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The Library of Lovecraftian and Lovecraft-inspired Fiction288 stories ·627 members

The Nature of Worms

Ivory Quill.

For the last decade this Name was synonymous with Equestria's research into the unknown.

Until her unexpected death, just prior to the release of her last Book, snuffed out her prying light

From the resulting darkness, Things gaze hungrily at the fruits of her labor.

Eager, to take possession of them.

Inspired by H. P. Lovecraft.

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71M073J

71M073J #1 · Oct 31st, 2018 · · ·

Huh. Well written and has good potential, with some problems.
1. Inner monologue is clunky. Stay true to the "show, don't tell". You are telling us why he does some stuff, but make it obvious from his actions. Also, make it person-specific. What kind of thoughts would a royal guard have, and how would it differ from let's say, a student.

2. Grammar-wise it starts off perfect and devolves further along, like using to instead of too and similar mistakes. I'd suggest reading through it all again with the only intent of noticing improper grammar.

The thing seemed deeply amused” I know they did not destroy it”

What does that even mean?

3. Horror, and moreso Lovecraftian horror, is not based on talk, but on the feel. Now, alright, i suppose i can't assume how the story will evolve, but for a story of this genre, that is always a good thing to hold in mind.
"We are wary of the known, but afraid of the unknown."

Crest Quest