Time to get Golden

by Moore

Go go power rangers - 2

The next morning Apple Jack's Point of view.

I woke up and went down stairs to see Apple bloom, "Hi sister are you ready for school," I asked while walking over to her.

"Yes, Apple Jack don't forget you promised to show, james around and help him buy a house," Apple bloom reminded Apple Jack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Point of view switch James.

"Oh, yeah I nearly forgot about that," I said walking up to them, " so when are we going, Apple Jack. "

"Right now if you want James and I will introduce you to my other friends,"Apple Jack said.

" ok let's go," I tell Apple Jack.I bring my cart with us as she starts giving me a tour of ponyville with us stopping at a store for me to buy 2 new fishing pole and some bait.We then went to town square for me to buy a house.

"Hello what can I do for you?" Mayor Made asked me .

" I need to buy a house," I answer pulling out the last of my money from the castle.

"Ok," Mayor Made counts my money, "The only place you can afford is a house on the border we had built yesterday day with a few other house's for new ponies," Mayor Made told me she in me a map and where my house is on the map.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed before going to see my new house with Apple Jack. The house was a small cozy house with free furniture already in it. Apple Jack then brought me to one of her friend's house a crystal tree.We got there and Apple Jack knocked on the door.

"Hello, Apple Jack," Spike said opening the door he then sees me, "Who are you."

"My name is James," I answered him. "What's your name?"

" Spike it is nice to meet you, James, "Spike told me letting us come inside.

"Spike where is ,Twilight ?" Apple Jack asked.

"She and the rest of our friends are in the throne room," Spike answered we then go to the throne room.

"Hi girls this is a new friend of mine his name is ,James," she said introducing me when we walk in.

"Hi, Apple Jack and, James," Rainbow Dash said.

"Hi James my name is , Rarity ," Rarity introduced

"My name is, Twilight and this is, Fluttershy she is really shy,"Twilight introduced herself and Fluttershy.

" H-hello," Fluttershy said before hiding behind Rainbow Dash.

"HelloI'm,PinkiepieILikePartiesDoYouLikePartiesIAlsoLikeCakeDoYouLlikeCakeWhatIsYourFaveriteTypeOfDeliciousCake ....,(Hello I'm, Pinkiepie I Like Parties Do You Like Parties I Also Like Cake Do You Like Cake What Is Your Favourite Type Of Delicious Cake)!" Pinkie Pie said mouth being covered by Apple Jack.I tell then I'm going to start selling fish and they tell Me some of their interests.we then notice it is getting late and we all go home to sleep

Author's Note:

The next chapter is going to have the first of my enemies in it

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

Pacing, grammar. They exist. I shouldn't have to go through 1,000 or 400 words of bad spelling for a Power Rangers story. My suggestion, you should have gotten a proofreader before you even thought of posting this.

[Moore]

9146302
Like what parts of the story

[The Bricklayer]

9146452
Well, for one thing, as I said before, the pacing and I must stress this. No chapter should be 400 words long. In a story like this, each chapter should be 2 to 3,000 words at a minimum.

[Moore]

9146468
Ok I will think about it in the next chapter

[The Bricklayer]

9146519
You need to think about a lot of things, really. My advice, take this story down and get someone to help you iron out every one of the flaws. It's not just pacing, it's grammar and things like not letting us into the character's shoes so to speak.

[Moore]

9146588
Or make a different but better story right.
I get what you mean by get into the characters shoes. you mean try to get people to feel a connection to the character right, Bricklayer.

[The Bricklayer]

9146644
Which I'm not getting. He's unrelatable, does everything just a little too well.

[Moore]

9146758
in power rangers samurai, The original gold samurai ranger can sing, play the guitar and is the best cook in the team, can use a fishing pole as a bow,outrun and loose 2 other rangers while dragging a cooler with wheels and fishing poles on/in it behind him, programmed the crabzord, the lightzord, and the black box by himself. He even taught himself how to be a power ranger. One of his first techniques you see the rest of the rangers thought was impossible in fact the only problem I would say he had was not getting places on time, literally losing his morphor while fishing, his golden ego, and no proper training that I remember. The Crabzord had its own megazord with 4 different modes. The black box gave the ranger using it a super mode and let them control all the zords by themself.A friend of mine made a fictional character that could probably defeat your and my strongest fictional character in a 2v1 fight, he never wrote a story for him though.sorry for the rant by the way.

[The Bricklayer]

9146829
And yet you still haven't addressed the problem of this Gold Samurai being able to do everything extremely well because he can.

[KukriRyuTsukino]

9146519
Good start. Grammar could be better, such as morphor actually being morpher, though I'm more than open to help beta-read for ya.

[Shinegreymon]

9146829
Is this dead?