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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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JJJJJJJJUSTICE!!!!
lrt u use this a few times please spell check
9780585
Sorry its hard since I only have a phone
That was fast
Good story potential, but terrible execution.
You need to slow down and flesh out the scenes more. You are giving us a skeleton, with hardly any meat on it. Add some descriptions, use your words to paint us an image in our minds the location the setting takes place. Most of the time I am picturing the background as a solid black abyss of nothing until I remember the current character is in ponyville or canterlot and I imagine it myself.
Also add some real personality to the characters. I get nothing but half ass expressions from the characters, no real effort put into it.
On top of that your grammar is absolutely atrocious.
You need to go over your work and edit them. I see simple mistakes that could easily be fixed, especially nowadays where it automatically shows your errors in bright red or blue squiggly lines.
On a scale of one to ten I'll give you a solid 3.
Seriously edit your work, including what you already posted. Your reviews will be a lot more flattering.
I don't hate it, but I don't like either. Like I said before this story had some real potential, just with the terrible execution, horrible English, grammar, and content. I am just left wanting and disappointed.
9780714
Its not over thats all I can say
I think this story is good as is anyone who say other wise is a toxic hipacrite
9782551
There is still the inside of the mouth.
9782817
What?
I guess she is coming to her sences or will get lifelong imprisoned for willingly use of agressiv dark magic
9780941
That constructiv critic if i ever see some. Nice
The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
9994032
More like cutting it by simply walking trough the room xD
Add more details and it will be a trilling highlight
9782913
Probably how to hit Spyro effectivly...
Yes the plan worked
Where are spyro's earth, ice, shadow, fear, wind, poison, dragon time, and aether/convexity powers? (TLoS powers)
11028411
this is skylanders Spyro
11028411
um you do know that convexity is highly unstable right? I don't think he will be able to use it yet
- Wanted for planning to murder a minor for no sensible reason
- Wanted for admission to commit high treason
- Wanted for literally admission for plans going to destroy the close Ecosystem of the world and kill all life
- Mocking Royalty
- Wanted for a list of names of supporters of a mare that give openly high treason plans and World ending plans away
- Threatened the royal familie
This chapter needs some work, but i can use it.
By the way i have written a massiv amount of world building and character development.
Your welcome to use it as you wish harlock5399
Celestia is inconsiderate, who should get some staff to cuddle the little dragon
But why didn't Celestia
Was is because of her high treason or wanted to kill a cure to dark magic parasitic infection?
Actually didn't Celestia said that she didn't in the last chapter?
Why? Has Canterlot no well trained guards to spare?
Though dark magic puppets would make for a neat addition though...
Wait... Isn't Spyro and his puppets effecting the spell by proximity?
Celestia... You clever deviant
Isn't teleportation making creatures sick to their stomach when they are unfamiliar with it? Spyro must have a stomach of steel
Would make sense, who would be stupid enough to have stuff like that at home?
Drug dealers don't store their shit at their own home, rather than maybe a rented place or something.
Common sense.
Guess common sense or self preservation is not to find in that mares home... meh.
It's not like she is the ruler of the nation, a ascended being or just a equine with a long sharp horn to stab a eye plate out or two...
No anti teleportation glyph or anything in place?
Someone that needs to be a royal guard or above...
Riiight?