

“It was three,” Starlight counter-corrected.

“Don’t you have something better to do than waste the Princess of Friendship’s time?” Twilight asked.

Coltson shook his head. “Not at all. This is literally in my job description.”

“And what job is that, exactly?” Starlight asked.

“Spokespony for the Department of Equestrian Activities, of course.” Coltson leaned in. “Say, can one of you say something about stalling you? I’ve got a ‘stalls are for horses’ joke I’ve been dying to use for weeks now.”

Spike cleared his throat. “And the Department of Equestrian Activities wouldn’t happen to be a front for the Paladins of Equestria, would they?”

Coltson’s gaze made its way down to the Dragon. “You’re the one who sent that letter to the Duty guy, aren’t you? The one that showed up on my desk in a burst of flame right in the middle of my lunch? Ruined a perfectly good sandwich, by the way. Portobello, mozzarella, and a hint of pesto aioli.”

“That was me,” Spike said with a nod. “How would you know?”

“Not a lot of letters that show up here by dragonfire. Besides,” Coltson’s smile slipped slightly, “sending form letters is also part of my job description.” He fixed his smile and turned back to Twilight. “So, where were those ‘i’s again?”

“They’re about to be on the other side of the room,” Twilight growled under her breath.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Nothing!” Twilight replied with faux cheerfulness. I’ve spent way too much time trying to think like those boys, she thought. She nudged Sunset and dropped her voice again. “You know Coltson better in your world, right? How do we get through this?”

There was no response. “Sunset?” Twilight glanced over at the unicorn. Sunset Shimmer was still standing where Twilight had nudged her before, staring blankly at a space far past the wall behind Coltson. Twilight was almost certain that she heard quiet guitar picking and soft vocal harmonies while watching the redmane’s stare; something about darkness being an old friend. “Uhh… Okay then.”

A wall panel behind Coltson’s desk slid open and Paladin Just Duty walked out in full armor sans helmet which allowed his wide smile to be easily seen. “Thank you for your hard work, Agent Coltson, but I think we can trust the princess on this one and besides, I’d hate to see your new office have to be refurbished again,” he said, stopping next to the earth pony.

“Paladin Duty, it’s good to see you again. I’m sure Spike would say the same if he wasn’t brimming with excitement.” Twilight greeted, nodding to the dragon next to her who was vibrating in place.

“It would have been nice if you’d have been a little more quick about seeing us,” Starlight muttered, earning a nudge and an angry look from Twilight.

“I’m sorry about that, truly. I only just got to read your letter. I had barely enough time for a quick bite to eat and a quick dip in the pool to wash away the worst of my travels and… encounters with less than hospitable factions,” Paladin Duty replied with an apologetic smile, his words drawing those gathered in the room to really look at his armor and, for the first time, take in the fresh damage, dirt, and small specks of what most hoped was just red clay.

“You could’ve let me know we were on the same side,” Coltson said dryly.

Just Duty shrugged. “You looked like you were having fun.”

“...It was kinda fun. Not everyday you get to talk snark to a princess.”

“Don’t make it a habit,” Twilight deadpanned.

“Might be a bit late for that,” Coltson said almost under his breath with a half grin.

Without total conscious awareness of it, one of Rainbow’s hooves reached out and gently traced a hoof along one of the larger rents in the armor.

“Wow, you really are the real deal...” she said, looking at Just Duty. “Awesome.”

“I would say the same about you. Your speed and skill would make you a strong asset for the Paladins of Equestria. If we existed. Shame we couldn’t use you. Really.” Just Duty turned to Twilight and Spike but found his vision filled with Rainbow’s face.

“And why couldn’t the Paladins use me?! You said I’m fast, skilled, and awesome!”

“And a showboat who would die in a secret agency where she couldn’t show off,” Paladin Duty added. Rainbow flopped back to the ground and muttered about how she could get better at it. “Anyways, while I’d love to get to know your other two friends, Spike’s letter was heavy on the urgency but a bit light on details. Shall we discuss this in my office? I can shed a little of this armor and you can fill me in on ‘what’s up’, as the youngins say.”

“Good,” Twilight sighed. “We don’t have any more time to lose.”

* * *

Rarity sat in her workroom sorting through her business correspondence. There were the usual payments and requests, a few exchanges of thoughts and suggestions between herself and Coco Pommel as well as Sassy Saddles about management concerns of her Canterlot based boutique. All in all, it was mostly shaping up to be business as usual. Or so she thought until a large envelope was found in the pile. While Derpy was clumsy, she rarely gave somepony the wrong mail.

She lifted it up and found that, in addition to it’s surprising weight, it also bore her name and address. Feeling the hint of a mystery, she naturally checked for a return address to see who sent it.

Layered Permafrost

Rarity shrugged, not recognizing the name and opened the large envelope. Several bits poured onto her desk, more than she’d have thought possible.

There were also several folded papers. She felt slightly insulted to find a pattern included. It was rare, but sometimes a pony would find a dress they just had to have a copy or version of. While it was interesting to work creatively within restrictions, she still found that she enjoyed full creative freedom with her work. Then again, if it was a dress pattern she was looking at, it wasn’t a style she was remotely familiar with.

She resisted reaching for her sleuthing hat and instead took a sip of her tea as she unfolded one of the other papers. She was expecting to find a letter or some other correspondence. Instead, it was a list of measurements. Rarity hummed at the list, taking note of a couple of unusual measurements included. She also noted that wings were included, indicating that it was for a pegasus. Oddly enough however, there wasn’t a measurement for where the wing holes should be, just around the barrel with the wings and without.

“Perhaps this will be a more interesting job than I thought,” she pondered aloud. Before unfolding the last page, she used her magic to tug her noir hat closer. She found a hoof written letter. It was very rough but from the message, the pony writing it was quite far north, beyond even the Crystal Empire’s realm of influence. Poor dear was probably too cold to write without shivering, or so she assumed as she began to read through the letter.

‘Dear Rarity,

My name is Layered Permafrost and I’ve drawn the short straw of having to oversee an excavation in the Glacial Deserts. Even for a pegasus, it’s surprisingly cold up here. I’d heard from another pony on the excavation, an associate named Moon Dancer, that you are a talented seamstress and I was hoping to ask you to make me a coat.’

Rarity thought back to the pattern and frowned again.

‘I wasn’t sure how familiar you are with designing winter coats so I thought I’d provide you with a pattern I found. I hope you don’t take it as an insult, but I also have a few strange requests.’

She raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her tea, letting her imagination run wild for a few moments before continuing.

‘I’ve always had sensitive wings so I was hoping you’d make the coat so my wings would be kept warm inside of it rather than including the normal wing slots. I also thought it’d be cool to have a large hood that could hide my face. Like a hooded warrior monk from the Jade Kingdoms books.’

Rarity snorted at the thought. She’d not read the series, but her sister Sweetie Belle had ended up enjoying them and the two of them had talked about them recently. She smiled as she thought about them and looked through the patterns again assembling a vision of how it might look. She skimmed half-heartedly through the rest of the letter but didn’t notice much more. There were some suggestions on color palette: pink highlights with glacier blues as the base as well as a request for the coat to almost act like a dress in that it would fully cover the wearer.

“Layered Permafrost, it almost sounds like you're trying to hide from somepony,” Rarity said conspiratorially, giggling to herself as she set to work. “Trying to hide from the cold at least. Which I must say is unusual for a pegasus. From what I’ve overheard from Twilight and Rainbow, I thought pegasus magic made them more resilient in hot and cold environments. Even if they’d grown up in a tropical area.”

She paused as a thought occurred to her. “Unless their magic isn’t behaving as it should. It is rare, but that would explain why a pegasus would want a coat that covered even their wings. I don’t think I even know a pegasus with faulty magic,” Rarity thought aloud to herself as she stood at the center of a magical hurricane of fashion.

“Pegasi who aren’t good at flying I could name a hoof full. And Rainbow is only on the list twice.” She tittered to herself as she shifted some of her controlled mess around, wincing as a larger pile shifted.

A flash of colors drew her attention and she looked over at a new small pile of color swatches; a grey next to a pink and a light brown. The three colors next to each other reminded her of one pegasus who might count on her list. “Did we ever find out if Light Patch had proper pegasus magic?” she wondered aloud. She shook her head as the coat design grabbed her full attention again and the thought was forgotten.

From this point onward, most thoughts not related to work had to wait until she’d finished. Thanks to the pattern, the structure of the coat proceeded quickly. She of course adjusted it making it more like the warrior monk robes from the culture that the Jade Kingdom’s books were based on. Thankfully she’d already borrowed a book on their culture due to that talk with Sweetie Belle.

She worked in hints of a jade coloured fabric she had left over from another project as well as a circle of the jade fabric she’d used her magic to color to be like pink jade right in the center of the chest. The main color of the coat was a slate greyish green, much like one would expect from some ancient tomb. Then there were general snow colors as if it was an old stone structure hidden in the snow and ice.

She smiled proudly as she looked at her creation then sighed in satisfaction as she pulled the last pin from the coat. “I must say, coats are surprisingly more complex than I was expecting them to be. Still, it was refreshing to try something new. Now to just get this ready for... the customer to… pick up.” She froze as she realized she wasn’t sure how to get the coat to Layered Permafrost. From the letter, it sounded like they were already on site. Was she to ship the coat herself or was another pony going to courier it up north? Maybe that Moon Dancer, or whatever their name was.

She hurried to her work desk and picked up the letter, skimming to the end.

‘I’m already on-site, but I did have Moon Dancer prepay for Priority Delivery, so just address the box as usual and use the stamps included. Then hoof it over to the local post mare. Also, if you could say ‘hello’ to Dizzy for me?’

The rest of the letter talked about extra payment if she needed it, and a few other things. She shrugged and carefully folded, packed and prepped the coat for it’s journey.

“And with that, I have to deliver you to Derpy and she can see you on your first step in your long journey. Then I have to find somepony named Dizzy. Perhaps Derpy could help me, and if not there is always Pinkie Pie.”

She hummed a tune as she picked the package up with her magic and trotted to the post office. She waved to Derpy who was happily snacking on a muffin, likely for her lunch.

“Hello, Derpy. I’ve got a package to deliver but first, I was hoping you could maybe help me pass on a message, darling?” Rarity asked, setting the package on the desk and letting her horn rest.

“I can certainly try. Who's the message for?” Derpy asked, setting the muffin to the side but not left unwatched as one of her eyes followed it.

“A mare named Dizzy. A pony named Layered Permafrost asked me to pass a greeting from them on to her.”

“Oh, that's easy! In fact, consider it already delivered!” Derpy chirped, taking a victorious bite from her muffin.

“So you know the mare? Could you tell me where she lives so I can see her after we deal with this package?”

“In my house, Dizzy is my middle name. I never liked it because I never felt like it fit me all that well. I mean, I've never been dizzy in my life,” the mare replied. She quickly scarfed the rest of her muffin. “Also hello, Frosty.” She paused, looking a little confused. “Not that I know any pony named Layered Permafrost.” Derpy shook her head and looked at Rarity again. “So anyway, package?”

“Right! Yes, I’m having to mail this to a client in the Glacial Desserts. It’s to be sent priority and that was already paid for. I used the stamps they provided,” Rarity replied, wondering how this Layered Permafrost knew Derpy’s middle name. It was unlikely Moon Dancer could have passed it on, not even Rarity knew it.

“That's pretty far, even with priority it’s gonna take a while. ” Derpy closely inspected the stamps on the box. “Yep, those are priority stamps. Guess you're good to go, Package. I’ll just take this to the back and let Express know he’s got work to do.” Before the postal mare could even touch the package, a rapidly moving light and a sound unlike anything the mares had heard before engulfed the box and they both watched it disappear from the counter.

“That wasn't supposed to happen! I didn’t even touch it!” the postal mare said worriedly.

Meanwhile, Rarity was staring dumbfounded at where the package had been before it was teleported away. It looked like something out of one of Spike’s Sci-Fi books. She narrowed her eyes and thought back to the name of her client.

Layered Permafrost…

LP…

Light Patch.

Okay, she grunted mentally. That’s a rather large logical leap. But less so with the weird way the package had delivered itself. And speaking of delivering itself, she thought she’d remember pulling a large envelope from her small mailbox. “Derpy, you’ve been delivering my mail for a couple of weeks now... do you remember giving me a large envelope?” She asked, snapped the mailmare out of her panic.

“Not this month. It’s just been letters and fabric bolts! Oh, and that package of new sewing machine needles. That was a pain to deliver in more than one way.” She chuckled at her joke.

“Thank you, and don’t worry, Derpy. I don’t think that the package's disappearance was your fault. I suspect we’ve been bamboozled,” Rarity said. hurrying to leave. “I’m sorry, darling, but I must get back to Carousel Boutique and check something.” She rushed out of the post office and through the streets with an unlady-like grace she’d be embarrassed about if she’d taken the time to think about it. But that was for later. Right now, the game is afoot!

She bannged through the Carousel’s front door and magic rushed to her horn as she charged a simple spell to detect magic. And there on her desk was magical residue. She wasn’t good enough to identify the spell, but she could recognize who wove it.

“Oh, Light Patch, you clever little colt,” Rarity crooned, fighting the urge to put her sleuth's hat on her head. “You should leave the intrigue to Wits End. He’s much better at it.”

She picked up the letter and a highlighter. “Now, let's see what you just told me about what your neutrality really means. I know where you're operating. It's somewhere cold or else you wouldn’t have gone for the heavy coat like you did.”

“And what else did I let slip?” She could hear Light’s voice in her mind.

“You told me you didn’t want any pony to know it was you, both by your use of a false name, but also by the fact you want the cloak to hide your wings and face. If you wanted to stay warm, you’d have wing mittens and a scarf, easy to put on or remove for a pegasus.” Rarity picked up the pattern again.

“You really should leave the melodramatics to Purple Heart. Honestly, Light Patch. A cloak coat to hide your full body?” She tisked as her highlighter continued it’s pace.

Light’s voice hummed. “Did I let slip anything really important though?”

“Well, I know you're looking for something, something underground considering you mentioned a dig. I may not know what you’re looking for, but I know it’s somewhere cold and beneath the surface… Unless it’s your Spider ‘Waifu’. I believe that's the word your friends would have used.”

“A low blow, but at least you didn’t kick me,” his voice said.

“Yes, well... I might not know what’s going on, but I’m sure with Twilight’s help, we can figure something out. She is also friends with Moon Dancer. I’m sure she’ll have a way of checking in with her.”

“It does seem like I tipped my cards a little too far.”

“Oh, but darling! I haven’t even gotten to the best part.”

“And that is?”

“I’m genre savvy enough to know you're right behind me,” Rarity said, smiling widely at the quiet puff of air behind her. “And I know you wanted me to know this.” She left her shop and headed towards Twilight’s Crystal Castle and it’s library. She figured she’d get a head start on trying to figure out just what Light was looking for. She also felt a need to walk away from her work room. She was fighting a strong urge to make a wide brimmed red hat.

Comments

[Mix-up]

Oh nice chapter, It was interestingly sneaky of Light to contact Rarity and play the game she likes to play, by appealing to her interest in intrigue and mystery, which helps to create some bonding between in shared interest. which also helps Light to get her in the right frame of mind, away from Twilight's influence which Rarely would just unthinkingly nod along to anything she days and get her co come to her own conclusions and not Twilight, as well as not perceiving Light as a as helpless bumbling child. On Rarity's end à, this would go a long way to mend relationship with the Colt Trio and serve as a good intermediary between them and the Mane Six sense she knows better then the others to to interpret and translate what they are saying and the other way around without Twilight pesky ego and paranoia toward them to get in the way to gargle their words in the wrong context. This also helps to give them a little sense of freedom and control to their chaotic situation, would go a long with for them to be more forthcoming with new input of their own and be more willing to listen to the Mane Six Requests and comply without being resentful toward them. Light can also count on Rarity stay discreet on their communications and not tipping herself off wither, so she could just point the rest of her group in the right direction and follow a bread crum's. This said I am not too sure Light is that savvy to know what they are doing at the moment and their unstable mental condition might make them less focused on wanting to still help the Mane Six and just lash out of frustrations.

I also wonder what the EqG girls thing of the colts and if they would be interested in knowing what happened to them?