Operation: APPLECRACK

by Redd Herring

My Black Hat is a Stetson

Applejack left Twilight completely dumbstruck as she trotted down the wide steps into the newly-revealed hidey hole. It took Twilight a full two minutes to recover from her stunned silence and hurry after the apparently not-so-simple earth pony.

"Just what IS all this, Applejack?" Twilight said in a hushed voice as she stared in awe at the cogs and machinery that surrounded the stairs.

"Oh, it's just a little somethin' I slapped together to keep the fillies away from my gear."

She stopped in front of the reinforced glass door to level one eye with an optical device on the door. After a moment, it beeped and the loud clack of the latch undoing itself rang through the stairwell. Twilight could hardly believe what she was seeing: at least a half-dozen tall, black towering machines beeped and whirred softly against one wall, blinking like a red and green constellation. To the right was the workshop where Applejack presumably built these insane devices, dominated by huge and bizarre mechanisms covered in drills and saws that it didn't look like an earth pony could ever hope to maneuver. To the left, dominating the entire room, were three enormous screens with various readouts underneath. There didn't seem to be an obvious means of input there, either, a fact that didn't escape Twilight's analytical mind. The blue glow from these monitors accounted for most of the light in the room, though some supplementary electrical lights served to eliminate the remaining dimness.

What struck Twilight Sparkle, besides the obvious, was the relative coolness of the place. She looked all around and then up at the ceiling to discover that there was a vent built right into it.

"Oh, you like that? Yeah, it pumps air outta this ol' oak tree up top. Pretty smart, if I do say so myself."

"Applejack, what IS this?" repeated Twilight, wondering if she was in a dream. It would certainly explain a lot of things.

"Like I was sayin', it's just a vent that pumps air outta the-"

"No, no, I mean the whole thing! This!" She gestured around the room with her face. "All this metal, and the machines, and... I've never seen anything like this in my life!"

"Well, shucks, Twilight, that's a mighty nice thing to say. Yeah, I did try to make 'em pretty modern lookin'. The towers over there've all got the highest end processors I could find at the time, and--"

"Applejack, you're not listening to me! WHAT is ALL this STUFF?"

"Uhhh... computers? And a lil' workshop. Oh, and there's a break room off in the corner."

"What's a computer?" Twilight said, getting desperate. She wasn't used to being the one with no idea what was going on.

"Aw, shoot, Miss Fancy-Hooves, you're tellin' me you never ran into one of these up in Canterlot? I woulda thought you'd've seen at least one. Like the palace computers, at least."

"They have these in the CASTLE?"

"Oh, yeah. They're kind of a big deal. Celestia's got one of the most secure nodes on the map."

"Hold on hold on hold on hold on. Back up. YOU built all this?" She was still trying to process what Applejack was telling her.

"Well sure! Took me a while at first on account a' no fancy-schmancy horn, but I had some help from this real nice unicorn in town who was buildin' her own tower-"

"But I thought you were just an apple farmer!"

"What, you think just 'cause I'm southern I can't have some book-smarts?" said Applejack, a little indignantly. "Apple-buckin' ain't ALL I do."

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. It's just... surprising, is all."

"Well, it's here. And I reckon I can help you with yer apple problem, so I suggest you start bein' a little more gracious."

She trotted over to the huge console and fed the paper Twilight had given her into a slot, which accepted it.

"If my eyeballs're as good as I think they are, this doohickey should be able to de-cipher what was on that paper of yours."

Twilight had fallen silent, thinking about the huge multitude of books she would need to read on the subject of computers.

The computer screen was flashing and flickering, with strange characters and numbers cycling wildly all over it. Applejack stared up at it analytically, then turned back to Twilight.

"Hey, since yer here, could you help me get this ol' thing plugged in? It's kind of a chore without a helpin' horn." She gestured to a largish cord sticking out of the wall, with the jack pointing outwards.

Twilight trotted over, looking at the thing inquisitively, and picked it up with her magic.

"Where am I supposed to put it?"

"Oh, just stick it right up under here," Applejack replied casually, lifting the back of her mane.

Twilight goggled at what she was seeing. A metallic hole, at least a quarter of an inch wide, set into the base of Applejack's skull. There was no doubt that it was a socket, a port for the very jack she was holding.

"Applejack... what is THAT?" she asked for the third time that day.

"What, you think I'm gonna be pushin' a bunch of tiny little buttons with my big ol' earth pony hooves? Computin's mostly a unicorn game, unless you get yourself one of these babies. They don't call me Applejack fer nothin'."

"I thought you were named after the drink...?"

"Well, yeah, that too. Just plug the darn thing in, will ya?"

Hesitantly, delicately, Twilight maneuvered the jack into the earth pony's skull. It clicked into place and Applejack twitched violently, causing Twilight to jump backwards.

"Oh my gosh Applejack I'm so sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Nah, it's fine. That always happens. But hey, check it out! I'm a magical unicorn! WooOOOoooo!"

With the cord trailing from her skull, she looked at the machinery on the other side of the room, and it began gyrating rhythmically in a strange sort of dance.

"I have to say, Applejack, I am VERY impressed." Twilight had managed to get over her initial shock, but just barely. "I didn't know anypony in Ponyville had such an intellectual pursuit."

"Aw, shoot, Twilight, you don't have to butter me up. Thank you, though. That means a lot." She was blushing just a little, and turned toward the screen to hide it. "Oh! I think we got somethin'. Looks like it was never meant to be encrypted. I'm surprised Trixie even bothered to scribble down this many numbers. Musta taken ages."

"She's more skilled than you might believe, AJ. I think we should try to be more friendly with her."

"Well... I'll think about it. Anyway, take a gander at this."

Twilight trotted back over toward the monitor, and gazed up at it. Out of the roiling stew of swirling characters, a message was beginning to form.

THIS IS PROBE FF0000

WE HAVE LANDED IN

RESPONSE TO A

NOTABLE INCREASE IN

RADIO WAVES FROM

THIS PLANET

HOWEVER IT CONTAINS

MANY THINGS WHICH

ARE HIGHLY ILLOGICAL

AND NOT SUITED TO

A SCIENTIFIC SOCIETY

WE HAVE TAKEN

STEPS TO CORRECT

THIS

TO NEGOTIATE

PLEASE INTERFACE

WITH THIS UNIT

"What in tarnation...?" It was Applejack's turn to look dumbfounded.

"It looks like they've come from a civilization not of this world! And they want to... wipe out magic!?" Twilight was alarmed again, but at least she understood what was going on this time.

"Well that just ain't right. They can't just come and take our magic without askin' just 'cause they don't like it."

"I was right... this really IS dangerous!"

"Well, hold on. If they're tellin' me to interface with 'em, they must be on the network somewhere. That means I can open up a line and start negotiatin'. We learned about this from the whole Appleloosa debacle."

"Uh, I think it might be a liiiittle too late for that."

"Why?"

"Um, because Trixie kicked it and it seemed pretty mad and tried to kill us."

"Well consarnit! Looks like THAT option's out the window."

"What are we going to do now, Applejack?"

An eager, devious grin spread across the earth pony's face.

"Well, if they ain't willin' to let me in... I'll just have to FORCE my way in!"

"You can do that?"

"Ohhh, yeah I can. Just you wait. We'll have this troublemakin' apple shut down in a jiffy."

She turned back to the console, bringing up several new programs and a command prompt, keen to get started. Twilight could only look on as the earth pony gave a little chuckle.

"...I prefer Linux, anyway."

Comments

[Redd Herring]

1131280
1127845
Aaaand there it is. It dropped later than I wanted it to, but I fell asleep. Oh well~
Enjoy!

[Frankie]

Ahem...TIME OUT!!
Did I just step into the Twilight Zone (no pun intended.) WHAT...THE BLOODY HELL...IS GOING ON??!!
I had to stop after Twilight had to plug a jack into the back of AJ's head. What is AJ...a cypony?! Could somepony please make some sense outta this for me? I am completely confuzzled? *brain starts smoking*

[Redd Herring]

1138993
I MAY have taken one or two liberties with my interpretation of the show.

[Redd Herring]

1138993
Plus, if your brain's smoking, aren't YOU the cypony around here?

[Frankie]

1139048
No, because what I read is frying my brain.

[Redd Herring]

1139122
Hopefully it's frying your brain in a GOOD way, then. I wouldn't want to lose my most ardent follower.

[Yukito]

Wow, this took a rather big turn all of a sudden O_O

[Redd Herring]

1141413
The events of Ch. 8 were actually meant to be the focus of the story. That's the concept I came up with first. Just couldn't resist putting in some Trixie, so it lingered on them for quite a while. I'm happy with how it came out, though, and hopefully so are you!

[SuperChaosKG]

I KNEW IT!!

I CALLED IT!!

I KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW THIS WAS GONNA BE TF2-ENGINEER STYLE APPLEJACK!!

YOU DIDN"T LISTEN BUT I <b> BUCKING</b> KNEW IT!!

(I'm so awesome. )

[Redd Herring]

1143269>>1139122>>1141413
I know what you're thinking. "Redd Herring, why the huge wait after you dropped such a bombshell on us!?" Well, the answer comes in two flavors.
The first flavor is that university just started, so I've been doing a little bit of prep and whootnat to make sure I know what I'm doing.
The second flavor is just laaaaziness. I get home from work and I just want to watch youtube videos, okay!?!?
But I tell you what: I'll pledge that Ch. 9 WILL be finished and uploaded by the end of Wednesday at the latest. If it isn't, I will write twenty actual limericks about Sweetie Belle. GUARANTEED.

[SuperChaosKG]

1173373

Um... I was actually not really waiting that intently. I was just gonna take it.

But 20 limericks? Seems Legit.

[yayme]

[Frankie]

1173373
So where are the limericks?
I would prefer another chapter though.

[Redd Herring]

1383183

Forthcoming.

[rtgrfdfadfdsafd]

Limericks now.

[Mooncalf]

Well now.

...

You know, I was gonna say something about the interpretation of Trixie as a genuinely accomplished magical academic being very enjoyable and interesting. Well, I'll say that anyway.

But then Cyberjack opened her secret lab and shifted my paradigm so hard she might just as well have bucked it with her own hooves. Consider my mind thoroughly blown.

More, please.