10. Money Talks
Chapter 10- Money Talks
Rainbow awoke the next morning with the worst headache she had ever experienced. Her mouth was as dry as the desert she and Mac had crossed a few months back. The little bit of light entering her home felt to her like the sun itself was in her bedroom. She pulled her blankets over her head and tried to remember what in Celestia's name happened last night.
She recalled the ritual, what Firefly had told her, and having an excellent dinner. After that, however, her memory was blank. Dash rolled onto her side, seeing a few blonde hairs on her pillow.
"Was Mac here?" she muttered to herself as she forced her tired legs out of bed and over to the bathroom. She was a mess. Her mane was ragged, her eyes were bloodshot, and a general malaise had settled over her during the night and refused to leave her alone. She poured herself a tall glass of water and eagerly alleviated her dry throat. After a few more glasses, she remembered that she had made the cut! Rainbow Dash was a Wonderbolt!
The remembrance of this fact brought a mile wide smile to her still parched lips. On top of that, she remembered that she was now two point one million bits richer than when she woke up yesterday. The feeling was almost unreal. She, the former weather manager of Ponyville, now a multi-millionaire, and a Wonderbolt! Dash subdued her upset stomach, grabbed her checkbook and flew straight to the bank.
She knew it would be open, as she'd slept till about noon. Once arriving, she approached the teller. Dash couldn't wait to see the look on his face when she asked him to check her account balance. Since it was a small town, he was generally the colt she gave her paychecks to. It had never been much, but it was enough to get by.
"Hey Blank, how's it going?" she greeted, barely containing her excitement.
"Good until you showed up," he teased with a smile, "what can I do for ya?"
"I just need you to check my account balance."
"Okay..." he said, rummaging through the bank cards in his desk.
"Oh, you've got a deposit from last night!" he said, assuming she had signed up for direct deposit. "And it is for..." he trailed, locating the proper paperwork.
"T-two point one million bits?" he seemed as shocked as she'd hoped.
"That... can't be right," he whispered to himself.
"Oh, it is," she corrected. "I joined the Wonderbolts, and that's my signing bonus."
Check looked at her with wide eyes. "Seriously?"
"Where else would I have gotten that kind of money?" she asked.
"I... uhm... organized crime?"
"Haha, very funny," she added sarcastically. "Just give me 100,000 of it, will ya?"
Check snapped out of his daze and nodded, fetching his manager to gain access to the vault in which the large amounts of currency were kept.
A very cartoonish sack of bills came out of the vault, and was given to Rainbow. She took the sack in her mouth and thanked the teller for his time. Stuffing as many bills as she could into her saddle bags, she flew back to her house. Upon arrival, she trotted to her bed and dumped all the money out on her sheets, and simply stared at it. Celestia, Luna, and Starswirl the Bearded's faces stared back at her from the mound of currency.
With a girlish squeal she jumped onto the pile, sending different denominations flying about her bedroom. "I can't believe it!" she shouted to no one in particular, making a 'money angel' on her bed. She wracked her brain trying to think of what to do with the money first. After a bit of thinking, she realized there was a certain filly that could use a bit of cheering up. She grabbed 1,000 bits and shoved it into her saddle bag before taking off toward the schoolhouse. By this time, school had just let out as Rainbow landed on the playground. Spying Scootaloo, she trotted up behind her and took her up in a surprise hug.
"Hi, Rainbow!" she giggled happily as Dash set her on her back.
"I'm gonna have to borrow Scootaloo for the afternoon, girls."
"But we were gonna get our cutie marks in ornamental horticulture today!" Applebloom complained.
Rainbow didn't want to separate the trio and leave the other two fillies with nothing to do all afternoon. Then she remembered she was loaded. Rainbow reached into her saddlebag and retrieved the smallest bill she had on her.
"Here, take this to Sugarcube corner and buy as much stuff as you want." Sweetie Belle's eyes widened in shock. That was more money than she got in three weeks allowance!
"This is fifty bits! Are you sur-" Applebloom stuffed her hoof in Sweetie's mouth.
"A'course she's sure! Thanks Rainbow!"
"Don't mention it kid, now go have fun."
The two fillies scampered off into town as Scootaloo asked where they were going.
"It's a surprise!" Dash replied, taking off into the air with her filly buddy holding on tightly around her neck. Within minutes, they were at the police station.
"This is my surprise?" she asked hopping off her back.
"Well... kind of." Dash's voice took on an unfamiliar air of seriousness. "Scootaloo, I need you to be honest with me," she pled, kneeling down to her level. "Has your stepdad kept his hooves off you?"
The orange filly's eyes darted from left to right as if looking to escape, but she knew there was nowhere to run.
"He... uhm... he takes it out on Mom now..."
A fire rose in Rainbow the likes of which she felt the first time she found out about that scumbag hurting an innocent filly. This time, it was time to take permanent action.
"C'mon, we're going to make sure he never touches you again," she added sternly, opening the door to the police station.
Soon after, a gruff unicorn detective specializing in foal abuse cases was asking Scootaloo to describe what exactly happened. Within minutes, they had a case, and had called her mother to the station. She was a lithe pegasus, with a lighter orange coat color than that of her daughter, and a powder blue mane. She was quiet, reserved, and seemed as though a strong gust of wind could easily blow her away.
"Are you this filly's mother?" the detective asked as she came into the interrogation room where Rainbow and Scootaloo were waiting.
"Yes, I am."
"Your name, ma'am?"
"Featherlight."
"Is this your husband?" the detective showed her the folder and mugshot they had on file for habitual domestic violence offenders.
Her mother's chin began quivering as she muttered her answer. "Yes."
"Are you aware he has been physically abusing your daughter?"
She collapsed onto a chair and began to sob, as Scootaloo ran to her. She pulled her daughter into a deep hug as they both cried together. "Y-yes... he wasn't always like this... he used to be so kind and caring..."
Rainbow looked to the detective as he closed the file and took a sip of his coffee. "So what are you going to do about him?"
"This is his third strike. He'll be going away for a long time," he said as he opened the door to allow them exit. Scootaloo and her mother sat in the lobby while a unit was dispatched to their house to arrest their abuser.
Rainbow smirked. Perhaps there was still justice in this world. "What was your name, detective?"
He grinned as he held the door for her, "Axel Foaley."
Rainbow met with Scootaloo's mother out in the lobby while one of the other police officers took Scootaloo to the ice cream locker.
"Featherlight, why stay with him for so long?" Rainbow asked, knowing she had to have known what was going on.
"I..." she sighed. She'd never had to come up with a good reason before now. "I couldn't support Scootaloo after her father died—I couldn't work with my wing injury, so we needed another to help support us. Scootaloo hated me for a long time for how quickly I had to bring another stallion into her life." Rainbow could tell this wasn't an easy story for her to recall.
"When I first met him, he was sober, honest, and he loved both of us, but somewhere along the line, he changed. Without his income, we'll lose the house... now that he's in jail, I don't know what we're going to do."
"Nopony should have to live in fear, you made the right choice," Rainbow assured, placing a hoof on her knee in support. "How much is your house worth?"
Featherlight looked up at Rainbow's confident smirk. "Uhm... probably around 80,000 bits... why?"
Rainbow removed her checkbook from her bag and grabbed a quill from the front desk. Up until this point, the only thing she'd ever written checks for was her rent. She couldn't contain her smile as she finished filling it out.
"Take this, but don't tell Scootaloo I gave it to you."
Featherlight took the check, and gasped.
"That's 100,000 bits. It should be enough to get you guys through for a while, at least until you can find a job that doesn't involve your wings."
Scootaloo's mother was speechless. She barely knew this mare, and yet here she was giving her more money than she'd ever had before!
"I... I can't take this, I barely know you," she whimpered.
"Knowing me has nothing to do with this. After all this little filly has gone through, don't you think she deserves to go to sleep at night not having to worry about whether or not she'll have a roof over her head tomorrow?" Rainbow was careful to control her words. She was glad Scootaloo's mother had finally testified, even though it took her forcing the hoof of the law to do it.
Rainbow was equally angry at Featherlight for allowing any of this to happen in the first place. She knew the stallion she married was dirt, but she let him live in Scootaloo's father's house and abuse them both! Dash didn't know who Scoots' father was, but she was sure he was spinning in his grave for her allowing this to happen.
Featherlight broke down completely, holding her hooves over her eyes as she sobbed. "I made my own daughter suffer just to keep a roof over our heads. What other choice did I have?"
"How about call the cops?" Dash answered, letting her anger slip out a bit in her tone.
"I've been such a terrible mother, no wonder she loves you so much..."
A hoof on Featherlight's shoulder brought her teary eyes to Rainbow's. "You made a mistake," Dash whispered, "It happens. All you can do now is move on, and try to earn back Scootaloo's respect."
She nodded, trying to dry her tears with her hooves.
"Why... why don't you want Scootaloo to know you gave this to us?"
Rainbow smiled. This part was easy. "I lost my dad too. When a filly only has one parent, she needs to be able to believe in her, and know that no matter what, Mom will take care of her. She doesn't believe that now, but if you love her, you'll prove it."
Featherlight pulled her into a hug Dash was more than willing to return as an orange filly with a bit of ice cream smeared on her muzzle and not a trace of tears trotted back to her mother and her hero.
"Mom, they have more ice cream here than I've ever seen before!"
She noticed her mother was still a bit teary eyed. "How come you're still crying?"
"No reason sweetie," she sighed, glancing to Rainbow, who gave her a wink. "But I've got some good news for you. I'm going to sign you up for flight school next year."
Scootaloo's eyes lit up. "Really?" she shouted happily, "You mean it?"
"Yes sweetie, I do."
After a touching hug, Detective Foaley approached them in the waiting area.
"Your husband has just been picked up, and he's on his way here. You two can head home now."
"Thank you detective," Featherlight replied "And thank you Rainbow."
Dash smiled, glad to have finally gotten her number one fan's home life stabilized. "Just remember our secret."
Scootaloo and her mother set off toward home, while Rainbow checked the time. It was only three in the afternoon! There was still fun to be had and money to be spent!
Dash stepped out of the police station, breathing in the fresh air of the warm spring day. The weather ponies seemed to be getting along just fine without her. Things were finally starting to go her way! She hadn't been subject to random bouts of nausea for quite a while, and as she was quick to remind herself for what had to be the eighth time that day; she was a millionaire!
A glance toward the mayor's office, and a fiery mane stuck out like a sore hoof as she descended the steps of Ponyville city hall.
"Spitfire!" Rainbow called, fluttering over to her new captain, "What are you doing here, don't you live in Manehattan?"
"Hey Dash," she answered coolly, "I just had to come by to get the permits for our first pre-season show."
"You mean it's here?"
"That's right, but I'm glad I caught you," she began, making her way to the final step, "we still need a physical on file for you. If you've got time, head over to the hospital and tell 'em what you're there for, and they should speed you right along."
Rainbow swallowed, a lump growing in her throat, "Physicals don't require... uhm... shots, do they?"
Spitfire was a bit taken aback by her nervousness, "Not usually." Her eyes narrowed a bit as she searched Dash's expression, "Why?"
"No reason!" Rainbow answered quickly. Dash saluted her captain and assured her she'd have it done before the day was through.
Spitfire smiled, "That's what I like to hear. Our first practice is a week from today in the Cloudesium. Get flying."
Dash made the short flight across town to the hospital and walked into the waiting room, past some sick and injured ponies and toward the front desk where Nurse Redheart sat.
"Evening Rainbow!" the nurse called cheerfully. "You don't look sick, what brings you by?"
"The Wonderbolts need me to get a physical, you guys have the time? I've got a lot of other stuff to do today."
"Oh I read the announcement in the newspaper! Congratulations on making the team!"
Rainbow blushed, but only by reflex. She loved the attention, and would have been shouting it from the rooftops the moment she had made the team, if she hadn't been so drunk.
"The doctor can see you now, head right through that door and enter the second room on your left," she instructed, as Rainbow did as she was told.
Okay, second room on the left... she thought as she opened the door and stepped into the exam room. Nothing but a bench with the crinkly paper, a stool, and a few charts and medical instruments decorated the room. The orange biohazard box made her shiver as she visualized its contents.
Within moments, the door opened again, and the striking young doctor that had healed her wing strode into the room. "Ah, Ms. Dash, good to see you again. You've been avoiding trees, I hope?" he teased, looking over her chart.
"Very funny doc, I'm just here for a physical. I'm a Wonderbolt now, you know," she added, beaming.
"Yes, yes, the whole town saw the announcement," he replied flatly. "Now then, only a few tests, and you'll be on your way."
After a blood pressure, reflex, lung capacity and wing strength test, the doctor levitated a small cup towards her.
"I think you know what to do with this," he said expectantly, preparing to leave the room.
"Uhm, fill me in doc."
"Oh, I won't be doing the filling, that's your job," he added, still halfway out the door.
"Come again?"
"Pee in the cup, Ms. Dash, and knock when you're finished."
Dash was shocked, "Gross! You some kind of freak or something?"
A deadpan stare put Rainbow in her place.
"I was just kidding, geez, learn to take a joke, doc," she muttered as he mouthed 'thank you' before shutting the door.
After her deed was done, the doctor took her sample down to the lab for analysis.
About ten minutes passed before he re-entered the room with a few papers. "Alright Ms. Dash, your kidneys are functioning normally, you don't show any signs of diabetes, and you're negative for any performance enhancing substances, but there is one thing that may interest you," he said, looking over his glasses at his patient sitting on the rolling stool, idly swaying back and forth.
"And that is?" Dash asked.
"Congratulations!" he smiled, clapping his hooves together happily "Oh, I love this part of the job,"
"Uh, thanks, but you said you already knew I was a Wonderbolt," Rainbow replied slowly, still unsure of what he was talking about.
"Oh no, not that," he explained, "You're pregnant!"
Dash's jaw hung slack for only a moment, before she began laughing, "Oh doc! You really had me going there! Sorry about the crack about you not having a sense of humor earlier, you totally nailed me!" she howled, clutching her sides.
She looked through her squinted eyes to see an expression of seriousness on his face.
"Why—why aren't you laughing? You got me pretty good!"
"It isn't a joke, you're really pregnant."
"Sure I am, and you fight crime in your spare time," she giggled.
Reluctantly, he showed her the chart he was holding, "See this?"
"Yeah," she said, catching her breath,
"And see how this is two lines, instead of one?" he asked, pointing to a small strip of paper taped to her file.
"So what?"
He grabbed the stool, and stopped her swaying, turning him to face her. "You. Are. Pregnant."
His tone, combined with the evidence he'd shown her let Dash know he wasn't kidding around. Her breathing became faster as she began to feel a panic rise in the back of her head.
"P—Pregnant?"
"Yes."
"I am?"
"You are."
Her breathing picked up as she began to hyperventilate. The world around her lost its color before fading to black.
Rainbow came to with her doctor standing over her, waving smelling salts under her nose as she knocked them away.
"Glad to see you back with us," he commented, giving the salts back to a nurse as Dash propped herself up onto her elbows.
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing the back of her head.
"Well, you found out you were pregnant, and fainted."
"Fainted? Rainbow Dash doesn't faint, I must have just passed out," she huffed, before she caught a very important word in the doctor's sentence. "Did you say pregnant?"
The doctor flew a pillow flew beneath Rainbow's head in case she decided to faint—err, pass out again.
"Yes, you are indeed Ms. Dash, or should I say, Mrs. Dash?"
Rainbow's jaw hung slack for a second time, "No, you shouldn't! How in Celestia's name can I be pregnant?"
"Well, I don't think I have to explain that part, do I?"
Rainbow blushed, she knew she and Mac had been intimate more times than she could count, and he didn't exactly let her know when he was about to... go.
"Have you been keeping track of your heat cycle?"
"My what?"
"Well, that might be why you're pregnant. Your heat cycle is the certain period of a month or two—depending on the mare—when they are most likely to conceive, if a stallion's... element, were to be introduced to her."
"So... Oh dear sweet Celestia, this can't be happening," Dash mumbled.
"I'm afraid it is, but there is nothing to be afraid of, I assure you, it is a natural part of life."
"But not my life! I'm not ready for foals! I can barely stand more than a whole day with Scootaloo! And she loves me!" Rainbow balked, putting a hoof on her forehead. "How am I supposed to fly with the Wonderbolts when I'm fat?!"
"Relax Ms. Dash, you'll still be able to fly for at least four months. After that, I must insist you limit your flying to normal speeds and maneuvers."
Dash was somewhat pale as she faced the doctor, getting to her hooves. "How far along am I?"
"Not far, I'd say just inside of a month. There was also quite a bit of alcohol in your system, so you'll need to knock that off."
Rainbow swallowed what little saliva she had. "W—will you tell Spitfire?"
"Oh no, patient-doctor confidentiality is a sacred bond! I could however, sell this news to the tabloids and make a small fortune..."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"And you said I didn't have a sense of humor," he grinned.
"That's not funny!"
He smiled, "To you, maybe. Now, you're free to go, I'm sure you've got some news for a certain stallion."
Rainbow left the hospital in a daze. She flew straight back to her house, her mind and expression, blank. Upon arrival, she looked at the pile of money still spread out on her bed. Gently, she sat on her bed and laid on her back, staring up at her cloudy ceiling. Slowly, she looked down at her flat, taut belly.
She rubbed her hooves across it, and began to cry.
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There, now there will be no more overly dramatic Scootabuse. Best filly is now content and not getting beat on anymore. Now we can move on to Rainbow and Mac's problems! And they are many.
I'm just trying to imagine the reactions
!
Many indeed. Great chapter. I hope to all holy hell and back she isn't going to get kicked out of the Wonderbolts for this. Though I doubt it since she signed a ten year contract.
O.o Well, stuff just went down.
947684 aawwww man i wanted to see mac reaction before the end of the chapter
Oh crap, the the Wonderbolts could rescind her contract for this, and she has already spend some of the money.
Hmm.. well she could terminate the pregnancy but I doubt Mac would go for that. Darn it Rainbow, this is why you use protection!
Nice chapter! I was waiting for this moment. I like how RD's first expenditure is on somepony else instead of herself. Keep it, I can't wait for the next chapter!
Hah! I knew she was pregnant!
I can't wait for Mac's reaction to her being a multi-millionaire!
Just. As. I. Predicted.
Now let's see... In the next chapter there will be some drama, some confessions... perhaps some Pinkie Promises to keep a lot of ponies quiet about this...
Perhaps Dash will have a discussion with herself and she will discover things about herself that she didn't know... Because you know... mares get very protective once they get pregnant... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png
Then there will be the first show...
and some more arguing with Firefly... 
Yeah, check out what happens in the next chapter of Breaking Barriers!
I knew it
Thoguh what's rainbow going to do know as after another few months she's not going to be able to fly with the wonderbolts, nor for months after with a foal to take care of 
Not to mention how she's going to tell Mac 
947793
Too bad for Mac, he's just going to have to deal with it.
Ah, life... so complicated
Axel Foley?!?
Ok, Beverly Hills Cop reference is good, I'll give you that...
BUT you missed a great joke opportunity! Why not 'Axel Foaley?'
!
Pregnant Dash?!
... Intriguing. We must see moar. Yes, yes, moar.
947684
Scootaloo is best CMC. Nuff said.
947930 because typo. Name now conforms to pony puns. Also, thank you for getting the beverly hills cop reference! 80's Eddie Murphy is best pony
948078
No problem!
cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/beverly-hills-cop-41.jpg
The first Beverly Hills Cop is one of my favourite 80's films. It's a classic in my book and a childhood favourite
Hoo boy, here I was, going into this story thinking it was just going to be another generic soap opera love triangle involving unrequited love and silly misunderstandings, and then THIS happens.
So now Dash has to deal with the prospect of losing her contract while 100k in the hole financially, the very real possibility of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, AND all the usual emotional baggage that comes from an unplanned pregnancy.
That folks is why Sex Education needs to be taught in schools.
I think Big Mac will faint and Granny Smith will get the shot gun for the wedding.
I saw this coming since the announcement post for this story.
I can't help feeling like this chapter could have been longer somehow. I'm sure it was probably just me, but I felt like I was getting carried from plot point to plot point.
At least all that side stuff is finally over, now we can get the the heart of the conflict. Can't wait to see this go down!
Shit got serious
A SHITSTORM'S A BREWIN'
Shit just got a whole lot more real.
And yes, I know that was not very good grammar.
la continuacion va a ser increible
Best use of 'I just got rich' money ever! Find it funny that the 'Bolts didn't have physicals as part of the tryouts. Most jobs I know require at least a drug test BEFORE finalizing everything. But, eh, magical land of ponies, probably have less worry about that sort of thing.
But then you look at ponies like Big McLargehooves (YEAAAHHH!!) and you wonder...
948640 It's okay, real world FAS sucks, and is totally not something to joke around with. I'm just glad you seem to be enjoying the story so far!
948141 predictability is my enemy.
Ah, I could see this coming a mile off.
Glad to see it's out in the open at last.
Emotional baggage aside, I am very happy this is out now. Definitely one of my favourite fics on this site, keep it up!
And give me MOOOOOOOOOAAARRRR!!!!!!!!
Fecal matter hath struck these oscillating blades. Again.
"But there is something that may interests you." By his tone, I already knew what he was about to say
Ten bucks riding on Mac saying "Eeyup." in a very shocked manner upon hearin hearing the news.
949184
More like hire a babysitter since the farm can't really survive without Big Mac working all day everyday.
949270 I always had the impression that Rainbow was going to become a sugar momma. Gender equality!
Anyway, love the story, I wonder what will happen next, etc.
Should a' seen that one coming.
Didn't Granny Smith say something about that in the last chapter?
Oh yeah, what happened to 'Shy? We haven't heard from her in awhile.
I feel like that chapter went a bit fast.....i feel....rushed
A good chapter none the less.
Mac isn't going to like the news....
All I could think was how clueless Dash was: "I'm pregnant?" Yes, O clueless one; we established that several chapters ago.
I lol'd so hard when I thought of all the troll possibilities:
Spitfire, Rainbow's Mother, Big Mac, Twilight, Scootaloo, etc.
949184 Yeah, that would be hard to describe, most likely.
fc04.deviantart.net/images3/i/2004/143/8/0/GIR_I_love_this_show.jpg
I love this show...
947684
Hooray~! Problems!
-Delta-
prismatic beach ball?
Looks like Big Mac's plastic bag ripped.
Ha, I KNEW this was gonna happen!
I'm sure the Wonderbolts would understand, and give her some time off for maternity leave (in four months of course).
I mean, I doubt that Rainbow is the first Wonderbolt to have a foal!
Also, we can't forget about the Apple family's financial problems. I don't think AJ would be accepting of a simple charity check, but they are definitely going to need Rainbow's help (maybe a "loan" between friends).
Just please don't have Rainbow lose her contract over this!
And of course, there's a pony version of the song! Fluffer F!
Meinos Kaen
Totally called it!
Can't wait to see what the foal looks like and whether it will be a pegasus or an earth pony. AJ and Applebloom are gonna be aunties!
AJ: "Yer WHAT?!"
TS, FS, PP, R: "You're WHAT?!"
Big Mac: "Zabba-wha?" *Faints* *THUD*
Now, what would they name him/her? I vote for "Zap Apple".
All joking aside, that last part with Dash crying was really good. Her mind is just blown away, she's feelin' guilty over drinking, and she has absolutely no idea what to do from here. For the first time in a long, long time she has no plan, no control, and it scares the everlovin' crap out of her. I hope you play that up a bit in the future.
I also hope the 'Bolts aren't jerks about it. I mean, it's a ten-year contract; they really expect all of their members to be monastic and not acquire dependents in that time? Money might get a bit tight if Dash has to miss a few shows, but if she keeps her wits about her and learns to rely on others just a bit she should make it through, financially.
Emotionally and mentally, well, that's why we're all reading this story, now ain't it?
Of course, we might even get the obligatory nightmare scene where she imagines a stallion as large as Big Mac ripping her stomach open a la Alien.
If we're going real life situations, she can still be a wonderbolt, but even going with the doctors orders after 4 months she's probably going to be second string or simply not one of the main fliers for a bit.
I do want to see how you'll write the reactions for the bolts and of course her friends...
In the words of a famous person I don't remember: Dis gun b good
Returning to the story, totally saw this coming.
You know, it's kind of boring. All of the stories I've seen on this site which deal with relationship troubles almost always equal 'She's preggers'. I hope the story doesn't go down the drain, now.
Meinos Kaen
How comes that everytime I read your story, Rainbow Dash immediately jumps on number 5 of my favourite Pony list.
Also, i love how the story developes. There will be so many conflicts and complications in the future. Luv it.
"High Five me, Discord"
"Here you go"
*High fives Discord*
"Thanks D, you're the best."
Yeah, I just wrote that incredibly unecessary dialogue...