Who am I?

by enamis

What am I?

I opened my vision to see colors. My thinking-thing hurt when I thought about my thinking-thing. What had done here?

My vision didn’t understand anything. My vision said: no-open, to my vision balls. Eyes. Wait what is eyes?

Oh! I thinking I know! Eyes are vision-balls. They are squishy and water-full… what’s water?

AUGH!!! My thinking thing-hurts really lot!!!

I push my legs against my temples to stop the hurt. Wait, how do I know what is legs and temples? I know temples are next to my vision-balls, I-I mean eyes. It hurt…

My big temple in middle of little temples has three hurt-spots. One in middle. It be big and hurty. Then there be two next to it.

I press my leg against the big hurt-spot. It no hurt. It be big and round and long and hard and no hurt… My two other hurt-spots hurt…

I look at my leg. They are much leg. They are blue. What is blue? Blue is color of sky… wait, how do I know what is sky? I don’t know what is sky… but I know what is sky, but I don’t know what is sky…

GAH! My thinking-thing hurts big bad.

I won’t think about what not to think about anymore! It hurt!

My legs are blue. They are long and same. They look same in every spot. They are not not-to-think-about blue they are bad blue. Bad is the color around me.

Bad color is when I close my vision-balls… e-eyes I mean. It be hard to re-know…

I step on my leg. They hurt but I can step on them. If I no think, maybe thinking-thing won’t hurt.

…

…

I tried to no think. It hard. It hard like step on many leg. I have one leg, one leg, one leg and one leg. All together they make one-one-one-one leg!

I step one-one leg. Then I step one leg. Then I step one-one-one leg. Then I step on one leg again and then one-one-one-one leg.

It hard to say one-one-one-one leg… I need think of way to call one-one-one-one leg…

I know I will call it seven! That will do! I no know where I think that up but it sound nice! I smiled.

Wait, this is smiling? I feel my gap on thinking-thing move. It no hurt. Smiling good. It make me feel good. What is good?

Good is when thinking-thing no hurt. Good is nice. Nice is not when thinking-thing hurt…

I no good. Thinking-thing hurt now… Bad thinking-thing, bad!

I step on seven, then on one-one leg. Then I move one and one-one-one leg. I thinking call one-one-one leg two. That be good. It make thinking-thing hurt less but it make thinking-thing hurt more too.

Thinking-thing! Why you so bad?! I trying to be good!?

GAH! I fall down on my thinking-thing’s other side. I will call it potato.
I now step on my potato. Seven and two are in front of me. They are just like one and one-one leg. They all same.

I trying not think about leg and thinking-thing and potato. Nor even not-to-think-about blue.

I use eyes and look at bad and colors. And bad colors. Everything is in bad. Even not-to-think-about is in bad color. All of it it’s… it’s gray…

*GASP* I know what gray be! Everything is gray, gray is bad color!

My leg is covered in gray. And covered in… in… sticky-thing! Sticky-thing no is gray. It be opposite… wait... what is opposite…?

NO! BAD THINKING-THING! BAD! GAH!

I can no longer step on potato, I step on thing between potato and thinking-thing because thinking-thing is bad!

Thing between potato and thinking-thing be soft. It good. I call thing between potato and thinking-thing a soft. It be soft so I call it soft… It like vision-balls, I mean eyes, squishy and water-full. I still no no what be water… it make thinking-thing hurt again!

GRRR!!! I press one and one-one leg against temples. If I make temples pain the pain of thinking-this is better… it still pain… pain?

What be pain? Oh, pain be hurt… now I know…

I still be pain… but I feel not-bad… I feel good but not good… I close eyes. That be good right? I think I close eyes and all be good now…

Now…

Now…

Now…

…

…

***

I opened my eyes… I… I felt… clear… I feel like I now know things…

I still don’t understand what exactly thinking-thing is, but at least I know that potato is butt… or flank… I'm actually not sure… I think I’ll settle for flub… that’ll do…

I look around… I'm still stepping-no-(!)-laying on soft… I don’t know what it is ether so I’ll still call it soft… like my fur…

My fur! I know what sky is! AGH!
I push one and one-one against my temples. It still hurts a lot when I think… But now I know!

The sky… THE SKY!!!

I look up and all I see is bad… I'm not sure how to call it… it a color but I don’t know any colors… except gray I guess. The sky is gray and… and it used to be…

Used to be blue…

Like me…

Ugh… my poor, stupid thinking-thing. I winch my smile, no, mouth… it kinda’ hurts but I think I'm fine now.

I have to move. I know that much. I get up on my much leg. All of them: one, one-one, two and seven. I feel them hurt. I still go front.

I know how to walk. That’s weird… I-I feel something on the upper side of soft. It’s things… they are… soft, not like the soft, but they feeling soft. They are like tiny leg. Flat and feeling soft.

Wings… no, yes, maybe?
I think wings will do. What do they do?

I use same thing that I use to use leg, whit the help of thinking-thing. They work almost like many leg. They are so pretty…

NO! I have to forward!

I feel… something.

It is…? H-hunger? What is hunger? It’s like umm… food. That’s what comes to thinking-thing. Food. I need to find it even if I no know what it be.

Hey! I see something! It’s like stuff I step on only big and high and has holes and I don’t know why but I thing ponies sleep in it!

Ponies…

Ponies?

Ponies!

P-AUGH!!!! NO, GRR! I fall on soft again, I hate you thinking-thing!!!

Water comes to my eyes. It’s always there when I hurt. Wonder what it is? Eye-water. That’s what I will call it… Grrr… No stupid, stupid, stupid thinking-thing!!! Why you hurt!!!???

I feel things in thing that’s between other side of soft and thinking-thing. Something trying to be free…

*COUGH* I twist my smi-mouth again… what was that? It made me feel weird… my thinking-thing no hurt anymore… I-I have to move.

***

I feel even more clear again. I slept for time in a soft thing. Now I know that soft is actually belly.

I found a many paper. It was nice. Now I know much more. Even colors. Now I know that I'm not sky-blue. I'm midnight-blue. Whatever that is…

And I was right! Those things were wings! And their made for flying! I'm still not sure what flying is but it sounds nice.

I pressed one against my big-temple. And I saw… red?

What does it mean? Red. Is red bad? I… BLOOD! That’s blood, the same as sticky-thing! I grabbed paper and put against the red. How long has it been there? I think it came from one of my hurt-spots. That means it’s been there long…

I-I think it stopped… I think… Stupid thinking-thing’s still being a stupid-stupid head. I really don’t like him… But he is me? I… I am lost…

I feel good now. I thinking I will go fort-ward now.

I walked out of the thing that’s called house. The sky was gray.
There were a bunch of house around me. They were… nice.

Suddenly… I saw something… in front of me…

It could be called bright white… could… it wasn’t…

I ran as fast as one, one-one, two and seven could carry me. I skidded to a halt before something. It was like me…

It had the same bump on its big-temple and wings meant for something. It was opposite of gray… ummm… white! And red… covered in red… blood…

I saw it move like me. It was like me!

“Sister…” it whispered. It could talk!?!

“I… I'm sorry… it’s all my fault…” red tears streamed down its cheeks.

“I'm so very sorry…”

Suddenly… suddenly… it all came back…

“Tia, are you sure it’s a good idea?” I asked.

“Of course sister, nothing can go wrong!” she smiled.

“Hmph…” I grunted and walked away. It was a crazy idea… But, of course she will do everything to make lil’ Miss Twilight happy…

Something like this is truly horrific. So dangerous… Parents left us to guard this world not play whit it!

I stomped my pristine silver slipper against the marble floor. It cracked but, I was just so angry at her! Such a foal!

GAH! I stormed out on a balcony and took flight. Flying was my passion… Tia was the one good with magic, I was the best flyer Equestria has ever seen!

I giggled. That lightened my mood quite the tad. I… I guess it’s not that bad of an idea… I might as well go look, its gonna’ happen any time soon.

I did I graceful turn and glided down to the small city at the edge of the Canter Plains. PonyVille.

“Hello sister.” I snuck up on her whit a smile.

“Oh! I didn’t see you there.” She smiled. “Stay close, it’s about to go down.” She looked up in the sky.

Down on us was crashing something beautifully horrific… a meteor. It was graceful but deadly. Tia’s plan was simple. Intercept it just when it breaks the atmosphere and blest it to bits! That will make quite the show!

It came close and closer. Tia gathered her magic and shot forward like an arrow! The blazing red mass met a golden glow… then… no…

No…

NO…

“NO!!!!!”

Light. Dark. Pain. Red. Cries. Crash.

A faint “I'm so sorry…”

“NOOOOOOO!!!” I cried on the top of my lungs. I was Luna. Luna, princess of the Moon. The only living pony after the world was destroyed. Before me lays the broken, bloody body of my dearest sister.

It’s over… the world is over… the sand castle has crumbled. We lost…

“Luna…?” I heard a voice. I voice I may never hear again.

“Yes?” I whispered. Tears streamed from my eyes.

“Rebuild…

Remake the world sweet sister…

You can do it…
You can do anything…

I love you…”

Comments

[enamis]

I... I dont even know where this came from...

Enjoy and feel free to rape it whit some constructive criticism

[Tarot Card]

that was a pain to read. Good concept, but there was too much focus on the fact that she basically forgot everything, and not enough on the fact everypony is dead.

if you want to do the whole "concussed into forgetting everything" then she build up a vocabulary far more quickly. I wanted to tear my eyeballs out every time you said "Thinking thing".

[OneWhoSleeps]

I am so confused and so am I. Have a green thumb anyway.

[Foalicon_]

Thinking thing

[Brony Pony]

It was... so sad...

[Griffy]

This was surprisingly funny for me to read. Absurdities make me laugh, in which if you were going for something serious you failed. As far as the premise goes, since it was tagged as random I treated it as such. It didn’t seem very dark if you meant the ending of the story. But I can see why you added the tag in itself. Of course, it felt relatively rushed considering how hard it would be for one to remember and then suddenly throwing in that ending there. I had a few problems with the grammar at the beginning, though if it was intentional or not I can’t say. I’m not exactly a grammar Nazi.

All in all, it was…interesting to say the most and would certainly cause headaches at the beginning.

[enamis]

1093508 yea i guess. im no good at grammar and like i said: random idea is random
i have to admit it was rushed but i wanted it to be published before i wet to bed so yea

im glad you actually liked it though

[Griffy]

1093574 No problem.

You know...this could make for a really good story if you fleshed it out a bit.
But as you said, it was random and you just wanted to get it out there. Still, from what you did write. This intrigued me on a deeper level that it started giving me an idea. Blah. But never mind that.

Still, I liked it.

[enamis]

1093631 you know i honestly had an idea about it aswell... I may make something out of thit but itll have to get in line whit the other 20 fic ideas i have

[Griffy]

1093697 You have a lot of ideas. But which ones are closer to realization? Or you just haven't had time to work on your ideas?

[enamis]

1093718 you have no idea

some are just ideas that could work but im not very fond of them, say a oneabout sparkler. Then thres a hunger games one but im just over that phase. Now im working on a harry potter style one... not to mention my existibg story... than theres one that im just a bitstuck on... then one that needs editing but i cant be arsed... The list goes on ferevah...

[Griffy]

1093786 Well, you should just pour your effort into one story instead of scattering yourself about. You'll be less productive that way. Work on the one story that has most of your attention and keep working on it. Because I know how when you have many ideas and you want to tackle them all at once. But that ends up being overwhelming. You know, if you need some help or anything. I could try and help you out.

Also, you should just focus on one to two stories. Two, if you can manage both and not feel overwhelmed.

[enamis]

1093838 yea thats what ive been trying to do but being me when ideas are coming out of everywhere (and i sereously mean everywhere(i see a movie: idea! I see an add:idea! I see a bird:idea!!!)) its kinda hard being a multitasker helps i guess... I lack discipline when it comes to these things
thans for the offer though if i everr need some help ill drop you a pm but now... Off to sleep

[jmj]

1093918 Ideas are abundant. It's best to keep a word document with ideas in it so you don't lose them. Try to set goals for the story you are working on and meet them. If you run into something you aren't sure how to pass in a story, instead of stopping and beginning some new fic, just write something. This usually helps the mind come up with something to fix the problem. If you are getting lots of ideas for multi-chapter stories, it is best to set them aside and work on one at a time or else they will never finish.

Cool story. A little weird at times but I liked the payoff at the end. Nice work.

[enamis]

3101892 Wow, coming from you, that really means a lot... Thanks so much for uhh... liking it, I guess? To hear someone I truly admire praise this, shall we say, throwaway, not-quite-well-written, abrupt-ending test run of a story is... uplifting. Thank you.

[jmj]

3103627
It is a weird story and the first half drags on for a very long time but it's important to look at the ideas shaping within it. It has the ubiquitous twist that is a hallmark of dark stories and while, not unforeseen, it was an interesting twist. I would say it needs some tidying up but I do like it and time was spent working towards the ending. Unpredictable endings are hard to come by, unfortunately, and my stuff suffers from them too. But, like I said, good work.