Princess Detective jakkid166

by jakkid166

Transferal of Power

One day (or maybe two), Celestia was in the castle that is inside her throne room. But nothing was happening. She had a desk in fronta her throne and she started slamming her face on it really hard, so hard that she got 3 nosebleeds

"Uggggh," said Celestia, "Being a Princess SUCKS! Everything is so BORING. I am so bored I am going to choke on bored and die."

"Stop fucking whining," said Luna. "We is princess! We have duties thou must acquire of Equestria. And we have to hold the sun up in the sky. If we do not exist, Equestria dies from the sun falling onto it."

Celesia took a sip of her mornig coffee. "Who cares? Everyone in Equestria is annoying anyway."

Luna shooked her head. "Celstia, you are being a shitty bitch. We need a cure for thou boredum!"

"Like what?"

"I know, I shall will buy thou a lotery ticket!" said Luna. So Luna walked outta the throne room and went to the gas station which is in the castle and went in the conveenence store inside it.

"Hey cashier pony can I hast some Beef Jerky?" said Luna.

"Sure" said the cashier. "But this is Eqestria so it is actualy Vegan Beef Jerky."

"Oh yeah good point." said Luna. So she got the beef jerky and took it back to Celestia. "Hey Celestia I got the beef jerky like I said. It is thou favorite flavor: Lottery Ticket."

So Celstia and Luna opened their lottery ticket flavored beef jerky and scratched off the jerky with the United States American dimes I gave them earlier. But they was shocked at something

"Holy dick!" said Celestia. "We just won a free vacation to Miami!"

"Sweet!" said Luna "Now we can have roast and relaxaton."

"But wait," said Celestia. "We has princess duties! How will they get done without us?"

"We need somebody to cover our shift while we are away," said Luna. "But who in Equestira is worthy enough to claim the Princess title?"

~ MEANWHILE ~

"Call," I said and I put 50 bits on the table. I was playing Poker Hold Em with the Twilight and her friends, and it was super intense game because all our bits was on the line and if Fluttershy did not win she wold have to close business and all her animals will die.

"I go all in," said Rarity and she folded.

"I bet 80 detective dollars!" said Rainbow

"Go fish" said Applejack.

"Okay now is the part where everybody show their cards," said Twilight.

Twilight had five of a kind with kings.

Rarity had one of a kind with two

Applejack had cards against humanity cards.

Fluttershy had a full house!

Pinkie Pie had a cold

and Rainbow Dash was a straight.

But then I showed my cards and I had a fourova kind with that card that says J on it!

"I win!" said Twilight and she starte to take the money but I SLAMMED a knife into the able and said "Notso fast!"

"What?" said Twilight.

"Actually I win," I said. "I have the four J's. The J stands for jakkid i think, and thats higher than a king."

"But I have five of a kind," said Twilight. "Thats more than four I think."

"No," I said and I pulled out 4 pieces of paper and wrote "jakkid card" on them. "There now I have eight of a kind. I win"

"Dammit jakkid!" said Twilight. "This why I dont like playing poker with you! You know all the secret tricks! And now you gonna bankrupt Fluttershy!"

"Sorry," I said.

"Its okay jakkid I forgive you," said Twilight. "Anyway what do you wanna do now?"

"Im gonna go for a walk and breathe in some fresh hair," I said. I walked outside and breathed really hard for a while but something was weird.

I looekd around but then a bunch of PONIES in BLACK SUITS showed up and punched me in the face and tied me up and beat me up a bunch gagged me and blindfold me and earplug me and nose plugged me and put me in a sack and carried me away.

A while later I woke up and the sack was taked off of me and all my blind and no smell and my earplugs and gag was taken off. I looked around and saw Celestia and Luna!

"Oh hey Celestia and Luna what do you want?"

"We needed to talk to you," said Luna. "So we used the normal way of getting people to us."

"That makes sense," I said. "Anyway what you need me for?"

"Well you see," said Luna "Me and Celestia just bought a free vacation to Miami. Not the one on earth but the pony Miami. The one in Equestria"

"Oh yea that place. Ive been there its pretty cool. Lots of murders to solve."

"Yeah well while we gone we need sombody else to do our Princess stuff. Do you think you can handle the big ass of the Princess job?"

"Wait what the hockey?" I said. "Why me?"

"Because," said Celestia "You are Equestrian hero who has saved us from great dangere many times. You are the only main character we can trust this deed to."

"Hmmm" I said. "Wait so do I get to be a princess forever?"

"No detective jakkid, its only for like a week. But then you go back to whatever your normal job is."

"I see!" I said. "Okay you people I will do it, but only if you pay me good money and also sign this Terms and Conditions so I am not liabel for any damages that happen. Detective jakkid166 is a loose cannon."

"Fine," said Luna and she pulled out a crayon and signed the paper. "Okay jakkid we leaving now, make sure to do princess stuff while we are gone!"

and then a taxi drove into the throne room and Celestia and Luna got in and it drove off.

"Wow," I said "Im a princess now. That's insane yo. What will I do first? SO many options."

I looked around the throne room but I got no ideas. So I got my cell phone. "Hey Twilight youre a princess right?"

"Yeah I guess."

"What do you do for fun?"

"I like to play Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney on the Nintedno DS. But they also have it for the Switch and PS4 and Xbox One and PC and Nintendo 3DS and on phones."

"Aww yeah thats my favorite game series. But I already played all those, what else do you do for fun?"

"That was the only thing."

"Fuck!" I said and I was gonna hung up but I was mad so I left the call going so Twilight wold get charged money for using up talk time minutes on her cell phone plan. "Okay well I guess I should porobably do something important. But what?"

I thoughtabout it. "Wait I GOT IT!" and I ran to the door and it was closed. So I said to the door "New princess law: All dors are now open" and then the door was open.

TO BE CONTINUED

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Saw the cover art on Derpi, got hype.

And now I can say... Was worth the anticipation.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Soufriere]

Oh Sweet Jesus...

(wel'p, my day is now better)

Wait… Why didn't jakkid just shoot the closed door? That's usually how he fixes problems.

[NaiadSagaIotaOar]

I love the idea that ponies are always brought to the princesses in sacks

[Lack of Tact]

Ah, just what I needed before I'm off for today.

Two shots and a jakkid166 story, featuring Detective jakkid166

[ReaderReads]

He struck again!

[IDontWatchMLP]

Congrats! You get a like.

[Hard-Pressed Scribe]

Masterwork fan-fiction.

[CoffeeMinion]

Yesss! War was beginning!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Surely, this can only end well.

[Odd_Sarge]

Oh my god I'm loving the new art.

[horizon]

I shall will buy thou a lotery ticket!

Jakkid I hate to tell you this but you've got an error in your story. You're using archaeological speech known as "Luna English" so you have to use the oldest versions. "Shall" should be "shallot" like the onions in the Bible, and "will" should be "wilt" like in "When will thy flowers wilt".

[AutoPony]

You spoil us with your epic tales. Cannot wait to read more of what is sure to become a timeless classic.

My body is ready.

[The 24th Pegasus]

You could make a religion out of this

[PresentPerfect]

Wow, Detective jakkid166, thanks for spoiling how the end of season nine will finale but also thanks, it's a great job.