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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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shit ... I loved it, only the prologue generated a lot of expectation for future chapters.
Great start, I look forward to the development of this story.
Nice, i love it!
sound like a party
This sounds great. Please continue
Great, another overpowered human in a pathetically weak version of Equestria. And by great, I mean I'm sick of it.
10101249
He's hardly over powered. He's about as powerful as any random mortal villain from the series is, King Sombra or Queen Chrysalis in her current state for example. The only difference is that he's not a villain, he has a few upgrades to his body, is from a world that is far more technologically and magically advanced then Equestria, and is actually willing to kill things which is something the villains in the show seem to actively try to avoid in favor of imprisonment or enslavement and would be extremely intimidating to pretty much any character from the show for that reason.
In fact, the entire reason he's this strong is specifically because any random mortal villain from the series seems to be able to take on freaking alicorns in combat and fight them to a stand still or even win despite the fact that they are demigods in this particular story. Plus, casting certain spells seems to require a lot of physical effort from the unicorn or alicorn trying to cast it rather then just simple mental concentration which I personally envision as the only thing magic should involve. Also, if I remember correctly, in the cannon show while foals lack proper control of their magic they seem to be abnormally powerful for some reason when compared to adults. I merely supplied a reason for these things in the form of improper training and not realizing magic operates like a muscle and needs to be worked out to maintain its fitness. Both of those things are relatively simple issues to remedy.
If anything, I am actually giving the alicorn characters a huge upgrade by doing this because *minor spoilers* while they may be about as strong as above average mages right now they are still freaking demigods in this story which means that after a bit of work they will eventually be able to crush Gerhardt or any other mortal character in an instant if they wanted to. The only advantage he will have at that point is his technology, augmentations, and experience and skill in regards to war and violence. At that point the only other characters that would be stronger then the alicorns aside from gods and such would be Discord and the Spirit of the Tree of Harmony as both are greater spirits.. Besides, this is a slice of life story not an action story. Its not intended to be about how strong or weak the main character is but is instead supposed to be about how he adapts to life in Equestria and how he interacts with the other characters on a more casual everyday basis.
Either way, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So if you do not enjoy my story, so be it. There's little to nothing I can really do to change that in this case. Still thank you very much for reading this and for your input even if you didn't enjoy it in the end. I wish you luck in finding stories you do enjoy and I hope you have a good day/night/morning/evening depending on your timezone!
All hail the EMPEROR!!!!
i.pinimg.com/originals/80/c2/87/80c287421d6eba0d66c06f701f24d673.jpg
This wasn't too shabby, enjoyed it quite a bit. Anyone else read the main characters line in this voice...
btl.ticadine.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/hal-9000-2001-space-odyssey-800x524.png
once you think about it, you won't be able to stop...
10101329
Hmm. You know what, I think I'll give this another chance. You actually seem to have put quite a bit of thought into this. More than I realised.
Though I'm still quite annoyed by the Draco in Leather Pants treatment of Chrysalis.
Good start so far. Messing with the brain in any manner risks lobotomy, as advanced Gerhardt is.
10102151
Thank you for at least being willing to give my story a second chance, that's more than most people would be willing to do. As for me making Chrysalis not totally evil, I can definitely see why some people may not particularly like or agree with my decision in regards to that, so fair enough.
10102627
Indeed it does, which is why he would have experimented using live human test subjects (mainly criminals with the death sentence who were given to the R&D branch for experimentation, since criminals lose any and all rights the very instant they are placed on death row in the Human Kingdom) before he would have ever risked trying anything on himself and why he would have done so for each individual section of the brain to ensure he knew what he was doing for each individual part. It is also why he would have had a surgical golem (essentially a robot) conduct the surgery on him due to their shear precision and ability to have their movements be preprogrammed rather than having a human surgeon do it and risking them making so much as a single mistake because they sneezed, twitched, had a muscle spasm, or so much as got a cramp or something.
And there's also a very significant reason why he is only 99.997% artificial rather than 100% even after slightly over 800 years of research and advancement, but I am planning to address that particular issue later on in the story at some point.
10102697 I’m guessing all those augments extended his lifespan. I’m also assuming that most of his organs are also mechanical as well? By that logic, I doubt that he can have kids even if he wanted to.
10102697
Apropos the artificial-percentage, the brain makes up 2% of the average human's body, and the frontal lobe 41% of that (according to what I found). So, a more realistic artificial-percentage would actually be 99%.
10102729
Well, seeing as he has what is effectively a magic life support system inside his head preserving his frontal lobe, his sole remaining organic part, and he has made use of what very little necromancy he could without breaking the law to upgrade this life support system past what it was capable prior to the invention of necromancy, he doesn't just have an extended lifespan he's effectively immortal so long as his head is somewhat intact and his brain isn't destroyed. This also means he doesn't have organs at all except for his brain as he technically does not even need them.
As for him having biological children, you are correct. He does not have genitals so he is incapable of reproducing that way. Plus, he's a human in a world of magical talking ponies and is completely cut off from his own world and any other humans so even if he were still physically capable of biological reproduction there are no women around for him to reproduce with in the first place. So yeah, no biological children for him unless he decides to take D.N.A. from his frontal lobe and uses it to either clone himself or grow a genetically engineered child with 50% of his D.N.A. and 50% someone or something else's D.N.A. in a giant vat or something in a lab. That doesn't mean he couldn't adopt a kid or something else if he really wanted to. But, that's all just hypothetical.
10102731
Oh, cool! Thank you for taking the time to look that up and tell me, I really appreciate that! I'll correct that ASAP!
I knew 99.997% didn't sound right but that's the result I got from searching around on google for who knows how long and then giving up and trying to crudely math it out on Wolfram Alpha for a few hours. Yes, I'm serious, it actually took me that long and I still got the wrong answer. Lol XD
10101901
All hail the Omnissiah!
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/warhammer40k/images/0/07/Adeptus_mecanics.jpg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/360/height/360?cb=20090912170723
10102825 I can actually see him adopting a child, but I’ve read enough human fics to know that he will have a hard time adopting a child native to this world because of some obscure law preventing interspecies adoptions. Alternately, he won’t want to adopt a child because children are in the way of his love of magic or something like it. There’s also the possibility that he might have landed in an alternate universe where Equestria is RGRE or majorly xenophobic.
Or an Equestria akin to the Displaced multiverse which is another can of worms entirely.
10103559
Those are certainly all possibilities. Perhaps he will have a child at some point or perhaps he won't. Perhaps society will accept this or it will not. Perhaps once Discord is finally released he'll end up turning Gerhardt himself back into a child in his pre-augmentation years and won't be able to turn him back to normal for some reason so some pony will have to raise him or maybe not. Honestly, who can truly say for certain? The future is a mysterious thing indeed my friend.
In all seriousness though I can't say one way or the other because that is straying far too close to spoilers for my liking. However, I really do have to ask, should I take this to mean you are interested in seeing the main character raise a child? I mean, I can't make any guarantees as to if they will ever actually make it into the story but I am most certainly willing to at least consider all sorts of ideas if there is enough interest in them.
Amazing start, only problem I see is that sometimes the sentence length gets a bit out of hand. Take this for example:
It may be worth splitting that into two or three or more sentences, as these seem to run on forever.
10104479
Yes, I definitely see what you mean. I kinda have a bad habit of doing that. Mainly because I tend to want to give out as much information as possible as fast as possible. I will definitely try to work on that and slow down a bit. Thank you very much for pointing out something I can improve on, I really appreciate it! :)
10103773 I know I am.
I admit it, I laughed out loud when Celestia criticized Gerhardt for his handling of the changelings. Not because it was impossible for her character, but because it very much is.
This was a really fun start to a very interesting story. Your character is interesting, the world is intriguing, his thought processes make sense, and I'm deeply intrigued to see how the negotiations pan out. Great work, I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.
Seems interesting so far. I just hope there arent long waits between updates. It kills my interest when you only get a chapter every couple months forcing you to reread past chapters to refresh yourself on the story.
I'm looking forward to seeing more also this reminds me of a book I have that is called the ring of five dragons in it one of the allies of the protagonist and what I think is the main antagonist are members of a race called the Vo'rnn or something like that and their title is Gyrgon(pronounced gear-gon) and the statement "any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from Magic" definitely applies to them as they are technomancers though unlike your main character they have no magic at all everything they do, they do through technology and considering one of them could turn himself into an alien bird that was far smaller then him and transport himself to another location at the same time there is a lot they can do with technology alone and this is set on a world with magic which certain members of the planet locals can use oh yeah the Vo'rnn are alien conquerors from outer space
That was rather interesting. I do hope it continues to hold.
10102845
depending on which sect of the mechanicus your talking about they are the same being
Dang, this guy is playing some six-dimensional chess here, I am deeply invested in this story, awesome read, keep up the awesome writing you got here! Top-tier stuff!
....
He has balls.
Oh my God he has balls.
Oh God I'm crying.
These are tears of joy.
All joy.
Praise the Emperor, Eternal may he reign.
My Dude.First chapter and already know this is gonna be one of the best stories in Fimfiction.net.Remenber Quality over Quantity.
10764724
Thank you very much! That is extremely high praise! I honestly don’t think I deserve it, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
I'll be honest, I do think the story dips in quality a bit in a couple chapters but I do try my best regardless. So I hope you continue to enjoy the story in the future! 😊
Is this a crossover with something or just packed full of references?
Seems fun, either way!
10884329
No, it's not a crossover. This is a world I made up myself. I'm glad you think it seems fun!
References to what, if I may ask? I honestly don't remember putting that many references in this chapter, if any. In fact the only reference I remember adding is a reference to a particular song by a musician by the name of Dr. Steel in the alternate version of the story.
10884354
Well, there's at least vibes of 40K all over the intro, and while Silvanus *was* a Roman deity, the name is more commonly thought of in reference to the nature deity in D&D. At least in my circles. XD
And there was at least one moment where I was reminded of the technomages from Babylon 5... At the risk of outing myself as a neeeeerd nerd.
10884480
Well, I am a fan of W40k so I'm not surprised that there would be some influence there, people have made some comparisons between my story and Warhammer in the past. Though I had no idea that Silvanus was the name of a deity in D&D. I thought it was just a Roman deity when I decided on the name. I'm afraid I've never heard of Babylon 5, so I can't really comment there.
Those are some very interesting observations though! 😊