Nightmare Night is coming up and Willow Wisp has nothing to wear! Her sister Amber on the other hoof had her costume ALL planned out. The fear of humiliation and embarrassment Willow begins to lose her sanity. Like her mother always said, "When in you feel down, sew."
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very good. This story needs continuation. Please keep it up.
One dragon with a stache for you.
Oh god. Where is the eye bleach?
Good fic though 
1011671 Thank you! I probably will make a sequel evantually
thanks for the stache 
1011686
thanks it's my first fic I ever wrote.
1011689 Shhh. Don't tell SpikeI told you this, but he has free internets in his stache.
1011714
NO WAY! I won't tell anypony! 
Story: Quite a nice idea. It felt rushed and awkard most of the time -- Princesses appearing out of nowhere, characters popped in and out without much notice. This has potential, all it needs is more descriptions of how the mare slowly slipped into insanity. Seeing somepony you love in the state the filly was could be shock enough, but I couldn't help it felt like a switch that we coudln't see was simply switched and she just became crazy pyscho. Nowhere in the story was it even hinted she was capable of doing such a thing. So I guess it needs a bit more introduction and consistency
Layout: Read a few higher rated stories here on FiMFiction, it should help you understand how to properly format. Things that you need to keep in mind is:
- giving each character a separate line when they speak and when you change focus from one character to the other.
- using paragraphs to sygnalise we are in another scene or time. Advancing the story by a few hours or days in the middle of a paragraph feels awkward.
Characters: We know too little about them to even remotely feel connected. Some of the actions performed were too random, such as a thug shooting a filly for her bags. Unless he was a psycho, which we can only guess, a sane person would not shoot a child. More so, a child would probably be too afraid of the encounter to try and run. These and other inconsistencies kind of knocked out the flow from the story.
Overall: I generally like playing around with character psyche -- this turning from white to black was done good enough, but there is plenty of space for improvement! Try and focus more on descriptions, making us, the readers, get to know the characters, escpecially if they weren't anywhere in the show. A good example is Pinkie Pie -- you don't need to say much about her, we all know she is random and she was more or less in character, so to speak. The others, they just feel like cardboard cutouts.
Another thing is, when exploring the world of emotions, those deep and primal ones, make sure you share it with the audience. Make them feel what the characters feel. If something is sad, write it sad, to the point it makes your eyes water. If after reading a sad part you don't feel burning under your eyelids, it's not good enough. If something is meant to be scary, refine it until you feel your guts twist at lest a bit.
Good luck on your future works! This is a good start here, on FiMFiction
1011905
Thank for you input it was very helpful! It's my first time so I'll work on my writing skills 
1011686
Found some for you. Always keep it with you.
4.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/TPr92ZDr7TI/AAAAAAAANps/XKwUxLmd24g/s400/eye%2Bblackadder.jpg
You never know when you may need it. Train Wreck Explorers, AWAY!
1011926
Disregard that last comment. I still loved that story. That was for something else.