Gardening with Rose
Admiral Biscuit
I didn’t have to wash the dishes. For starters, I was a guest. More importantly, I’d made dinner while Lily and Daisy were at the market, and they had a rule that whoever was at the market was supposed to clean up after dinner.
That was an interesting insight into their idea of which was more of a task. I could have seen the argument that it was harder to work the stall than to simply make dinner, but their priorities were different. Maybe it had to do with the difficulty of cooking and cleaning with hooves.
Why was Lily so bitchy? Could it be PMS? I didn’t know if that was a thing that ponies got; I’d never really asked.
Was she scared of me? That idea had possibilities. I couldn’t think of any particular reason why she might be, but I knew that ponies sometimes shied away from me when I was out and about.
Lily’d been friendly enough when I’d run into her at market, so I didn’t think it was racism, or whatever having a fear of a different species was. I hoped it wasn’t—if it was deep-seated, it would be nearly impossible to overcome.
Maybe she was just uncomfortable with me being in her house, with me being in her flower gardens. I could understand that. But what to do about it?
I could only come over to help when she was at market. I could invite Rose over to my house more often, I could not spend the night here. I didn’t like that; it didn’t seem fair to me.
Pony counters were too short for me, so after I set the plate I’d been washing into the drying rack, I arched out my back and rolled my head around to work some of the kinks loose. As I did, I happened to glance over at my shorts and panties, still sitting on the end of the kitchen counter. I’d almost forgotten I wasn’t wearing anything, but of course that brought it back.
I distracted myself by looking out the window. Rose was back in the garden, cleaning off all the tools—she hadn’t done that before dinner.
What if Lily was just afraid? Not of me, specifically, but of what I might represent? I might change her relationship with Rose, and that could be something that scared her. As ridiculous an idea as it was, she might think I was trying to usurp her place in the house. Taking Daisy’s side in our dinner conversation wouldn’t have changed her mind, either.
I couldn’t just tell her that things weren’t going to change, either. Neither of us would believe that. Certainly back on Earth, friendships ebbed and waned as people entered and left the mix or as jobs or hobbies changed, and I couldn’t imagine that things would be different here.
I didn’t want to give this up. Lily was just going to have to learn to deal with it. I could hope that once she got more used to me, she’d get more comfortable around me.
•••
“Were you planning to spend the night?”
“I might.”
Rose and I were in the living room. As soon as I’d entered, Lily had said she had a headache and was going to go to bed early, and Daisy had followed her upstairs. Neither of them had fallen asleep; I could occasionally hear them talking. Rose had an ear on the conversation as well.
“Might?”
“It’s up to you. I don’t want to create friction.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “Lily will get over it.”
“Can you be sure of that? Sometimes people are really set in their ways and don’t change even when they should.”
“Sometimes they fight about Daisy using her magic. It’s silly. Sometimes I wonder if Lily’s only happy if she’s mad or scared about something.”
I’d known people like that back on Earth. “So maybe if she’s constantly annoyed by me, she’ll get along with Daisy better.”
“That’s not a solution.”
“I know. Maybe she should see Tenderheart, too. We could have back-to-back sessions. She could help me learn how to be a better pony, and teach Lily how to not be a bitch.” I sighed. “Most of the ponies I work for, they’re skeptical at first, but once I do a good job they decide that I’m okay after all. I’ve never had a pony slam the door in my face.” That wasn’t entirely true, but it was close enough to the truth. “That might just be an earth pony thing, though. I haven’t worked for that many unicorns. Or pegasi.”
“She’ll come around,” Rose promised. “I’m not gonna lie, it might be a while and she might never be completely happy around you, but she’s nice most of the time.”
“I could cook more dinners, spend some more time over here. Get her used to me, that would help. Do nice things for her whenever I have the chance.” I shifted around on the couch. Occasionally, when I thought about it, it felt weird to have couch fabric on a bare bottom. And that got me to wondering if the cushion covers were washable, and if they were, how often was it done?
If Lily was really racist, she’d drag the couch out back and burn it.
The easiest thing to do would be to go home for the night. I could tell Rose that if she wanted to come with me, she could. But that would be the coward’s choice. That would be forcing Rose to choose.
I was making progress. If she wanted to, Lily could, too. If she didn’t, I couldn’t let that be my problem. “It’s not too late for dessert at Sugarcube Corner, is it? My treat.”
“No, they should still be open.” Rose giggled. “Remember that time we drank all that wine, and then—”
“All too well.” If I could do it drunk, I could do it sober. “We should invite them, too.”
“Lily won’t want to go.”
“And if she doesn’t, she’ll miss out on some delicious dessert, and she’ll have nobody to blame for it but herself. That’s something I can’t do anything about. Or—you know what she likes, right?”
Rose nodded. “If she doesn’t want to go, I can bring it back.”
That was a simple thing. I was flush with bits, and spending a few on sugary treats wouldn’t really hurt me all that much. As long as she didn’t get offended by the idea of eating a dessert I’d bought, which admittedly was a possibility. “They’ll probably—if you tell them instead of me—”
•••
Much to my surprise, Lily did decide to go. I hadn’t actually expected that; I‘d envisioned to just being three of us. The promise of sugary treats won out over her feelings towards me, or else I was being overly critical of her.
Stepping through the front door was a major challenge. Doing it drunk and doing it sober turned out to be more different than I’d thought, and my fears came crashing back once again. The door was open, the street wasn’t all that far away, and any pony who happened to be passing by could just look over and see me.
It would only take a minute to put my shorts back on. We’d hardly be delayed. Plus, it was more logical—I could put my bits in my pocket and not have to carry them.
Rose would be disappointed, Lily would be triumphant, and Daisy would understand.
I’d spent several days shoveling shit, and this was hardly a higher demand than that. It was nothing. Nobody had cared when I’d done it drunk; nobody would care when I did it sober. The four of us—all naked—would walk to Sugarcube Corner, and we’d get something chocolatey and sugary and sweet and there might be a few ponies who would glance over and maybe stare just a little bit because they’d never seen me without pants and they were curious. That was natural, that was understandable. There wouldn’t be a mass panic, the cops wouldn’t arrest me for indecent exposure, or for visiting a food establishment without a shirt or shoes. None of my latent fears, conditioned on Earth, would come to pass. If there was anything unpleasant, it would come from Lily having a stick shoved up her butt, and that was something I could deal with as long as I got ice cream out of the deal.
“You know,” I said to Daisy as I stepped out the door, “I kind of do wish that I had a tail. I’d feel a little bit less exposed if I did.”
“I can walk behind you, if that’ll help,” she offered.
I shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” It wasn’t going to be the best arrangement for conversation, but there wasn’t likely to be much of that anyway.
•••
One thing I hadn’t really noticed the last time I’d done this was the breeze. It was normal enough to feel against most of my skin, but not everywhere. That was something that would take some getting used to.
A few ponies that we passed on the street paused briefly, looking me over, before continuing on their way. It wasn’t much, but then I was no Lady Godiva.
By the time we’d gotten to the main street—such as it was in Ponyville—I’d let my guard down and began to just enjoy the moment. It was a pleasant evening; the last reds and oranges of sunset were fading, and I could see a few bright stars in the darkening sky to the east.
It was crowded inside, but we found a table. Lily went over to claim it, and the other three of us waited in line to order.
When Pinkie brought our desserts up, I went to pick them up, and felt a bit of a wave of magic wash across my hands. For just a moment, the plates lightened, before settling back down.
“Sorry, I—”
“If you want to carry them—” Daisy and I both looked at each other.
“One of you do it,” Rose said.
“How about both of us? I’ll get Lily’s dessert and mine.”
“That’s fair.” I picked up two plates and carefully made my way back to our table. Daisy had it easier; her plates just followed along.
In all honesty, as amazing as that was to watch, it was more interesting to see how other ponies carried their food. Balancing plates on their backs was common, and I’d never seen one slip off so far.
We took our seats. I sat against the wall, since ponies were already used to seeing my upper half and new arrivals wouldn’t notice that I wasn’t wearing pants today either.
Lily was seated directly across from me, presumably since it was the furthest distance she could be while still at the same table, or maybe she wanted to keep a close eye on me.
“Do you put a fresh flower in your mane every day?”
“Sometimes it’s fake,” Rose whispered.
“Only when we’re short on real flowers,” Lily countered. “I like the scent.” She leaned down and took another bite of her brownie.
“Lilies do smell nice. And they look pretty,” I said.
“Do you have them on Earth?”
“Yeah. Besides the ones in gardens and pots, there are lots of orange spotted lilies that grow wild. Tiger lilies. They’re one of the first to flower in the spring, right after the daffodils. Some people have them in their gardens, but I guess they get away and grow other places, too—where I used to live, there was a railroad embankment that was covered with them, and they always looked so pretty.”
“They do.” She leaned across the table, slightly bridging the gap. “Did you grow them?”
I could confess that I didn’t have a green thumb, something that Rose knew full well. I could play that off to the difference between worlds if I had to. So long as I didn’t claim too many skills I didn’t have.
But I knew a lie would come back to bite me later, and once she figured out that I was lying, she’d like me even less.
“Not back on Earth, no. I wanted to, but I never really had the time or the skills.”
“You haven’t got wings or a horn,” Lily said. “And—”
“People are different. None of them have wings or horns.”
“Who brings your weather?”
“It just happens.”
“Like in the Everfree Forest?” Daisy asked.
“Yeah, I guess.”
Lily frowned. “What if you get bad weather? Weather that doesn’t make the plants happy? Rain at the wrong time, or—do you wrap up winter?”
“No?” I got the snow tires taken off my car, but I didn’t think that was what she was talking about. “In America, they have a groundhog who says if winter is going to last six more weeks or if it’s going to be an early spring. He’s right about half the time.”
“I don’t like that. Weather should be on schedule.”
“You’re not alone, Lily. Lots of people don’t like it either.”
“You should fix it.”
“If I ever get back, I’ll write a letter to Parliament.”
•••
We wound up staying for almost an hour. Daisy had a lot of questions about living on Earth, and Lily paid attention. Maybe the dessert had softened her up a little bit, or maybe her curiosity was getting the better of her.
Maybe I’d been too judgemental about her when I was washing dishes. I still wasn’t an expert at reading pony emotion.
It was fully dark by the time we left. I was already yawning, and Daisy had covered a few herself.
As I walked back through town, I thought about how nervous I’d been in the morning, and now it felt like it was no big deal to walk through town nude. Skyclad—that was how the witches in Terry Pratchett’s book had called it. It felt fitting, especially since there was nothing between my skin and the emptiness of space except for the thin veil of the sky.
By the time we got back to Rose’s house, I was getting a little bit chilly. It was surely psychological; my shorts hadn’t covered enough to make a major difference.
The four of us took our turns in the bathroom and then went upstairs. I thought that I might have a difficult time falling asleep, but I didn’t.
Sam's really starting to get more comfortable in her own skin, and around Lilly too. Solid chapter.
"Hey, Sam. Good to see you at Sugarcube Corner. I was meaning to tell you, I got that portal working between your world and ours, and there are about a dozen ambassadors and congressmembers next door who wanted to--- Wow. I didn't know she was that agile. Right out the window with one jump and on the second floor, too."
I really do love these stories. Also I was one of the readers that was very slow to realize the main character was female. I think it was the third story in the series that I finally got clued in. (I have my Derp moments.)
Keep up this fun and enjoyable story.
The Monk
“A spider’s got to spider.” -Scarheart
Poor Lily she is just a little afraid of something different. I wonder how she would react to how most humans would view how the ponies weather control as unnatural. Then again I think this is what she needs to learn about Sam.
inb4 Lily tries to bribe a certain powerful magic user to zap Sam with a spell that turns her into a pony just to ease her overly sensitive xenophobia because "I'm scared of things that don't look like me and I can't understand why things are different for other creatures because being a pony is all I know and I'm not willing to learn anything else"
9731635
Heh, clever ref. Was torn between being witty and just linking some Elton John, but I think people deserve a bit of context.
Well, I'm sure at least a certain pony wouldn't mind Sam riding her naked. :p
Good work as usual. It's good to see Sam getting a bit more comfortable.
Inb4 Lily reveals her tsundere side by not declaring her undying love to Sam. She's always had this cautious curiosity for Sam: pretending she's not listening when clearly she wasa and not in a just fearful Sam scary biped that might eat her, and not in the good way of course.
Lily is cute. Need sleep but wanted to at least mention her.
If she's writing letters to Parliament - can't remember if it's been mentioned before where's from, but rules out America and a good chunk of the rest of the world. She's speaking Equiish, so that doesn't narrow it down much either.
9732192
I do think she mentioned being Canadian in a previous story.
9732290
Ah, cool.
9731634
She is--Sam’s only really got trouble when she overthinks things; when she just goes and does them, she does fine.
Thanks!
9731635
The funny thing is that Sam now certainly would do that . . . Sam next summer probably would be like, “Oh, okay, cool,” and completely not give a damn.
9731700
Thanks!
It wasn’t supposed to be obvious in the first story, which was part of the fun. It was more obvious in the second, but still not said outright (I don’t think, anyway).
I shall . . . although for now, this one has nearly reached its conclusion.
9731775
Yes, she is.
She wouldn’t understand it. Lily isn’t exactly good at thinking about things from a different perspective than her own.
Yes, very much so. Sam is not a pony, nor is Sam even Equestrian, so of course she doesn’t fit into the neat little boxes a pony like Lily has for everything.
9731839
That would be an interesting twist . . . I can’t see Twilight doing it, though, no matter how much Lily pleads and begs. Although if she literally says to Twilight “I'm scared of things that don't look like me and I can't understand why things are different for other creatures because being a pony is all I know and I'm not willing to learn anything else”, that would at least be bonus points for honesty.
EDIT: you’ve also pretty much managed to sum up virtually all human (and pony) -isms in that one sentence there . . . I legit don’t think I could have said it better.
9731889
Honestly, the Lady Samantha ref would have gone right over my head (I assume that’s what you were thinking of).
We already know Sam’s feelings on that; the real question is is Rose interested in girls?
9731895
Once she stops overthinking things and just does them, she gets comfortable with them pretty quickly.
9731898
Wouldn’t that be a twist?
This could also be an example of the old adage “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” In other words, if Lily always knows where Sam is, she’ll have a better opportunity to flee if it comes to that.
9732192
As 9732290 mentioned, Sam is Canadian. From near Vancouver, British Columbia, in fact.
9733123 Depends on how much of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash rubs off on her by then.
"Ambassadors!" gasped Sam. "Why are you still dressed! Don't you know what a mortal insult to Equestrians that is? Quick, off with your clothes and I'll hide them somewhere before you meet Celestia and start a war or something!"
A few minutes later, Sam ambled into Rarity's boutique with a giant bundle of clothes, tied together with ties and belts and with a number of shoes dangling beneath it. "Whew," she gasped, dropping the bundle on the floor. "Hey, Rarity. I got you samples of the human's present fashions in formal attire. If I help you pick through it, can you make me something relatively formal before the ambassadors figure out what I did? You should be able to hear the screaming from here."
9733172
That is something she might do once she’s more comfortable in Equestria (and in her own skin).
What would make it even better is that the drawing of a man that Cheerilee sketched out is rather well-endowed (Sam said something along the lines of ‘if a guy ever showed up in Equestria, he was going to have a lot to live up to’)* . . . if ponies associate stallionhood with virility and power, they’re gonna wonder why humans sent the rejects.
And if Rarity got to pick through human fashion, especially if there were a bunch more humans, she might even make a formal dress for Sam for free, which would be nice. Although Sam might be just as happy with a few pairs of warm socks.
__________________________________________________________
*I didn’t specify, but in my head I’m imagining that Cheerilee figured it hung down to the knees
9733148
I can imagine Lily shopping the idea around to various other powerful unicorns and probably getting the same response of "what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"
even Starlight would be like "dude I brainwashed a village, stripped ponies of their Cutie Marks and messed with time travel and even I think that's excessive"
also just picture Lily finding the EqG mirror, she'd have an aneurysm at all the two-legged creatures who think independently and have things like the weather happen independently because we can't have that in our good Equestrian neighborhood no siree - if you don't have a team of pegasi controlling your weather then you've got a problem
Fun fact, manipulation of the weather for military purposes is forbidden under international law.
9733306
But if you’ve got an army of pegasuses to do it, who’s gonna stop you?
9733310
Sure, but do you want to make the folks who you rely on like that into frontline troops?
9733310
Plus it turns the Weather Factory into a very legitimate target.
9733327
Honestly, I’m not sure that we could currently deal with pegasi as long as they stay a ways above the ground. Heat-guided missiles probably won’t work on them, and it’s a crapshoot if they’d be a valid target for any kind of radar-guided missile. Plus, if they’re good, they can set up the weather on your side of the line and then let it drift over the enemy lines.
9733384
Cloudsdale on a war footing. It's kind of like that.
t79 if you're in a hurry
9733384
Not to sure about that. Pegasai fit in the middle between very small helicopters and very large drones. Conventional air dominance and ground attack aircraft might struggle, but low/mid-speed trainer aircraft fitted with guns would likely excel in the role.
Against larger formations there are lots of cheap unguided ideas from WWII in the archives, all the way to ruthlessly hacking the mid-course-update feature in some into a 'go where I tell you' guidance mode.
9735027 We still have to deal with the best Pegasi making 90-degree and 180-degree turns in the blink of an eye at over Mach 1. No human could do that without blacking out, even if our tech could manage it.
Of course, people will say "Well they couldn't do that in the REAL world!", which I then counter, "They couldn't fly at all in the REAL world if they were bound to our physical laws. Their world also wouldn't exist."
Wouldn't be the silliest thing brought up in Question Time on the hill.
9733769
Yes, exactly. If they really wind up the weather . . . well, we all know what weather can do to puny human creations.
9735027
Potentially, yes, if we thought of it, but their maneuverability (compared to fixed-wing aircraft especially) and ability to hide in/on clouds would be very problematic. Or to hide other things in or on clouds.
Honestly, some of the simpler older stuff might be the best bet--things like flak and other ‘dumb’ weapons that just make a section of sky uninhabitable. But then we start to get into discussions of how tough clouds . . . how many inches or feet of cloudstuff would they need to make a shield against ground attacks? Also, how accurately can they target lightning? That could be another issue for ground troops.
Obviously, there’s a lot of speculation, and there’s just a lot we can only speculate on. To take extremes, if Rainbow can demolish a barn by crashing into it and emerging unharmed, we’re proper fed when it comes to an air war in Equestria, since that might imply that pegasi can just get sucked through jet engines and they’ll be fine coming out the other side. I’d personally prefer a more realistic take, but I don’t think that we can conclusively rule that that can’t happen.
9735378
I would assume that the g-forces RD pulled in the Sonic Rainboom turn would most likely reduce any Earth material to individual atoms. I’m not aware of any human-made structure which could withstand a fraction of that G load and survive. I’ve seen a source that suggests she pulled over a thousand Gs in that turn.
Heck, just the shockwave from that turn might be able to destroy things on the ground.
9735803
“And we have a petition from Samantha, an expatriot currently living in Equestria, regarding our current progress in weather management and weather control. . . .”
9733190
I hope that's not the case, being called a reject would hurt. but yeah compared to even the smallest horses, really the only humans that could "fit in" would be those that used "enhancers" I see in pop up ads from time to time.
9892808
Well, of course we don’t know if that’s a thing that ponies even care about (never came up on the show, as far as I can recall). Size-wise, various methods of calculation suggested that stallions could plausibly be anywhere from about the same size as humans to about three times bigger, depending on how the calculations were run.
Odds are any guy who shows up in Equestria is going to have a lot of other things on his mind first, but in this universe at least it would be funny if it happened and then he saw the drawing Cheerilee had made. . . .
I get the sense Lily is the kind of person who can't handle her own emotions and so ends up turning her pain into others' as a consequence. Rose's line about her always being mad or afraid seems to back that up.
9940260
Or else she’s that unfortunate combination of both being a scardy-pony and a bitch.
I shouldn’t make fun of her, though. We all have our issues. Here’s an art of Lily being cute (and silly) as penance.
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Oh my adorable pink pone. If only it worked like that for us.
We'd probably make an absolute mess out of it truth be told.
Lol, I'm sure Trudeau would take the time to thoroughly throw it in the trash.
11044132
Probably, but I feel like he’s one step above an American politician in that he would do that personally, rather than have some underpaid intern do it for him.
11023459
Yeah, it’s honestly for the best that it doesn’t work that way for us.
There's a fantastic folk metal band from England called Skyclad. I love that expression.
11138087
All she needs to do to really pull it off is ride on the back of a white horse.
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