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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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since accention is possible in equestia would he take an intrest and possibly attempt a version on himself or his daughter?
10621023
You mean ascension into becoming a demigod? He might try to do so for his daughter but probably not for himself unless he had no other choice for whatever reason. Heck, it could potentially even be entirely accidental on his part after upgrading Pixel with all of the traits of all three breeds of ponies, assuming people would like for her to become a demigod rather than just staying mortal even with all the traits of all three breeds of ponies.
10621031
also as a final gambit so to say as when twilight accendid im pretty sure her body was destroyed and remade so if you want either he could do it as a last resort for himself or his daughter. if you wantid to do the most unexpectid you could have him sacrifice himself for her and that makes her accend and go to war with the demigod who killed her dad
10621044
WHAT??!!! Why the Heck should Gerhardt die??!! And he has a Daughter now???!!
10621150
i mean he has got a demi god that hates him and is likely to try and kill him
10621160
No, he's got a GOD that hates him. A lesser god, but still a god. The princesses are demigods, which make them less powerful then a lesser god like Silvanus or a greater spirit like Discord. Unless you're talking about the Spirit of the Everfree in which case he still has the equivalent of a lesser god to contend with.
But I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
That was much much more believable than the original! It was really well done and actually gives him some character development too! Loved it!
10621184
sorry got a bit confused. have to admit him living through this is gonna take him quite a bit of effort as if discord bound the nature spirit(s?) then that could mean they were a decent problem for him. i am looking forward to the aftermath though where i assume after the nature spirit runs wild and the princesses have to decide what they will do about the god that has or almost killed their ponys and (i assume) their new freind.
Sorry if some of this is wrong but i do enjoy your story and look forward to the next parts in the future
10621199
Spirit. There's only one as Silvanus implied at the end of the chapter, and yeah she's a bit too murdery for Discord's tastes. I won’t give any spoilers though.
10621210
fair enough i kind guessed that as she was angry about the order that the ponys have with nature so it was either that or she was more powerfull than him and he jumped her to win
Masterfully done! I've got to hand it too you you threw me through a loop.
I don't know I guess this could be accurate but at the same time from my perspective Gerhardt has a more mechanical thought process because of his upbringing I honestly don't think he would go to the extreme he did in panicking though yes he would panic after all he did unintentionally create a daughter but I don't think he would just leave and panic. I think he would more likely shut himself in his extension and start panic planning things to build. All in all to me he just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would go off to the middle of a snowdrift and basically shut down he seems more likely to bury himself in work to sort out the things going through his head
10623160
He would do something like that if he could lock himself in his lab with no one else around to be completely alone with his thoughts, but he kinda didn't have that option at the time considering both Twilight and the golem were still in his lab. Running away like he did was more along the lines of last resort rather than his first choice since he wanted to be alone for awhile. And since he had no work to focus on to keep himself calm and he couldn't really think about anything else other than what had just happened at the time he was sort of forced into a nervous breakdown because this was a major shock for him.
Notice how when he's stressed he's always humming to himself and losing himself in his memories of the happier times in his life. That's one of his major coping mechanisms when he's under a lot of pressure. Unfortunately, the fact that the golem he built turned out to be a child who thought of him as its father was a bit too immediate of a problem for him to be able to do that, leaving him with no real recourse.
Anyway that's just my justification and I realize it's not even close to perfect. I sincerely apologize for that. However I do believe this version is still a bit more accurate to his character than the original version. I just can’t seem to find a way to portray it correctly, and I would rather not have to rewrite and re-upload it again. So I've sort of just accepted the fact that this chapter will always be flawed and one of the worst in the story. I hope this chapter doesn't make you lose interest in the story!
It certainly is a surprise that Mechanica is an evil person now.
I never would have pegged him for the kind to go in for mind control and force people to think something actually happened that didn't just so he wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of the harm he inflicted on others.
Makes more sense that Slyvanous hates him so much though, seeing as how they both refuse to take responsibility for their actions when they feel like it.
And all this is to say nothing of how much our memories make us, so it's entirely within reason to suggest he just murdered a small percentage of everyone there when he did the mind control spell.
10623399
He did actually accept responsibility for his actions by accepting the golem as his child and altering his own mind to make sure he loved it. He's not evil, he doesn't have negative intentions and nothing he did actually harmed anyone and (at least from my perspective) he didn’t actually mind control them, he just slightly altered their memories of the event.
If he were actually evil then he would have just destroyed Pixel the moment she called him "daddy" and altered Twilight’s memories of the event since that would be a lot easier and far more efficient than what he actually did in this chapter. If anything he's morally grey.
Was what he did right? Probably not. Was it overtly evil? No. Did he actually murder them? No, they still have their souls so they're still exactly the same people. Did he mind control them? Depends on your perspective, but if he did then he very much so mind controlled himself as well and to a far greater extent as he actually altered his own personality somewhat, which he did not do to the others.
Though, I suppose I can try to rewrite the chapter again. I won't delete and republish it this time because I don't want to spam people's notifications and republishing a single chapter over and over again feels like a scummy thing to do. Though I will try to find another way to write this that’s hopefully more in character then either of the previous two versions.
10623241
honestly the change was a bit of a shock and don't get me wrong I won't tell you to change anything because that is for you to judge but it was easier for me to accept the first version of this chapter I think because while yes a lot of people would freak out at making a child like the people that gave you from their point of view constructive criticism but not everyone would freak out like that and I guess Gerhardt in the original version of this chapter adapted and took responsibility at the speed I had come to expect of him the only thing that made me go "that doesn't quite work" on a reread of the chapter was the instant love( i had to read it a second time to notice the slight problem)
anyway much like the 2 people that gave you their points of view on the previous version on this chapter this is just my opinion for you to take however you want, just remember that writing this should be something you do for fun and enjoyment first and sharing this with others should be a bonus and if those people like me enjoy the story it is something for you to be happy about and honestly if you want criticism without bias it would be a good idea to find a proof reader as someone like that can give you better and more effective constructive criticism than any one or two readers
Again this is just my opinion take what I say with a grain of salt but if you think anything I've said may help you then do what you will. Listen to people but don't take what people on the other side of a screen say to heart after all.
10621196
this guy noticed something as being terribly wrong because it wasn't what he would do while I thought it was fine because from my point of view Gerhardt wouldn't panic and would take responsibility because that is what I believed of the character even though I don't know everything about him. Both of us had opinions based on our biases in the end just do the best you can and take a break every once in a while you may find that something that you thought wasn't that great is better when you have a fresh mind for it.
10623728
Thank you very much! I will most certainly keep that in mind.
Actually what you said about Gerhardt adapting and taking responsibility quickly but not instantly loving the golem has actually gave me an idea of how I might be able to fix this chapter. I should just use the first version but alter it a bit so that he doesn't instantly love Pixel like he does in the original version. That way no memory altering stuff has to be involved, he doesn't over react and go into a full-blown nervous breakdown, he adapts and accepts responsibility fairly quickly, he doesn't instantly love Pixel, and it saves me from having to write another two or three thousand words in an attempt to rewrite everything completely.
Hopefully if I do it right that should clear up most of the issues people have pointed out. So thank you very much for giving me that idea as well as for your advice! I really appreciate it! :)
I have to say, I preferred the original version of the chapter far more.
Gerhardt running away as part of his coping process? I can live with that. However for someone who has been through so much to freak out in such a way felt strange. I would envision him more as going completely catatonic in place while overclocking his brain. Spending hours, maybe even days, coming to terms with and coping with the reality of having a child while an hour or two passes for everyone else. We'd still get a panicking Pixel since her daddy just met her and now refuses to talk to anyone, but without the abandonment component.
The memory alterations however, feel grossly out of character for him. Forcibly altering someone's memories without their consent is an absolutely abhorrent act. He is not fixing a damaged mind. He's not removing/altering a painful memory on the person's request. He altered the memories of 5 people without their knowledge or permission to MAKE HIMSELF LOOK BETTER. This is a heinous act and one I sincerely hope comes back to bite him in the ass HARD. After all, Celestia still has evidence of what he originally did. Twilight sent her a letter. If she sees it and rereads it she's going to figure out what he did and then Gerhardt is in for a world of trouble.
10623841
Yeah I'll be rewriting this chapter again. Sorry about all of that. I’ll be sure to try and fix it in the next version.
Wait, Greater Spirit of Chaos? So there's two spirits of Chaos - one I assume is Discord - but who's the other?
10623444
1) His intentions don't matter in this instance, it's his actions that do.
2) It is mind control because he controlled there mind to forget what he wanted and remember what he forced into them.
3) Just because he didn't destroy Pixel at the outset doesn't mean what he did with mind control wasn't overtly evil. (You're pretty good at writing, so it's odd you would make a statement which sounds like you don't believe there are differing magnitudes of evil one can commit)
4) If you would try to rewrite this, if I could make a humble suggestion, it would be that someone so pure and innocent calling him 'Daddy' with all sincerity busts his E.P.U. from a pathway that was too weak to handle an emotion of such magnitude down it's constructed pathway (a power surge if you will), from there him losing control of his emotions briefly could explain him briefly running away. Admittedly, a touch corny, but still believable (see Pan finding his happy thought in the tree in the movie 'Hook' for a notable example), and you technically set up the ground work already for how Mechanica was surprised and a little friendly with the dragon golem he made.
10624925
It is Discord. There is only one Greater Spirit of any particular concept per planet. Discord is Equs' (or whatever the planet is called) Spirit of Chaos. So he's the one who originally bound the Spirit of Nature, since she was a bit too murderous towards the ponies for his tastes.
10624976
Already rewritten, I finished and uploaded this version just earlier today. Note the new (Version 3) in the chapter title. I combined a few elements of both of the previous versions in hopes of canceling out the negatives both had. It reads like the original version but he doesn't instantly love her, which was a lot of people's main criticism given his negative views on friendship and family.
What you suggested is sort of along the lines of my intentions for the original version, just to a greater degree. The only difference is in the original version he doesn't run away and his E.P.U. doesn't overload, but he does care for her pretty much instantly. So I would actually do something along those lines, but apparently people say that sort of thing is out of character for him and I can sort of understand why.
Anyway there's a link to the original version at the top of the author's notes if you're interested in reading that version.
And I do believe there are different magnitudes of evil one can commit. However I believe that for something to be truly evil it has to be at least somewhat harmful to others. He didn’t harm them and he didn’t take away their free will he just altered what they remembered of the past few minutes which is not a very significant length of time in which nothing of any great significance occurred.
If he altered their memories of any truly significant events, altered their memories of a truly significant length of time, or if he did such things on a regular basis then I would consider that evil as that could potentially be altering the very core of their personalities to a significant degree or could even be subverting their free will. This was a one off of altering their memories of a thing that lasted less than an hour and honestly had no real significance in the long run, so I don’t view that as evil. Immoral and unethical? Sure. Is it bad enough that I believe it can be considered evil? No. I see it more as a dick move than anything.
Not everything is good and evil, there are shades of grey in between the two. Sure this may have been a slightly darker shade of grey but not by much. But that's just my opinion. To each their own. Besides, it's not like it really matters anymore considering I have already rewritten the chapter.
10624987
First, glad to see that so many people are so invested in the story you are telling to let you know when they feel like someone is being out of character. Good show old bean.
Second, you don't have to harm someone to have done evil to them. You can also prevent them from attaining greater good for themselves. For example, you could have a job where you are earning an amount of money that you can live and retire comfortably on, but, you could one day put in for a promotion. You'd get more money, you have all of the abilities to handle the greater responsibilities, but, your direct manager above you just doesn't like you for little to no reason and, instead, gives the job to someone else who is less qualified than you (and was just as well off as you) out of spite.
This would be an act of evil.
It didn't harm you, but it did prevent greater good from occurring in your life.
Also, it is not evil in and of itself to control another person's mind and change their brain. For instance, as you noted, you could get rid of a traumatizing memory that would ultimately cripple a young child (or for an adult, remove the experience of war to prevent/remove PTSD). For an amoral example, just look at the movie 'Total Recall' (1990) and how the vacation corporation would implant false memories of a vacation and/or adventure for payment. No, the reason Mechanica's mind control was evil was precisely because he did it without permission, from Pixel or the ponies in Version 2.
Just like how someone could give something to you freely if you but ask, but it's stealing to take it without the permission being given first.
Is this a crossover from The Technomancer video game? I'm not to familiar with the game itself so do I need to know its storyline so understand?
10626307
No. It's not a crossover. If it was then I would have included the crossover tag and I would have stated which story it was a crossover with. This is a universe I imagined myself.
10626406
Ok thanks
10624980
Oh, sorry, the way you written when mentioning the spirit of Chaos, made it sound like Silvanus referred to there being two spirits of Chaos.
10627398
I see. Sorry about that. I’ll look into trying to fix that as soon as possible.
Nice to find a protagonist that can finally resist the natural temporary body takeover called a *pukes* harmony song.
Not really harmonic if it involves a hostile takeover of the body that removed memory of it ever happening (the memory bit happens sometimes in other stories).
After reading this chapter I can see down the road Gerhardt remaking his body to be less intimidating and more like Pixel, particularly if she made a comment about his current appearance.
Okay. So far, the writing has been enjoyable. However there are several things that are nagging me since chapter 1.
So, first thing first... how different are basic principles of magic in Gear's universe and Equestria universe? By which I mean the very foundation, primordial basis, if you will.
10902648
Not extremely. Equestria's magic has less rules than his. Thus his magic still works because of the more lenient magic system, but they're also able to do more with magic than mages can in his world. Thus why teleportation is possible for mortals in Equestria but not in Gerhardt’s world.
I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so far!
I hope they continue to fail and when he's able to straight up say Celestia's punishment didn't work and he still doesn't see the problem with killing over self defense to her face. This kind of plot does annoy me because it's hypocritical of the ponies. If they care about friendship then they would learn to tolerate and accept different beings with different mindsets instead of making them change to be more inline with them. I hope for Gerhardt to only have minor changes if any.
Hopefully that means she will skip and get those lessons over with soon and they give up sooner.
Really? I was hoping for him to just keep on doing it until they give up and accept he's not changing to fit in their narrow minded black and white views. Oh well as long as he stay in his ways I will be happy