Trains are the fastest way to move something across Equestria, no matter how big. A heavy stone sarcophagus, for instance, one brimming with dark magic. The Royal Guard just launched a raid to retrieve it from the hooves of sinister cultists.
Now, the survivors of that raid are stuffed in a train crossing the wilderness. Just them, the skeleton crew, and the sarcophagus. Guarding it until they can get reinforcements at the next station ought to be easy. After all, there’s nothing else alive for miles. Right?
Wrong. There’s something on board with them. Something after the sarcophagus. Something that doesn’t care what stands in its way.
Chapters (1)
I swear I didn't plan this, but I just published a horror story about guards transporting a dark magic object by train. What an amazing coincidence XD.
I. LOVE IT when a story keeps me hooked all the way through! And man oh man has it been a while since I've read a good train-related story.
I also love the tiny Easter eggs put in for railfans. I personally only got the "Grapevine" and "Lodestar" names (having put the latter's namesake locomotive in two of my own stories lol) but I'm sure there were others! Which is amazing!
I honestly have no complaints other than like three grammar mistakes. This was great.
The twist reveal at the end makes this. Totally unexpected, well done.
Should have seen it coming when one of the ponies on the train was named Rye. Nice twist, prevents me from feeling too bad as I usually do when characters die. Would love to see Amanita making a cameo appearance though, she could prove really, really useful in situations like this.
Ooh, definitely should have seen that plot twist coming. Nicely done!
Fantastic action, great build-up, and a real solid delivery. Loved it.
Dammmn, what a twist!
Smoothly done twist!
No fanfare, just boom, there it is.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Best not think whats outside the train
adding to read just on the Jethro tull title alone.
I tip my hat to you. You've written the more successful (and I'd say tighter) train-related horror story. Sincerely, congrats on your success! This story was tight in its pacing and characters, plus the twist was exceptionally clever. Well done indeed!
The pacing is really good, creating an intense feeling. I didn't saw the ending coming. In retrospect, I rechecked the text and found it was never explicitly mentioned(or could be strictly deduced) which side do the killed guards belong(With descriptions like this, it could be either side, although assumptions that they are the Royal Guards is easily made, and solidifies itself by many detailed but actually ambiguous descriptions, only turns out to be false at the very end.), so it must've been intended. it's a "narrative trick", tricking readers with their own assumptions by planting ambiguous text, which I think is a stroke of genius.
On a side note, I always think The Equestria Railroad Corporation(placeholder name) is incredible, being able to construct railways at insane speed. For example, when long-lost Crystal Empire returned, the railway system reached there even before King Sombra does. That's super fast, not to mention extremely bad working conditions. Other examples include but maybe not limited to: Kirin village, Seaquestria, and so on. I'm rambling, but I always like to see a uplifting story regarding construction of the many railways of Equestria. Just saying.
Oh wow! That was brilliant. I love the atmosphere; deliciously cramped and claustrophobic. Almost Hitchcock-like I suppose?
That ending was lovely. I am not even mad.
Initially I was annoyed with the weird (at the time) ambiguity and circumlocution describing the guards and the prior events leading up to the train ride. I certainly fell for the setup all hook line and sinker and now I see that everything described was absolutely technically true, but at the same time, entirely misleading. I almost twigged to the surprise then they mentioned "The ritual took a lot out of it. There’s just enough left to keep the founder alive, but only barely.". I thought that particular phrasing sounded odd, but I simply doubled down on my prior assumptions and proceeded in confident ignorance.
I certainly agree with 11412439 and 11424722 ; this was quite a good, gripping read
Well executed, but I would have put in more content about the main characters - reasons to care about and like them...
Came for the Jethro Tull ref (great song), stayed for the great action.
Also that description is deviously well crafted.
Those fights were brutal! Exhilarating fanfic!
The twist got me good. I almost had to go back and reread the descriptions. Though the monster using the signal post for one decapitation clued me in that something was off.
What a twist. The best part is that the clues are there the whole time.