Just somepony who has some wild stories in my mind
When Chrysalis comes back with some "friends" and equestria's protectors can't defeat the new threat. Twilight and friends are sent as missionaries, sent to find help. And sometimes help can come from the unlikeliest of places. AUTHORS NOTE: First fan-fic and piece of non-school writing. Warning:Profanity
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Equestrian Time. Come on, grab your friends. We're going to visit very distant lands. Jake the dog and Finn the human. Adventur never ends, Equestrian time.
not bad. Just going to favorite now...
A very original idea I must admit. Still needs a little grammar polish and some explaining
Example
, but I hope it help
"Your about to find out!" "So your married?!" it should be you're.
Also, remember that Finn is naturally good guy Greg, he will trust anyone that looks in danger, even if they turn against them. Also PB needs no convincing in helping other people, she too is willing, just don't have anypony competing against her.
One last thing, try to avoid using the colored dialogue, sure it helps figure out who is talking, but if you are already telling us who is speaking, you don't need it. the light colors make it hard to read. It is a nice idea, but try using it when there is a large conversation between three or more people/ponies. That's my opinion anyways.
All in all, a very well made story, looking forward for more, maybe an ice king-Crysalis alliance or Ice king kidnapping an alicorn.
Sorry for being a Grammar Nazi
1214658 Thanks for the suggestions
but i was trying to portray PB as a "put my subjects first" ruler (and she was remembering that one pig fiasco), but later she going to be much more cooperative especially after what happens next, but the good guy Greg thing is something I forgot, and I was thinking rid of the colored dialogue for the sole reason that the conversation between pinkie and PB would get somewhat confusing, how do you feel about colored names? I was face hoofing at my mistakes after i read that comment, truthfully. 
.
I SEE A MAJOR UPDATE IN THE FUTURE!
For instance the colors will "magically" disappear
and by magically i mean due to mass complaintsalso i'm revising my writing to make it more descriptive but if you've been reading the comments you'd know this was coming so
read every letter again!stay tunedAlso for you lads staying tuned or reading this Celestia knows why,
I've done a half-arsed jobI'm half way done.And suddenly a chapter re-numbering appears.
Get ready for confusionYOU BETTER that is... if you dont mind... please?
1214911
(note to self, watch more Adventure Time)
Interesting
You can always edit your story (I still do edit mine) so that ONE mistake doesn't follow you. Or you can justify it later saying that Finn was stupefied by a portal opening and nothing coming out of it for what is supposed to be an hour, or something like that.
I doubt that colored names are a good idea, again, the color helps identify Who is Who, but you will already say who is talking, so it's the same problem. What i'm trying to say is that It's not necessary. This is only my opinion, you don't have to follow it. If you want I can help you edit it
Also,
"I was thinking rid" really? (Sorry, I had to troll)
the only complaint that I have is that using so much colored font (and using multiple colors like that) gave me a horrendous headache. other than that, it was good.
your turning Iron Will into a minotaur... fucking brilliant. you have made my day.
1229693 But he IS a Minotaur
Hi 1231834
It's-a-me Shield Heart!
I must admit, I was extremely excited for this episode.
First I was like
As I started reading I was like
As I ended I was like
As I have said before, a very original idea, it is just not what I would call well executed
It seemes to be a little too fast paced, with the usual grammar errors here and there, such as "seamed". I suggest proofreading before publishing, it could save you a couple of dislikes. you can always PM me if you want help.
By fast paced I am forced to mean that you are just mashing it up together, not describing it well enough, try describing what each punch feels like, or just how the first one feels like.
On an important note: Iron Will DOESN'T TALK LIKE BANE as awesome as it would be, I would suggest you watch the episode again, because Iron Will's dialogue has changed drastically. So, unless you can explain in the following chapters why did the minotaur become Candy Kingdom's Reckoning and is also working for the bad guys, try editing it. Remember, he wasn't evil, he was helping people build their confidence, in fact he was so good he mutated Fluttershy, just as it was his promise.
Hope this helps ease your pain, I know that feel. Trust me.
1232623 there will be a back story trust me I HATE CHARACTERS WITHOUT BACK STORIES they make me feel like WHAT THE BUCK but all in due time
a fire will risehis character will be explained, all in due time.Oh and the combat was rushed because they lowered their expectations for this fight and by the time they got serious it was over.My little pony my little pony awwww
a new adventure another day one more challenge that comes our way
i used to wonder what friendship would be
yo danny phantoM was just 14 his parents build an strange machine design create unseen
its up to me and you you know what we gonna do
adventure time
tons of fun
we are together now friends forever now
hes here to fight for me and you
faithful and strong
fun will never end
easy peat and standing tall one for all its our destiny
your al
well that escalated quickly
I am so confused.
1272991 Why?
1273803
I'm Back!
Sorry for the delay (In case you like my critisism, if not, well then just tell me to shut up), but Skyrim and Duck Tales have consumed most of my spare time.
The story is (again) not perfectly executed. Who and/or Where did these muggers come from. You aren't exactly describing what is happening, and it makes for a weak story. It's kind of like a milk-flavored ice cream cone. It is good, but it could be better. Hope I made myself clear with this metaphore.
Keep wwriting, you still have a ways to go!
1315619 Remember the fact that the tavern happens to be in the "bad" part of the candy kingdom i would be surprised if there WEREN'T any thieves, muggers, murderers or, tax evaders that last one really scares me in the tavern as for where they come from i believe their mother gave birth to them, but you know candy society is rather, different so to speak.
1332860
Sorry, I forgot that Candy Kingdom doesn't have the same peace standars as Equestria.
Though you should explain that, since not every pony will be aquatinted with AT,
Also during the dance scene this came to mindi2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/353/279/e31.jpg you should really slow it down a bit.
1333407 well they were going to have a moment but, pinkie pie COCK BLOCKED interrupted, effectively.
ARE MY CHAPTERS TO SHORT?!
Okay, It was a great concept.
but there is a lot of grammar mistakes, there was no spacing after the quotation marks, and it felt a bit rushed.
but thats just my opinion on the first chapter, i haven't read your other chapters,so hopefully you didn't create the same mistakes.
But it's great to see another Adventure Time crossover other than mine.
so yeah.
1609145 yeah my grammar sucks.
but at least the concept is good in your opinion.
1430350 Your chapters are short but you could always write two chapters and put them together to have a decent lengthed chapters. Other than that your chapters are fine.
1665622 Perhaps I will.
1668812 Perhaps.
OH MY GOD I AM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THE LAST SENTENCE
Eh crappy grammar no offence
2738444 Wait... I know you.
Reading this over, it's painful.