To Heck...
“Okay, girls,” Scootaloo said to the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Prepare to witness the greatest scooter stunt of all time!”
“Doesn’t this seem dangerous?” Sweetie Belle whispered.
“Aw, quit your belly achin’!” Apple Bloom replied. “Nothing can possibly go wrong!”
~CRUNCH!~
“SCOOTALOO!”
***
An instrumental version of “The Girl from Iponyma” woke the little pegasus up from her apparent slumber. She appeared to be in a waiting room of some kind, perhaps a doctor’s office.
“Ugh... I must have hit my head pretty hard.” She got up and examined the room. There was nopony else around, but there was a window with a bell. She rang the bell, and a bored-looking mare slid into view.
“Name?” she asked.
“Uh, Scootaloo.”
“Just a moment.” The mare pulled out a file folder labeled with the current date. She flipped through the pages for a bit, before tossing the folder aside and pushing a button. “Front Desk to Head Office.”
A voice came from thin air. “Head Office, go ahead.”
“We’ve got a young filly here who wasn’t on schedule.”
“Okay, I’m coming down.”
The mare nodded and put on a mask. She handed a smaller one to Scootaloo. “Put this on. Things could get messy.”
Scootaloo had barely gotten them on before a thick black smoke began to fill the room. She heard what she thought was a deep and bellowing laugh, but it quickly turned into a hacking cough. Some flapping wings cleared the smoke away, and Scootaloo saw a pure black Alicorn stallion with a stark red mane and strange white markings all over his body. Simply put, he was the ugliest pony she’d ever seen.
He retched. “We have got to get some ventilation in here.” He turned to the receptionist. “So, an unscheduled reaping of a filly?”
“Yes sir.”
He nodded and turned to Scootaloo. “What’s your name?”
“Scootaloo.” She was confused, but cooperative.
“Where are you from?”
“Ponyville.”
He turned back to the receptionist. “Who was assigned to that district today, Dolores?”
“That would be Trevor, sir.”
He let out a loud groan. “That idiot! I want him in my office as soon as he gets back!”
“Um, excuse me,” Scootaloo interrupted, “but would somepony tell me what’s going on?”
“Well, okay,” the Alicorn said. “There’s no way to put this delicately, Scootaloo, but you’re dead.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah, and it looks like you’re not supposed to be dead. At least not for another....” His horn glowed and scanned the filly. “Wow, 78 years! You’ve got a good life ahead of you.”
“What life?! I’m DEAD!” she screamed.
“Oh, yeah, aside from that. You drink coffee?”
“I’m a filly!”
“Right, right. No coffee. I’m Dave, by the way.”
“Dave?”
“Yeah. Celestia’s 43rd cousin, 18 times removed. Head of Souls and Soul Management.”
Scootaloo just looked at him, shocked. She briefly forgot about her predicament. “Princess Celestia has cousins?!”
“Where do you think that idiot Blueblood came from?” He shook his head. “Anyway, this is a rare problem. Come in my office and we’ll figure something out.”
“We’re not gonna use the smoke thing, are we?”
“No, my office is right over there.” Dave pointed to a door labeled “Head Office.”
“Then why did you--? Never mind.” Scootaloo followed him into his office, where he was scanning various books.
“No, no, why do I have this?” He finally found a useful document, but he quickly shut it. “Ah, crud vapors.”
“What?”
“The only pony who can return you to life is Cousin Terry, current King of Heck.”
“Terry? Heck?” Scootaloo was even more confused as Dave levitated a crescent-shaped apparatus to his ear and pressed some buttons. She stared at the device before Dave put his hoof over the mouth end.
“Telephone,” he said. “It’ll be a couple of years before anypony figures this one out.” After a moment, his attention was fully on the phone. “Hello, Terry? Dave here, we got a little snafu here. … Yeah, little orange pegasus filly who’s not supposed to be here. … Yeah, I know, Trevor’s a worse screw-up than Bluey. … So when can we see you? … 34 years?! … Paperwork?! … I told you, I would’ve helped you with your expense reports! … Okay, is there any way she can see you faster? … Seriously? … That’s the only way? … Six hours that way? What’s up with that? … Yeah, that makes sense. … All right, I’ll send her over. … Ha ha, okay. See you at the reunion. … Love you too, bye.” He put the phone away.
“So,” Scootaloo asked, “What do I have to do?”
“Okay, here’s what’s up. The last King of Heck had a bad habit of ignoring all of his official, boring duties. So now, Terry has to deal with all of these back logs and it’ll be 34 years before we can see him, if we wait.”
“I don’t have that kind of t--wait, what?”
“Yeah, it turns out that there’s a loophole that will get you a meeting in around six hours.”
“What is it?” She was excited to get back to the real world, and she would do anything.
“Okay, Heck is basically the Afterlife, and it’s divided into two halves. When ponies die, they come here, and we determine whether they go to the good half or the bad half. With me so far?” Scootaloo nodded, and Dave continued. “In between the halves, there is a Pit of Seven Trials. In case we can’t figure out what to do with a pony, we send them through the Pit. They always make it through, and then they meet the King of Heck. He judges them on how well they’ve done and what they’ve learned, and sends them to one of the halves.”
“So, you’re saying that I have to go through the Pit of Seven Trials?”
“Bingo!” Dave leaned back in his seat. “Everypony who goes through the Pit immediately meets the King, no exceptions. He knows who you are, just get to him and he’ll send you back home.”
“But what if I don’t do good?” Scootaloo got worried. “What if I screw up and he doesn’t let me go back?”
“Look, Terry’s a good guy. He’ll let you back. Besides, he only judges ponies who are actually dead, so you won’t have to deal with any of that existential crap for a long time.” He put his wing around her. “And between you and me, the way your life is going, you’re gonna end up on the good side. No Pit.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Dave smiled. “So, ready to face the oh-so-scary Pit of Seven Trials?”
“I was born ready! Well, I died ready. I mean--oh, whatever!” Scootaloo stomped a hoof in frustration. “Let’s go to Heck!”
Dave nodded, and he pulled a lever, opening a wall that hid an elevator. The pair stepped in, and it started descending. He pushed a button near a speaker. “One for the Pit of Seven Trials.”
“There’s only ever one at a time for the PoST!” said the voice on the other end of the intercom.
“Shut up, Jason.” Dave shook his head as the elevator came to a stop. “Good luck, Scootaloo.”
“Thanks, Dave.” The door opened, and Scootaloo stepped into a bright, white light.
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It takes major guts to kill off a character in less than half a screen.
This has potential. And it has a pony named Dave, which for some reason I find hilarious.
the music is so fitting...
,yaeah it will be an epic adventure that will be remembered in the assholes of time
This is by far the most original thing I have read here. You made proud with this one.
Please continue it because so far everything has been flawless.
Favoriting so I get updates for each new chapter. This looks like it'll have just the right balance of stupid and awesome to be massively entertaining.
I would love to see this in the feature box. It's just...
.
Tracked and upvoted.
I am stupidly excited for this. You'd better make this good!
So random I love it! And its about Scoots! Two of my favorite things!
I just love the use of Heck!
Oh god what
This is awesome
This can really go places
inb4 Feature
>heck
I can smell this fic already.
Looks like a fun read
Tracked.
HAY! I am NOT a screw-up, take that back!
...
I just got a weird sense of deja-vu here...
Lookin good. Lookin real good.
Is this the same Heck as in a certain book I read [strike]once[/strike]twice?
WHERE THE FUCK IS PEACHES?!
Well, I'll still read it.
why not just call it hell
>Reads description
Sheesh, sounds like something out of a bad fanfic...
Wait a minute...
Joking aside, this has me intrigued. By all means, continue.
Yes, I read it.
Utterly flawless.
There are a couple spelling errors in here... Hard to put my finger on.... Oh here it is. Hell* or Pony Hell*
Too bad you are still getting a like fave and a track! Mwahahahahaha-oh wait.
1037865
I think it's a reference to Powerpuff Girls.
HIM ruled Heck.
After such beginning, all I want now is grab popcorn and see how will the plot develop through next chapters... IF THERE WERE ANY!
Fix this issue ASAP, pretty please
This is fun... scary, butt fun.
Also... This Scootaloo emticon is pretty bad joke... It was unintentional, really.
Oh, and I hate spoilers. If I were Scootaloo, I would've kicked this Dave in face so hard that he'd remember it till our next meeting, that in 87 years.
DIS GUN BE GOOD
1037925 This joke is too old. Butt I still laugh at them.
The music made this fic. Also, I finished reading this before the song ended.
Burn In Hell - Twisted Sister
Bureaucratic afterlife. Huh. Well, this looks interesting so far. Wonder what madness the 7 trials will be. Tracking.
Well played, sir, well played. I'm keeping an eye on this one.
Neat.
1038003 Likewise, I'm glad I didn't get a collective "what are you talking about."
I don't know why, but the title alone was enough to make me laugh my ass off.
I have high expectations for this fic, it looks really funny so far.
1037764 Who ever said that?
*reads the description*
Too much chocolate milk?
Since when is there such a thing as too much chocolate milk?
*puts on read later since he is busy right now*
Remember kids, if you ever think about clopping, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERING IN HELL!!!
So be good, ok?
This was lighthearted enough to be entertaining while not absurd enough to be super OOC. Good job.
Scootaloo is dead fic...
...
...
Comedy...
...
...
Alicorn OCs...
...
...
Wat...
...
...
Why am I faving this...
...
...
Before reading: Reminds me of Futurama. "I DARN YOU TO HECK!"
After Reading: Huh, this looks interesting. Wonder if we'll get cooked scootachicken... of divine flavor!
Pit of Seven Trials?
You got them figured out?
Or can we make suggestions?
I suggest:
gameinformer.com/resized-image.ashx/__size/610x0/__key/CommunityServer-Discussions-Components-Files/14492/6622.ssssssssssssss.jpg
Am I the only ones who drew parallels to Yu Yu Hakusho? Anyone else?
...just me then. Nevermind!
Normally wouldn't read this kind of story,but this is just too good
Meanwhile Back in the world of the living Ponies...
EXPLICIT CONTENT*Black sensorship screen*
*all of them points at the wreckage*
Looking from affar Twilights checks a little note book that's entitled as a "Death Note"
Wish I had something more insightful to say, other than love it. Favorited.
Seeing/Reading this reminds me of 'Fluttershy goes to Hell'.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
Dave, Terry, Trevor, Jason, Bluey...Delores. Those have to be the above all best pony names ever.
I love the ending of the phone conversation.
"...Ha ha, okay. See you at the reunion...love you too, bye."
I love how you use Heck.
"...Wait, mister-"
"Just call me Dave."
"...Dave, don't dead ponies go to Tartarus? Why is there Heck?"
"Nah, that's just a front. Tartarus is actually just a large cave system underneath the Everfree Forest...I could tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you."
"But I'm already dead!"
"You catch on quick, kid. Well, you see, legend says that the late and great warrior, Danny, hid his sword in the tunnels of Tartarus. Now, a lot of adventurers have gone in search of his great weapon, but no..."
1037577 thine will shalt be done...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png