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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, now the waiting game.
I don’t want want the applejack Parent to die
Honest question how did the whole merchant that displaces you start
Two be honest, I'm a little envious. You not only have main character as Dark Spyro with Cynder's abilities, but also HTTYD. And about the letter, you should bring a little more focus on those.
9760939
No idea but it why I started writting it is very fun
9760950
The thing at the end is not a letter is part of a newpaper
Pfft, yeah. THAT sounded organic as fuck.
A C T I V A T E _ I N S T A - N O P E
More more
9760989
Ok i changed it
9760987
Sorry, I meant "latter".
9761092
If you taking about the dragons they will in later in the story
Good chapter, really needs a revision for typos.
Want a proofreader I'm willing to do it
9760917
Fucking the timeline up could cause the end of Equestria in over 15 incidents so... Yeah...
Impressive way to get famous Not a year old and already a hero... Whats Spyros Estimate for lifespan anyway?
9875848
I have no idea
I am sorry, but i could not keep reading. The story feels drier than burnt cardboard, there is little to no 'character' to the set pieces that i can feel, chapter 2's edited form has a 'conflict' that is resolved within 300 words, with whiplash inducing pacing. I want this story to be better, but there's not much substance so far.
I was expecting a little bit of shock and awe here, but Bright Mac isn't fazed at all? He just... accepts it and moves on? Doesn't question whether or not Spyro is lying? Doesn't have any disbelief whatsoever? Doesn't scold Spyro for exhausting himself?
It just seems odd to me.
Yeah, I'm going to stop reading this. I'm sorry, but it's taxing, and exhausting for me to read a story like this. I like the initial idea, and you seem to have a pretty good idea on where you want the plot to go, but your prose and pacing are very erratic, and the punctuation, grammar, and spelling are all atrocious. I would suggest perhaps going back, and making more edits to this story. It has potential, but the execution needs quite a bit of work.
9875883
Make a rough guess 1000,2000 + would be a start
You should add more details to this chapters later on. You have so mutch potencial
You have a Baby Dragon able to create combat capable Golems. The Guards would send message to Celestia without incident especially after the Timberwolf incident. Celestia needs to add Spec Ops to Spyros protection so he didnt get in trouble and more important didnt get miss used! Maybe send a Royal Teacher to keep him monitored and teaching 'the baby Dragon whats wrong and whats write. Massive logical oversight your story needs to be fixed at some point!
You make Celestia look more than just incompetent
Otherwise - Nice Job
That was beyond awesome thanks to the puppets nobody was hurt.
found this one [among others] they became so numerous that I quit. Please, please get a proof reader. Death is Bliss has offered why not give him/her ? a try?
my wongs got stronger [Wings]
10036210
I have one but I guess he missed them, and I thought he got them
i
Comments so far still accurate. Chapter need elements added and gramatic improved if possible. Since im german i cant give you perfect help but i can still offer some
Edit: its 2021. Still hoping for the improving of the storys chapters that can be read in the comment section
To bad the chapters are so short
But there are edited and nice to read
Damn... If my Cynder would be DBZ Krillin, yours is already Goku Super Saiyan
Maybe add a minor boss fights, explaining why Spyro is so Tarterus bound on expanding his Puppet army?